Stellam Matutinam

Awkward

The cold spot in bed and a TV going are the things to force me from an amazing slumber, my brain reminding me that I'm at Luca's and in his bed with my heart racing as I try and remember if we did anything else other than cuddling, only to come out empty handed and sigh in relief for I don't think I could handle him being weird if he's that type. I haven't had enough sleep for that s**t show.

Sitting up in unison with fighting the grogginess in my brain to try and remember where I put my phone, my squinted eyes do a quick scan of the dimly lit room thanks to the sun trying to brighten up the darkened sky, and spot the device on his bedside drawer.

Wondering if it was me or him who put it there, I'm quick to brush it off in favour of checking the time and instantly groaning when I read three past six in the morning.

Deciding to get up anyway for I can sleep it off later, I drag my pattering feet towards the lounge where Luca currently sits shirtless and only in a pair of boxes, his hair damp with evidence of a shower and wonder if he even slept at all.

"Good morning Lilly, would you like a bong?" he half-smiles as he holds up his freshly cleaned bong and mix bowl.

"Morning and I would love one." I chuckle still half asleep though can feel the MD still coursing through my veins.

"Awesome, how'd you sleep?" he goes on to ask in that same semi-flat tone as my eyes continue to drag all over his shirtless torso, his palish skin hard to find in amongst all of the ink colouring him from the neck down.

"Not bad, yourself?" I ask a little less chirpy this time since he really doesn't seem to be in the mood at all right now.

"Yeah I can't complain. Let me also know what time you want to go home today as well." he states when he's finally able to look up from his phone to shoot me a small half-smile, my heart hammering away a little since the feeling of him not wanting me here starts to set in.

"Oh sweet, no worries it shouldn't be that long." I inform to let him know I'm picking up what he's putting down, my heart wanting to hurt only I don't give it the chance to since I knew exactly what I was getting myself into.

Confirming that something is up, I hope he doesn't regret last night considering we didn't really do much to regret. I know I don't but if he's hiding something from me then that could be as to why he's finding it hard to look at me right now.

Does he regret letting a client like myself get too close into his personal business? I mean they aren't known for letting just anyone into their s**t unless they've known them for a very long time, so could that be it? I mean he's known me for not even a week and yet he's treating me as if I've known him all his life.

Not knowing what it is, I let out a deep subtle sigh whilst trying to focus in on the cooking show he has playing lowly in the background, as if trying to numb the negative thoughts in favour of keeping my annoying emotions at bay.

"Sorry if I seemed a little distracted this morning, the boss was being a cunt. But thanks heaps for staying the night, it really took my mind off a lot of s**t and reminded me that life can be fun sometimes. In saying that I would really like for you to come back again, well when you're free of course." he adds quickly when my small smile turns into a huge grin.

"I dunno, you snored quite a bit last night." I joke considering I'm pretty sure I passed out not even five minutes after we hit the hay.

"Bull. s**t. That was you and that's why I decided to do these by myself. Great help you are." he winks when my jaw drops at the sudden realisation that I was actually meant to help.

"I'm so-"

"Don't even stress, you just owe me next time." he smirks smugly which only results in an eye roll from me

"Oh yeah what, same time next week?" I grin in hopes it's a yes for if he really does like my company then I have a feeling these trips will become more frequent.

"Maybe, might even be sooner." he states in a way that only confirms I'm right.

"Sweet." I beam even though deep down I'm flipping over with excitement.

"Now you're more than welcome to shower, I mean I can smell you from here." he adds with a teasing smirk, my eyes rolling as a result to his lovely comment as my brain is quit to shoot something back at him.

"f**k me. You're just full of compliments this morning." I put smugly with an even bigger grin to really layer it on.

"Well I can get quite poetic, but in all seriousness I know what it's like after a long night on the s**t. So shower is there and if you want later we can grab something to eat or whatever before I take you home." he points out with all jokes aside, my head nodding subtly in agreement however to his words for he is right. I do need a f*****g shower.

"Thank you Luca, that sounds awesome." I sigh and give the tip of my nose a quick itch.

"Great, now have another bong before you go, it's your turn." he says then nods his head into the direction of the said item.

Silently thanking him I partake in one final cone before it's time to go home and face the music of Lissa and Nia, the information about the new granny flat I might be moving into coming back to remind me that I won't be able to escape Nessa and Josh so easily.

Making it to the bathroom and pulling it gently shut behind me, I don't take long to strip off last night's clothes and hit the now running water, the temperature perfect as it engulfs my body and begins getting rid of last night's MD tainted sweat.

