THE PAIN OF LOVE

That day was just like any other day for Riogma. He woke up early did his house chores and was just heading to campus because he stayed outside the campus premises. A text message popped up his smartphone from his girlfriend Tina. Good morning Riogma? I hope you are doing great. it's over between us. Confusion and fear rang his small head. The phone fell off his hands and streams of sweat mixed with tears cascaded down his cheeks. To Riogma Tina was all his entire small discreet universe that he promised he will bring her little heaven here on their small Earth but instead the opposite happened. Hell broke loose and it was all over down on him. The entire life of Riogma he believed there was no thing like giving up to something that he really wanted even if it had to take down some of his teeth. "Why God does this had to happen to me again. I thought we had an agreement God why me all the time?" The endless questions and fury that he decided to God who was invisibly there did not have an answer to his heart break. He put an effort to pick his already cracked smartphone from the floor and call his fiance to be sure of what the text message conveyed was true. Ngrrrr Ngrrrr Ngrrrr..... The phone rang endlessly but no one picked. The racing heart the disappointed future and broken life was becoming hell to him. That morning to him was like a lonely prison in the middle of nowhere. Riogma returned back to his bed since he had no cosy seat to sit on his misery. He lay flat on his bed facing the white ceiling board thinking of the nearing end of life. To set foot again outside his door was another unwelcomed misfortune. That day school to him sounded like good music at the wrong place. It took him a while to understand the misfortune event. Was he going to battle heartaches or stomachaches and headaches? It was overwhelming for him. life was not what he thought it was. Fear filled his heart like a swarm of bees on a tree trunk. You couldn't see the courageous part of him. Like every liquid with a different boiling point, so does any man have a breaking point. Tears could be seen painting his cheeks wet. His pain was well reflected on his face like a mirror. You could read between the formed angry terraces of his face what he underwent through. Indeed the world felt sorry for him. Elsewhere his entrusted and loved lover was on an island. Being a freshman, she was indeed so fresh to the most seniors around campus. Her beauty was sparkling, the gap between her snow like teeth paved confusion to most young and handsome men. The beauty of her skin color, the attraction and her curvaceous body was no exception to some old ladies within campus that thought she was a competition to them. She surely forgot him. She forgot like a bad omen spoken of in the middle of the night. How soon she did that, no one knows only the heavens. Tina was the knew queen in town. The fish so rare in the desert. Her nature exceeded her reputation. Beauty could be an understatement to her. She was magnificent and immaculate. The voice so sweet you could sleep as she spoke. People change but change should be gradual rather than radioactive. " I miss her, I miss you Tina. I never knew the world could be so small without you. My heaven with you was the safest place to be. I felt a king without a kingdom around you, I grew richer with your love although poverty was my daily bread. Spiritually i was fullfilled with your kind and loving nature, so motherly that I forgot your name to call you mummy. Tina my blemish angel, it sickness I can't heal but just kill my only feelings to anyone if not you. " Riogma could not stop saying how good her lover was. Addressing the ceiling loudly as if he was addressing another person in the room, her image could not fade in his eyes. Closing and opening them, the good smile with a gap between her teeth could pop up. That was love to him. His life with her woman. One thing I never left in me was hope. Even though all have gone my beloved Tina you still here with me. One way or another I will have you back. Trust me, I thought I knew what love was before now I know love is a painful sweet venture I will endure with you. A thick cloud of darkness engulfed his eyes. The sunlight was wrapping up it's mat heading to west. It went on and on, hoping and praying that one day she will come back. Life to Riogma never became easy. Sleep to him was gold that he yearned to have. It was the worst moments of his life ever. Days passed to weeks then months yet she wasn't even near closer to coming back. "Hello, You have been so quiet all this long. What's up? Riogma saw a message on one of the famous social platforms. At first he thought he was dreaming but hell not it was just a cool evening that day he had travelled up country. It was Tina his beloved righteous one. His one and only true love. Hesitation wasn't his nature immediately he jumped to have a lively chat as if he had come back to life. All this whole was an empty grave of silence, torture and torment for him. Six months later Tina was here. It was joy although he knew very well it couldn't last. Tina was heavily pregnant at this time. She was lonely too. She longed to have someone to talk to. Who was she looking for! The chemistry of love between the two was the most reactive and volatile one ever. You possibly couldn't understand how they did fit into each other's life if you weren't them. " It's been a while now Tina. I have been busy but here Iam as if I never left. I feel like am human again having to talk to you. I can't tell how much I did miss you but trust me I missed you every moment. It's okay dear, am here now I too did miss you alot. There conversation from that Sunday picked up. A new series of life picked up. The baby was almost coming. So few more months to wait a little bit longer but it couldn't