Behind the Mask

14. Living memories

Mel 

Denying him hurt, but I knew that this hard blow would be the only way to cut the poisonous vine of my pains once for all, cut the root of the thousand solitudes I carried for waiting for an absent mate, a faceless lover. 

He said I could mark him. 

I remember when it was denied to me in the first place. 

Memories play like living pain

***

PAST

It has been almost seven months since that lady Tina took me to the house of my mysterious mate. 

I tried to go through my days as I normally did, playing my mother’s old piano, reading, studying, and visiting Avalon in the palace. 

Even though it was unlike and unexpected for a princess, I wanted to be a teacher for little kids, help them to explore the magical world of the words and fantasy that only reading could bring us. 

Despite how hard I tried, I couldn’t really go back to my old routine. I couldn’t go back to what I was before him. Only seeing him- not even seeing, but rather being close -  once had impacted my soul to such an extent, changed me forever. 

Even though I heard the lore about it, read it in my books, and was a witness of how my father loved my mother, I didn’t know the mate bond could be so potent, intense, and immense to such a point to rule over and consume one’s entire soul, entire life. 

A love like this was a miracle, a wonder, but a curse and an ache. My father let his life fade away from him when he lost his mate, he said that  ‘the loss of your mate, means the death of your heart and it’s one of the only things that can kill even immortals!’ 

I always dreamed about a love like theirs. A love greater than life or death. 

But now I didn’t dream anymore, I was only wandering around nightmares.  

Almost every night I had the same dream, I was in a desert surrounded by my solitude. I dreamed about him, my faceless mate.

Tonight, this dream chased me once again, as it never failed to do. I woke up with a startle, my breathing coming out in gasps and pearls of sweat rising on my forehead.  

I laid down again, trying to chase my sleep. But sleep didn’t come and nothing I was doing seemed to help to calm my racing heart. 

I’ve researched it in the library and found more about mate withdrawal symptoms and effects.

The symptoms that one showed when they are away from their mates for way too long. When the mate bond was stretched beyond its limits.

Nightmares, a suffocating pain in your heart, difficulties to sleep and concentrate, lack of appetite.

The more contact the fated couple had, the worse those symptoms could get. Becoming much stronger if the couple marked each other and mated.

So far, I’ve just had those nightmares, which made me feel restless. But I think it was bad enough.

My soul was calling for him, for him. But it just could find nothing, a desert, in response.

I closed my eyes and tried to get back to sleep; after a long time, I slipped into slumber. But I woke up again as the first rays of light entered my room through the white curtains that hang from my window.

I will take a long shower and start a new book. Take my mind off this dream, off him.

After I showered and forced myself to eat something, I tried to start three different books, very good ones, The Emperor’s Black Swan, The Dark Lord’s Obsession, and Dragon Ice; but I could only flick through their pages, in an absent-minded way.

I tried, as I was trying every day lately.

But nothing was working.

I couldn’t take it any longer. I have to be with him. Even though he wouldn’t be truly and fully with me. However, the last seven months have been so hard. I missed him very much. I missed a man that I’ve never talked with or even seen. A man who had the other part of my soul. Why did I have to be mated to such a secretive and odd wizard? What was he hiding?

It was an insane predicament.

I shouldn’t put myself in this situation.

But I couldn’t stay away,

I couldn’t do it any longer.

A magnetic force, every cell in my body, my soul was driving me to him.

I was sick of being alone with my books. I couldn’t stand being alone anymore. I looked around my house and sighed. This mansion was so big and felt quite spooky when I was the only person here.

Avalon offered me to move to the castle a few years ago. But I didn’t want to impose. Besides that, staying at this house, I felt closer to my dead parents. I missed them a little less when I could read while sitting on my dad’s armchair. When I could play my mom’s old piano. When I looked at every corner and recalled - almost revived - one of our memories together for a few seconds.

I looked at the golden clock on the wall, it was almost 9 am. I would get ready and go to Arcane Garden, the Topaz Grotte. 

