Day 2
525 Words
I want to disappear, not just die but erase my existence. I am wondering why the hell I am here, did I ask to be born? I don't feel like I have the worst life, I don't feel that tired but just I want to disintegrate. You know, like when a vampire meets sunlight. When a demon was slashed by a demon slayer. There's this anime, where after people die, they will compete as to who can be reborn. I wonder why they try so hard because I will surely won't.What's so good about living? What's so good about earth? Why would they want to live their life again then die again?
They say people who commit suicide is a sinner, coward and weak.I think they are very courageous people.How can they have the power to hurt themselves until they die? I have been pondering for many years. I wonder, how to die painlessly and be cremated without my family knowing.I am jealous of my mother, she has me who takes care of everything after her death. When I die, I don't have that person so I think my last option is to probably sink in the ocean and have my body eaten by a shark or something. But it would be painful not being able to breathe.I have been trying to stop breathing but I still gasp for air.Dear God, I would like to return my soul and body to you. Can you take it without bothering people who have the same mother as me?I don't want to eat, drink and work anymore but this body just keeps on doing so to survive.I don't like the feeling of hunger, maybe because I often experience it when I was a child.Dear Mom, Can you take me to where you are right now.I envy you, I should have been there first.
I was always thankful that I don't have an allergy but maybe if I at least have 1 like being allergic to peanuts, I would have died as a child.I wish I could give my lifespan to someone who deserves it.Dear God, Can you take my life and give it to someone who is desperate to stay in this world you created.
Sometimes I wonder, what if earth is actually hell. What if living is actually a consequence of a sin. What if dying is actually a gift?When we die and be judged again, what worse than being here?
I know I should be thankful, I am. I thank God for the blessings. For the roof on the of my head, for the food I was able to eat, for the work that paid me to pay my bills, for the security and health. As an exchange, I offer him my life. He can now have it back, I am done living it.He should take it while it's healthy. Please God,take my body and soul. I wish reincarnation or being reborn isn't true but in case it is, you can give the chance to others.
After I sleep, I wish I won't wake again.Please have my sister come over so that she can take Luna.
- Writer
