Cry Silently

I was working so hard for my babies arrival I was putting money inside so my baby can have everything he ever wanted yes I will teach my son how to be a man i would teach him how to treat a woman I am a brand new person I am going to therapy now I'm relinquishing all of my problems I facing them head on instead about running from them I want to have a clear mind I want to be better so my son won't see me struggling I want to be able to not have nightmares I want to be able to believe that I can be able to love someone unconditionally but when I look at these scars all over my body I knew no one will ever want me they would look at me and disgust they will see a fat nasty son of a b***h who would never be anything in life They will see that I am worthless they will leave me by myself they would use me only because all I am good for is being used I'm meant to be nothing I am meant to be a doormat is what I was told my whole life maybe they is right the world will be better off without me no one needs another broken person No one wants to heal another person that they didn't break because I won't keep telling me to give it time time heals our wounds but I'm here to tell you that it's false it don't I can't look at myself in the mirror because I don't see beauty I see a person that don't deserve love I see a person that shouldn't be here I know what you saying with that attitude I should change it but it won't happen overnight I keep saying to myself "I am worth it I belong here" but it's taking me a long time to believe that I'll see what looks on people face they look disgusting at me or maybe it's just my imagination plan tricks on me and when I'm at work I just feel like people are looking at me and asking me while I'm still breathing and maybe it's just the voices in my head telling me that I don't belong here I will forever be by myself even my child would leave me it's what the voices keep telling me or maybe it's just because I'm so depressed I sleep with the light on because I hate being in the dark because nothing but bad stuff happening in the dark I know what you are going to say ain't you too old to be scared of the dark yeah I am but when it past like mine all bad stuff happened in the dark like when my parents tag me in a dark basement for days with no food or nothing to drink or how my ex what's had me up in the dark room and leave me for days so yes I was scared of the dark I have nightmares in the dark but from here I will get better