Idols

Chapter 5

Four months passed. I worked from Chile, avoiding having to go to Korea. One day in November. I received an email from my friend Jin with an invitation to her wedding. Her boyfriend had proposed, and they were getting married. I was incredible happy hear the news and called her immediately. We talked for over an hour, where she shared details and we discussed her wedding plans. Their wedding was scheduled for the first days of January, exactly on the third. She made me promise that I would attend her wedding. She considered me one of the few people who were truly close to her and almost like a sister. I said yes that she could count on me. I was planning to go to Korea at some point anyway, to properly assess the situation with my position at the Seoul office. Despite being able to work remotely, I still needed to attend meetings with clients, and someone else was covering for me while I was in Chile. My boss had started asking when I would return, so I knew I couldn't delay it any longer.

I spent Christmas with my family and left for Korea on December 27th. When I arrived, I went straight to my apartment, which had been well taken care of in my absence by a colleague I asked the favor to look after it and keep it clean. Upon arrival I laid down and slept. The long journey had left me exhausted, and the time difference had its impact.

The next day, I met up with Jin. We hugged, cried, and laughed all at once. We talked a lot; she told me the details of the proposal, the wedding plans, and I accompanied her to final fitting of her wedding dress.

She wasn’t going for the typical Hanbok; her wedding was going to be more westernized, and she wanted a white wedding dress.

Afterwards, I accompanied her to her parents' house for a family dinner.

They welcomed me as if I were another daughter and I felt very embraced by her family. A few minutes later, Bo Hin, the fiancé, arrived with his parents and I got very nervous. When he saw me, he was very surprised, but he greeted me kindly and asked why I had disappeared so suddenly. He told me that my Adonis had gone crazy when he didn't hear from me anymore and that he searched for me everywhere. I felt a pang in my heart and hope settled in there, but I didn’t want to dream or think about anything. It wasn’t the time, and it wasn’t my moment either; it was my friend's moment, and I was there to support her. Bo Hin was asking if I had returned to Korea to stay, if I had come only for the wedding, where I was staying, when I had arrived, etc. I tried to respond as evasively as I could, and I wanted to ask him not to say anything to anyone, but I couldn’t to avoid giving myself away, showing my feelings and making him see that I was scare terrified, and more than anything, I did not want to see my Adonis. I just begged life that he wouldn't tell him anything and that maybe luck was on my side since they were so busy with the wedding that he could forget it. I knew that the encounter was inevitable, but I wanted to delay it as much as possible.

Jin's parents invited me to spend the New Year’s with them, and I gladly accepted. I didn't really want to spend it alone and would have preferred to travel to Korea after that date, but the wedding was on January 3rd, and I would have been too close for comfort if I had traveled then. There were many things to arrange, my job, leaving my apartment, accompanying Jin to her last dress fitting, etc.

Sebastian wasn’t at all happy that I wasn’t spending New Year’s with him, but he had no choice but to accept it since I was traveling to finalize my stay in Korea and would soon return to my country, not without first taking a vacation in the Maldives. It was something I had been dreaming of since I was in Korea, and being closer than Chile, I had to do it.

The days leading up to New Year’s were a whirlwind. I submitted my transfer request to Chile, informed the owner of the apartment that I would be leaving it at the end of January, had beauty sessions for hair, nails, clothes and everything to look beautiful for the wedding. I took the opportunity to go out with my colleagues to say goodbye, and the days flew by. Finally, the day of New Year's Eve arrived, I dressed up meticulously and was about to leave when the intercom buzzed. I was a bit scared since I wasn’t expecting anyone. When I answered, I heard: Lau, hi it's me, surprise! It was Sebastian! I went down to meet him, my blood running cold, and I couldn’t believe he was there.

- Sebastian, what are you doing here? My surprised expression said it all.

- I wanted to surprise you and spend the New Year’s with you, help you in your errands, and then travel to the Maldives together before returning to Chile. It was a close call, but I made it, he said with a sigh of relief. I arrived just in time, didn’t I?

We went up to the apartment and I immediately called Jin to explain that I wouldn’t be able to make it since Seba had arrived and I couldn't leave him alone. She told me to go with him to her parents' house, that there was no problem at all.

Seba quicky showered and changed, and we headed to Jin's parents' house.

They welcomed us warmly and we sat down to eat. The dinner was delicious and the talk enjoyable. Jin's fiancé, who was quieter than usual, talked to Seba, as he was one of the few who spoke good English, but I saw him talking on the phone a lot. According to Jin, he was talking to his parents, as they couldn’t attend the dinner because they were out of the country.

After dinner, we went to Bo Hin's apartment, which had a wonderful view of Seoul, where we would be able to watch the fireworks and drone.

