Married By Accident

06: Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

| Franki |

"Good night everyone!" I took my headphones off as soon as I was done with my last track. It's almost one in the morning, but the crowd's still fully awake. I took photos with some people I knew, fans (I have a small fan page on Twitter and i********:), and random club goers. Some of them invited me to an afterparty or their table, but I respectfully declined. I exchanged a few laughs and waded my way out of the mob of dancing bodies.

I spotted the young lady who helped me earlier. She told me they will take care of my laptop and other equipment as advised by Juls, so I don't have to worry about carrying anything tonight.

"Your stuff is with Juls and she said she'll hand them over tomorrow." She politely told me, asked for a selfie and left.

I texted her but haven't gotten a response. I know Maza is on a date so I didn't bother to call.

I'm exhausted. I just want to go home and curl up in my bed.

Diana was gone, just like that.

How cold-hearted.

I saw Maza and her date from across the room, Jodie was sitting beside them with her boyfriend. I don't know where Juls was, but I decided to head home. Nothing seemed interesting. Plus I think I may have spotted my evil ex in the crowd, I didn't really want to run in on her tonight.

She looked good though...

"Man! It's loud in here! Okay this one's yours." There was a guy who suddenly slid in front of me clutching two glasses. He acted like we've been hanging out the whole night. The light struck his face and I immediately recognized him. I remembered not replying to his texts because I realized that he loved to hear himself talk more than anything else. He's a club DJ too, I think his name was Ariel. His sets are really awful and it doesn't help that he acts like he's better than everyone else.

I know a few local artists who aren't huge fans too, I think they have a group chat called ArielNation, if that's his name, and they just talk about how horrible his tracks are or how pretentious he is. We don't even know how he gets booked at events.

I like free drinks but nope, absolutely not. I am done for the night.

"Thanks but I have to get going." I smiled politely and tried to dodge him a few times, but he was insistent.

"Oh cmon, I know you wanna get out of here." He quickly set the glasses down on a small table beside him. He then grabbed my arm, gave me the eye and tried to touch my hips.

"Back the f**k off!" I pushed him strong enough to knock him off balance as he plunged into the tables in front.

Someone yelled, 'Hey PA, leave the sexy DJ alone!'

PA, yes, Prince Ariel... I remember that dumbass name... and dumbass face. A few people asked if I was okay, I mostly nodded and forced a smile. He was probably too drunk to recover from the fall so I hurried outside, tears almost welled in my eyes.

Men.

I stormed my way out of the bar and walked briskly towards the parking area.

"Franki," I heard a familiar voice and footsteps nearing me. I turned and saw her.

Gino was standing from behind leaning on his car, smoking a cigarette. Sky for some reasons wasn't there. Apparently they didn't leave, they were just outside the club.

Gino was currently staring at me like some arrogant self-important jerk. From someone who was just groped inside the bar, that look pissed me off. I would love to talk to her but didn't want him to witness all of this.

Why is she even friends with these people?

"Not now, Diana." I continued to angrily walk off, my heels clicking.

"Franki, can you please stop." It's been twenty four hours and she hasn't said anything to me. Now she follows me around like some lovesick puppy? Is this like a game to her?

"I'm not talking to you right now, stop following me." But she continued to walk behind me matching my stride and reached for my hand.

I whisked it away, and turned to face her, "I don't know if this is some sort of a game to you, but stop messing with me, Diana. I'm not in a very good mood tonight." I think I saw Gino let out an 'oof', laughed a little and took a drag on his cigarette.

What a douche.

I continued to march off. I made a few more steps and noticed that she indeed stopped following me. Well... I didn't really mean it... Why did she stop?

Because you told her to, you dimwit.

I was expecting her to follow me around the whole night, get on her knees and beg for forgiveness. 

Please. She probably moved on to some other girl five seconds after you drove her away.

The air was cold outside as I waited for my ridesharing app to book a driver. For some reasons it was not loading properly, I desperately shook my phone as if that would help. Now is absolutely not the time for this.

I huffed softly and closed my eyes. I pictured getting a warm shower and crawling into bed.

Will this night ever end?

No one's answering their phones and I'm stuck outside waiting for... I don't know what I'm waiting for to be honest.

A few minutes passed and a black car drove by and stopped in front of me. The windows rolled down.

"Hop in." Diana looked excited and was so sure I would jump in.

I shook my head in disbelief.

