Reverse Isekai - Knight of Sin

Tabitha Dragonheart

Tabitha Dragonheart turned out to be a broad shouldered woman of oriental appearance, if orientals were covered from head to toe with silver scales, and had a mane of silver hair that ran from the peak of their hair down the base of their spine to their tailbone.  She was also blessed with a pair of bat-like wings that looked to be spanned with a thin layer of silver that had permanently caught the shine of moonlight.

"How the HELL do you get a tailor to fit a suit like that for you?"  Harold asked, "I can't even get my shoulders to fit right without special fittings."

"Gnomes." she said with a faint smile.  "One wouldn't imagine it of a rock-born species, but those that take up the craft of fabric are absolute masters of it.  So now my question.  Since I see no weapon, you clearly aren't here to kill me.  Why are you here?"

"Well, I don't know exactly.  Both my sword and Old Marishka insist that I talk to you, though."

"MARISHKA." Tabitha huffed.  "So that old bitty is still puttering about in the mortal world, is she?  How is she doing?"

"She's ... well, other than her age, she's doing well."

"Don't let her fool you, that crone isn't suffering from old age; she's cut it off like a skin that she wears as a disguise for the unwary.  So WHY do you want to talk to me?"

Slayer of Men said. 

"A moment, please."  Harold drew forth Slayer, and focused into it his desire for a suit like Tabitha had.  He wasn't sure whether that was more Envy or Greed or Vanity, but apparently it didn't matter.  The sword grew, and (Harold hoped) lost its mental powers as it gained its voice.

"Well, actually, no, Harold Leightner.  But it is considered rude by your people to speak in the mind when one can still communicate vocally."

Tabitha rolled her eyes.  "Great.  Let me guess.  You have a magic sword and want to become one of my knights."

"No." said Harold.

"Very well, if you insist." said the sword.  "Harold Lieghtner, demand the title Knight of Sin."  

"Whoa!"  Harold said.  "Knight sounds like one of those oath of fealty for life things."

"Ha!  Knight of Sin."  Tabitha leaned forward, effortlessly wrenching Harold's arm to read the runes on his blade.  "Huh, Slayer of Men, quite a decent knock-off of the original."

"I, madam, am the one and only original, the Sword of Sin, Slayer of Men."

"Nope." she replied.  "The original is still in a barrow tomb in Scotland.  But nice try."

"Lies!" Slayer of Men shouted.  "Lies and misinformation!  I demand my right to duel whomever said that to the death."

"Denied, of course." Tabitha said.  "The rules of the duel make it clear that it is for people versus people, or weapons using people as mounts against each other.  Weapons cannot challenge people."

"Harold Leightner, I need you to slay this churl in a duel."

"I'd pay money to see that." Tabitha said, "In fact, I will be betting on the other guy, since that is Finian mac Baleshear."

"Harold!"

"Not just no, but hell no." Harold said.  "We didn't come here to pick a fight."

"No." Slayer of Men said, "Of course not.  Dear Lady, we are here to register for a hunting permit."

"And what if I'm not in the mood to have someone charging all over Huntsville killing my citizens?"  she asked.  

"Wait.  Killing citizens?" Harold asked.  "I thought we were here to file a complaint against an out of control ogre."

Tabitha Dragonheart roared with laughter, loudly enough that the ceiling tiles shook, and loose dust wafted downward.  "File...  You want to file..."  She slapped her leg, and continued laughing.

"Digits." she eventually said.

"I am here, masteress." a Roomba said, from the corner of the room.

"Register an open hunting permit on Harold Leightner, with his magical sword as a bounty, duration two weeks minus a day."

"Wait, what?" Harold asked.  "That sounds like I'm to be the hunted."

Tabitha kept laughing.  "Yes, Mister Leightner, that is among the penalties for wasting the time of a regional Sheriff.  I do wish you a quick death; it is unlikely that you will survive.  Is there anything else I can do for either of you?"

"I don't mind." Slayer of Men said.  "Either Harold grows stronger or he dies and I end up in the possession of someone stronger."

"You F_ing traitor!" Harold screamed, setting off Tabitha's laughter again.

"Please do consider this if you survive." Tabitha said.  "If you ever return to this office, know what your want, and be quick about mentioning it.  Otherwise, I've got a night's work to sleep up for.  You showed yourself in, you can show yourself out, I trust?"

Harold could, and nearly barreled into Martok.  "Oh, good." the horned demon said, "I was so worried you were going to die in there.  So... are you a knight?"

"Title or no, all who bear me are the Knight of Sin." Slayer of Men began.

"Excellent.  Then I call right of dubs."  Martok said.  "You owe me a favor, Knight of Sin, and I mean to collect."

"A favor unasked is no favor." the sword said, already starting to shrink.  "Er, Harold?"

"What sort of favor do you want?" Harold asked.

"There's this werewolf, you see, and she breaks into my back yard and eats the herbs straight from my garden.  I want you to kill her."

"We accept?  Why would we ever do that?"

"Excellent." Martok said.  "You can swing by tonight.  My address is..."

"I haven't agreed to any such thing." Harold said.

"Yes, you did." Martok said.  "You said the words 'I accept'.  I heard you."