Her Unheard Weeps

Anxiety

Chapter 21

"Bitawan mo 'ko! Nasasaktan ako! Ano ba!" Pilit kong binabawi ang kamay mula sa kaniya pero diniinan lamang ng lalaki ang kaniyang hawak. "Bitawan mo 'ko! Malalaglag ko 'yong bata!"

I tried breaking free from his grasp but he was too strong. I was concerned of emie na ngayon ay karga-karga ko lang gamit ang isang kamay. The child looks naively scared right now at siniksik ang mukha sa aking leeg na tila nagtatago.

Nagbago ang ekspresyon ng lalaking kaharap ng magtama ang tingin nito kay emie. Mas lalo akong kinabahan para sa anak.

"Let go of me! Sisigaw ako dito!" Banta ko.

Tumalim ang tingin nito sa akin. "You can't go anywhere. Sabi ko, sasama kayo sa akin!"

"Hinding-hindi kami sasama sa'yo! Stop forcing us! This is k********g! Ipapakulong kita!" Singhal ko.

Saglit pa siyang natigilan pero gumuhit ang ngisi sa kaniyang mukha hanggang sa tuluyan na siyang napahalakhak. After that, he shot me a mocking grin.

"Oh really? Isn't it the other way around?" Nagbago ang kaniyang ekspresyon at napalitan iyon ng pait at galit. "You know what i mean."

"No...i-i don't"

"You do. You know exactly what i'm talking about." Binalik niya naman ang tingin sa bata. "After all, she is my child"

A small gasp escaped my lips at bumalik na naman ang takot sa aking dibdib but i managed to cover up a stern face.

"She is not your child. She's mine. And you don't have any evidence to support your claim. 'Wag kang panigurado at nang-aangkin ng anak!" i said coldly.

"Oh really? She's not?" He grinned more making me shiver out of fear. Saglit siyang luminga-linga. "Nasaan na nga pala si dianne? Baka pagnakita niya ako siya na mismo ang magsabi sa akin. After all, i don't deserve to be hidden from. I haven't done anything to her. Bigla na lang siya...kayong nawala" ilang segundo ay nakitaan ko ng lungkot ang kaniyang mga mata pero kaagad ding nawala.

As soon as my sister's name exited his lips, i felt weak. May kung anong karayom na tumusok sa puso ko. I glared at him to hide the evident pain on my face.

"You don't have the right to speak her name"

Kumunot ang noo niya. Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto ay tumawa na lang at nahihiwagaang tiningnan ako. "God! You sisters are unbelievably cunning! Really! Damn! I—"

"Ash" rinig kong tawag ng kung sino.

Napakawala ako ng malakas na buntong hininga ng makitang mga kilala ko iyon. Mga taong naninirahan kalapit sa amin, in the same barangay who i began to get along with. And they were all men...big men. Drunkards...but real helpful and approachable.

"Kuya berth!" Tawag ko. Lumapit ang mga naglalakihang lalaki sa amin. Nakakunot ang noo kay kuya tom.

"May problema ba dito? Inaabala ka ba ng lalaking 'to?" Tanong ni kuya berth.

"Sino ba 'tong lalaking to ash?" Sigang tanong nung isa pa.

It was a sigh when tom started to get his grip off me.

"What we're having here is none of your boys businesses" sagot ni kuya tom.

"Aba't! Sumasagot ka pa huh! Nagi english pa! Sino ba 'tong lalaking to ha ash?!"

Bumaling ako kay kuya tom at nakatingin siya ng matalim sa akin.

Before i could even say a word about his plan to take him with us, tinaas niya na ang magkabilang kamay na tila nagsu surrender. He took a step back pero hindi pa rin inaalis ang masamang tingin sa akin.

"Kayong magkapatid, you really turned the tables on me huh?" Iling-iling niya making me confuse.

Pumunta na siya sa kaniyang sasakyan. Pero bago pa siya pumasok ay tinapunan niya ako ulit ng huling tingin. "Hindi ito ang huli nating pagkikita. Paki sabi kay dianne na hindi ko siya susukuan. Ngayong nahanap ko na kayo, kukunin at iuuwi ko na sila ng anak ko." He took a last glimpse of emie before closing his car.

Nakasunod lamang ang tingin ko sa kaniyang sasakyan na humarurot na paalis. My embrace on emie tighten as i began to shiver slightly in panic and in fear.

I tried my best to visualize and memorize his car so that i'll know kung anong sasakyan ang tatakbuhan namin kung saka-sakali.

