Alice Cove

CHAPTER TWELVE

12.

I spent most of the next morning with Brody in the shed, he was trying to fix the ride on mower that hadn’t worked for a couple years that Roy had given up on. All I was doing was was sitting on the wooden bench and passing him tools, making small talk.

“So what are you going to do when you have so much spare time like this?” I asked him, my legs dangling.

“I don’t know, probably stuff like this,” Brody said, “I want to find an old pick up truck and maybe restore it.”

“That’s cool.”

“What about you?” He asked, standing back up from his crouching position and wiping his hands on a rag.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, “I usually sleep it away.”

He laughed.

“Last year I took up running, won’t ever do that again,” I smiled.

“You can find a couples hobby with Josh,” he declared with a smug look.

“Maybe you could,” I countered.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll do up a tandem bike instead and we can ride off into the sunset.”

I laughed hard at that one.

“Pass us the green screwdriver,” he put his hand out and I placed the screw driver in his hand.

“f**k” I laughed as an electric shock surged through our fingertips.

Brody shook his hand out and went back to work on the engine of the lawnmower.

“How long has that been now?” Brody asked.

“What?”

“You and Josh.”

“Only couple months,” I thought about it.

“Seems like forever,” Brody said, I was thinking the exact thing.

“That’s because summer feels like forever,” I laughed, “can’t believe you’ve only been here for like four months. Straight into the deep end.”

He stood up again, wiping his hands, “and it already feels like home.”

He smiled a brilliant white smile and I remembered all those months ago when Candy and I first met Brody. His masculine jaw line was emphasised when he smiled, and his bright green eyes more vibrant.

“That was such a cute thing to say,” I joked.

“Shut up, you,” he rolled his eyes at me and passed the screw driver back. He picked up the spanner that he left on the lawn mowers seat and got back down on the floor.

“And now I owe Candy money because you two didn’t end up together,” I said.

“How do you know we didn’t?” Brody popped his head up mischievously and looked at me.

“She most definitely would have told me.”

“Well there’s still time,” Brody joked.

“Don’t you know she’s a taken woman now,” I fanned myself as I spoke in an old English accent.

“Really?” Brody looked at me surprised.

I nodded, completely happy with my answer, “do you know Daniel Rush?”

Brody shook his head, “nope.”

“Big shot real estate guy in Harbour Hills.”

“Ohhh, yeah I think I do.”

“Well him, they’ve been a casual thing forever,” I told him.

“So he finally got to tame ‘the beast’?”

“That’s exactly what I said,” I almost yelled, laughing.

“So you bet on me ending up with Candy?”

“Yeah, why not?” I shrugged.

“I thought you knew me better than that.”

“I didn’t know you at all then,” I laughed, “and you’re not really an open book Brody.”

“Hmm.”

“Surely you found some lonely lady to get your hands on, it’s been a whole summer! And there’s some good s**t to look at around here.”

Brody laughed, “I told you. I’m too old for a fling.”

“Rubbish excuse that is.” I now put on my chav accent.

“I’ve told you before, the next girl I’ll be with is the girl I’ll marry.”

“You said that ages ago, so long ago I still vaped,” wasn’t long after that night that I broke that stupid thing. I did buy another one, wasn’t going to lie about that, but still hadn’t opened the package yet.

“That was so hipster of you,” he joked.

“Hey! It worked didn’t it.”

“So you haven’t had a smoke either since?” Brody asked, knowing full well the answer.

“Not full time,” I countered.

He nodded in defeat.

“Screwdriver again please.”

I passed it over.

“What about Katie?” I asked. Thinking about that night at the pub where we played that game.

“What about her?” He asked.

“She’s nice, pretty, thirty something, lives here. Wouldn’t be a fling,” I shrugged. Poor Katie was desperate for a man. But I don’t know, I felt like I was asking these questions for a specific answer that I wanted to hear. Which was strange to me considering I had a boyfriend, who I loved. But Brody is a prize, and not a participation prize, so it was natural to want what you can’t have. Thoughts aren’t solid evidence in a court of law.

“She’s a dentists dream,” Brody said, super casual.

“Oh my god,” I almost fell off the bench laughing.

Brody couldn’t help but to laugh at his own joke with me, as much as he tried to stay cool and keep a straight face. I think he was maybe laughing more at me anyway.

“I. Was. Not. Expecting. That,” I cried through laughter.

“I can be funny sometimes,” Brody shrugged.

“It shows,” I got the screwdriver from him and passed him a wrench without him even asking.

He fiddled for a couple more minutes while I tried to stop laughing and after a while he tried the motor.

It spat for a while then roared to life.

“Well done Mr. Mechanic,” I jumped down from the bench.

“Couldn’t do it without my TA,” he turned and smiled down at me.

And that’s when I felt it. It was like a surge of power pulling me towards Brody, but I didn’t move. Instead he did, one step closed the gap between us.

I looked up at him and he looked down at me, his eyes darting left and right as if he was trying to read mine, his eyes turned dark with desire and in turn I couldn’t help but bite my bottom lip. It made him take a sharp breath in and it’s like I could feel him stealing the breath from my body. He licked his lips and it was as if someone else was controlling my body as my left hand came up and felt his jawline.

Then the world turned black, I opened my eyes and the rough beard I was feeling was Jacksons. My heart started beating too fast and I crushed my eyes shut. I could feel Jackson close the gap between our faces but before he could reach me I pushed back. My eyes open again and tears stung them, I looked up to see Brody again, his eyes back to green and confused.

I took a step back.

“I’m sorry El, I-“ Brody couldn’t find the words.

“It’s okay,” I put my palm to him, “we’ve just made a mistake again.”

My heart rate was still too high and black spots started to form in my eye sight. My head was having its own heart beat. What was I doing?

“Elody I- it’s not,” Brody called after me, but I couldn’t hear him. My ears were ringing and I was already high tailing it out of there. I jogged back to my van, but I didn’t stop there, I kept going. All of a sudden I was running, towards the beach. I turned and ran up the stairs, up the hill to the lookout.

What. The. Actual. f**k.

I didn’t sit on the bench at the look out, I sat in the corner hugging my knees.

“What the f**k,” I screamed into my lap. Surely everyone down below could hear my echo, but I didn’t care. Let them hear, let Brody hear.

I was torn between three emotions, disgust, horror and lust. All aimed at me and my own fault.

Although we didn’t do anything, I could feel my body drawn to Brody. Poor Josh. But that wasn’t even what gave me the biggest pit in my stomach, it was seeing Jackson’s face. Brody’s coarse beard gave me back memories I tried so hard to forget. They were coming back too extremely now. My past playing in my sleep getting closer and closer I knew the worst memory was close, and I don’t know if I could handle living through it again.

I wanted to run, run so far away I couldn’t hurt anyone, only myself. I would live it over and over again if I knew that meant I couldn’t hurt anyone again. Josh. My mind kept going back to Josh. And I knew he was too good for me. I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I was in a deep spiral in my head. And I deserved it.

I spent hours up at the look out until I felt like I had finally calmed down. Reason came into my mind more. It was all okay. We stopped before anything could happen. We do have to work closely together it was bound to happen, but nothing actually did. I just had to keep repeating that before I got the courage to move. I finally looked up and it was dark. The sun had set and it was beginning to get cold. I only had a singlet and shorts on so it was time to make my way back.

I could get past this. I could forget. I didn’t need to tell Josh. That’s all I kept telling myself as I shakily walked home.