~ * ~

That man, Cordy, was by the Grotte, waiting for me. His face contorted in a huge scowl, he seemed quite annoyed, just like I remembered him. His eyes met mine and I swear that I saw him snorting for a second.

“Princess Melinda, come with me,” He said before opening a portal and we crossed it. I was at this beautiful house again.

The house was grand, probably even bigger than my mansion. The portal led me to a large open patio, a beautiful renaissance fountain was placed in the middle, between four robust pillars. It had an original and even fascinating architecture, large windows to let as much natural light and fresh air come in. My eyes traveled to the furniture and the ornamentations, the sofas and love chairs on the patio, the jars, and sculptures. Everything was in white and earthy colors. 

Another thing that called my attention was the many pieces of furniture, walls, and works of art made of wood or large stones. The patio was wide and had no roof,  some trees were entangled with the pillars and arcs, embracing the stone and concrete. Light and nature were an integral part of the decoration. That all gave the house an airy, almost celestial, and mundane air simultaneously.

The sound of birds chirping, and the water flowing made my nerves unstretched a tad, it felt like a balm. 

Cordy’s voice attracted my attention towards him once again. 

“Take a seat and wait, someone is coming to tell you what to do next,” Cordy said in a snot way before disappearing through a long hall. I didn’t even have time to reply to him. Like last time he was only patronizing me and looking down at me.

I sighed, looking around me. I shouldn’t have come here.

After a couple of long minutes, Tina guided me to a sitting room and offered me something to drink and eat. I asked her for water and tea. Maybe it could help to calm my nerves.

Who was I kidding? Nothing could calm me down. I was literally walking blindly into the unknown.

However, I was not afraid, only anxious.

The truth was, I was more afraid of being alone. Shrinking in my huge and empty house.

And Goddess, I wanted my mate!

 ~ * ~

Maximus

When Cordy mind-linked me saying she was there, I was washed over with relief and happiness; I will finally see her again. My Melinda. The bitter taste of guilt also rose in my mouth. Yet, it was pale in comparison to the joy and expectation to have her close to me soon.

He knocked on the door of my office and I opened it fast. My movements and even my breath were edgy. 

“She is here my Lord.” Cordy bowed, offering a small curtsy. 

He was attached to such behaviour even though I told him it wasn’t necessary. It actually annoyed me; I didn’t want to be treated as a stuck-up Lord.

“Please ask Tina to fetch her, take her to my waiting room, and provide her with anything she might need. Afterward, come back here, I’ll give you a letter for her. Thank you.”

He bowed again and left. I sat down at my desk and looked into space, contemplating what words I should write to my mate. After a few minutes, Cordy was back and I gave him the letter. Even though it couldn’t even start to express what I feel or provide any solution or word of comfort to mitigate the odd predicament that we found ourselves in.

 ~ * ~

Mel 

Tina walked into the patio, bringing a beautiful tea set, a glass of water, and a letter.

“Thank you, Tina,” I said as she was leaving the room.

“No problem,” she replied before she closed the door behind her. Apparently, she wasn’t someone of many words.

I helped myself to a cup of tea and started savouring it, as I opened the letter. It was a very aromatic and delicious herbal tea, of a kind that I haven’t ever tasted before.

‘My dear Melinda,

I’m very glad you came back, and I have the opportunity to be close to you once again.

Thank you, my beautiful mate!

I’ve been dreaming about you every night since we’ve been together for the first time.

Time without you was a torment, the hours lacked sense, light, and beauty.

I can’t wait to rejoice in the immense delight of having you in my arms, smell your honey scent, feel the tingles elated by your soul touching mine through the surface of our skins.

Unfortunately, I can’t show myself to you. I can’t risk you seeing me or hearing my voice and end up recognizing me eventually. For reasons beyond my choice, I can’t reveal myself to you, My Honey. And I regret it deeply.

Although it’s an unfair wish, since I can’t show myself, I want to learn everything about you. All that you enjoy doing and aspirations.

Please tell me about you during our impending meeting. That’s what I want with my soul, to know about you, feel you, be close to you.

I regret our current predicament and hope you can accept what I can offer you, my presence, my written words, and my love.

Yours.’