That Time In July

Kabanata 9

Chapter 9

"Tang-in-"

"Kaunti lang naman gray, It's fine, I guess. May mas malala pang nangyari sakin dati. I'll be fine. Chill."

"How can I, when you've almost ended up in a hospital?" Mahina ngunit may diin niyang sinabi.

"I always bring my meds wherever I go. Please do stop blaming Dorothy, I can clearly relate to that feeling's of her. Beside, she is your friend."

He stop walking and turn to face me fully.

"What? So okay lang sayong lagyan ng alak ang inumin mo? Paano kapag napadami ang lagay na alak duon? Gwen, that can be considered as attempted murder! I clearly told her you have allergy! Pero ginawa niya parin, she still tried even if she knows its dangerous.!"

"I am perfectly fine! Alright?" Hindi ko na rin napigilan ang sarili sa pagtaas ng boses.

"I've been through worst Gray! You wouldn't believe me if I'll state it in front of you right now. So trust me if I said Im fine." I paused. Paos na paos na talaga ako. "I can smell alcohol on drinks, hindi ko lang talaga napansin kanina kasi I was desperate to swallow the food that was stuck on my throat."

"Unbelievable!" Ginulo niya ang kanyang buhok. "You know, sometimes, kindness kills. Knot when to fight and when to defend yourself, Gweneth. Let them know what's inside that heart of yours. Hindi yung ikaw lagi ang umiintindi. Kaylan mo bibigyan ng importansiya ang sarili mo? She also needs some respect." Tinuro niya ako. "Give her that." With that, nauna na siyang umalis.

I am respecting myself. I just don't want him to argue with his friends just because of this condition. I was not a part of a group, I was just a visitor. It's a shame for me to be the reason of their arguments. It's is also hard for me to accept the fact that someone doesn't really believe on what I'm going through.

Pero kasi tapos na. Hindi na maibabalik ang paglagay ng alcohol sa juice. Beside I am fine. I am trying. I stay there for a couple of minutes. Susunod na sana ako kay Gray ng may magsalita sa likod ko.

"Hey, Gwen."

I turned to find Blaze standing behind me. Nakapamulsa at wala na ang tux na suot kanina lamang.

"I just wanted to say sorry about what happened earlier."

Tumango ako sa kanya at tinuro kung saan si Gray pumunta.

"Mauna na kami." Paos kong sabi.

Kumunot ang kanyang noo bago tumango. "Sabayan na kita, pauwi na rin naman ako."

Nauna ako sa kanyang maglakad. I feel tired of what's happening. Sa loob ng 2 araw, ang dami nang naganap na hindi ko inaasahan. This day is quite exhausting, from the wedding earlier down to this alcohol thing. I was contemplating that I didn't realize Blaze was walking beside me. Kung hindi lang siya nagsalita, hindi ko mapapansin.

"I didn't know it would be quick, and it would be that bad." He said.

"Huh?"

"Was that your natural reaction? Or mas malala lang ngayon?" Tanong niya pa.

"Oh, uhm-"

"I didn't know to what extent she put alcohol on your drink. I was busy on something else that I didn't realize she spiked the drink." Dagdag niya pa.

"Well, if the alcohol is not too much, yes, ganito talaga." As much as I dont want to bring that topic up, it would be wrong not to answer him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault Blaze." I said.

"I know, if I had known she would do that, nabantayan ko na sana."

I smiled. "It's okay. No one predicted it anyway. I always get this kind of treatment, sanayan na lang."

Nakarating kami sa parking lot. Gray was standing beside a Black Conquest, hand on his pocket and a vape on his mouth. Agad niyang tinago ito at humarap samin.

Dumaan ako sa kabilang gilid para makapunta na sa passenger seat. Bago pumasok, sumulyap muna ako sa kanila na ngayon ay mag pinag uusapan na. Pumasok ako tsaka nag antay sa pag alis.

Hindi ko maiwasang isipin ang mga sinabi kanina ni Gray. Am I that insensitive towards myself? Was it wrong? I was just doing what I know, I feel like, what is right.

The drive was in awkward silent. Wala siyang binanggit kanina ng pumasok siya. The night at San pedro is so peaceful, malayo sa maingay na San Isidro. I wonder what it feels like, driving with an open window. I was imagining the feels of it when Grays phone rang. He answered it. He put it on speaker kaya dinig kung sino ang tumatawag.

"What?" Bungad nitong masungit kong kasama.

"How's your sister?" I could feel the chills in me. Pinigilan kong lumingon sa kanyang cellphone para kumpermahin ang tumatawag.

"Fine, that's what she's been saying."

Bumuntong hininga ang nasa kabilang linya. "Was that normally that fast? The reaction I mean?"

