Hush Hush

This is my story of how I was committed to a mental hospital and why I was committed. At the moment I'm sitting in a pale white patted room filled with nothing but a bed. The eerie feeling is notable as there's not a sound at all and the flickering of the only single light which is a constant reminder of why I'm here in the first place - now I'm stuck in 'Killerbark Creek Mental Hospital for the Criminally Insane'. I'm here for one reason and one reason only, because of my parents death, no they didn't die from natural causes but from me, yes I killed them, I didn't mean to but "they" told me to. I can only remember it vaguely but it still feels like it only happened yesterday. It all started when I was about four years of age, about twenty-one years ago. The day was shining bright with a raging sun pulsating down upon us, there was no sign of any bad weather, that day was perfect, well a little too perfect. Me, my mum and my dad went for a family day out: first we went to a freak show that was in town; that was by far my favourite thing of that whole day. I loved the freaks, they might have been odd but they were still people like you and me. Then we went to my grandparents house; I can still remember the gingerly smell that filled my nostrils and made my tastebuds water for more, and finally we went to a movie theatre. After the movie finished we went home. When we got home I had dinner and then had a bubble bath with my rubber duckies then went into my warm and cozy bed. I had asked my mum if she could read me a bedtime story. My mum read "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" until I fell into a deep slumber. I really wish I hadn't fell asleep because then my parents would still be here. The last memory of my parents are when they kissed me goodnight. Other than that I don't exactly remember what else happened that night. Except when I woke up in the living room and saw my parents dead in front of me with their blood smeared along me and all over the room's walls and floor, when I saw them I started to cry my small eyes out. Awhile later I heard someone banging and yelling at the front door. It was the police and the paramedics. They had come to the house because they received an emergency call explaining that on of the neighbours heard yelling, screaming, and a lot of thudding noises and than peace and quiet surrounded the neighbourhood. The coroner came to take my parents away in body bags. The police searched the whole house, every single inch but they couldn't find anyone or anything except for a few cameras hidden around the house, they took the cameras for evidence and took me and asked me a few questions then put me up for adoption. And to say I was terrified was more in a way correct... Well that's it until tomorrow. I have to have dinner and go to bed so I can wake up early tomorrow morning because I'll be having a treatment team meeting to see if I'm suitable for discharge. I might be able to get out of this place for good. I don't think I'm going to be discharged from this horrid place but we'll see what happens. *** I woke up to banging at the steel door that enclosed my cell. I arose from my bed and slowly opened up my dull eyes and looked around to adjust my eyes to the brightly lit up room from the morning sun that shined in from the window. I slowly got up, as my bare feet made contact to the ice-cold floor, I walked towards the solid steel door. "Yes!" I said in a yawning tone. "Please stand clear! I'm going to open up the door. It's time to be assessed." Charley said in a nice and firm voice that I was never a fan of. "Ok." I said. Charley opened up the door and came in the room to retrieve me. I was wearing white pants with a straight jacket strapped to my chest; like most insane people would wear if they're at a mental hospital. We walked down the hallway to the administration office, we then turned right and walked down that corridor. We stopped in front of a room with double doors, they weren't thick steel doors like the containment cell doors but one inch thick wooden doors. Above the double doors is a plaque that reads 'treatment room'. Charley told me to stay put and don't even try to do anything funny. He gave a knock on the left door. A voice echoed "Come in." Charley opened the same door that he knocked on and gestured for me to enter. When I walked inside, there sat a huge, wooden, rectangular shaped table; the long side of the table opposite to where I'm standing sits five beautiful red velvet chairs and sitting in those chairs are - my therapist, my social worker, my doctor and nurse, and standing behind them is the unit staff. The other long side closest to me sits another red velvet chair which is for the patient to sit in. "Have a seat. You do know why you're here, don't you?" Giles, my therapist said. Charley pulled the seat back enough for me to squeeze through and sit down. "Yes, sir, I know why I am here." I answered. Charley walked over and sat in the middle of the five chairs and filled the space that occupied that chair. "Ok. So we're going to assess you and see if you're mentally and physically ready to be discharged and released into the world." My social worker, Jeremy, explained. "You've been in this psychiatric hospital for about 10 years now and sometimes you will show improvement and then something will happen and you will fall back down again." Doctor Fitzgerald explained. "I know I've messed up and had a few downfalls during the duration of my stay but lately I've been showing improvement the last couple years." Squeezing my reply before someone else could speak. "First we're going to go over a topic that you're not fond of ... the death of your parents." Doctor Fitzgerald said. *** What felt like centuries sitting in that chair and loosing feeling waist down and feeling like I was going to be executed to death by the electric chair, was actually only a couple of hours. Charley took me back to my unit. He told me that now we play the waiting game. Usually it can take up to a couple of weeks for the treatment team to discuss my capability