Behind the Mask

15. Confused Desire or Longing for my Faceless Mate

Mel

I read his letter once again and breathed deeply, trying to regain my senses. His words made me feel a tad dizzy. Words that simultaneously brought warmness and dread to my soul.

I wanted to see him, listen to him, be his mate.

A part of me thought that this time he would show himself, or at least talk to me. A hopeful and naïve part.

I should go back home, but I can’t. I can’t stay away from him any longer, otherwise I’m sure I would go insane.

After a few minutes, Tina came back, she covered my eyes with the black weightless mask and led me to another room. Numerous alarming thoughts rose in my mind, as for why he was hiding. Thoughts that have haunted me for the last months. Maybe he was a criminal, but I’d checked for criminal records and there wasn’t any wizard at large, the criminality rate of the Realm was very low, due to the fact that Avalon rules it with iron fists, he was very strict and a bit controlling, but never cruel. He was a good man, and a good king.

Maybe my mate was someone that I know, but that I have had a misunderstanding or an unpleasant encounter before I’ve come of age and was able to recognize him as my fated male. However, I couldn’t recall anyone with whom it may have happened.

Perhaps he didn’t reveal his identity, because he wanted to hurt me, but my own mate wouldn’t hurt me, that went against nature itself, I shall be safe with him.

As I entered the room his citric scent engulfed me, bringing me back from my reverie. I felt better than I’d felt in months. As if I was finally where I was supposed to be, close to him.

He took my hand in his, I felt the pleasurable tingles arising from my hand and radiating warmness to my whole body.

“He wants you to talk to him, tell him about yourself.” Tina voiced, before I heard the door close.

My mate wrapped me in his arms and a few illogical tears of relief roamed down my cheeks. He pressed me flush against his chest and I didn’t feel alone for the first time in so long. I felt the same way I did while my parents were alive, as if I had no reason to fear or be sad, because I had someone. I had someone to be with and the world could change, crumble, the war could explode. I would be fine as long as I was with them, but then they left.

I breathed his citric scent in once more, breathing my mate. This mate who elicited the same sensation of home and security. I didn’t know if he would leave, but I knew he hadn't ever been there, yet.

I shut my eyes clenched trying to silence my overthinking mind and enjoy the sensation. The warmth, the tingles, the completion and comfort that my soul was washed over with.

I felt his hard body against mine and roamed my hands across two very strong arms.

My hand reached his face, trying to discern his expression with the tip of my fingers, trying to ‘see’ him and discover what he looked through the only way I could, with my touch. My fingers trailed the straight curve of his nose, his thin lips, a very strong and sharp jaw. The feeling of his tough stubble against my fingers, sparked some rough tingles across my skin. My fingers roamed up, I felt his high cheekbones, his eyelashes and his dense eyebrows.

How I wanted to see his eyes, their colour, the feelings and reactions expressed by them. He took my hand in his and pressed a soft kiss on the back of it, before kissing my wrist, my palm and each of my fingers. He did the same with my other hand, at a leisurely pace.

I breathed a shaky gasp at the delicacy of his touch.

He took my hands in his, guiding me to what seemed like a sofa, and sat me down onto his lap, enveloping me in his arms. Being in his arms felt so good. I wish I could always stay like this with him.

“I’m Melinda, as you know. But most people call me Mel. I’m 22 years old. I’m Princess’ Esther and her mate Sagan’s only daughter,” I sighed.

I wasn’t used to talking about myself, I think I’ve never done it before. Normally I didn’t have to introduce myself, everyone knew me, or they thought they did. They knew my name and title, but they didn't know me.

Started to think about what to say, as I chewed the inner part of my mouth, a little nervous.

What did define me? What makes me myself? Many would say that it was my title, power, possessions and position.

But it wasn’t that. If I lost all of this, I would remain myself.

Maybe like he wrote in this letter, my hobbies.

“I... I like to read; books written by humans and the Fae people mainly. I also like to play piano. I want to become a teacher for young wizards and witches, that’s why I’ll start with post-graduation classes in advanced potions and spells. I want to teach them to read, write and make their first spells. I also like to play cards sometimes.”

He caressed my face gently while I was speaking and kissed my knuckles after I finished it, that was before he spun me around in his arms. I could feel his breath so close to mine and it made me nervous and somehow intoxicated at the same time. He wrapped his hand on the nape of my nap and pressed his lips against mine gently.

His lips felt soft, but this sensation was very unfamiliar.

A shaky gasp left my lips and my mate licked my bottom lip, before he parted my lips with his.

My breath caught in my throat and my heart started racing.

I’d never kissed anyone before. I was saving myself for my mate, I was saving myself for him.

As my former tutor always said, a princess must be always discrete and modest and never talk more than what is necessary with males that weren’t her fated mate. Even Avalon told me that such a tutor was very antiquated and conservative in her methods and mindset.

However, her words and scolds were engraved in the depths of my mind, and every time I considered doing something not Princess-like according to her standards I could listen to her angry voice in my head.

I breathed deeply trying to dismiss these thoughts and only feel my mate, his warm mouth on mine, the tingles on my lips. He caressed my neck softly. At the feeling of goosebumps erupting, I opened my mouth in a gasp, and he took it as an invitation, settling his tongue between my lips, invading my mouth.

He tasted like mint. His tongue stroked mine slowly, but it was enough to make me quiver as jolts of pleasure ran over my body, waking all my dormant nerves to new and incredible sensations.