"I don't know, this is a first for me Ky."

Those line struck me. He is concern. He is scared. How can I give him cold treatment if this is what hes been doing the whole time?

"I am fine Gray, really." Hindi ko na napigilang magsalita. "It's been a while yes, but it's still the same. It's just a mild reaction." Paos kung sabi.

"So you mean it'll be worse kapag maraming alcohol Gwen?" He asked.

"Probably." I replied.

"Anong probably? You're not sure?"

Bumuntong hininga ako. "Yes Gray. Worst case, I might die."

Lumingon ako sa kanya. Kita ko ang mahigpit niyang hawak sa steering wheel. Mahigit isang minutong katahimikan ang namutawi bago may nag react.

"Bulshit." The other line said.

"I'm sorry. If I had known, hindi na dapat kita dinala kanina." Lumingon sakin si Gray ng ilang saglit bago binalik ang mga mata sa harap.

I shook my head. "No, its not your fault." I cleared my throat dahil sa kating nararamdaman.

"Here." Binigyan ako ni Gray ng tubig.

Tinanggap ko ito at agad uminom.

"Dorothy wanted to say sorry." The other line said. "She wanted to talk to your sister."

"U-huh. Not now Ky."

"I know, I just wanted to inform you. Campo tayo bukas Gray."

"Right."

Saktong dumating kami sa bahay ng matapos ang tawag na iyon. Hindi pa man kami tuluyang nakapasok, may na receive na akong tawag. I fish my phone out of my clutch bag. Napasinghap ako. Kapag nalaman nila ang nangyari dito, mag-aalala yon sila. They'll nag me about going here and all, how they've predicted this would happen.

"What's wrong?" Gray asked.

Dumungaw siya sa cellphone kong nag riring parin hanggang ngayon. Kita ko ang pagtaas ng kilay niya sa called ID. Natigil na rin siya sa gilid ko, gaya ko, hindi pa nakakapasok. I check the time. It's almost midnight, I can tell them I'm already asleep. Kaya ang ginawa ko, I silent the phone and let it rang for a couple of minutes.

"Let's go." Tinulak ako bahagya ni Gray papasok sa loob. I could feel his large hand on the upper portion of my back.

I did all my routine before settling on my bed. I still could feel the itch on my body, especially on my throat. Matagal na rin nang huli akong nakainom ng alcohol, ngunit gayun pa man, alam ko parin ang dapat gawin. I admit, naging kampante akong hindi na mauulit ang ganitong eksina. I was sure I'd really smell alcohol on any drinks. But after the incident, I doubt matitigil ang ganitong pangyayari sakin. Nakatulog akong ganoon ang iniisip.

The next morning was so peaceful, for me. I stayed in bed longer than expected. Paglabas ko, payapa na ang bahay. Nakaalis na sina Mommy at Tito, gayun din si Gray.

"Gigisingin ka sana nila Ma'am kanina Miss. Kaya lang mahigpit na sinabi ni sir Gray na huwag kayong istorbohin. Kaya umalis na lang po na hindi na kayo ginising pa." Tumango ako habang umiinom ng tubig sa counter.

"Tatawagan ko na lang po."

Ganun nga ang ginawa ko matapos kumain. Usually, pumapasok naman ako sa skwelahan kahit na hindi pa tuluyang nawawala ang kati sa katawan. Pero dahil naisip ko, hindi pa naman sanay ang mga tao rito, hindi na muna ako umalis.

"I am fine My, pasensya na po kung napag-alala ko kayo." I said over the phone.

"Gawain ko yan Gweneth, ang mag-alala. Hindi mo to mawawala sa akin." Nagkaruon ng kaunting katahimikan samin. "Kumain ka na? Kaylangan mo bang magpatingin ng Doktor?"

"Hindi na kaylangan My, kaunting alcohol lang naman. Siguro to test kung may allergy nga ako." Agap ko naman.

Bumuntong hininga siya. "Sino ba kasing nagbigay sayo? Sinabi na naman sa kanila ni Gray, na may allergy ka. Ayaw rin sabihin sakin."

"My, okay lang po. May mga ganyan rin akong nakikilala, hindi rin talaga sila masisisi. Ako nga po nuong una hindi makapaniwala."

"Baakit? Dapat ba may pruweba talagang ma ipapakita para maniwalang may allergy ka talaga?"

I sigh. "Mom, it's fine, really."

"Gweneth, if you said you're fine, it doesn't make us at ease. Yes you are fine right now. But how can we make sure it wouldn't happen again?"

I remain silent. I don't want them to worry.

