Stellam Matutinam

Excuses

After spending all night on my phone searching up ways I can legally change my name without having to see anyone, apply for a new birth certificate so I can get my new I.D's under Lilith Cain instead of Waters and prices for such documents, I decide to put the thing down and go for a cigarette seeing as how the sun outside appears to promise a nice day.

So standing on the balcony and enjoying the view Willow's Peak has to offer, I squint my eyes a little to the mountains rising up high behind the thick forest and wonder what it would be like to live in the mountains, my thoughts amusing me for a few moments until I pick up the unmistakable sound of my phone going off.

At least I don't feel like I'm being watched again...

"Hey Lil sorry to bother you but just a reminder I have to leave work early today so Lissa's taking over the rest of my shift, but I'm only letting you know because your stuff will still be here at work, so don't stress it's all there." Nessa assures me after reading her I.D and ignoring the instant thoughts of the pub and me ditching them.

"Thanks Nessa again I'm so sorry I ditched last night, I just didn't want you guys seeing me throw up every-"

"Don't even worry darl I'm not even mad, I was just worried where you'd gotten off too since you don't really know the place all that well. Besides you already said you'd make it up to me." she giggles across me and calming my suspicions of her being annoyed at me, her seductive tone stirring a feeling in my stomach before I'm mentally telling myself to calm down.

"Awesome well let me know when you're free so we can chill again, I had a mad night last night until I started getting sick." I confess though roll my eyes at myself for the amount of bullshit I've told her in the past week or so I have been here.

How can I start a new life if it's based on bullshit?

"You know I will, thanks again Lil and I hope to have another fun night together, I didn't realise how much I needed that until now." she admits yet the last words of her sentence seem quieter than when she first started talking, meaning she's probably got some s**t in her closet too I helped her get away from.

Hoping I'm right and putting a new mindset towards mine and Nessa's relationship of whatever it is, I start to ponder on the fact that maybe Nessa might be the one to help me get through my s**t, with me doing the same for her only it makes me wonder exactly what she could be hiding.

"Hey if you ever need to talk you know I'm here."

Now look who's being the Doctor...

"Cheers Lil I'll definitely keep that in mind. Now I've gotta go my appointment is coming up soon, I'm actually leaving work now but have a good day and I hope to see you sooner rather than later. I really do like your company and hope it's the same with you."

"Of course it is, I couldn't be happier with how everything is in my life as of five days ago when I arrived here and for that I have you to thank."

"Oh stop it you, you're gonna make me emotional. It's been that kind of day already and I didn't realise how much I needed you around. Weird I know, but look I'll talk to you later so we can chill and talk more then."

"Alrighty Nessa see you then."

"Bye."

"See ya."

Hanging up feeling somewhat relieved about the whole me ditching them at the pub incident as well as getting closer with Nessa, something I wouldn't see myself doing five days ago but here we are now, I'm now conjuring up images of what might have happened between Nessa and I if I had of stayed and the Cops didn't show up.

At first I thought I would've regretted it, but the more I ponder on it and the way Nessa's touches felt last night, the more I feel myself letting go of my old life that shackles me still to Sunshine Cove and the trauma the name brings me.

Not bothering to continue on with my new identification just right now for a shower seems to be calling my name, a deep sounding sigh rumbling in the back of my throat when Luca comes to mind for the first time in a while since Nessa seems to be a major distraction at the moment.

Maybe because she's trying to get close and Luca's only being a friend, so it's pretty obvious who my choice is at the moment, only I don't exactly want to write Luca off completely for I still don't know Nessa all that well nor he as well. So keeping both options open is probably the safest way for me to not put all of my eggs in one basket.

After checking the time and reading one o'clock in the afternoon I decide now is the time to get my s**t from Nessa's work and slap together a pair of black denim shorts.

Next I add floral-like patterned stockings to go underneath and cover up the pastiness of my skin, then a Mass Insanity band tee which I tie up at the back with a hair-tie then flip the tied up bit so that it's hidden under the shirt, my eyes just catching the slight bit of exposed midriff and wonder if it's too short.

Shrugging it off and leaving it on once I've finished comparing it to the crop top I wore last night despite the cardigan that went over the top, I add my new Converses I also bought yesterday to complete my outfit for the day but still find I'm missing something.

After staring at my wardrobe for a few thoughtless seconds I finally hunt down a suitable long sleeved item to go over the top and pull out the flannel shirt in colours of jet black and royal blue.

Throwing it over the top and heading for the bathroom to do my hair and makeup, it doesn't take long for the rest of my hair to dry thanks to the straightener or my makeup to be soothed on for I don't really need much, all I need to look is alive.