for discharge, Charley had informed me. Before I was admitted to this hospital I lived with my foster parents. I was halfway in my teen years and struggling with school and my mental health. Story Time. It was the beginning of fall and the bell had rang for the ending of the school for that day. I heard my name being called out over the speaker to come down to the office as soon as school had ended. That was unusual for me because usually I go straight home and I barely was called to go to the office. School had finished, so I walked down to the office to find out what was so important that they had to call my name out. When I got there, two police officers were standing at the administration counter and told one of the office ladies that they'll take it from there. They both turned to look at me and one of them said "You're the right person we've been looking for." I had bombarded them with questions like: "what happened?" and "is everything ok?" and "what have I done wrong?" But they wouldn't answer those questions. They sat me down in the office and introduced themselves to me and explained to me why I was the person that they were looking for. They introduced themselves as Senior Constable Williams and Inspector Clooney. I was going to introduce myself but they already knew who I was. "Now come with us, we have something to show you, we have been waiting for the right time to show you." Senior Constable Williams said. "Uhm ok than." I said nervously while they were leading me outside to their police car. "So, can you tell us what happened with your parents, your real parents." Inspector Clooney said in a nice firm voice. "Well, no, I can't, sir, I don't remember anything about my real parents." "Well we've got something that might refresh your memory." Inspector Clooney said. We drove out of the school carpark and left the school. We were on the Main Street and we took a left turn, went down that street, took a right turn, then we took another right turn into the driveway of the police station. "Ok. Out you hop and watch your head." Senior Constable Williams said to me, opening up the side door. Both Senior Constable Williams and Inspector Clooney escorted me into the police station. Inside, they took me into a room and closed the door behind us. The inside of this room was simple but aesthetically organised, everything caught my eye. Even though it was the first time for me ever being seated in a room at a police station. "Have a seat." Inspector Clooney said. Senior Constable Williams sat at a table with a medium-sized box television. He said "Before we get started, do you have anything to say?" "No, No, I don't, sir." I replied. "Ok." Senior Constable Williams said, turning on the television. "While you're there, can you turn the light off, please." He said to Inspector Clooney who was standing near the door. "What you're about to watch will surprise you or might not." Senior Constable Williams said. I sat there and watched static ran down the screen and waited for the picture to appear. The front door opened; a little boy, his mum, and his dad walked inside, exhausted. His mum said to him "Go to the kitchen and wait there for me." She kissed him on the forehead and ruffled his hair. The little boy went to the kitchen. "Well you can make him dinner, bath him, and get him ready for bed." His dad said to his mum. "I will have a shower and get out of these clothing, I'll meet you in his bedroom to say goodnight." His dad continued and finished. So off he went heading upstairs. His mum came to him and made him a quick and easy meal. After he had finished dinner he went upstairs with his mum to have a bath and get ready for bed. He had a bubbly bath. After awhile of being washed and him playing with the bath toys, he got out. His mum grabbed a towel, dried his hair, and wrapped it around him, and told him "Go to your bedroom, I will be there in a moment." So off he went to his bedroom. He waited there for his mum to come in to help him get changed into his pajamas and put him into bed. His mum came in asking him what pajamas does he want to wear to bed. He went to his drawer and picked out a set of blue winter pajamas with cars all over them. He went to his mum telling her "These ones, these ones." He handed them to her. She helped him to put them on after drying him off. When he had his pajamas on, she tucked him in bed. Then his dad came in, they both sat on his bed and read him a bedtime story. The little boy had chosen 'Goldilocks and the three bears'. I asked Senior Constable Williams "Why they you showing me this video?" "What!? You don't recognise your own parents?" He responded. I felt tears rolling down my face. My mum read the book until I fell asleep. They kissed me on the forehead and said goodnight. My mum and my dad went down the hallway to their bedroom. They opened their door, walked in, and then closed the door behind them. Nothing was happening so Williams fast forward the tape to where you could see me getting up out of bed and out of my bedroom heading towards my parents bedroom. I got up out of my bed and slowly walked to my parents bedroom. I opened their door slowly that it started to creak. I walked in and closed the door behind me. The cameras seemed to get most things that happened. There wasn't a camera near my parents bedroom so I don't know what happened. My parents screamed and the door opened suddenly. They ran downstairs to get away from me. They headed for the front to go outside, but they were too late. I jumped from the top of the stairs to the bottom of the stairs. I landed on my feet perfectly, my head was facing down to the floor. I have no idea how a four year old kid could be so stealthy, most kids that age can't do that. What I did was so abnormal. I slowly lifted my head and looked at my parents with fully black eyes. I laughed an evil, wicked laugh. I ran to the kitchen that fast that it looked like I didn't even move. I came back with a paring knife. A shock and scared look appeared on their faces. They screamed and pleaded for their lives, but as hard as they pleaded