Stellam Matutinam

A Good Night?: Part II

Smashing through it and pleased that it didn't take as long as I thought, I'm also happy to see that it's not a dodgy job and the winged eye liner is symmetrical on both sides, the blush in my cheeks the right amount to appear I'm healthy and not pale as f**k pinging off my face.

"Ah she's out!" Lissa calls over the laughing of the others who are currently waiting in the lounge room for me, all with drinks in their hands which instantly has me wondering if they're capable of driving.

"Sorry I took so long, I didn't expect it to take that-"

"You're fine you didn't take that long. Now have a drink and don't stress my dude!" Nessa comments with a grin and unopened can heading in my direction in her perfectly manicured hand.

"Thank you." I chuckle awkwardly then accept the drink to avoid making eye contact with Josh and the others that seem to continue to stare at me as I crack the can open and take a lengthy sip, the burning sensation of eyes on me dissipating when Nia suggests we put on some music.

"One drink then we head back, we need to get this shopping back to mine!" Nessa yells over her cousin's yahooing and arguing over what song they should put on.

"Why don't you and Nessa go back to yours? The others and I will meet you there." Josh offers with Nessa slowly rising from her position on the couch to join me next to the coffee table.

"It makes sense to do that, Lil are you okay coming back with me?" she questions alongside a look of nervousness lingering in her stare the more it darts between me and Josh.

Noticing that Josh too has changed from his casual outfit of a wife beater and skinnies to suit attire much like his father's I saw before, I spot his blinding white long sleeve with the top button done up to appear more suitable for the occasion.

To top it off are a pair of black suit pants and matching dress shoes, his umber fringe and bangs have been re-brushed and possibly straightened, his fringe stopping above his eyebrows and bangs slowly creeping across his left cheek with his large muddy brown pools surrounded by dark circles I hadn't noticed until now.

He looks as tired as I am...

"Yeah that's fine, can I bring the drink with me?" I ask for some weird reason considering I know I don't exactly have to leave it here, the both laughing at me before Nessa's linking her arm in with mine.

"You can have it in the car, now let's go for I believe there's milk in amongst that shopping in the boot." she grins which in return has me sprinting to the front door with a gasp floating in my wake, the others calling out that it's fine in their fits of laughter as well as goodbyes when I'm calling it to them from the front door.

Jumping in the car I pat down my pants when I realise that something's missing, a few seconds later the item being my phone so I'm now exiting the car just in time for Nessa to come jogging out after me.

"What'd you forget?"

"My phone."

"Ah okay I'll see you in a sec."

"Okay, thank you and sorry."

"Don't be sorry!"

Laughing with her I dart my way to the room with a flurry of words on what's going on, the three having a bit of a giggle as I make it to the phone and decide on grabbing my duffle bag as well since I won't forget about it being in her car.

"Bye!" I call out for the last time to the three all downing their drinks and bopping along to the EDM Nia has pumping on her phone through an AUX cord plugged currently into a large stereo, the speakers that large it astounds me on how I missed them on my way in. Like its set up underneath his enormous flatscreen I clearly didn't unintentionally ignore.

"Okay let's go!" I puff on my way into the car in unison with Nessa hanging up on the phone, her head quickly snapping to me with a large smile and hands clapping together.

"Alrighty! Sorry that was Mum on the phone asking where the rest of her ingredients are. So we better get goi-"

"You have everything in the boot? I mean I'm pretty sure I saw the others put some in their car." I question over her when I think back to the shopping trip.

"It's okay I was doing that while you were grabbing your phone and bag." she chuckles with a finger pointing to the said item in my hand.

"Oh I thought I might as well since it won't get forgotten in your car." I explain as she starts the engine and I'm finished buckling myself in.

"Ah okay I mean it makes sense since I'm taking you home tomorrow or whenever you want, I don't mind considering it's a bit of a walk." she offers as we start our journey back to her place and wonder how many times today I've been back and forth to each family member's homes. It feels like that is all I've done all day with breaks of shopping in between...

"You really don't have to, I mean I ca-"

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to. I also wanted to say sorry about befo-"

"No please don't be! As I said I honestly was taken by surprise."

"I hope so and you're not just saying that."

"I wouldn't lie to you? You've been nothing but f*****g nice to me."

That sentence sends my stomach into knots knowing damn well all I have done is lie to her about my past, but in my defence it's a past she really doesn't need to know about.

"Okay Lil but tell me if I make you uncomfortable. It's been a while since my relationship so I'm probably reading the signs wr-"

"You're fine Nessa I'll let you know." I chuckle over as I try and beg my brain to not f**k up the next time Nessa comes on to me, my brain suggesting that I should come on to her to see if things are different.

Who knows maybe if I convince my brain enough that I do want Nessa's touches then it might erase the memories of Erica every time Nessa has her skin against mine, I want to see if things will go further between Nessa and I for I miss mine and Viper's relationship like no other.

Yeah Nessa's no Viper and never will be but f**k it would be nice to have Nessa by my side like Viper was, Nessa has that about her much like Viper did before she left me so you can see why it would be nice for me to get over Erica.

It's just I don't think I could be with someone who reminds me of Erica every time we hit the bedroom, I really do not have it in me nor does my brain right now.

Like yeah maybe taking drugs wasn't the best f*****g decision along with the many other f****d up ones I've made 'til this point, but it's gotten me through many possible breakdowns as well so I'm not really upset on that point.

So why can't the drugs get me through heated moments between Nessa and I?