Stepping back to admire the finished product I call myself, I'll admit my eyes aren't surrounded by dark circles, only a little puffy and bloodshot but that's because I haven't slept. Other than that I'm not so on edge as I was five days ago meaning my surroundings alone has helped me get over the fear of being out in the open world.

Not to mention the people I've met along the way who are helping me push down my past each time I hang out with them, something I haven't done in years since Maddy and Fran want nothing to do with me.

Even my skin tone seems to have a little colour back into it thanks to all of the sleeping and semi-proper eating I've been doing. Like I ate at the hospital but each bite was torturous for I never wanted to eat when they told me to.

Now that I am out I find that I'm eating more since it's at my own leisure as well as waking up with a heap of energy, minus today for MD is the cause of that one, but I'm no longer living a sheltered life. I'm finally free and the freedom is doing wonders for my appearance. Regardless if I still have the slight fear of being caught by the Police.

Shuffling my way back to my room where I spot the left over caps and ponder on whether the fact it would be a good idea to take more since I still have to pick up my stuff from Nessa's work, only to decide it is a good time to take more and end up doing just that.

Double checking to see I have everything I need so I can leave, I grab my new set of earphones I bought yesterday and plug them in so I have something to listen to instead of what the town has to offer.

Turning it up full so everything around me is drowned out, I lock up behind me and make my way to the elevators I need to take in order for me to be out of the building, the blinding sun beating down on my exposed face though it doesn't pack quite the punch I thought it would.

Counting myself lucky for dressing up a little warmer than what the sun promised me when I was inside, I make a mental note to start sticking a hand out a window to check what day it's going to be for I don't think I'll be as lucky next time.

Instantly recalling the way of Pine Café and realising the walk isn't as long as I remembered from last time, I brush it off and intake a deep breath as the glass doors appears before me and that random sense of being watched is back.

Pushing it open and automatically slammed with the aroma of coffee beans, toasted sandwiches and other unknown meals coming hot out of the kitchen, I don't f**k around in getting my things for they seem pretty busy right now.

"Ah Lil! Glad you made it!" Lissa calls from the register once the elderly lady she'd been serving finally gets the change in her purse and hobbles out of the way, those unseeing eyes I felt landing on me out the front of the shop following me into the Café and burning into me like a white hot flame.

"Yeah sorry I got held up at home with some housework but I made it." I blush with an awkward smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, my eyes almost losing themselves yet again in the forest wallpaper that surrounds me as if I'm actually in Willow Peak's timber barrier, only I'm secretly looking for a pair of glowing ones within the paper trees.

"That's fine, give me a sec." she blurts in a flurry of words before she's gone again with her bronze s***h mousy brown ponytail swishing from side to side.

Returning with a bright smile that reaches her sea blue stare currently darting from me to what's behind me, I take it from her faire hands and thank her once again which she's waving off as nothing.

"That's alr-"

"Vasilissa, who's this?" a woman at least ten or so years younger than my foster parents, questions with slightly furrowed brows as she comes out from the back of the café, Lissa beaming only wider as she peers up at the woman.

Feeling an intense energy sweep across the entire café, I swear I see the woman subtly flinch but is too focused on smiling it off that I drop it for now, only the eyes on me and insane energy that's having my heart climbing the back of my throat won't leave.

"Oh this is Lilly, the girl Nia, Nessa and I went out with last night." Lissa explains to who I assume is her boss, the woman's hair my shade of russet and tied up into a high ponytail though her eyes are a brilliant forest green instead of my chartreuse ones.

You'd swear I was related to this woman yet I'm quick to rule it out for my parents I'm pretty sure are already dead since they still haven't made no effort to find me, something I wish I was able to change for I could use them right about now regardless of how much I think I have my s**t together at the moment.

"Ah yes I remember, how are you Lilith?" the woman questions after shaking hands and finding her olive complexion is much darker than mine, pretty much the same shade as mine used to be before I hit the drugs and started treating my body like s**t.

"Well let's just say I've been worse." I put politely considering I'm freaking out about the MD peaking as we speak and the sense of being observed under unseeing eyes still distracting me to the point where I'm having trouble constructing sentences.

"That bad huh?" she questions Lissa who only laughs and rolls her eyes.

"I was fine, she felt sick and ditched." Lissa explains with her head nodding in my direction and my cheeks heating that all attention is now back on me. Well the rest of it anyway.

"Which I feel really bad for by the way, I still owe you girls a full night out." I add as Nia walks past and touches the small of my back with a cute smile.

"Hey." she mouths then disappears into the back of the café, my eyes just catching her sky blue gaze and dirty brown bun before I'm distracted by their boss's laugh.