nothing seemed to work. I threw the knife between them and it stuck in the front door. I grabbed their heads and knocked them together until they were knocked out. I dragged both of them in the lounge room where I tied them to chairs with thick, strong rope. I didn't tape their mouths shut because I had other plans. I quickly ran to the front door to grab the knife. I went up to my parents and cut their tongues out of their mouths. I then proceeded to skin my dad while my mum watched. When I was finished with my dad I proceeded to skin my mum. Tears started to roll down her face, so I stabbed her eyes and scooped them out of her head. I sat there covered in blood. Again I laughed an evil, wicked laugh. I grabbed the knife and cut the rope and set them free, well some what anyway. I left them there to suffer in silence. All of a sudden I fell to the ground. Awhile later I got up and looked around the familiar place, I then noticed my parents laying there. I also noticed that I was covered in blood. I started to cry. I went to my parents to comfort them. I cried even more, even louder. I didn't know what happened. I heard banging at the front door. "Who is it?" I asked with an upset, tearful voice. It's the police and the paramedics. The police said that they got phone calls from the neighbours saying that they heard screaming and a sudden silence coming from this house. A female officer told me "It's going to be ok, you're going to come with us." The officer held me and picked me up and took me outside, while she did that I screamed and started to cry even more. Another person entered the house with two body bags and removed my parents. "Where did you get the cameras from." I said crying. "I got them from your old house where you lived with your parents." Senior Constable Williams said. "How come we had cameras for." "I'm not quite sure why but I think it could have been because of how high the crimes were in that area." Static started to appear on the screen and run downwards. I started to cry. Inspector Clooney turned on the light. Senior Constable Williams told me while turning off the TV "wipe those tears away. So what did you think." "I don't remember doing any of that, especially to my parents." I replied. "Well you did. The evidence is all there." Williams said standing up escorting me out of the room. Inspector Clooney followed behind us. They escorted me outside to the car. They drove me home to my foster family. When we got to my house, my foster parents were standing on the front veranda. The police officers escorted me to the veranda and also to let them know where I have been and that I was in safe hands. Senior Constable Williams asked them if they can come inside because they have some questions to ask and to tell them some news. My foster father, Jonathan, nodded his head and invited them inside. Inspector Clooney, Senior Constable Williams, and my foster parents sat in the living room and had a long discussion while I was sent to my room for confidentiality reasons. Inspector Clooney and Senior Constable Williams had removed me from my family and got me evaluated for my mental state and than got me admitted to this stupid Mental Hospital. Apparently my mental state was that bad that I had to be admitted. So that's the story of why I'm here. Throughout the next few weeks I have been watched closely; like I'm dying and they're the vultures waiting for me to die. *BANG BANG BANG* "Your results have came back and the psychiatric services team have organised another meeting." Charley said while opening up the door. By this time the people who work at this god forsaken hospital now trust me with not wearing a straight jacket. Charley took me to the 'treatment room' where the set up was the exact same as last time I was there - just a few weeks ago. The psychiatric service team sat in the same spot and when we got there I sat in the exact same spot as last time and so did Charley. Except the air was different; it had a sharpness to it whenever I took a breath. Other than that noticeable detail; people were wearing different clothes. Dr Fitzgerald explained to me that I'll be discharged in 72 hours so they can give them time to observe and assess my mental state. They want to make sure that I am suitable for the outside world and also to make sure when I do get discharged and released; that I will not deal any harm to myself or others in the outside world. Those three days went past so slowly that it felt like it was a lifetime waiting to be released but eventually that fateful day came for me to be discharged. Today's September the 10th in the year 1949 and I am finally being released. Charley came in and handed me a clean suit and told me to get change. Charley took me to somewhere that I've never been before but I have heard of it and always dreamt for this day to come. Charley took me to the 'discharge lounge'. I was relieved that I was going to be discharged. Giles, my doctor; who helped me these past few years, was there waiting for me with some paperwork. When I sat down at the table with Giles, Charley left. Giles explained to me that I had to be evaluated one last time and that appointments had to be made for my convenience. Prescriptions for medications were written out and signed. Giles and I walked outside to the gate. This gate was only to be opened by using the P. A. System or a key. The gate was opened for us and I was finally released into the world. Finally after all these long and dreadful years living in a white room strapped in a straight jacket, I'm finally free to live my life the way I want it to. I'm actually surprised that my mental state is alright and I don't have any brain damage. I've been experimented on and had been lobotomised. It was f*****g painful on my account and I hope that this kind of surgery will stop being used in the future. I am so lucky that I didn't leave this place with brain damage, well that I know of anyway. • • • • • Oh and by the way my name is Manson and this is what I wrote during my admission at 'Killerbark Creek Mental Hospital for the Criminally Insane'.