True to the men's words, hinatid nga nila kami at hindi naman ako humindi. I was still in shock and slight fear. Fear the he might come back...fear that the second time that we'll see each other, tuluyan niya ng makuha si emie mula sa'min.

Pumasok na kami ng anak sa bahay and she was frowning the whole time and i knew the reason why.

"Sorry princess...Babawi si mommy next time okay?" I caressed her hair.

She was still frowning cutely.

"Mmm...mommy lie. Mommy said bee! Hmp!" Humalukipkip siya

Natawa na lamang ako. "I know. Mommy's sorry okay?"

Napangakuan ko kasi siya na pagkatapos sa pinuntahan namin ay pupunta kami ng fastfood. She's super fond of fastfood...like me.

Napangiti ako ng mapait ng maalala ang isang taong palagi akong sinasamahan mag fast food noon. I just sighed and dropped the thought.

Emie was not that hard na paamuin...it was a good thing. Pagkatapos naming kumain ay binihisan ko na siya ng pantulog. I tucked her on her bed at bahagya pang tumabi sa kaniya. She handed me a storybook on which ilang beses ko ng basahin sa kaniya pero hindi pa din siya nagsasawa.

After that, i leaned a little a cute giggle escaped her lips when she saw me looking at her still wide awake. I sighed and slightly tickled her, after that ay sinandal ko ang ulo sa headboard ng kama niya and scooped her towards me.

"What song do you want mommy to sing to you this time?" Kapag hindi pa din kasi siya nakakatulog pagkatapos ko siyang basahan ng bedtime stories ay kinakantahan ko naman siya ng mga pampatulog, her favorites...Disney songs.

"Ol dos dis" she said in a hard english making me laugh.

"Okay. Ol dos dis it is"

Pinikit ko ang mga mata and started to tap her slightly on her butt cheeks.

All those days watching from the windows

All those years outside looking in

All that time never even knowing

Just how blind I've been

And at last I see the light

And it's like the fog has lifted

And at last I see the light

And it's like the sky is new

And it's warm and real and bright

And the world has somehow shifted

All at once everything looks different

Now that I see you

Pagtapos kumanta ay minulat ko na ang mga mata. Dumukwang ako ng bahagya at napabuntong-hininga ng malakas ng makitang nakatulog na din sa wakas ang maingay na bulilit.

I placed a kiss on her chubby little cheek at tumayo na para pumunta sa sariling kwarto.

Out of exhaustion ay napaupo ako sa sariling higaan. Hinarap ko ang kapatid. I smiled forcefully at her.

"Our worst fear has been realized ate." I sighed. "Hindi ko alam kung paano siya nakapunta dito at kung paano niya nalamang nandito tayo. Pero ate...natatakot ako"

Walang tugon.

Bumuntong hininga ako ng malakas. I began to bite my lips nervously ng maalala na naman ang nangyari kanina.

Hindi ko talaga alam kung paano niya kami nahanap e! Ang layo-layo na namin at ang laki-laki ng iloilo! Tsaka, wala naman kaming napagsabihan nung umalis kami ng maynila! Kaya paano!

Sobrang tahimik ng silid at nabibingi na ako.

"If he's really capable of hurting emie then maybe we should run away from this place. Pero ayokong iwan ka dito" i whispered.

Still no response.

"Nababaliw na ako" i chuckled at myself.

I stared at my sister's picture for a minute like i was really expecting a response.

Dead people don't respond ash, i mentally reminded myself.

Kinaumagahan ay nagmamadali akong pumunta ng trabaho. I was in the bathroom fully ready to go to work when i felt the need to pee.

I was leaning, sitting on the toilet. I shut the door of the bathroom pero hindi ko iyon nilock. I heard a small footstep nearing me, and the next thing i heard was a loud knock on the door. Bahagya pa akong napatalon sa gulat.

I chuckled. "Emie baby? Stop that please. You'll break the door sweetie!" Sigaw ko mula sa loob.

Emie was a smart girl her age, with a strong grip too. Kaya hindi na ako nagtaka ng mapihit niya ng tuluyan ang knob causing the door to screech and open.

Nakaupo pa din sa inidoro ay inobserbahan ko ang susunod na gagawin ng anak. Then what i saw next is a two year old baby peeking her head on the slightly open door. Her incomplete teeth showed as she giggled when she saw me.

She looked at me naively but teasingly. She tilted her head.

"Anak. Anong ginagawa mo?" tatawa-tawa ko.

"Helloooo" mahaba niyang sabi sa maliit na boses na nagpalakas ng halakhak ko.

God! She's so cute!

"Hiii" i said in a small voice matching hers.

