IN THE GRIP OF THE LOVER JINN

I thought I was escaping, closing the door of the past behind me and opening new windows for light, for air. But, with every step I took away from my old life, I carried a part of the darkness with me, a part of Ayan. Ayan... just mentioning his name made my chest shrink. I was a prisoner of that relationship for years, spending time trying to appease him, fixing what was never my fault. He would talk, and I would listen. He would scream, and I would apologize. He would leave, and I would beg him to stay. And now? Now I am in this place, trying to rearrange myself. I left my small apartment after feeling that every corner of it reminded me of his voice, of his looks that always carried contempt, of his smiles that hid a poison that did not kill me, but kept me on the brink of death. I bought this big, quiet, almost deserted house, hoping to redefine calm. I said to myself: "This is a new beginning. Here all the wars inside you will end." But as soon as I entered the house, I felt something strange. You know that feeling when you walk into a place and see plain furniture and dull walls, but you can’t deny that there’s a past life lurking between the things? That’s what I felt here. I didn’t want to think too much. So I opened the windows, let the cool air creep through the rooms, and started cleaning. The house was full of dust, as if it hadn’t been touched in years. With each room I finished cleaning, I felt a small sense of accomplishment, as if I was releasing something heavy from inside me. But every time I moved into a new room, I felt a different weight. Little things... like the feeling that I wasn't alone. Or that the shadows on the wall were moving, even for a moment. "Illusions, Maryam." I thought out loud. "This is your mind playing with you, just like Ayan did." That first night, I was so tired. I threw myself on the bed in the large bedroom. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the sound of the wind seeping in through the old windows. But instead of sleeping, I started thinking about him. About Ayan. I remembered the moment you left. The moment I shouted, "I don't need you!", while I was trembling inside with fear that I was lying. I knew I needed freedom, but I didn't know how to live it. While I was thinking, I heard a faint sound. A rustle. I slowly opened my eyes. The room was dark, and the sound seemed to come from the other side of the house. "Mice." I thought. Or maybe old wood shrinking from the cold. I decided to ignore it. The next day, I woke up with the sunrise. The room seemed brighter, as if something had decided to show me a little mercy. I spent the day cleaning the rest of the rooms. As I was moving heavy boxes, I felt something strange… like I was being watched. But I ignored it. I told myself that this was normal. The house was new to me, and my mind was playing with me because of the fatigue and emotional exhaustion. Every night it happened again. Dim voices. Lights flickering for a moment. Shadows casting themselves on the wall and disappearing. I felt scared, but I blamed myself. “Mary, don’t be dramatic. You’ve spent years under Ayan’s shadow, accusing yourself of everything. Now you’re accusing yourself of being afraid too?” Then, on the fourth night, something happened that I couldn’t ignore. I was sitting on the couch, trying to read a book to distract myself. But something felt different. Cold air. Very cold. It was strange. All the windows were closed, and the rooms were usually warm. I got up to check, and when I got downstairs, I saw the back door move slightly. I walked carefully, every step felt like an echo in my mind before it reached my ears. I closed the door, and went back inside. But I felt something was wrong. I stood in the middle of the hallway, and held my phone to light the place. The hallway was empty, but I felt a presence, something unseen. Something that made me feel like I was being watched. At that moment, I heard a sound. The sound of footsteps. Light, but steady. The sound was very close, as if it was behind me. I turned quickly, but found nothing. The only light came from an old, weak lamp, that barely revealed anything. But my heart was beating as if it was trying to escape from my chest. I went back to my room, closed the door, and sat on the bed. "It's okay, Maryam. It's okay. They're just illusions." But, at midnight, I suddenly woke up. I felt something cold touch my hand. I slowly opened my eyes, and looked down. The door was ajar. At the edge of the bed, there were strange shadows... I couldn't explain them. I felt my heartbeat quicken. I leaned back a little on the bed, staring at the shadows that didn't seem natural. I didn't move, as if my entire body had frozen. The dim light from the lamp in the corner could barely make out my features. I tried to convince myself that I was imagining it. That it was all the result of my exhausted mind. But the shadow moved. I swear it moved. I lifted my phone with a trembling hand and turned on the lamp. The shadows disappeared. There was nothing. The room was the same, cold and silent. “I’ve gone too far. I need to rest. It’s all because of Ayan.” But part of me didn’t believe it. I thought about the toxic relationship I’d been in, how he’d convinced me that everything was my fault, that I was imagining things. Maybe this was my habit now: blaming myself even for things I didn’t understand. I tried to sleep again, but the feeling of fear wouldn’t leave me. I could feel that there was something in the room, even if I couldn’t see it.