have been tough having her lover by her side. She was confused to choose between Riogma and the baby dady's father. It was a tough choice for a young girl like her to make. But what she felt she wanted most was him. His tender and gentle love, his untamed nature to care unconditionally, his forgiving way, he was the perfect man she knew. He had it all even patience that was stolen years later. A thing that changed his life forever. The six months of a stone cold grave of silence from Tina never made a glare to Riogma. He made it his daily routine to send her a direct message atleast thrice a day. She never responded even to one of it. But it never bothered him. What he wanted was her to read to know he still loves her despite everything. He told her I those very many and long paragraphs of messages it was a human error just like anyone else she too could make one. He talked of the pregnancy she carried, he even swore to take care of the baby and her because he loved her. This weren't just words, deep down he had strong feelings for her. The feelings that made him lose a taste of other women who presented themselves to him. The very beautiful ones light skinned and curvaceous ones, but he only had an eye for her, his Tina. Riogma tried two or three relationships or atleast more than those he couldn't remember very well. All those relationships ended before they could even start. None of them survived a week. He couldn't keep on hurting anyone's life. He felt what it was like to be hurt and lied to. Unlike them, he never wished the same to happen to anyone. As early as possible he alone could terminate the relationship. He always foretold this predicament yo happen to them before they begun. " I just want you to know am not on perfect, it reaches a time I can't have time for you to or just feelings for you. I am hoping that you will help me learn how to love and ta ke care of you again." A statement that was ever repetitive to many of the ladies he met. None helped him to learn again. An empty grave his heart was. Every morning he could call his prodigal lover and check on her state, together with the unborn. He could tease her to do exercises because he knew they were helpful to her and the child. Tina's life had another turn. She was happy the baby too was happy and healthy. " My love, I know its hard and confusing right now to have a choice, I want you to know that am ready to take care of you both. I love you Tina more than anything worth love on this planet. Let me love you again and take care of you. Please darling. I understand Riogma but right now I don't know what to say. The truth is I miss your love, I miss everything you did to me. What I know I still love you but I can't make a decision right now. It's okay love, I'll wait but I beg to see even for once the baby. She promised to give him a chance once she delivered safely to see the child. Her big belly to those who knew her lover had so many guesses about the owner of the pregnancy. Most of her classmates and even relatives knew it was Riogma. They believed he was the only one in her life. The only man who made her not to pass her Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education because she thought of him more and forgot her exams. It was definitely him. Many could pass by the shopping center and give congratulatory messages to Riogma for almost becoming a father. It was painful to any man to take credit for what he hasn't done especially when your woman cheated on you with another man. Hilariously he never felt bad about it, he often took credit to hide shame probably for him or her. He only wanted to protect her reputation that she held on society. He did not wish to see her being reffered to as the promiscuous slut. To him she was the woman he fell in love with. Inspite of everything he still had respect for her. One evening while having a chat with his elder sister, Riogma's niece saw a picture of a lady on his phone. The lady was beautiful, six point three feet tall, light skinned and medium sized figure. She was indeed beautiful. Far beyond from his Tina. Lina was her name. Lina was a long primary classmate to Riogma who happened to strike a bond during the six month period of love torture from Tina. As much as Riogma wanted it to work it never did. Lina had one of her leg inside and the other was elsewhere. She was never around there to love him. She had someone else. To Riogma it was just a moment of solace from her cheating boyfriend. One day she ghosted him like Tina used to do. One thing Lina had different from Tina she could say the plain truth. "Iam sorry Riogma I still love my ex boyfriend and he reached out to me yesterday. It's fine Lina loving you isn't keeping you if you are not comfortable with me. Hopefully I will see you around. " He never felt bad about it because he never even had feelings for her like he did have for Tina. So it did not bother him or hurt him at all. When his niece saw Lina's picture, she said out loud mummy this isn't the one, she is. different. Riogma was Abit confused for she had explaining to do. As much as it did hurt him, he never wanted to tell anyone what happened to their unbreakable bond. Finally he broke the whole news to his sister who for once almost did not believe him but she had to. Love was another thing left to mention to the future generation if he had one but not to feel it. Love hurts they say but in him it did more than hurting him, it destroyed his life. It changed the entire course of his life. Bringing the worst in him while draining the best traits he had that were so admirable to many women who for many times wished they had him instead. Love is neither for the weak nor the strongest, love is for those who can stomach its venomous fangs and it's sharp blades of consequences. ****** People around him failed to understand