"I won't forgive myself if I just let you go home alone, in a little black dress and heels. I heard it's dangerous out there." She said with a smile on her face. Just like nothing happened. I remember thinking, 'Now I have to get out of this restroom, acting like I wasn't soaking wet and o****m-deprived' last night. I'm still upset.

"You don't even have to sit in front. Or look at me or talk to me. Please?"

Please, now that's a first.

I glanced at my phone and saw that it's still trying to book a driver. Then my screen froze up. It's hopeless.

I remembered two things: Warm shower, bed.

Still feeling vulnerable from the attack earlier, I agreed it wasn't safe to frolic around at one in the morning. I sighed dramatically, swallowed the lump in my throat and thought... I'll wait for her to let me down one more time as I entered the car and put the seat belt on. My body was betraying me.

"I know you hate me right now, but I promise I'm not gonna say or do anything. I just want you to get home safe. Is that okay?"

My stomach dropped at how honest that sounded. Does she do this to all the girls she meets? Wooing them and treating them like trash the following day? What is she up to? Does she want to get under my pants again? Maybe let me finish this time?

I can see Maza's disapproving look so clearly in my head and shook off those thoughts.

I know I've been wanting to see her since yesterday morning but now that she's here, ignoring her somehow gives me satisfaction. I like how she's trying to win my affection.

If that's what she's doing then I want more.

I slouched and gazed opposite her direction. Like a 'fine, whatever' gesture. Then I saw Sky looking upset while talking to someone on his phone outside a 7/11 just a few steps away from the club.

So that's where he was. Why is he always on the phone? Who's he talking to when his girlfriend's over here? Is she even his girlfriend?

She turns on the music. Circles by Post Malone starts playing.

Well at least she has good taste in music.

It's one of those songs that sounds nostalgic and reminds us of a time in our lives, familiar sounds triggering familiar images.

Then I remembered that morning when I woke up in her hotel room. My heart suddenly fluttered as I let out a small sigh.

If only she wasn't such a heartless, deceiving bitch...

My right cheek was now resting on the cold glass of the car's side window as I stared outside.

She knew where I lived since it was just a ten minute walk from Jodie's. I'm glad I didn't have to give her directions, I didn't really want to talk.

"Is it okay to get coffee on the way? Would you like anything? I swear I'm not trying to have a conversation, you don't have to answer if you don't want anything. You can also... come with me and wait inside... or stay in the car while I get my order." She asked, swerving the car right, breaking our peaceful silence. I remained quiet. We drove by at a coffee shop and she got out while I stayed in the car, left with the music playing.

What am I doing here... She'll probably tell Gino about this little trip and they'll laugh about it.

At one point I wanted to leave and walk home but it was dark and almost two in the morning. A few more minutes and she still hasn't returned. 

What? You miss her already?

I have reviewed my i********: feed twice, liked all the photos I didn't find fascinating at all, left silly comments on my friend's posts, refreshed f*******: and stalked people on Twitter. I even checked my ex on i********:.

She looks so good, but forget it, she treated you like s**t. This whole being attracted to someone who's not treating you right sounds familiar. Am I a masochist?

I tried to take a peek but couldn't get a good view inside the coffee shop then I eventually gave up and decided to get out or maybe order something for myself.

As I sauntered to the entrance, she finally stepped out... with a girl... and two cups of coffee in her hand.

Typical. She just can't seem to stop herself, can she? She even bought her coffee. She's just freaking unbelievable.

Her smile faded when she saw me then her lady friend waved goodbye and kissed her on the cheek. I was waiting for her to hand the coffee but she didn't. She bought two cups for herself?

She was about to open her mouth when I turned and started walking back to the car. 

This is stupid, I feel stupid.

She entered the car and sat quietly, adjusting herself.

"I got you soy milk latte but you don't have to drink it if you don't want to. I'll just put it right here."

Of course she knew that's my favorite drink, she did her research. She's being so polite but don't give in to her antics, Franki. This is what she does. She's very good at this. She can pick up any girl, anytime, anywhere. She's a f*****g pro. Just continue ignoring her 'til you get home. 

Focus.

I started checking my phone again and fake texted a couple of times. Then I get a call from Juls.

"Hey. I'm almost home now. Yeah yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks again babe." My voice was hoarse and raw from being unused.

Adore You from Harry Styles started playing.

♪ You don't have to say you love me

You don't have to say nothing

You don't have to say you're mine ♫

Harry, this is not the time.

