Date With Maybe Not Marishka
1025 Words
Harold didn't need to ask when he saw Madeline Hayes; she might have stepped from one of Old Marishka's photos of her younger self.
"Oh, crap." he said.
"No," Harold whispered, "she looks exactly like a younger Marishka."
Noticing the woman looking around, Harold waved at her. She smiled and drifted over.
"You are Harold, yes?" When Harold nodded, she added. "I am Devushka, but you may call me Devi."
Slayer of Men sent.
And so Harold rose to hold her seat, and didn't pressure her to order, and attempted small talk.
"I don't understand sports. Isn't it sad that people fight, when we already have so much?"
"I don't talk politics or religion. I won't try to convert you, you won't try to convert me, deal?"
"I don't like movies, do you watch theater?"
"Ah, I have never had a working television. I have a radio, but only when I drive."
"My hobbies? Why should I reveal my hobbies when you haven't revealed your own?"
Harold was surprised that he wasn't blushing. "Well, my hobbies are movies, television, and the internet."
"It doesn't sound informative." she admonished.
"Well, I know that while pressure points can stun or wound, they don't actually kill you."
"Truly? Where did you learn that?"
"Jaxter, Teenage Assassin. It's a drama/comedy about a boy that accidentally gets transferred to a high school for ninjas."
"It sounds positively AWFUL. Tell me more about it."
And he did, pulling up the occasional scene on his phone.
"I have heard about wonders like this, but phones are so very expensive. And the service plans are outright racketeering."
Harold shrugged. "I don't have a lot else to spend money on."
She sniffed. "Well, if you spend time around my grand-aunt, perhaps you should get a good charm for warding away hostile magics. And if she is correct that you are speaking to the Sheriff, then you should get multiple sets of armor. I know where you can get a good riot shield at discount, if they still have it."
"Oh? Why would I need those?"
She looked at him in astonishment. "Now you dare to patronize me."
"I would never dare. You have power akin to Marishka, and I like life so much without being turned into a newt."
"Hm. Perhaps later. Very well, I will play this game, but not for long. You want leather for fire using opponents, like efreet and hell spawn. Chainmail is light and flexible, but will not stop things like bullets. Goblins often spend time at the firing range, or so I've heard. And of course, heavy armors are useful, but also not practical in social situations. It's a lot like you'll want multiple weapons."
"Am I distracting you?" she asked.
"Not you, sorry." Harold said. He pulled out Slayer of Men, and set him at the edge of the table. "My sword is trying to speak to me, as well."
"How rude of it." she said with a smile. "But yes, it is prudent to have that on you at all times. Now put it away before someone less pure of heart sees it."
Harold did so. "Are you? Pure of heart?"
"I said less pure of heart." she chided him. "It is still early in any relationship we might have for me to reveal such a secret."
"I'm not sure. She winked, it's a mixed message."
"The right of any woman." Devi claimed. "Ah, but our food has finally arrived. And oh, the portions. I will be taking home at least half of this..."
But still, she took what seemed to Harold to be full bites, not just nibbles.
"Okay, it sounds like you know more of the supernatural stuff than I do. What do you know about werewolves?"
"Ah." she said, waving her fork at him. "La Luna, the Moon. Always a complicated subject. The moon is both a man and a woman, and is the maiden, the mother, and the crone. She is both silver and cheese; a lifeless rock, and a base for the Martians. She is light in the night, watcher, guardian, and uncaring, aloof. All of this, at the same time."
Harold squinted. "I don't get it. Some of those things contradict others."
She shrugged. "Different people, different beliefs. Yet no matter what mortals believe, this is what is true. This is what has power. So be careful of your werewolf, Harold. If he believes the moon grants him powers, then it does, even after he leaves his human form for his lupine one. Although, the moon is waning, a week and a half at most, and there will be three nights of no moon at all."
"Well, I've kind of agreed to meet this werewolf tonight."
"Oh, well, then best of luck. I do hope you survive long enough for us to do this again. I am quite enjoying myself."
"I'm enjoying myself, too." Harold said. "If you've no phone, how should I contact you?"
"Ah, find the Avalon Teahouse. Ask them about the curse eater. They'll know how to find me for you."
"Curse eater?" Harold said.
"Curse eater." she confirmed, "Devourer of sorrows, ender of woes. Not the easiest of jobs, but it keeps my lights on at night, and hot water in my shower. And, unlike many jobs, there is always more work afterward."
Harold speared a piece of boiled broccoli. "I sell appliances. Let's not compare work."
"Indeed. Your work sounds boring," she said, "something you are almost not."
"Almost not enough for a second date?"
"Ha! Ask again in two weeks, I think. I expect you'll be interesting by then."
- Writer