his nature. He was predictable to all of them but totally unpredictable with what they thought he was to do next. His life was not only miserable but terrible. The compass of his life had the worst turn of events. But again what kept a man according to him wasn't his strength but weakness. Many of his friends saw no life in him. They saw an empty vessel of human body walking around. Maybe this was this is what he wanted them to see. To give them what they want and what they want to hear. ********** That day he woke up so late. Having slept late because sleep to him was another portion of gold he slept untill late in the morning. Usually among the hay days reunion between him and Tina, either one of them could text or call to check on one another. Today it didn't happen, everything seemed quiet and calm. They day itself was gay it lacked it's sense of happiness. He tried calling Tina not once or twice but several attempts he made we all in vain. He felt lost again. The loss he felt few months ago came back in full force like the seven demons. Breakfast was hard to take, being the only one left at home the house chores were at his hands. Feebly he lifted his heavy and tired body to do the chores before it was so stressful thinking of her one and only darling. Around mid morning still nothing. He took out a seat and decided to busk outside in the sun with a cup of tea on his hand sipping even though it tasted like bitter herbs. He had to do something. Something different to find out what had happened to her or whether he had said something bad to spoil their already resurfacing relationship. He lay all the blames on himself questioning every word he said, criticizing every statement he made to her but none seemed to raise a red flag. All was well said and dusted in fare well. Sometimes life is unfair especially when you love and care for someone more than you do to yourself. That day the day slowly was dragging itself like a snail. He waited and waited for the call from her but his Patience seemed not to be in a hurry from labour to deliver. That feeling almost melancholic ate him up inside out. Finally evening was approaching, something that felt as a relief for him but so much stress that he knew he will face during the night without hearing from her. She is all that made an impression in his life at that moment. His only hope in the darkest path of his life. At around five o'clock in the evening his phone rang. Riogma received the call in haste. A soft, ear piercing voice penetrated through his ears, it was her awaited love of his life,Tina. "Hello dear, sorry I have not been within reach since morning. I had some issues around and it seems you have been looking for me. Infact you are the only person that has called me numerously. I was at the hospital and I had a safe delivery to a bouncing baby boy. I am so happy for you Tina, am so proud that you took this bold step to keep the pregnancy rather than flushing it out like others do. Welcome to motherhood now. I believe you are going to make the best mother for him. He is lucky to have such a wonderful and caring mother. Congratulations again darling" He felt at ease while congratulating her and welcoming her to motherhood. Praising her and calling her every known romantic name. Although he did all this it was blurry to him whether he did everything right or not. "In my whole life I have never met someone like you. You are so gentle and caring Riogma. You took care of me and my pregnancy ileven though I did hurt you in the process. You never cared how much it did affect you but cared for my well being untill I have delivered safely. I wish I could change things now, for sure I miss your love and everything, I miss us. It's fine Tina things happen in life and people make mistakes. No man is an island they say so I never expected you to be one. I love you with all your flaws, perfections and imperfections. I only did what any sane human being will do to a fellow human being. You needed a shoulder and here I was. Deep down Riogma knew alot had to change. With the fact that another responsibility has been added to Tina, the thought of winning her back was slowly diminishing. Either way he had to fight and he knew he was a fighter. a warrior and not a worrier. Before that baby was born they had plans, plans of giving him a chance to see the baby even at a glance. It was during a period physical contact was highly avoided but they had to see each other. He knew her parents were so protective but he had to find a way. The baby was doing fine, their reunited relationship was not so bad even though it portrayed a fuzzy picture. Something else was bothering Riogma. The course of their relationship because he knew what will happen when that period is gone. Thoughts criss-crossed his mind as he lay on the sofa. A conversation to oneself, a reflection of what he really wants, a flash back of all the series of events that took place before all this happened. "Tina I made you one of the very few friends and important person in my life. I took care of you as my own flesh. Through thick and thin I had your back. You confided in me like I did to you. I made you a queen in my heart without a physical kingdom. All my feelings became your maidens to take care of your needs and give you company wherever I was away. Tina the little care I gave you took away my whole and my it your guards to protect you. In return a donkey's kickbacks is what I get. With all your misfortune I still love you no matter what but will you love me back? Am I just an errand boy to you? With the very many erroneous mistakes you made i still care for you. Don't make me a fool again i am begging you. Hurting me isn't enough for you?" It is enough to say a man is desperate when love turns you to be insane. What Riogma had for Tina was true, love that exceeded bounds.