"At least she looks a lot better today, unlike Nessa who appeared she could've used a bit more sleep, but I guess that doctor's appointment she had today saved her from finishing her shift. Speaking of Nessa, now this is completely random and you can tell me to mind my own business, but are you currently employed?" Nia and Lissa's boss asks whilst folding her arms across her black shirted chest, Lissa and Nia sporting the same plain black v-neck short sleeves with plain matching jeans and Adidas sneakers.

Knowing where this conversation is going and if I'd be allowed to wear a long sleeve one instead since my arms can be quite confronting to some, I still can't contain the excitement I have raging around inside me for everything in my life is finally working out.

"No I'm unemployed at the moment, I just moved here six days ago." I explain to the woman whose eyes are lighting up at the fact that she could possibly have a new employee in front of her.

"Oh that's good then, you liking it here so far?" she questions then darts her eyes to the people dining in behind me to see how they're going and if they need assistance with anything.

"Yes I am. I have Nia, Lissa and Nessa to thank for that, they've made me feel right at home here." I go on with Lissa blushing beside the woman and Nia eventually joining the conversation.

"What're you guys on about?" Nia smiles as Lissa steps away to serve a customer and I'm moved further along the counter to continue the conversation.

"Just saying how glad I am to have met you and your family. Any who I should get going since you guys look super busy, but should I drop a résumé in or?" I question with the end of my sentence trailing off in order for Nia and Lissa's boss to take over.

"Nope just come in at nine o'clock tomorrow Monday and I'll set you up then. The uniform as you can see is black so nothing with labels or brand names on it. Ah shoes are of course either runners or Doc Martens, Converses are just acceptable since they lose grip a bit when the floor's wet. No jewellery is to be shown and all hair must be tied up. Now that we have that sorted my name's Felicity and I'll be your boss for the foreseeable future if you decide to stay here." she goes on as I subtly pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming and to my surprise I'm not.

This is really happening. I'm starting my new job this Monday.

"Okay no probl-"

"LIL! See I told you she'd be here." a voice exclaims and for a second I think I'm going crazy.

Spinning around to confirm that it's Nessa coming at me with open arms, it takes me a second to realise that she didn't come alone and that the tall dark haired male that followed her in happens to be with her.

Today she seems a bit dressed down like me in a pair of dark blue jeans rolled up a bit at the ankles, an olive green t-shirt that shows off the ink on her arms and is loosely tucked into her jeans as well as a pair of black Vans to top it off.

Her thick blackish hair is down in its full length and appearing as lush as ever, her makeup more at work today as it tries to cover up the evidence of a hard night but to no avail, the lack of sleep is written in her eyes and that's all I see for the first few seconds as I take her appearance in.

Distracted once again by the guy following Nessa around, I start to ponder on the thought of them possibly being related or if it's another one of Nessa's friends she wants to introduce to me since she mentioned something along the lines of me being here, I suddenly freak out and start to think that Nessa might not want me now and is interested in this guy instead.

Like you should've seen her eyes when they kept darting back and forth in a way one would do when trying to read the reaction of their friend and boyfriend for the first time meeting one another, as if trying to catch any shared moment between the both of us but to no avail, he seemed a little too preoccupied with his phone than he was keeping eye contact with me.

Is this the same guy I heard them with last night when I finally answered Nessa's call in Luca's car, is this the one she's now trying to rub in my face because it looked like I stiffed her? But why is she being so overly excited by my presence, is she good at being that fake?

Catching a quick glimpse at the guy whose muddy brown gaze seems to now be flickering to me and his phone in a way as if I've triggered something, my eyes snag the tattoos painting his olive arms and on his chest thanks to the flimsy appearing wife beater he's currently wearing.

Man I really hope she isn't fooling around with this guy, I'd rather be roasted for checking out her cousin than perving on a guy she's possibly slept with already and might want more than a one night stand.

Striking the anger fuelled thoughts from thought for now, I focus in on his umber hair cut short with the semi-fringe sweeping across his forehead only not enough to cover his shaped eyebrows, the fullness of his lips having my mind second guessing whether I'm seriously checking out this guy or if I'm just simply taking him in.

I mean how I can wonder what his lips would feel like against mine whilst I'm hugging Nessa is f*****g beyond me, but then again I'm pretty sure she bought him here to rub in my face for not getting with her, something I now find myself not regretting for ditching the more I ponder on the possibilities of her doing just that.

It doesn't help though his jeans hug nicely to his toned legs and wife beater that's having trouble covering his olive skinned chest.

So maybe being introduced to this new guy isn't that bad. If I do end up falling out with Nessa then things could possibly kick off between Josh and I or possibly Luca. Only time will tell on that one but first I still have to figure out whether she's doing what I suspect her doing.

Finally letting go of our embrace she takes a step back to drink my appearance in with her nut brown eyes, her thick charcoal-like hair done up in a similar messy bun to what Nia has though Nia's is a bit more neater for she's working.