We arrived there with other members of the group, and I looked at Jin with a pleading expression, as if to say I deserve an explanation. Gradually, their friends started arriving, including the annoying Hyun who always followed my Adonis. He wasn’t there and many said he wouldn’t come because he was in Busan, his hometown, spending the holidays with his parents. Jin reassured me that she hadn’t told me anything because she knew my Adonis wouldn’t come and she wanted to spend that date with me. If I had known, I would have come up with an excuse not to go.

I tried to get excited and approached the group on the terrace, which was closed and heated because it was very cold. Seba was there with them, and they had started the rounds of soju, whiskey, beers, and other drinks according to everyone’s taste. I felt cold on the outside and inside, as I couldn’t calm down, so I had two consecutive soju. Seba was very engaged in a conversation with a man I didn't know, and they were drinking soju. I went to the kitchen to help Jin with the cheese and charcuterie boards she was preparing along with other typical Korean dishes, and we brought them out to the terrace for everyone to eat. Around eleven-thirty, Sebastian was in a pitiful state of drunkenness, probably from the Soju or the many bottles of soju he had consumed.

I had to take him to a guest room and put him to bed. He was like a log that didn’t move at all, and it made me so sad to see him like that. Surely, fatigue, lack of sleep, jet lag, and alcohol left him good for nothing. I went to the bathroom, touched up my makeup a bit, and went out to the terrace when it was almost midnight, ready to watch the fireworks and toast to the departing year and the incoming one.

I moved away from the group a little, as the terrace was very large, and I immersed myself in the contemplation of the city lights, thinking and feeling a lot of nostalgia for everything I had experienced. Tears filled my eyes, but I promised myself that I would try to be happy.

I made the determination to talk to Sebastian and end our relationship, as I didn’t love him, and to start a family with him, there needed to be love, passion, commitment, in addition to friendship and affection, two feelings I had for him.

Happy new year! I heard some people say, and the fireworks began their show, I took a step back to turn around and join the group, but I bumped into someone who hugged me from behind and whispered in my ear: Happy New Year! For a moment, I thought it was Sebastian who had passed the drunkenness, but when I heard the voice, I recognized him, I didn’t have time to react; he turned me around and we faced each other. We looked at each other for a few seconds without saying anything, then he hugged me tightly. My face reached his chest, and I could smell his scent, his masculinity. He let go for a second, looked at me and in his gaze, I believed or wanted to see love. It wasn’t a look of desire, which I knew very well; it was a look of need, of longing, of nostalgia. I couldn't move, I couldn't take my eyes off his. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, nothing. Suddenly, I felt his lips on mine and when he pulled away, I tasted a salty taste. I opened my eyes and realized tears were streaming down my cheeks.

He kissed me and wiped them away with his lips, then hugged me even tighter and simply said: Never leave my side again. These months have been torture. I thought I’d never see you again.

He pulled away again and told me, Saranghae. Then he said, I love you, and finally, Te amo. Up until that moment, I seemed like a statue to that only shed tears. I hugged him tightly, and breathing, thoughts and life, returned to my body. We looked at each other and kissed passionately, and I began to feel alive again.

I felt desire as his tongue met mine, and all the feelings and emotions I had held back and rejected for all those months, came rushing back to me.

Suddenly, I became aware of where we were and who was around us. Most people were watching the fireworks show, I could only see Jin and Bo Hin looking at us, and of course the annoying Hyun and a few others. He took my hand and led me to an adjoining room, which was a recording studio and library at the same time. It had a sofa and mini fridge. I assumed that Jin's fiancé spent a lot of time there and the group members. My Adonis knew about it because he led me straight there.

We entered, he locked the door, and he started kissing me tenderly, but there was so much pent-up passion from all that time that kisses quickly turned wild and unrestrained. I bit him, kissed him, touched him, smelled him – I needed to impregnate myself with him. Somehow, we managed to get our clothes off and made love on the sofa in rhythm with the fireworks. When I was about to climax, I paused for a second, looked at him and said: Saranghae, I love you, Te amo. I kissed him, and my orgasm hit like a bolt from the blue. He came just after me and we lay naked in each other’s arms for a few minutes. Suddenly, he looked at me and said: We didn't use protection! and one thing came to my mind: Sebastian!

I told him again that there was no pregnancy concern, that I was taking the pill, and that there shouldn’t be an issue with an STD either since I hadn’t had s*x since we separated.

He looked at me with a skeptical expression and asked about my Chilean boyfriend. I told him that I hadn’t been with him either, he asked me why I was with him there.