A couple more turns and bumps and the engine suddenly shut off, we finally arrived. I remained seated not knowing exactly what to do next.

Should I thank her? Maybe I should just open the door and slam it in her face. No, that would be rude.

You know what else is rude? Leaving you in the middle of having s*x in a public restroom.

She got out of the car, walked around and opened the door for me. I guess chivalry isn't dead, even for someone like her.

You know why she's doing this. Do not give in.

I slowly stepped out. Her eyes never left me while she held the door open. A chilly breeze passed by as I silently walked towards the entrance of my building. It was a nice night, the darkness contrasted with the stars and it was one of those where you can have a romantic walk with someone you loved and maybe exchange a few cheesy lines and before you know it, you passionately kiss under the stars...

Enough.

"I'm sorry about the other night. I panicked and didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say so I wanted to talk to you in person but you were with Maza the entire night and... I wasn't sure if you wanted to talk to me."

What a bunch of lies.

Then I gazed up to look at her. Seeing her face bathed in moonlight was mesmerizing. The wind blew her hair around her face gently, and it took my breath away all over again.

"Good evening ladies. Ma'am, I'm sorry but you can't park here." One of the roving guards in a motorcycle stopped and approached us.

"Okay. We'll just be a minute." She glanced back at me, and slowly pulled something out from her pocket. I flashed a confused look as she handed it over. It sparkled from the moon's reflection.

It was a gold ring.

The gold ring.

"I was going to give this back but didn't have the chance last night." I tried so hard to be expressionless and gently grabbed it. My fingers brushed hers and I felt that familiar zing of electricity.

Well that's really good theatrics. Handing me my wedding ring, in the middle of a very romantic night, with her face soaked in moonlight and gentle cool wind blowing, the sound of leaves rustling...

Then I shivered as another cold breeze blew through my hair and hugged myself tightly.

"I know you're mad but you don't have to say anything. I just wanted to make sure you'd get home safe."

She's obviously playing with you. She will ignore you tomorrow. Haven't you learned your lesson?

She walked up to the entrance of the building and opened the door for me. I continued to walk towards the lobby without looking back. I may have also angrily pushed the elevator buttons before stepping in.

I kicked my heels off when I finally got inside my place, turned the lights on, took a deep breath and crashed on the sofa.

I'm finally home... and alone. I started to have this feeling that the silence inside the car with her was so much better than what I have right now. I need background noise. I turned on the tv but shut it off immediately. I walk to my fridge to get a glass of water and put my spotify in shuffle for some music while fixing myself up for a shower.

Naturally, the most depressing song started playing. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths.

♫ I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour

But heaven knows I'm miserable now

In my life

Why do I give valuable time

To people who don't care if I live or die? ♪

Okay, lyrics are a bit much.

She did drive you home and made sure you got in safe. She bought you coffee just in case you wanted one. Better words could've been used, but she apologized. She opened doors for you, not that you should be eternally grateful for it. She respected your silence the entire time, she didn't try to kiss you or touch you in any way tonight. I mean she could've implied something since you were finally alone together, but she didn't.

And you never said a word. And that was okay.

I chugged two glasses of water as soon as those thoughts hit me. 

Maybe I should text her. Nope. Don't do it. This is exactly what she wants you to do.

Then I took the wedding ring out and slowly put it on my finger. At one point I can hear Maza's voice saying don't be silly and take it off.

But wearing it felt good. I felt good.

My body was betraying me for the second time and eventually sent her a text.

Thanks for driving me home. Today 2:14 AM ✓ Delivered

I knew I was gonna regret it but it's done... well why hasn't she responded?

Maybe because you just sent it five seconds ago.

I put my phone in the sink and stared intently at it while brushing my teeth.

No new messages.

I think I may have brushed my teeth for more than eight minutes and stared at my phone for the same amount of time, maybe more. I am instantly filled with regret and shame.

I took a nice warm shower, put on an over-sized sleep tee that says All I want in life is pancakes, straightened my bed, and finally turned off the lights.

Still no new messages.

I gave up and was about to close my eyes when my phone lit up.

Diana: Just got in, goodnight Franki. Today 2:34 AM

A text. From her.

A small smile grew on my face while I shut my eyes and squished my pillow. Then I adjusted my head and pulled the sheets to cover me for comfort.

"Goodnight Diana," I whispered.