Wordless Love

It would have been easy to throw the glass across the room. Maybe the whiskey spilling over the thick carpet and the loud crash of the crystal with the wall would have helped his anger a little "I raised you better than that" his mother's words rang in Jai's head – as if it was her sitting across him and not his father. His father had invited him for drinks. That always meant his father had something to say. When he was younger, the discussions were about school and what to do in life, and then everything became about 'The Girl'. Jai knew that day would not be any different. The fact that she had disappeared four years ago did not make any difference. He was ready for the discussion; however, he never thought his father, Veer, would actually go this far. Jai loved his father. How many men had built a retail empire in Europe from a humble grocery store? Expect himself off course. Veer loved to say that he had moved one step ahead of his father, who had moved to Hungary and opened a small Indian store, and he expected Jai to do the same. Jai did that and a lot more, and yet here they were, their entire world revolving around The Girl. "I can't believe you did that" Keeping his frustration and anger in check became difficult with each passing minute. He forced himself to remain seated in the high back chair and relax his fingers as he gripped the whiskey glass. His father had hired a private investigator to find the Girl. The report on where she was and what she had been doing in the past four years was sitting on his father's desk. She has not done much, judging by the width of the folder. "What crimes had she commited?" Jai wanted to ask. "You were invading her privacy. There must be some law against that." "What law?" Veer stood up from his chair to pour himself another drink. He stood there, resting his back on the alcohol cabinet. "You know we owe the kid." "She wants nothing from us" Jai did not want to say her name. It brought up too many memories: His dying mother's grief, the guilt that was gradually eating away his father and the family arguments she caused. If he was honest, The Girl was also the cause of his break-up. Tara did not like the idea of always coming in second to The Girl. Every family meal, all achievements, celebrations always ended up with The Girl. "She could have not made that clearer." "She is a kid." "29 is not a kid. You were sending me to school at 29." Jai did not turn back. The fact that Veer could not see or read his expression was good. Jai was heartbroken, The Girl had caused enough heartache in the family when she disappeared, and now she was back in their lives. "25. She is 25." "And I made my first million at 25" It was now Jai's turn to pour himself another drink. They stood there - father and son, a couple of feet apart, yet a chasm divided them. One wanted to leave the past behind and run towards whatever future held in her arms, and the other holding on to the memories with all his might. Veer was silent for a long time. It was not a comfortable silence. Jai wished he did not know what that silence meant. Jai was born with the proverbial silver spoon in the mouth- the best school and a degree from Harvard and a loan from his father to start his business, to top it off. The Girl, on the other hand, did not have those privileges. In fact, her life was the opposite. "The app", Veer finally broke the silence, "To be honest I did not think much would come out of it. You were green behind the ears, I felt. You needed to learn the business from ground up. Like I did – you know my first job was brooming my father's shop – every day before and after school." Jai smiled. He had heard the story only a billion times. He gestured towards the chairs. Both men sat comfortably again, nursing their drinks, sad smiles playing on their lips. This is what The Girl had done - she had painted all their lives with a colour of guilt. "But you proved me wrong son – your mother and I were proud of you. It was a week before we found out about her lungs – but she made me promise not to tell you anything till after your big party." "Mum was like that, always putting me before herself" Jai felt warm inside. Veer's parenting philosophy had always been 'spare the rod and spoil the child'. Praise from him was rare, even after so many years. And talking about his mother without the dark cloud of The Girl was always good. "You know Piya is a software developer too. She has a small frim, nothing as grand as you but she is making a living." The name made Jai cringe. "That is good then, she is making a living. She does not want our help and praise the Gods above she does not need it. Dad, I love you but you know I was planning to go out with Tara tonight- she is leaving for India in a couple of days." "About that-" Jai took a big gulp for his glass. Something told him he needed it. 'About that,' he hated the words – they were never followed by good news. Jai wondered if he could fake an emergency at work to escape the next words. "The set-up she has, well it is not doing good. I don't blame her. I am sure she does a good job, it is just that there is a recession – things are bad for all businesses." "The recession was more than two years ago dad and you know that", Jai cut in. He was rude, he regretted his tone the moment his words were out of his mouth, but he did not want Veer to continue making excuses for the Girl. "You want to offer her a loan. Do you thinkwould she accept that? If I remember correctly she did not even utter a word last time you were in the same room as her." Jai was angry, at whom he was not sure, The Girl, Veer or perhaps himself. What happened with The Girl was tragic, and he agreed their family might have played a role in that. They did not have a crystal ball, no one, even the multiple doctors they consulted, could have predicted the outcome of the surgery. They had tried to make amends, welcome The Girl into the family, offer financial help, but how do you help a person who refuses help. How do you pull out a drowning person when they turn towards deeper water rather than your extended hands? "No, no money, no loan," Veer said, "and I wouldn't meet her." "Then?" Jai braced himself. He instinctively knew he would dislike whatever idea Veer had come up with. "The website thing Tara wants for her business-" "How do you know about that? And, she needs much more than a website" Jai did not like the direction the conversation was going in. "We keep in touch, Tara and I." "I thought you did not like her." "I did not?" Veer swirled the drink in his glass before taking a sip. This was a delicate conversation; he needed the time to measure his following words. "She is a good girl, but-" "But not good enough for your son?" Jai could not help but smile; Veer could be very predictable – According to Veer, Jai could always work harder, do a little better, and no girl was ever good enough for him. "Don't get me wrong, there was something about her", Veer explained, "You remember the way your mum looked at me?" "When she wanted to shout at you or when she wanted to kill you?" Like any couple, his parents had their ups and downs, but their fights seldom lasted more than a couple of minutes. "Both! Well Tara never looked at you the same way. She saw you, but never really saw you. You know what I mean." Jai had no idea what Veer meant. The only thing he understood was that his father's latest plan to help Piya involved Tara's business and him. "How does Tara's business relate to Her?" Jai did not use her name, but Veer understood – Piya was always she or her for Jai. "Tara's is looking for someone to make that thing for her, Piya can do that." Jai let out a long breath. Veer was a shrewd businessman. He knew how businesses work. He also knew Tara; she would not put her business at risk for Veer or him. Tara and Jai were no longer a couple; they were just friends. "Hear me out," Veer talked a little faster now. As if he knew Jai was at the very end of his patience. "Just give the Girl a fair chance. She is one of the firms Tara is looking at. If the Girl is good, just make sure she gets the chance." "Does Tara know?" "No, I know she feels the same way you do on the subject." "If you know how I feel, why ask me?" "Because, however strong your feelings are about the subject, you know we owe her?" "I thought the slate was wiped clean when she refused to visit Ma on her deathbed. Ma wanted nothing, just a chance to say that she was sorry. It was not her fault dad, yet she died feeling guilty. Each breath she took was a burden on her. I do not think she died of bad lungs, she died because of a broken heart." Veer stood up. He carefully placed his empty glass on the bar table and looked at Jai for a long time. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and heavy with emotion, "I just want to be able to look your mother in the eye and say I did good by the girl when I see her next" He did not wait for a reply. He knew Jai did not have a response. He turned and left the room. "And she is Piya and not 'The Girl'. It is high time you begin calling her by her name." This time the whiskey glass did shatter against the wall.