"Alam naming hindi mo gustong nag-aalala kami. We get it, okay? But you can't take away our worries when your health is at stake here, Gweneth. Paano namin masisigurong hindi na to mauulit? Na hindi na mas malala diyan ang maranasan mo?"

"I'm sorry."

"No, we are sorry. Kung naging mas maingat sana kami hindi na aabot sa ganito."

Tumagal nang mahigit isang oras ang pag-uusap namin. Matapos ay tsaka ko pa lang napansin si lolo Carlo sa labas ng bahay.

"Lo, magandang upaga po. Hindi kayo sumabay sa kanila Mommy?"

Lumingon siya sakin. "Anong nangyari sa boses mo hija?"

I cleared my throat. "Allergy po."

"Okay ka na ba? Saan ka ba may allergy?" Tanong niya pa habang inaayos ang manggas ng kanyang polo shirt.

"Sa alak po."

Napatingin ulit siya sakin. "Naku! Hindi ko alam kong matutuwa ba ako diyan o hindi." Napa tawa siya.

"Ako rin po." Napatawa na rin ako. "Ganyan rin po ang reaksiyon ng mga kaibigan ko noong nalaman nila."

"May gamot ka naman para diyan?" Tanong niya ng seryoso.

"Opo, meron naman. Lagi ko nga pong dala."

Tumango-tango siya. "Mabuti naman. Gusto mong sumabay sa ECL? Papunta na ako."

"Hindi na po. Baka mag-alala lang sina Mommy."

"Oh sige. Maiwan na muna kita. Explore the house. My Library sa taas, you can read books there."

"Sige po, ingat."

Reading is not my thing, kaya ang ginawa ko ay nag libot sa bahay. I didn't know Mom is a plantita. The back of the house is a huge garden. Lahat ata nang klase ng bulaklak meron siya, from flowering to non flowering. Aside from the flowers, ang nakakuha ng atensiyon ko ay ang nasa gitna ng harden. May mallit na fountain na gawa sa bato. Lumapit ako at sinuri ang mga nakaukit sa ibabang bahagi. Palm trees.

Noong nag lunch kami rito, hindi ko masyadong natingnan ng mabuti ang mga detalye kasi nasa bandang gilid ang mesa na sinet-up nila. May mga vines kasi na nakapalibot sa area na yun kaya hindi rin masyadong kita ang kabuohan ng harden.

Yun ang ginawa ko buong umaga, taking the view of the garden, appreciating it. Naglakad lakad pa ako ng kaunti only to dind out a modernized small patio. Nasa likorang bahagi na ito ng harden. May isang swing na gawa sa rattan sa kaliwang bahagi, habang kulay abong couch sa kanang bahagi. Pumasok ako at piniling maupo sa swing.

I find comfort with green leaves, not with salty water. Mas na aapreciate ko ang green nature. Marunong naman akong lumangoy, kaya hindi ko rin talaga alam bakit sa mga dahon at bundok ako mas nahuhumaling.

I spent the remaining hours there, on that swing, hanggang sa nag tanghalian na. I eat alone. Ang sabi ni manang Lory hindi raw sila sanay kumain ng maaga, sa schedule nila. Usually, bandang 2pm raw sila nag lulunch since late silang kumakain ng agahan. Ng tinanong ko bakit late sila kumakain, nalaman kong mas nabubusog sila sa mainit na kape sa agahan.

I spent my afternoon on the patio. Scrolling on social medias, texting my friends, just catching up with them. Hindi pa man nag-iisang linggo, ang dami ng nangyari sa dalawa.

Reading all my messages, hindi ko inaasahang mapadpad sa group chat. Hindi naman kasi active ang grupo kaya napatingin na rin ako. Pictures, sent by Justin. It was his birthday celebration. Lahat present, pwera lang sakin. Even George and Claire were there. The pics were sent last night. 11:57, the same time George called.

Tiningnan ko ang mga litrato, isa isa. Agad rin naman nag sisi. I thought I'm okay, that I'm all good. I thought wrong. Isang larawan lang pala ang makakapagpabalik nang lahat ng ala-ala. I stare at the photo, longer than expected. I dont have intention on leaving the GC, but now, im considering it. Seeing them kissed hurts like hell.

A tear escape from my traitor eyes. I promise I wouldn't cry, anymore. But I just realized, no matter how hard I try to stop myself from being affected, I cant. I just can't. This will take time. Hindi maghihilom ng isa o dalawang linggo lamang. As much as I wanted to stop this aching heart, I just can't. Because no matter how I tried to deny it, nasasayangan ako sa mga panahong magkasama kami. Mga panahong inaakala kong siya na, kami na, hanggang sa huli.

(Song recommendation: Bad For Me by Meghan Trainor)