Even though Luca and I didn't engage in any s****l activity, it still felt like it when I woke up this morning unsticking my limbs from myself, the memories of last night coming back to remind me just how much fun I had.

A blush soon surges to my cheeks when I recall Luca stating he'd like to see me again, his words causing my heart to skip a few beats the more I think back on it and subtly smile.

Rushing through my shower when I realise I'm taking too long, I reluctantly throw yesterday's attire back on and think how this will be the first thing I change out of when I get home, my hair a damp tangled mess as I unwrap it from the towel and let it hang there for a few moments as I try and figure out what I want done with it.

Eventually managing to brush my fingers through it, I tie it off in a bun the best I can with wet hair until I'm meeting Luca back out in the lounge room only he isn't just in his boxes anymore, now he's clad in a pair of dark jeans minus a rip in the knee and a long sleeve flannel.

With the flannel black and red and done up to the neck, my eyes flick down to his Doc Martens I swear he lives in before back to his chocolate locks still closely shaved on the sides and back with his semi-quaffed fringe that hasn't changed since I first met him.

"That was a quick shower, you sure you got your arse properly?" he grins smugly on my way in and for a second I almost gawk at the guy before realising he's high off his head again, so there's probably gonna be more comments like this until my day is over with him. Great.

"I did thank you, I mean I thought you of all people would know since you're up there a lot." I wink as I plonk myself back down in the spot I was prior to my shower, the bong and mix bowl pushed yet again in front of me alongside another cap.

"Not sure if you wanted any, but it's there anyway." he offers whilst I pack my cone and assess his gift a few inches away from the mix bowl before thanking him for it.

"I knew you'd want it." he states with a smirk before earning an eye roll from me in return.

Once we've shared a few cones and I've had my point, we make our way back to his car waiting patiently to be used the longer it stands in the crisp air, my mind wondering how cold the seats will be until we're in the car and I'm rating it's coldness out of ten.

"Did you want the heater on?" he asks when we start backing out of his driveway and I'm no longer able to contain my semi-chattering teeth.

"I should be okay, unless you wanted it on?" I half-smile in unison with fishing for my cigarettes.

"I actually might." he chuckles then throws it on, the thing blasting arctic winds for a moment or two before slowly heating up.

Laughing and thinking how long it will be before the MD hits and we're turning the air conditioner on instead, we continue to let small talk carry us to wherever he had in mind until pulling out the front of a building that pauses my heart in my chest.

Man my mouth feels like arse, I can only imagine what my breath smells like...

"Why here?" I demand when I catch the unmistakable scent of ground coffee beans and cakes wafts swiftly into the ajar car door.

"Only because I wanna know if the coffee is s**t or not. Then I will know whether to come back or not." he puts simply with an innocent half-smile tugging at the right side of his lips.

"I know but now you can come in and annoy me whenever you want." I complain with a fake groan of annoyance into the palms of my hands.

"Maybe, only remember it's up to how the coffee tastes." he reminds which instantly I'm sooking about again.

"Ugh." I grunt and feel a smirk playing on my lips when a chuckle starts up in the back of his throat.

"Oh come on negative Nancy, let's go." he orders and witness his grin not once faltering as I scan over the area for any familiar cars.

If only he knew the real reason why I don't wanna be here...

"Morning Lil, what're you doing here so early?" Nia comments as I subtly scan around for Nessa and sigh in relief when I don't spot her.

But where could she be? Usually when I'm around her family she and Josh aren't far behind. I just hope today they don't come in for I don't think I could handle them meeting Luca yet, it's bad enough he's meeting Nia and Lissa.

"Morning Nia, morning Lissa, I'm just in for a coffee and also wanted to catch up with you about the flat before it got too hectic at work." I greet when I spot both girls behind the counter getting the place ready for incoming customers still making their way around town.

"Oh yeah I really am sorry we didn't stay l-"

"Please do not stress you guys had work. Besides I ended up hanging out with Luca last night." I explain a little hesitantly when I remember his lurking form behind me and how this might help me break things off with Nessa and Josh. I just don't want Nia and Lissa to hate me for hanging out with another guy much to my knowledge of them assuming I slept with him. It's not like I'm f*****g him to get back at their cousins, I'm simply reaching out for new people to hang with.

I mean yes it would be a good thing if they knew about Luca being a new friend coming into the equation. Because then I won't have to worry about being played by either of them again since my time will be on Luca, but it would also worry me for then there goes my chances of getting a place. Why would Nessa get her Mum to help me when I've just rocked up to her work with another bloke?

At first the two sisters appear confused until their eyes are on the tall figure looming behind me a few inches or so back, small smiles soon making their way to their lips before they're introducing themselves only I don't miss the way how both of them seem a little dazed by Luca's presence.

