Idols

Chapter 3

One day he told me that he was going on tour with his band to Japan and would be away for two weeks. I wished him all the success in the world, and we said goodbye, of course with s*x.

During those two weeks we chatted a lot and had video calls at night where we undressed and m*********d together.

When my workday ended, I went straight home to rest and eagerly awaited his nightly call.

One afternoon he called and said he was going out to dinner with his bandmates, so our nightly call was canceled. I was so tired that I didn’t pay much attention to it, although I must admit it disappointed me a bit.

The next day at work, everyone was talking about his group, with news of the band having dinner and partying at a nightclub in Tokyo. It wasn't the entire the band that went out, but my Adonis was there with two other members. The news emphasized him hugging a Japanese girl, dancing, and enjoying the night in the club. To be honest, the photo wasn't compromising or too intimate, but I felt like my heart was being torn in two.

I was overwhelmed of jealousy; I imagined him doing with the Japanese girl the same things he did with me, and I seethed with anger. I cried lying in my bed; I don't know why it hurt me so much when things were crystal clear between us.

The next day when I woke up, I decided that I wasn't going to let myself die or get depressed over him.

I messaged a coworker who had been courting me for a long time. I had always politely turn him down, even though he was an attractive single Korean man around thirty-five years old. He had asked me out several times, and I had always declined, saying that I didn't want any workplace complications.

I was so angry and thirsty for revenge that I invited him myself. Even though it broke my rule of not dating coworkers, I didn’t care. I felt an urgent need to prove to myself that I wasn’t lesser than him, that I could also date other men, just as he did with other women. I felt ridiculous for doing this, but I couldn’t help it. I had never been one to engage in these kinds of actions; on the contrary, I was always sensible and rational, never letting emotions or impulses take over. Jealousy? I think I’d never felt it. Could it be that I had been too secure in myself, and now not so much?

I asked my co-worker if he was free that night and he replied yes. I asked if he wanted to go out to dinner and to the movies. He was very surprised, but immediately said yes.

We went to the movies first and then had dinner. I must admit that I drank quite a bit of soju during dinner, and I felt a strong need to prove to myself that my Adonis didn't matter to me that much and that I could have fun with other people. After dinner, I invited him to go dancing at the salsa club I frequented. He was really excited about the Latin idea.

We arrived there, and the place was packed with people, mostly Koreans. The music was loud. Without delay, we started dancing to reggaeton, then I tried to teach him merengue. However, my coworker didn’t have the same rhythm in his blood as my Adonis did. He could dance, but he wasn’t as sensual as my Adonis, who could dance anything beautifully and was incredibly sexy on the dance floor. I couldn't help but compare them and remember the amazing s*x we used to have after our bachata lessons.

I felt stupid for a moment, but I didn't allow those thoughts and after two glasses of soju, we tried again, this time with a bachata and the experience wasn't as bad. At least he followed the steps correctly.

We were dancing when I felt him pressing against me too much and getting too close. It annoyed me, but just as I was about to push him away and send him to where he belongs, I saw my Adonis in the VIP area, someone was talking to him.

He was all dressed in black and wore a hat that covered a large part of his face, but I knew it was him, I recognized him immediately.

He didn’t see that I saw him, I pretended I hadn’t and took advantage of my coworker's embrace to flirt with him and dance very sensually. We danced two more songs like that, feeling my Adonis burning gaze on me.

My coworker hinted at going to his place, but I told him no, that the fun ended there. He offered to drive me home and I agreed. Once we arrived, he got out of the car to drop me off at the entrance of the building and tried to kiss me, but I stopped him and told him not to complicate things. I felt guilty for using him, but my need for revenge had been stronger.

My coworker left and I went up to my apartment. I took off my clothes and put on my robe to go take a bath and then go to bed when the doorbell of my apartment rang. I opened the door, and my Adonis was standing there, looking at me with a displeased expression and a glint in his eyes that I couldn’t decipher. It was desire, but there was also something more.

I was really surprised to see him.

- When did you arrive? I asked.

- This morning, he replied.

- How was the tour, the trip? I asked again.

- Who’s that guy who dropped you off, tried to kiss you and just left, he growled.

