Kill for Love

Chapter 33 - The Butler

"Sir, you've been locking yourself up in your room for weeks now," Nim stated. He was worried about his master. Ever since the incident, he no longer wants to leave his room. He was always sitting idly in the corner of his room. 

Nim looked around the room. It was so dark. All the windows were created covered with curtains. No light was able to get through. It’s been weeks and his master is still not coming out from his room. If he didn’t visit the room every day, the room would definitely turn into a garbage can. Every single day, he found empty cans scattering inside the room, and every day, he always cleans it up. 

He silently opens the trash bag. He picked up the empty cans and slid them into the bag. He looked at his master, who continuously drinks the beer.

“Sir,” Nim called him to get his attention.

“I-I hurt her Nim. I’m not supposed to make her cry. I’m supposed to give her happiness,” he sobbed.  He pulled his knees together and hugged them while tears continuously fall from his eyes.

Nim looked at him sadly. His master doesn’t deserve the pain he is experiencing right now. He stopped putting the cans in the bag and sat on the couch near him while still holding the trash bag.

“Don’t blame yourself, Sir. It’s not your fault that Ares is dead. He did it to himself. Cytherea will never be happy if Ares is still alive. So, what happened is a blessing in disguise. You didn’t kill Ares. It was an accident,” Nim explained.

“I want to go to the police and tell them what happened.”

“No!” Nim yelled and when he realized what he did. He stood up and bowed to his master. Back to his formal voice, he said, “I’m sorry, Sir, I shouldn’t yell at you.”

The master looked up at Nim. He was surprised at Nim’s instant outburst. 

“I’m sorry, Sir, but you shouldn’t go to the police. It will only create chaos. If you go to the police, Cytherea will know that you are behind the kidnapping. You are the reason why Ares ended up in the stockroom. Cytherea will hate you. She will never forgive you. You will lose your chance to be with her.”

“But it’s still my fault. If I shouldn’t abduct him in the first place, no one will die.”

“It was never your intention. You didn’t kill him. If he only listened, he should be alive right now. But he didn’t. He deserves to die anyway. Just imagine what life will it be for Cytherea if they got married,” Nim convinces him. His master didn’t deserve to feel all this pain. It’s Ares' fault and what happened to him. He deserved it. “And Sir, if you may. Please stop blaming yourself and instead get up and start planning again how to be closer to Madam Cytherea. She is in a vulnerable state right now. This is the right time to be with her, to know you better. Just like what they have said, the easiest way to win a woman’s heart is when they are at their most vulnerable state.”

“How do you know these things, Nim?” the master curiously asked. He wiped his tears and looked at Nim so he could listen to him intently.

Nim smiled and his expression softened. “Well, it’s based on experience, Sir.”

The master got curious. Ever since he was a child, Nim was always there for him and took care of him even after his parents died. Never once was he able to ask him about his personal life; what they have is always an employee-employer relationship. All he knows is that Nim is still single. No wife nor children.

“You’ve been with us even before I was born, Nim. Since I was young, you’ve been taking care of me, but I don’t know much of you. I never get to ask that and right now, I realized that I’m so thankful that you were always with me. Everyone left me, but you still stayed and helped me out even with the most f**k up things,” he said sincerely. He was a little bit guilty that he used Nim to do awful things for him.

“It’s my duty to serve you, Sir, regardless of what the intentions are. It’s my pleasure to know that I can be of help to you.”

“Thank you, Nim. Now, sit beside me. Let’s forget that I am your employer and tell me more about yourself. How do you know things about women?” he asked. For a moment, he forgot about the guilt he felt because of Ares’ death. He saw how Cytherea cried and broke down a couple of times. He promised himself that he would take care of Cytherea, but he was the reason for Cytherea’s pain because of what had happened. He let her down and he can never forgive himself for it. It’s a good thing that Nim is with him. He can freely talk to someone about his struggles and pain.

Nim obeyed his request. He sat down beside his master while the latter grabbed some can of beer beside him and opened one. He gave it afterward to Nim. Nim was hesitant to accept it, but his master was persistent. 

“C’mon, accept it, Nim. Today, I’m not your master. Let’s be friends who drink beer at a pastime. You know that I’ve never experienced drinking with someone or even tried to go to a bar and drink. I mean, I treated him as a friend but ever since college, we never get to see each other as much as we have before. We are both busy with our own business. And that night, I’m happy I was able to see and talk with Cytherea. I was able to see my longtime friend too.

A warm feeling fills Nim’s heart. He wanted to hug his master and console him. He wanted to let him know that he will always be with him no matter what. He knows his struggles and pains. And if he wants something or someone, he will surely help him no matter what the consequences are.

Nim accepted the opened beer can and started to drink. This is their first bonding, and he will treasure it a lot.

“So, tell me more about you, Nim.”

Nim cleared his throat and comfortably leaned his back against the wall. “There’s nothing really interesting about my life, Sir-”

“Nah, try me. Did you have any girlfriend?” his master cut him off.

“I did, but her parents are not in favor of me because we are poor,” Nim started. His eyes were watery. This is always the effect wherever he remembers his first love.

“Sounds like a classic love story,” his master commented.

“Yes, you can say that, Sir. They are rich and my parents were merely servants. They disapproved of me when they learned about our relationship. So, they did everything to separate us. However, the distance between us was not a hindrance. It actually strengthened our love for each other. We secretly exchange love letters and secretly see each other. When her parents learned that, they forced her to marry someone else, and they had a child.”

“You never had a girlfriend after her?”

“Yes, Sir. I love her so much, and I promised her that she would only be the first and last person I will love until my last breath. She already passed away, and up until now, she’s still the only one in my heart. I have no plans of finding another one. Besides, I promised her one thing, and I intend to keep that.”

“So, why did you say that the easiest way to win a woman’s heart is when they are in their most vulnerable state? How did the two of you meet?”

“Like you, I loved her from afar. There was a time that she was sad because of her grades. Her parents have pressured her to get good grades, and whenever she couldn’t attain it, they would yell at her. Every time she cried, I was there to console her. I was her crying shoulder. I helped her out with her studies since I am two years older than her, I have already covered her lessons. It was so easy for me to be closer to her. And because of that, I used it as an advantage to make her fall in love with me. And she did, I confessed, and she accepted me."

His master sighed and sadly smiled. “We are the same, Nim. It's just that in my case, I made her cry."

"She doesn't know that you were there when Ares died. You can be closer to her now since she already knows you as you and not as Astilbe."

His master's eyes widened. He stood up as if he just had a great realization.

"You just gave me an idea, Nim," he happily said. He offered his hand to Nim which Nim gladly accepted. He pulled him up and hugged him immediately.

Nim was stunned and caught off guard. He awkwardly returned his master's hug. After a few minutes, Nim hugged his master tightly.  He gently smiled and softly tapped his master's shoulder repeatedly. 

"Thank you, Nim. You're the best."

Hearing that, a lone tear escaped from Nim's eye.