What's Right For Us

Chapter 1

It's always the same sound beep, beep, beep, it's the sound that reminds me I'm alive. I open one eye and focus on the clock that rests on top of my night stand, the time reads four thirty a.m. the red digital numbers blink at me as the sound continues to signal that it's time to get up. Breakfast, bathe, and work for the last five years this has been my routine, it may seem normal but my life wasn't always this mundane. I once went to a top University, my teachers praised me and my peers adored me, I was always involved and doing something in those early years. I was smaller than others my age, I had been since childhood, I've been mistaken for a teenager on numerous outings with friends and colleagues. My parents were loving, honest people, yet my mother found herself pregnant at a young age and my father always claimed it was so they could marry without angering either of their families. I had laughed uncontrollably when they told me the story, being their child I knew first hand how thought out the plans they made were, so to know they thought they were doing everything the right way was laughable. I remember dad saying, " No Saya it wasn't about being right, it was about what was right for us." They really were strange parents, but to be fair to them they were two of the most wonderful people I had known, our home was always filled with a warmth that couldn't be found anywhere else. Their great plan however, back fired and both families ended up disowning them, but somehow they still managed create a family and home of their own. I'm too wrapped up in my thoughts this morning, throwing the covers back I brace for the incoming cold, swinging my legs over the side of the bed I let my toes just lightly graze the floor. A chill runs up my spine and I wriggle around to make the sensation disappear, underneath my door I see a light flicker on in the hallway. Quickly I tap the button on my clock and head for the door, opening it I find Sasuke standing in the hallway by the bathroom door his long brown hair curled over his sleepy eyes. For a moment he resembles the angry little boy he used to be, "Did I wake you?" He's gotten so tall , his face is losing all of the cute chubby roundness it once had, " Huh? Oh, Sis-- you should really put some pants on , no one wants to see your gross legs." Well he's started earlier than usual, most of the time he waits until breakfast to insult me. Before I make a comeback he disappears into the bathroom, it's too early, I spent too much time in bed thinking if I don't hurry I'll be late for work. I suppose he gets a pass for today, after all it is the anniversary. I regain a little confidence and hurry and make breakfast, making sure to make pancakes for Miho and sunny side eggs and bacon for Sasuke, and then a coffee for myself, the coffee maker steams and sizzles as the scent of hazlenuts wafts through the kitchen. I pour myself a cup and let the warmth from it soak into my hands as I take micro sips of the hot liquid. Nami had always pointed out how off I was for liking my coffee black, " You're like an old man," she'd jest, " What guy would want to marry an old man." She'd giggle, and I would respond with the usual ' I like what I like' "And that's what I like about you Saya, you don't let anyone or anything influence you." I would laugh when she'd say those things but inside I was flattered and no matter how much time passed her words still make me happy just thinking about them. I shuffled around in the kitchen as breakfast cooked and began to randomly open and close cabinets taking stock of the things we have and the things we needed. Another memory flashes through my mind and I remember that first morning all those years ago, I was so helpless then, I couldn't make a decent breakfast to save my life. That whole first year I used to wake up extra early just so I could run to the convenience store to buy breakfast for Miho and Sasuke. Time really does pass in the blink of an eye. Finishing with breakfast I place plastic wrap over both plates and place them in the microwave, I grab my coffee and back towards my room checking the bathroom on my way to see if Sasuke is out. Thankfully he returned to his bedroom, I decide to peak in on Miho, opening her door I'm greeted with the sight of her curled into a ball surrounded by a nest of blankets and pillows. Her reddish brown hair fell in waves on the folds of the blankets. Miho had changed the most, her face was narrow and her eyes were wide, doe like, she had small pouty lips, she was almost the spitting image of our mom, but it was her attitude that had really changed. As a child she had always been shy, after I left for college whenever I would come back home she would hide behind dad like she didn't remember who I was. That was no longer the case, after the accident Miho became incredibly social, she seemed to gather people around her like they were her flock and she the shepherd. Shutting Mihos door I hurry to my own room realizing I'm wasting more time than I have. Without much thought I take out my clothes for work, a grey jacket, a white button up blouse, and a grey skirt to match. I scan my room and find my two inch black heels, the designers name long faded. As I walk around my room I glimpse my own reflection. My straight, stringy black hair was cut short as to give my face the appearance of angles that it didn't have, the almond eyes, tiny nose and lips, none of my features complimented the others. I was the only child who inherited our fathers looks, well that's what I thought until the funeral, then I realized I didn't resemble my father so much as I was an exact copy of the mother who had disowned him. Why is it that this always happens on this day? It's like my mind can't help but be consumed. That day still feels so fresh. The black clothes, the pity in all those faces as they gave their condolences to the newly orphaned children. And what of the older sister, some woman would say to another, a failed engagement and now the death of her parents, will she stay in school or take care of the younger ones? All the whispered conversations had made me feel sick, but hearing them lay it out like that had made me feel as though the room had turned into a hole and I was on my way to spiraling down. Nami and Takeru had found me then, and Nami's gentle voice finally brought me back, " Don't listen to them," she whispered, " you'll be fine no matter what you decide." She wrapped herself around me then and I knew it was to hide her tears, " We're here to support you Saya, no matter what." Takeru finished for her, I could only smile at him. I already had my mind made up and they knew that, I would raise Miho and Sasuke. Five years later and I'm not sure I've done a good job but I know I made the right choice. I shrugged off my memories and glanced at myself in the mirror once more before heading to the bath. Taking a shower would help ease the burden, turning on the faucet I let the room fill with steam before getting in, as the water rushes over me I feel the memories slowly receeding into the back of my thoughts. There are things to be done. After work I would need to withdraw the money for Sasuke's judo classes, I'll also have to buy flowers and incense, I can't forget to text Miho to make sure she remembers to make rice balls with plum and tuna filings. Mom and dad had completely different tastes. After I buy flowers I need to stop by and pay for Sasuke's classes and I could go to the grave from there. Usually we go as a family, I'll text Miho and see if she thinks it's a good idea or not. The hot water turns luke warm and that's my signal to get out. I dress quicker than normal and feel around under the sink cabinet for the hair dryer, I don't bother looking anymore because Miho has usurped the cabinet with all of her facial and hair products. Thankfully the dryer is on top, plugging it in I let the sound and heat envelope me.