Why you left her hanging

(Dey’s POV) Every girl’s dream when entering high school stage is that to pursue studies and graduate to enter to college. But as everyone’s experience, you have to undergo through the sides of love; particularly meeting your first love, well most of the time. This phase is far more different with what we have nowadays as lessons, modules and discussions are done thru online - messenger, viber, microsoft teams , google meet and other platforms as the surge of Covid-19 is still prevalence, the close contact and face-to-face classes are still not advisable . I will share with you how I deal and found my first love- physically . As I enter to the gate of the school, I see many new faces, unfamiliar looks. As a young, innocent girl, I feel so much shy . Wayback, I am introvert person and not fond of going out with other girls. Yes, I live my life with just home-school practice. I never go out unless it’s school-related. The crowd and noise is what I hate the most. “Welcome to high school! Meet new friends along the way. Good luck on your journey!”. Hearing those sentences makes me feel more nervous. It’s like entering through a fight that you know you will lose. I heard everyone cheering and shouting with excitement. It’s probably opposite with what I feel - I don’t approach people first, I don’t even say ‘Hello’ when meeting someone or even smile at them. I am that naive. When the opening program was finally over, we now go to our designated classrooms and section. I came across with the first section - Lily, the section with average and smart students , based from their attainment in elementary. The 3 other sections - Marigold, Poinsettia, and Milandres are combination of students I am an honor student way back elementary days. I exclusively join to different co-curricular activities and most of the time, I represent our school to contest with other students. Since I am competitively aiming to be on top like I was before entering high school, my mindset is to attain the same. Love for me is nowhere to find, I mean mingling with opposite s*x and date elsewhere. My goal is to finish my studies , pursue a course, graduate and find a job to be financially able and expense the cost of my sister’s tuition fee . Yes, I have that young mindset since we’re not as rich as other people. My tuition fee and other school fee’s was sponsored by my aunt who works in US. She is still single that time thus affords to give and fill in with our finances. Ofcourse during the first day of school, first and foremost is that you have to introduce yourself to be able to know and meet your classmates based on their hobbies, likes and other things. Our chairs are arranged in alphabetical order, but based on our surnames, two groups - one for the boys and one for us. I was with my top 5 ranked classmates during our elementary days - all boys, so no wonder I have no one to exchange ideas and talk to in our section. It’s that hard but I am more confident not to talk to anyone not to share any thoughts. One of my seatmates, Queen initiated a conversation. She asked me from where I am, from what school, and if I have friends in our classroom already. We exchanged some personal information and she became my first friend. She’s approachable and included me in their group. The least thing I could do is to deal and mingle with them. I didn’t knew that she have many other friends too besides me. I was overwhelmed because I’m not used to hanging with many people, as we’re just 27 in the class when we were in elementary, that’s our whole section. After our class, I went home alone. Rode the tricycle alone without companion. When I was already home, I felt tired. I needed to rest my brain . It felt like, I was not ready to be more open to people. But as I laid my eyes on the ceiling, I can see myself talking to them and wander that there is no harm in trying. I realized that high school life is more of mingling with your classmates. Its different from elementary. First, in elementary , grades 1-6 only compose of 1-35 pupils with only one section,unlike in highschool, 1-45 students in one section with 4 sections, that’s approximately 180 students per year level. Second, it’s not as easy as elementary since during your first year, more challenging level is in, math for example, you just do not deal with simply memorizing the multiplication table but its more of complex formulas , its called algebra. Third, during elementary, teachers only choose those top 5 who excels uniquely, they may play and contest with each other but there is very small chance that someone will be remove from that 5 and substituted from the next pupil who excels averagely. Hence, during this first level of secondary education, you compete with many other students from different schools which are far more smart and intelligent with what you expect. That became more challenging for me. Well, I didn’t aim for the best but at least included in the top 10. More ideas and thoughts came to my mind in that first day - the subjects, people, time and teachers . * Subjects are harder compared to what I learned from the past *More people to deal with *Earlier travel time and later time for going home as the place of our school in high school is more far- I only walk from home to school before , but now, I need to ride a tricycle to go to school. *Teachers are more harder to deal with, not all but some. Our science teacher, named Fid Ramos is strict. Meeting him for the first time is scary. He knew that students he’s handling are hard-headed, thus he introduces himself as strict teacher. Well I know these are some things to adjust upon and deal with. After some time, it’ll be easier for me to handle those. I know, I can. With that thoughts I have, I didn’t realized I slept and sounded tight.