I must admit I felt relieved and a small, sweet taste of revenge.

Ah, I said, a coworker, but it’s not a big deal, and let him in. He entered and was very quiet, pacing back and forth like a caged lion.

He stayed like that for a few minutes until I told him I was about to take a shower before he arrived, so if he wanted, he could have something to drink while I showered.

I entered the shower, feeling a huge desire for him, but above all, a sense of triumph.

I was showering when he opened the shower door and stepped in, naked, looking at me with desire and longing in his eyes.

He looked at me, caressed my hair and kissed me tenderly, then he looked at me again and kissed me more passionately and fervently. We had wild and brutal s*x, and while he was penetrating me, he bit my lips and spoke in Korean, then he whispered in my ear, I'm dying of jealousy, but I have no right to reproach you. He thrust a few more times and came. I, who was reaching climax by that point, his words were like honey to my senses, and had a wonderful orgasm. Feeling important to him, I don't know why, mattered so much to me.

When we were out of the bathroom, I suggested that we talk and clarify the situation. I told him that indeed he had no right to reproach me, just as I couldn’t reproach him for dating other women. Our arrangement had been solely for s*x and enjoyment, and we hadn't made it clear whether there would be exclusivity or not.

But since he had been having a good time in Japan with another woman, I didn't see why I couldn't do the same.

He began to explain himself and said it had only been a party and nothing more. Of course, I told him I couldn’t confirm that, that I was thirty-six-year-old, not a little girl and that was most common excuse men used. I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t care either way, as we were just friends with benefits, and neither of us could reproach each other.

He said that even though he understood at all, he still felt jealous, and a possessive feeling had taken hold on him.

He asked me what I had felt when I saw him with another woman. I don't know if it was my survival instinct, my pride or I don't know what, but I told him that while I had been surprised to see him with another woman, it hadn't bothered me that much. After all, I had no right to feel jealous or angry with him, since he hadn't betrayed or lied to me. The rules were clear, and we were both free and unattached.

I told him anyway, that, seeing him with another woman, it had become clear to me that there could be no exclusivity on my part, and I could not focus only on him, if what I wanted was to one day have a family, I had to date other men and give myself the opportunity to meet other people. that he was consuming all my energies and my days.

He asked me what to do then, I told him I didn't know, because even though I liked, or rather, I adore being with him, he wasn't my type of man I could form a relationship with. The age difference was against us, the fact that he was famous and couldn’t lead a normal life without hiding from people. He was handsome and many women wanted him, so I’d always be dealing with jealousy and distrust. He wasn’t my ideal type for a long-term relationship.

Well, he said, you're not my ideal type either... You are a foreigner, older than me, very liberal by Korean standards, you enjoy s*x openly, and although those are things, I love about you and make you different from others, you’d probably be questioned in all my circles, even by my family. But since I’m not interested in getting married and I do what I want, that’s not a problem for now.

Suddenly he got closer to me, hugged me, and said: Let's stay together and see what the future holds. I really like you; I love being with you, I have fun, I laugh a lot, you excite me. You calm my anxiety, I feel safe with you, I trust you, but I want exclusivity.

I couldn't say anything, just nodded, kissed him, and we made love on the bed, I say we made love, not had s*x because this time it was different. There were caresses, but with tenderness, there were cuddles and passion. When I was about to reach climax, he looked at me and asked me not to stop looking at him while we came. It was a sublime experience and at that moment I realized I was in love with him.

I got really scared and saw suffering in my future, but there was no way out. I was already in too deep, and my feelings were already his.

For the first time that day, we slept together, and it was wonderful waking up with him.

Good morning, he said, and I could only hug and kiss him, unable to say a word. He asked if I was hungry, and we got dressed to go out and eat. We went to a restaurant owned by one of his friends, ate in a private room, so we didn’t have to hide from anyone. Then we went back to my place and spent the whole day in bed, either making love or watching movies and sleeping. When night came, he said goodbye and told me that during that month, we wouldn’t see each other as much as they were preparing for a concert in Seoul, but he would try to see me as much as his schedule allowed.