"Anyway Aunty Felicity is in the back if you wanted to speak to h-"

"I was hoping I didn't have to ask her by myself for I'd feel a little awkward-"

"Not at all, I can come with you but is your friend okay with waiting out here?" Lissa questions when Nia's excusing herself to serve a customer no older than we are, only she doesn't care much for conversation when Nia tries being polite for she's now grabbing out her phone.

"I dunno, are you Luca?" I half-grin when I catch Nia rolling her eyes at the girl's rudeness.

"I'll try not to freak out in your absence." he assures me as he steps to the side so he doesn't confuse anyone else thinking he's waiting in line to be served, though I don't miss the way his eyes dart around the place once he's done taking in the girl's appearances.

Maybe the MD's hitting him hard.

Laughing off his comment I make it around the front counter displaying this week's cake selection before heading through the door that leads us to Felicity's office as well as the staff's bag hooks with Lissa close behind me, Nessa and Josh still nowhere to be found though I'm for some reason expecting them to come in.

"She should be here in a minute, but what are you doing up so early?" she semi-frowns as we wait for her Aunty in the chairs the office provides, Lissa occupying the one Felicity would usually sit in whilst I take the other subtly trembling with nerves as I wait to see what Felicity has to say.

Surely Nessa would have said something by now, any right woman who still speaks to their Mum would, it's just will Nessa and Josh take out their frustrations on me by using the house in some way?

"Oh sweet, ahhh I couldn't sleep because the neighbours next door were arguing like f**k. So I decided to see what Luca was up to." I lie when as a matter of fact I ran out after him like my life depended on it.

"Really? Well it's better than what I thought, I assumed what I told you yesterday got to you." she confesses lowly in case unwanted ears are around.

"No not at all. Well it did but not as bad as you think." I admit with a small sad smile occupying her lips, as if mentally telling me she understands whilst placing a supportive touch on my arm.

Felicity coming into the office has us instantly changing the subject to the house, the woman dressed in her regular black jeans, matching work polo with its label on the left side and russet locks done up into a tight bun.

With that exact uniform only in different shades of black clad on the other girls including myself when I'm at work, I wonder if they wear shorts or something if things got too hot, or if it's be a hazard of some type.

"Good morning Lilly how are you?"

"Good Felicity, sorry to come in so early-"

"Ah yes the house! No you're fine, Nessa was actually telling me this morning that it was best to get you in now rather than later, so sorry to hear about your apartment by the way."

Oh great, why don't you drop hints and tell me you know about what's going on between your daughter, nephew and I? Put me out of my misery so I f*****g know already!

"Oh, ah thank you. I mean nothing was taken luckily but it still rattles me." I confess even though I spent all night with Luca and thought about it zero times apart from when it was brought up.

"I bet it does, well if you can come back around five or message one of these girls at five then they should be able to tell you what the go is. Only because today I'm a little busy-"

"No I totally understand, five is perfect I just didn't want to leave it too late and have you thinking that I was taking all of this half-heartedly." I intervene with a blush and witness as a gentle smile forms across her pouty lips.

"Not at all Lilly we know you're not like that. Now thank you for stopping in, I shall see you Wednesday." she concludes with a hand on my shoulder which only unnerves me even more for she could be layering on the fake smiles right now.

"No worries Felicity, thanks again." I chuckle awkwardly to appear regardless if I can sense something has been said and my gut feeling is telling me I'm not being paranoid.

With Lissa waiting for me at the entrance to her Aunty's office, I'm then escorted through the kitchen where a few unknown faces busy themselves with either making meals for the waiting customers in line or rushing around to keep the place tidy, then back out to the front counter where Nia's currently taking orders.

"Oh and what I said last night, please ignore that as f****d as that sounds. I was only drunk and didn't wanna see a good mate get hurt you know?" Lissa confesses quickly just as we're about to make it over to Luca conversing with Nia on what I assume are our orders.

For a second I want to scream considering this has now just opened myself back up to the f****d up love square I've now created for myself, but it doesn't have to be like that if I just stayed with Luca I mean as Lissa said she didn't want to see me get hurt. Yet why do I feel myself also wanting the company of Nessa and Josh as well now that this has just come out? Do Luca's words mean nothing to me?

You'd think Luca would be the way to go considering he isn't related to any of them let alone his family wouldn't be in our business. So why choose two people's company over one who comes with half of the bullshit they do. Yeah okay they don't deal drugs but f**k me, one of them touches it!