"So you finally grabbed your stuff I see? I'm sorry I said I wasn't going to be here, I really didn't think I'd make it back here on time after my appointment. Anyway you missed out last night, Josh ended up coming out and the twins over there got absolutely retarded, but we don't say that in front of Aunty Felicity because she-"

"Oh shut up Janessa, I was your age once." the woman scolds playfully before she's back to work helping her daughter Nia wait and clear tables.

Riiiight, Josh the cousin. Oops now I feel like a fuckhead for thinking she's trying to rub this guy in my face, it's her cousin and she was probably paranoid about me thinking he's hot since her and I are currently establishing between the both of us.

It also doesn't surprise me that their boss is also Nia and Lissa's Mum as well as Nessa's Aunty, the town is probably filled with their family members that it's rare to find someone not related to them. Well that's what the girls were making it out to be last night when describing their family members in the town. They made it sound like they practically own Willow's Peak and cracked a few incest jokes that made me feel a little uneasy since memories of Erica semi-ruined the night for me after that.

So it's good to finally meet the Aunty Nessa was talking about last night. Only thing is will I bump into more today or have I had my fill of their family for one day?

However I'm pretty sure they mentioned that to me last night only the memory fog I'm fighting through thanks to the alcohol and MD that managed to tamper with them, makes it near impossible to really remember many details other than the major ones.

For instance sprinting from the Cops, ditching my new mates thanks to seeing the Cops and meeting Luca who also happens to be my fresh contact. All those things I recall clear as day apart from the things I did in between that are a goner.

"The more you rub it in the more it saddens me! I promise I will make it up to you, you Josh not so much because we haven't had the chance to hang out yet." I add when I take this chance to get a proper conversation out of the lingering form behind Nessa busying himself with his phone yet again.

"Huh? Oh me right, yeah that's cool I'm sure we'll find a time soon. I hear my cousins want to take you out again so this time I'll be able to tag along." he assures me as Nessa orders what she wants though I don't miss her eyes constantly flickering between me and Josh, as if waiting for something to happen only I have no clue what.

Hopefully she doesn't take my niceness as me flirting, I mean yeah I'm a little more out of my shell than normal but that's because the MD I took is smashing me like a motherfucker, but that's something I will have to prove to her and even if it means doing it later down the track.

With the unseeing eyes sending off that intense energy of pure anger, I seem to think it's Josh for a second until it begins to settle down once I take a miniature step back from him, a sort of protective warmth showering over me and calming my worrying nerves.

Going back through the memories of where I thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with her and her cousins up until the part where I ditched since talking to this guy is out of the question, they linger on Nessa for I loved how she made me forget what's wrong with me that night. It made me feel like I was normal and got me back in touch with my other emotions instead of constant fear, anger and depression.

"Awesome I'm glad the both of you have met. Now we can all go out with hopefully Lilith staying the entire night." Nessa announces when she returns whilst hanging an arm around my shoulders, the gesture causing a slight blush before I'm acting as if my heart isn't beating out of my chest.

"We can but is there anyone else you're related to in this town that I should know about?" I joke with a nudge to Nessa's side, the girl only rolling her eyes and placing her head next to mine.

"Lil we try to keep the inbreeding to a minimal but it's kind of hard when there are that many of us here." she states casually only my jaw's hanging in shock while her and Josh share a good laugh.

Great, this must be a regular joke for them.

"Right well I guess parties in your basement are out of the question then?"

"Nah you can come to mine, Nessa and I share the babysitting hours of our one eyed cousin s***h sibling Jed."

"f**k up Josh, don't scare her!"

"Oh come on Nessa, don't li-"

"Alrighty well we aren't going to finish that conversation, Lil you interested in hanging out with Josh and me while we wait for the other two to knock off? I mean you still owe me."

"Yeah I'm down, what do you have in mind?"

"Well I have to go grocery shopping and was wondering if you wanted to have a couple of drinks after?"

"Sure, sounds good."

"Sweet let's go!"

Following her and Josh out after waving goodbye to Nia and Lissa, we make our way to Nessa's car with Josh jumping in the backseat so I'm able to sit up the front and talk with Nessa about what else she got up to today, my brain halfway through the conversation getting bored for it's not conjuring up Luca and what he possibly might be up to.

The thought of Luca seems to please the unseeing eyes I can't shake for the energy is more of that protective warmth but heightened to the point where I'm almost asking to take me home so I can change into something else.

I haven't text Luca about the pot I know I will need and for some reason I'm kind of nervous to do so, like yeah he was cool with helping me out in other ways, but it's still all a little too good to be true for I'm not used to having good things come my way.