That’s how the month went by, seeing each other less than I wanted, but he made time and managed to sneak away to be together.

A week before the concert, he gave me two tickets and credentials to see him, only if I wanted to, and said I could bring a friend along. The tickets were for front-row seats in a privileged area, and the credentials granted access to places where only the staff were allowed. He told me that once the concert was over, I should go to the VIP area where the members, their families and girlfriends gathered.

I was over the moon and for the first time I assumed that he felt something for me beyond attraction and desire. Nonetheless, I didn’t allow myself to dream, but I was sure that despite the s****l aspect of our relationship, he cared about me.

I invited my Latina friend, the only one who knew our whole story, and gladly accepted the invitation. On the day of the concert, we arrived two hours early, and the usher led us to our VIP seats in the front row. That day, I put effort into my outfit and wore white linen shorts and a tight red crop top, I don't know why, but that red crop top made me feel sexy and empowered. It didn't show too much, as in Korea, it’s not well received to expose much of the upper body, like shoulders, back or even breasts. I wore matching red Converse sneakers, and a small white handbag. I was nicely tanned, and of course, my friend and I stood out among the other women there. Most of them were Asians with black hair, pale skin and very slender. In contrast, I, with my tan skin, light brown hair, caramel-colored eyes, and my ample figure, was quite different from the Korean women. I have a generous bust and wide hip and my friend, being Latina and blonde, was even more curvaceous than me. Everyone was looking at us, and I felt observed, but I didn't mind, and we chatted about trivial things and laughed while waiting for the show to begin.

Suddenly the music started playing and everyone started screaming, I am not exaggerating, those screams were deafening.

After a few minutes, they came out on stage singing. By that point, I had listened almost all their songs and my friend was a fan, so we tried to sing in an improvised and made-up Korean. After singing about three songs, they paused and got closer to the audience to greet and talk. When I could see him up close, my heart started beating fast and strong, I felt a sense of pride and absolute love. He looked more handsome and sexier than ever.

Our eyes met and he smiled at me, I was the happiest woman in the universe, but I got scared thinking someone might have seen our exchange. However, it seemed like no one noticed, or perhaps, he smiled at all the fans and for the rest of the people near me, I was just another fan.

Throughout the concert, every time he was near, he looked at me and smiled, even making the Korean heart pose with his fingers. Well not just to me, he did it many times and of course it was aimed at all the fans, but I knew that there were quite a few just for me.

When the concert was over, I approached a production staff member, showed my credential, and asked to see my Adonis. He made me wait and went somewhere else, likely to verify if it was true and not just a fan trying to sneak in.

After a few minutes he arrived and told me that unfortunately we couldn’t pass, as my Adonis hadn’t given any instructions about us. I felt disappointed, but I insisted to double check and ask him, mentioning that we had those credentials for a reason. He left again and after a while, he returned, smiling, and let us in. Another production staff accompanied us and guided us through a long path until we finally reached a large room where they were with other people.

When we entered, everyone looked at us like oddities, except him of course. He came over to us and greeted us with a bow, the standard greeting, even though I was hoping for a hug and a big kiss, though I understood protocol didn’t allow for that. I was euphoric after the concert and thrilled to see him in action.

I congratulated him and told him they had been fantastic. He took us to where the rest of the band members were and introduced us.

He spoke in Korean, so I didn't understand much, but I did manage to catch him saying my name. They all looked at us and greeted us very respectfully with a bow and I reciprocated the gesture, as did my friend. Some members approached us and started speaking in English so we could understand. They were very friendly and enthusiastic in conversation.

I noticed that one of them was looking at my friend a lot and started talking to her. The other band members and the people around focused on me, and they began asking me personal questions, I felt welcomed and accepted, but also very much under scrutiny, like every answer I gave was a test I had to pass.

There were the girlfriends of some members present as well. Two of them were friendly, while another was cold and distant. One woman was with her observing me and engaging in conversation between them. I assumed they were talking about me. I could feel the tension and the bad vibes.