"f**k, should I still keep my distance or what? Lik-"

"No don't ignore them, just don't jump into bed with either of them the first chance your heart weakens." she interrupts simply and for a split second I want to tell her to f**k off, but she's right. I do need to stop sleeping with the people I feel comfortable with at the drop of a hat, I mean that old part of me is slowly coming back and it's something I want to keep in the past including Erica.

It's not like I was bad but I wasn't exactly sleeping alone most nights and it was between at least four people so I wouldn't have to face Erica or the foster parents. Two abusive and the other two lovely but have maaajor mental issues, way more intense than mine any day of the week. Some which still make me think that they should have joined me in Sunshine hospital.

All of this sleeping around though will soon turn into loneliness and I'll lose what matters to me most, a person who will love me for me and not some girl who's known for opening her legs. So in order for me to not ruin a sacred thing that helps me connect strongly with another person, I need to reel it right the f**k back and isolate myself from everyone.

"I get it." I murmur and drop my head a little as I try and fight back the blush forming in my cheeks.

"Oh also your friend Luca, he Italian?" she questions and instantly my head snaps up at the mentioning of his name and I'm suddenly trying to search for her face.

"Yeah how'd you kn-"

"Really?" she grins across me then it hits, of course she'd know that about him for she's Italian herself and would have heard the accent a bunch of times.

"Oh yeah." I chuckle awkwardly though I'm a little nervous now knowing the girls are aware of Luca since not much stays quiet in their family.

Will they end up kicking me out of their group for introducing a new person, I mean they didn't appear annoyed one bit but have a feeling they're good at masking their true emotions. For all I know as soon as I leave they'll start talking mad s**t about me.

Fuck I hate it when I'm this high and paranoid.

Nia's flirtatious giggling gains our attention and instantly Lissa's taking us over to where Luca's currently trying not to notice her behaviour, a small smirk tugging at the corners of my mouth and instantly it dawns on me I'm satisfied with the fact that he's not interested in her, but why does that concern me?

"Alright well it was good meeting you. I hope Lilly brings you around more often so we can get to know you." Nia sums up when we're in earshot and I'm casually making my way to the other side of the counter where Luca stands.

"Likewise, but I'm a pretty busy person to get a hold of. It was a miracle I bumped into Lilith because then I would've been out of town for a couple of weeks." he explains and gives my direction a quick glance.

"Oh well it was good meeting you anyway." Lissa joins in as Luca passes me my drink, the thick rough surface of the throw away cup warming up my semi-frosted hands the more I let the drink sit cupped in the palms of my hands.

"Thanks again for today, I'll give you a message around five like Felicity said." I go on as we start moving slowly back towards the café's entrance, the thick forest wallpaper engulfing my attention for a few seconds like it always does when I step foot in here before I'm pulling away to peer up at the chandeliers spaced throughout the café.

"No stress we'll speak then. Enjoy the rest of your morning and day." Lissa beams with a little wave, Nia yet again busying herself with a coffee this time instead of chatting up Luca.

If I want to give the girls the impression that Luca is only a mate then I'll have to refrain from letting the point five seconds of jealousy run through me, I mean we already sort of know where we stand with each other. Last night he was nice enough to show and tell me.

"You too Lissa and Nia, thanks again for the drinks." I finish when we're now only a foot away from the glass double doors.

Once the goodbyes are over we make it back to his car, the small talk yet again about the nippy weather and our hopes of it heating up later on in the day.

"Alright now back to your place." he sighs as the engine roars to life and we're buckled up ready to go, clearly refraining from mentioning the fact that he snobbed Nia's flirtatious behaviour.

What a nice guy. Though he did seem a little pissed as well when I walked out and she wouldn't get the hint he wasn't interested, his eyes I swear were black but that's probably because of how far away I was standing.

Maybe girls like Nia don't interest him, but no need to get angry even if it was for my sake. Then again I'm high as f**k so I'm thinking everyone's either angry with me or happy. There's no in between.

Nodding my head since the coffee's occupying my mouth as we speak, we begin the familiar drive back to the resort I'm staying in and that's when my mind begins to ponder on what this new house would look like.

Soon my thoughts travel over to Nessa and Josh and think how long it will be before they're back again at my door asking why I won't hang out with them, the whole event sending my stomach in knots and heart in a flutter as more scenarios plague my head.

Not only do they know something is up but they would've talked to them about what my reasons to both of them were as to why I can't choose between them. To top it all off they would have also spoken to Nia and Lissa about Luca coming into the café today with me so I'm sure it will be only a matter of time until they're asking me about him. So there's the instant assumption of I'm f*****g Luca out of revenge since I know that Nessa and Josh are fighting over me.

Fuck me, why can't I be asexual?