I moved my tongue against his tentatively, as I ran my hand across his arm and wrapped an arm around his neck.

He groaned into our kiss. Now I knew how to make him emit any kind of sound. I hope I can listen to his laugh and chuckle again soon. I’d just listened to it once and it was enough to make my heart skip a few beats.

I moved my lips against his, and our mouths and tongues danced in rhythm. He laced an arm around my waist, bringing me even closer to his muscular chest, which made a jolt, no, a thunder of energy reach to my private parts and leave a pool of warm moisture behind.

Oh Goddess, I was about to lose control and give myself to him.

I had to stop it. I parted the kiss and pulled him away slightly, breathing slowly not only to catch my breath, but also in an attempt to think straight once again.

“I think I have to go to the toilet,” I muttered. The tingles, his warmness, all those unfamiliar sensations were making my mind cloudy. I was lost in a dense fog of longing and desire.

After a few seconds, he placed a small and cold object in my hand. I felt it with my fingertips trying to figure out what it was.

“Is it a little bell? Should I ring it?” I asked.

He didn’t answer. But I rang the bell and after a couple of minutes a small and cold hand held mine and guided me somewhere, my mask was taken off and I saw that female, Tina. She led me to the toilet without saying a word.

She was almost as silent as my mate.

I entered the spacious bathroom and closed the door after me. I looked intently at my flushed face and swollen lips in the mirror. I traced my lips with my finger trying to replay the sensation of his lips on mine.

I had to calm myself down, to get a grip, before I lost myself in desire and went the whole way further, the unknown path of desire with a stranger.

A stranger that was my mate but that I couldn’t see. I can’t hear. I only could feel with my fingertips and my soul.

I sighed deeply and washed my face, trying to regain my bearings, think straight, resist the call of my soul.

I couldn’t sleep with him; I didn’t know him. I didn’t know his face; I knew nothing about him.

But yet I knew it all.

I knew his citric scent, the feeling of his lips, his taste, his warmness and how his hands felt on my skin. Things that I didn’t know about anyone else. Experiences that I’d never shared with anyone else.

No, I couldn’t do it.

I washed my face once again, the cool water against my warm flushed skin helped me to regain some of my lost mental faculties.

I wish there was a book or spell that could give me an answer, a clue, a direction of what to do, in what direction to go. But I was alone, like always. Not even the silent words of my books or the bright magic of my spells could guide me now. I looked at my reflection one last time.

I will go back there, enjoy his warmness, give some healing and solace to my confused and hurt soul. But I wouldn’t do more than that.

Then, it will be over, I will go back to my house and to my life. Until missing and longing for him would start affecting me too much once again, compromising my routine, my sleep and my sanity.

When we were walking back to my mate, she turned her head around and looked at me:

“Princess Melinda, every time you need me for anything, please ring the bell,” Tina said as she placed the small golden bell in my hand.

“Thank you, Tina,” I replied.

Tina put the mask on me once again, before I went back to the room, to my mate. He took me in his arms as soon as I entered the room. He tilted my chin up softly and took my lips with his, be traced his tongue across my bottom lip as to ask for entrance.

I wanted to deny it, but I couldn’t.

His tongue swirled inside my mouth, touching, caressing mine. My tongue moved with his at its own accord, as if my body was hypnotised, taken by an unknown and powerful spell. My lips moulded against his and I welcomed every lick, caress, nip, with an intensity and an eagerness that was unfamiliar to me until this moment.

Until I’ve been captured by his kisses.

He scooped me in his arms and placed me on a soft surface, was it the sofa? His body was soon close to mine, too close. Our breaths were mingling, synchronized in the same rhythm, in the same frenzy. He hovered over me, covering my body with his heavy and hard one.

We were in bed. This thought made me panic a bit.

What did he have in mind?

“What are you doing? You won’t bed me.” My voice sounded much softer than it did in my mind. It was almost a whisper.

He pressed his lips against mine again as my body arched towards his. I didn’t know what I was doing, but apparently my body did. Maybe it was some sort of instinctive reaction to the call of the mate bond.

His lips went down to my neck. Will he mark me?

Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I hadn’t ever seen him, I wanted him to mark me now.

I was so thrilled for that to happen, I wanted to be his, to have my soul reunited, intertwined with his. Although this situation was extremely bizarre, he was my mate and I was born to be his, in the same way he was born to be mine.

To unite our bodies and souls in this moment.

He kissed and sucked the skin of my neck gently; his moistened kiss was making my whole-body tremble and some tingles exploded across my skin. Once again, I felt this odd tingle there, in my private parts. It felt weird, moistened and uncomfortable.

I was aroused and I knew that mates could smell their female’s arousal, I read about it. Oh no! That is so… inappropriate. My body tensed. He nibbled my neck slightly, making me jump. For a second I thought that he would indeed mark me.

“Will you mark me?” I asked. My voice sounded so breathy.

He didn’t answer, I clenched my masked eyes shut and tightened my lips, trying to dismiss this feeling. This utter frustration.

His hands were roaming around my thighs, I closed my legs tightly at this. As if to avoid him touching me closer and to soothe the ache that was growing by the second in the place in between my legs.

His hand intruded between my thighs and I felt my heart hammer desperately against my chest as my breath became a painting mess. No.

“No, don’t,” I requested. He moved his hand back to the external part of my thigh immediately.

I breathed in relief. He wouldn’t hurt me, he is my mate.