Gradually, some people began to leave, and my Adonis told me they had to go as well, that they were heading straight to the agency to wrap up the concert and then each would go home, he would go straight to his house. He invited me to spend the night with him and the weekend in Jeju Island and I agreed but said I would go a bit later as I couldn’t leave my friend alone there and needed to pack for the weekend. So, we said goodbye to everyone and left.

My friend fell in love with one of the bandmates she had been speaking to; they even exchanged phone numbers. We went to a restaurant to eat and then she headed home, thanking me immensely for the invitation. She said she had an amazing time and because of me had the opportunity to meet them and perhaps even more with one of them.

I went back to my place to change clothes and pack a bag for the weekend in Jeju.

While I was doing that, I received a message on my phone from my Adonis, saying that a car would be waiting outside to take me to his apartment. When I stepped out, there was indeed a tinted-window SUV waiting for me. The driver got out and opened the door for me to get in. During the ride, I was quiet, lost in thought about the concert, our subsequent encounter, the upcoming weekend, and I closed my eyes, just letting myself be carried away by the moment.

We arrived at a luxurious condo complex with multiple buildings. We went underground where the parking was located, and a suited man was waiting for me. I assumed he was a bodyguard, he greeted me, took my bag, and led me to the elevator, going up to the eighteenth floor. When the elevator door opened, an enormous apartment lay before my eyes. There were many windows through which you could see a significant part of Seoul. The apartment was very large and luxurious, but not ostentatious, rather minimalist and decorated in an exquisite way, and had a very masculine style, featuring lots of leather and wood.

My Adonis was lying in an armchair in the living room listening to music and sipping on whisky. He had just showered; his hair was still wet. When he saw me, he smiled, got up and came towards me. He hugged me, kissed me, and lifted me up in his arms to carry me to the sofa. He laid me down and got on top of me and starting to touch and kiss me. He told me he was obsessed with me.

When he saw me at the VIP area after the concert, all he wanted was to hug and kiss me. However, out of respect for the others present, including the older people there, he could only bow. He mentioned that I had made a good impression on his bandmates and friends. That made me feel good. It meant a lot to me, and I just wanted him to feel as proud of me as I was of him.

He began to undress me right there and kissed my breasts, my abdomen and then he went to my thighs and crotch, started to kiss, and explore. In a hushed voice, he said he loved that I was shaved, it drove him crazy. He mentioned that most Korean women don’t groom that area. I felt different and although this difference might have been an issue when it came to being chosen as his girlfriend or wife, given the preferences of a Korean woman, I knew that this represented the difference that made me uninhibited about s*x, taking the initiative, not being submissive, something he liked.

He wasn’t very traditional either, among the band members, he was the most rebellious and difficult to handle, he had tattoos, piercings and did as he pleased, often causing conflicts and disagreements with his agency.

We stopped and went to his room. He lay on the bed, and I began to kiss him all over his body. His body was amazing, firm, with the right muscles to make him desirable. His buttocks were firm and toned. I couldn’t get enough of him.

I moved down his abdomen, kissing his well-defined abs, I reached the most intimate area and began to kiss and savor it the way I loved. He was enjoying it immensely, grabbing my hair and looking at me with fierce intensity. He turned me around, making me kneel on top of the bed. He positioned himself behind me and penetrated me moving slowly at first, but within seconds he was moving with power and speed.

All I could hear was the sound of our skins colliding and the gasps and moans from both of us, while I pleasured myself by touching my c******s. Suddenly, I felt his finger on my anus, gently massaging and exploring it while penetrating me, causing a different sensation that drove me wild, I wanted more and more, I asked him not to stop and to go further if he wanted. He did it, and that's how I had one of the best orgasms of my life. A few second later he climaxed, and we collapsed elated and exhausted.

We held each other and I fell asleep within seconds, and I suppose he did the same.

I woke up in the morning with sunlight on my face. I got up and went to find him. He was in the kitchen, wearing just his underwear, cooking breakfast, and singing. His voice was beautiful and melodious. He saw me, smiled, and invited me to have breakfast.

We had breakfast, showered, and headed to Jeju. A SUV took us to the airport, where we boarded a private plane. Upon arrival, another SUV was waiting for us, taking us straight to a marina filled with sailboats and yachts. Jeju was stunning, with turquoise waters, and a festive and charming atmosphere that made me fall in love at first sight.