I told him that he had come as a surprise, that I had no idea he was coming. I asked him in return if he had had s*x while we were apart, and he said yes, or at least he had tried, but it hadn't worked out because I must have cast some sort of spell on him as no other woman aroused him, and he could only think of me.

I told him that I would go to see Sebastian, who was sleeping off his drunkenness, but I asked him that if Sebastian managed to wake up, please not to come near me. I needed to have a conversation with Seba first, and I didn’t want to hurt him. He said he didn't care, he had nothing to hide and that he wanted to shout his love for me to the world. He had suffered greatly after my departure, and he had realized he knew very little about my life outside Korea. He had no one to ask about me. Jin didn’t provide any information, and he had even thought about going to Chile to look for me, but he didn’t know where I lived. He didn’t even know my email, and my phone was always off. It must have had thousands of missed calls and messages. I told him that the phone was let off and stored in Korea, I didn’t take it with me to Chile.

He said he wouldn't come near me for the rest of the night if Sebastian woke up, but he wouldn't stand it if Sebastian touched or hugged me, and he wouldn’t be responsible for his actions.

I reassured him, saying I would wake up Sebastian and take him to my apartment to sleep there. He only agreed if he could take us there and I left Sebastian in the apartment, but I went with him for the night, not alone with Sebastian.

Of course, Sebastian woke up halfway, just enough to be taken to my apartment and sleep there. I left him a note saying I would be there next day around noon, that he should have breakfast and wait for me.

We went to Mi Joon's apartment, my Adonis’ name, although I never called him by his name, I always called him Jonnie or just my Adonis.

We spent the rest of the night talking, I told him my whole story, from childhood until I came to Korea, my family, school, studies, teenage and adult love stories, work, dreams, fears, failures, etc. and he did the same.

I felt like we were doing what we should have done from the beginning, well it's never too late. We made love again at dawn and promised each other a lifetime from that point on. I didn't know if I was dreaming or if it was reality because everything was too beautiful to be true.

We had breakfast, and I went back to my apartment with the promise to send Sebastian back to Chile as soon as possible.

When I arrived, Sebastian was still sleeping and didn't even realize he had been alone almost all night. Around eleven in the morning, he woke up with a huge hangover and was sick almost all day. When he managed to form sentences, he came to the kitchen where I was. He knelt and asked for forgiveness, I just managed to burst out laughing and mocked him since I had never seen him so drunk. We laughed about the situation, and I offered him soup to settle his stomach and help him feeling better.

Around six in the evening, he was able to sit down and talk with me. He said he had abused soju, but never again, and we laughed a lot, as hangover people always say never again.

I told him we needed to talk, and the atmosphere turned serious. I told him that I probably wouldn’t go back to Chile, as I was still negotiating with the company. They had offered me a great position to keep me in Korea instead of transferring me to Chile; they considered me crucial in Korea and didn’t want to lose me. That was true to some extent, but I had told them that I’d think about it and was leaning towards not accepting and returning to Chile. Obviously, I didn’t tell Seba about this. He asked if that was the only reason I wanted to stay.

I hesitated to tell him the truth, but if I didn't tell him, he would keep trying and he deserved to be loved and have a relationship with someone else.

I briefly told him that I liked someone else, without going into details. I said that the other person and I didn’t yet have a relationship because we had hurdles to overcome, and we didn’t want to rush in a serious commitment without resolving everything on both sides.

Seba, who was quite wise and probably already sensed something, didn’t reproach me. He asked me if I had seriously considered starting a family with him since returning from Korea. I said yes, my intention was to build something with you, but my feelings were saying something else. I didn’t want to be selfish and tie him to a relationship just for my emotional well-being when I was running away from love. He was my safe harbor, but I had realized that I didn’t need security. I had decided to be alone, to heal and clarify my mind. I couldn't be with him while having someone else in my heart. I wasn’t lying to him, because that was the decision, I had made just minutes before midnight, right before reuniting with my Adonis.

Seba told me that I was right, that he supported me, and he was going through something similar. Although he hadn’t found love yet, he was attracted to a coworker. However, he refused to pursue a relationship with her because he was fixated with me. When he saw me, he felt affection and almost a dependency, but he didn't feel desire or resonate with me. He believed that probably we were meant to be dear friends more than a couple, as our relationship was more like companionship than lovers. Even though many relationships evolve to be more companionship than passion, there needs to be passion at the beginning.

I must have been very sensitive due to everything with my Adonis because tears started flowing again.

We hugged tightly, and he kissed me on the cheek, saying he cared for me a lot. I did the same and told him that I cared for him too. We promised not to drift apart and to remain good friends; life had brought us together for a reason. The next day, he went to Jeju Island taking my suggestion, and then he would return to Chile to resume his life.