I noticed that her eyes were a bit chinky and the under of it are slightly red meaning kakagising niya lang.

Tumayo na ako doon at kinarga na siya. I showered her kissed on the cheeks habang siya ay tatawa-tawa.

Nakasalubong ko ang kaniyang bantay na hinihingal, tila hinahanap ang makulit na batang tumakas mula sa kaniya.

"Ate sorry. Tumakas na naman kasi" nahihiyang sabi nito.

"No it's okay chelly. Wala ka dapat pagpaumanhin. Sadyang makulit lang talaga 'tong batang ito" pinanggigilan ko si emie sa pisngi which made her slightly frown at me.

"Just take full precautions kasi baka malaglag siya sa hagdan" i smiled.

Napakamot siya sa ulo. "Okay. Sige po. Sa'kin na po siya. Baka kasi magusot 'yong damit mo"

Aakmang kukunin niya si emie sa akin pero nagsimula ng uminhos ang bata at tinago ang mukha sa aking leeg sabay kapit ng mas madiin.

I chuckled a little.

"Bebe naman! Baka ma late niyan si mommy mo uy!" Ani ng dalaga pero hindi siya pinansin ng anak.

Malditang bata 'to talaga!

"Hindi, sige na. Sa'kin na muna siya"

"Pero ma'am. Baka ma late ka na naman niyan sa trabaho"

"Okay lang. Ano ka ba. Baka magtantrums na naman 'to mahirapan ka pa." Tawa ko. "Pakihanda na lang ng breakfast niya"

Ngumuso siya. "Okay, sige po" aniya tsaka umalis na.

Nang makasiguradonh nakaalis na ang bantay ay doon pa lang kumalas ng yakap si emie. Kinurot ko siya sa ilong.

"Ikaw huh! That's not nice emie. Kailangan mong pakisamahan ang bantay mo" kausap ko sa bata.

Chelly is not entirely her yaya so i cannot call her one, more like a babysitter dahil part time lang naman ang pagbabantay niya kay emie habang nag-aaral siya. She is actually kuya berth's daughter kaya malaki ang tiwala kong iwan si emie sa kaniya dahil may mga bunsong kapatid din naman siya kaya alam niya na ang mga gawain.

The little cherub just stared at me baffled for a couple of seconds like she didn't get what i said, pagkatapos no'n ay humagikhik nalang.

"Oh! Late ka na naman! Papagalitan ka na naman niyan ni Ms. Divina e!" Ani ng katrabaho kong si cille ng makarating ako ng ospital.

"Bakit? Nandito na ba siya? Kanina niya pa ba ako hinahanap?" I asked while catching my breath. "Ang traffic kasi e. Tsaka si emie..."

"Hmm...kamusta na si bulilit?"

"Okay lang. Ayon. Nagtantrums na naman. Ayaw akong paalisin. Maaga kasing nagising."

i remembered my baby's face full of tears kanina at no'ng una ay nagdadalawang isip pa ako kung tutuloy ba ako o hindi. I didn't want to leave her crying, that's the hardest thing to start my day with, kapag iniiwan ko siyang humihikbi dahil maaga siyang nagigising. Sometimes, i would be lucky to leave the house while she's still asleep.

"She's still a child, in her age, that's when they start to yearn for attention at gusto nila laro lang ng laro palagi. The full of energy stage. That's quite a handful." ani cille.

"Yes, i know. And that's what i'm trying to do you know? Gusto ko kapag lumaki siya ay marealize niya that I didn't lack the attention towards her, i want to be there in her first day of school, her first stage play...her family days. Gusto kong iparamdam sa kaniya na walang kulang"

"Well let's say ngayon oo, possible. Pero paano kapag lumaki siya? Magtatanong ang bata ash, ready ka na ba sa isasagot mo?"

Natulala ako ng ilang segundo. And just smiled sadly later on.

"Sasabihin ko sa kaniya ang totoo cille. Syempre"

"Sasabihin mong hindi ikaw ang totoo niyang ina?" She asked shocked like she was really expecting me to keep it all a secret.

"Of course i would. It will be hard yes, ngayon pa lang naman i make acknowledge that her mother is no longer here to take care of her, i mean, we visit her too every weekends on her grave you know? Actually doon kami nanggaling kahapon."

I didn't know if a flash of concern was suddenly evident on my face dahil agad siyang napataas ng kilay.

"May problema ba?" She asked.

I took a deep breath before saying, "Pumunta kami kahapon sa puntod ni ate. And guess who we bumped ourselves in to?"

"Who?" She was curious.

"Kuya tom. Her former boyfriend...emie's father"