At the marina, a speedboat awaited us, taking us out to sea where our yacht was prepared. It was massive and luxurious; I had never been on a yacht before and was impressed. We boarded, and a small crew was waiting for us. They greeted us and showed us to our room.

- What a luck, he said, we are the first ones here!

- The first ones? - Who else is coming? I thought it was a weekend alone, I replied.

- Oh! he said, the other members are coming too. Some with their girlfriends, but most of them are leaving after today due to other commitments. We are here to celebrate and take a break from our busy schedule. I felt disappointed since I wanted him all to myself.

We went to the bar for some drinks and gradually the other members started arriving. Some came alone, as they didn’t have girlfriends and two came with their girlfriends and some friends. The young woman who had given me a cold look after the concert at the VIP area also arrived. This time she did the same thing, not even greeting me, but she did greet my Adonis all flirtatious. Everyone went to their rooms to change into swimsuits.

I put on the largest bikini I had, but it still didn’t cover as much as I wanted. I put on a tunic dress as a cover up that somehow managed to hide and cover my skin. If I had known that more people were coming, I would have brought a one-piece swimsuit or something more covering.

When I arrived at the bar, everyone looked at me, my Adonis practically devoured me me with his gaze, seemingly unconcerned about my outfit. Some women were in bikinis, but most wore one-piece swimsuits and long-sleeved shirts with sun protection. They were all coated in sunscreen. They take great care of their skin due to the sun, which is why they are so fair with porcelain-like skin. On the other hand, I was quite tan, despite taking precautions and using sunscreen. The girlfriend of one of the members approached me and struck up a conversation, she spoke English fluently and I learned she had studied in Australia. Her name was Choi San Jin, but she told me to call her Jin. That made things easier for me. Jin having lived in Australia, had a more open and liberal mindset. She knew a world beyond Korea. We got along well, and she was almost always by my side.

She told me about her three-year relationship with the oldest member, Bo Hin, who was the leader of the band. They had experienced both good and tough times together. She mentioned that the worst part of fame was the women who threw themselves at them, doing whatever it took to get their attention.

She warned me to be careful around some women on the yacht, especially the one who had given me unfriendly look and didn’t even greet me. Her name was Hyun, and she had been on a few dates with my Adonis, but the romance hadn’t progressed. Yet, since she was friend with one of the girlfriends and part of the inner circle of the members, she always hung around, even though he didn't pay her much attention. My jealousy surfaced immediately, and I became alert.

We spent most of the day swimming, racing jet skis, jumping into the water, and more. They acted like little kids, playing, teasing each other, laughing, and enjoying the stories and anecdotes that only they could understand due to shared experiences and speaking in Korean.

I started getting a little bored because I felt excluded by the language barrier. I could hardly understand their conversations, and even when I did, I hadn’t shared the experiences, so it wasn’t as enjoyable for me.

It hurt me to think that I didn't fit into his life in any way. Even Hyun who probably didn't mean much to him, had more closeness, shared more moments, and space for fun with him.

I saw them laughing together, enjoying stories and anecdotes. I felt left out, very serious, older, or more mature for that group. I went to the bar and then sunbathed on some lounge chairs. I’m not sure how much time passed as I fell asleep, and when I woke up, the sun was almost setting.

I got up and went to join the group. When I arrived, almost everyone was drunk and still engrossed in their conversation and laughter. My Adonis was lying on a lounge chair with his head resting on Hyun's lap and she was caressing his hair and running her fingers over his face, tenderly touching him. The worst part was that he didn't seem bothered or concerned by it. He was drunk and just laughed along.

As soon as she saw me, started touching his lips and his piercing with her fingers, then her hand moved down to his chest and abs. He either didn't realize it or was enjoying it. I felt bad, more sadness than jealousy or anger. Tears filled my eyes as I thought that during the time I distanced myself from the group and fell asleep, he didn't even miss me. He didn't come looking for me, and now I saw him happily enjoying the attention without me being the one caressing him. I felt an overwhelming urge to leave. I felt like an intruder. I didn’t belong there, I turned around and went back to my room.