Everything She Never Wanted

Chapter 7

7

“Well, I’m sure you’ll see her soon,” Jo said, oblivious to how Henry felt. He was mad. Pissed. Furious. She went to see his mother, on Amavita property, and couldn’t call or text him? What the f**k was that all about?

“I doubt it. She won’t return my messages.”

“That might be for the best,” Ryan said quietly, drawing Henry’s fury. Ryan held up his hands in defense. “Listen, all I’m saying is you were pretty wrecked last time she was in your life.”

“You don’t know anything about her. I love you, but you were eleven the last time Cynthia and I talked.”

Ryan nodded. “I was. And I saw how crushed you were. You’ve always been my hero. You and dad. I looked up to you, and seeing how you changed after that changed me.”

“What are you talking about?” Henry demanded.

Ryan slid a look toward their mom, who was listening to the conversation with open interest. “Maybe we should talk about this another time.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. There’s very little either of you could tell me that I don’t already know, or at least suspect.” She turned to Henry. “Your brother is trying to say the way he treats women is because he watched you fall apart. When you were destroyed by Cynthia, even though he was young, it had an impact. We’ve all watched you change. Not physically, although you have changed your appearance, but who you are. You’re harder. More dismissive at times. You haven’t let yourself fall in love with anyone since Cynthia walked away.”

“I haven’t found anyone I liked that much.”

“What about that one you dated last year?” Ryan asked.

“Hannah?”

He nodded. “Yeah. She was cute. Why did you break up with her? She’s got to be better than Cynthia.”

Henry stifled the urge to growl at his brother. “Hannah couldn’t handle my hours once summer hit. She bitched that I was never around.”

“It was a pretty rough summer. Our first taking over. But Dad was a big help.”

Henry nodded, his throat tightening. “Yeah. Won’t have that this year.”

They all shared a watery smile.

“Let’s sit and eat,” Jo said. “We can dissect both of your love lives while we fill our bellies.”

Henry followed his mom and brother back to the kitchen. Jo dished out pesto shrimp and linguine to each of them, stirring the bowl to make sure they all got plenty of vegetables from the bottom. Henry carried the Caprese salad to the table while Ryan opened a bottle of wine and poured them all glasses.

When they were seated, Jo said a prayer of thanks and asked for Victor to have safe passage to heaven. Henry guzzled his wine when she was done, hoping it would ease the pain in his chest.

It didn’t.

“Your dad always liked Cynthia,” Jo started. “We both thought the two of you would end up together.”

Ryan snorted.

“She’s not sticking around, Mom. She wants to be in a city.”

“I wonder why.”

“Does there have to be a reason?”

Jo shrugged. “I guess not, but so many people here are anxious to leave, but when they come back, they stay. Look at Violet’s family. Nonna’s friend. All the grandkids left, but Heather’s back now. Mom said she thinks Zoe is moving home soon, too.”

Henry shook his head. “Cynthia isn’t going to stay. She’s already said that.”

“And you’re still messing with her?” Ryan demanded.

“I’m not messing with her.”

“Zach said he walked in on something last weekend.”

“We were kissing. That’s it.”

“You’re playing with fire.”

Henry glared at his brother. “Why is it a problem if I want to have a fling with her while she’s here? Or if I want to sleep with half the region? You’re not the poster boy for commitment. Why do I have to be getting into something I’ll regret just because she’s back in town?”

“I think,” Jo said before Ryan opened his mouth, “we’re all worried about you. I like Cynthia. A lot. But I am apprehensive about you getting involved with her, or anyone, right now.”

“You’re the one who brought her up, Mom.”

Jo nodded. “I did. And maybe I should be sorry for that, but I know you still love her.”

“She was my best friend for years. That doesn’t disappear.”

Jo smiled. “That’s not the kind of love I meant.”

Henry immediately shook his head. “No. I’m not still in love with her. That died a long time ago.”

“Okay,” Jo said, her tone saying she didn’t believe him. “I hope that’s true. But only because I know how hard you’ll take it when she leaves again.”

“I don’t think it’s going to matter. She’s made it perfectly clear she doesn’t want anything from me. Even a friendship at this point.”

Ryan held Henry’s eyes for a long moment. When he finally looked away, Henry took a deep breath and tried to fill the empty place inside himself with the dinner his mother cooked.

After they ate, Jo pulled out an angel food cake, peaches soaked in wine, and vanilla ice cream she made herself. Henry allowed himself to have a small piece of cake, extra fruit, and one scoop of ice cream. As it was, he needed to do some extra cardio to burn off the dinner he’d enjoyed.

“I never understood why you weren’t the one in charge of the dining room,” Ryan said, groaning as he took a huge bite.

Henry nodded. “Yeah, you’re an amazing cook.”

Jo grinned at them both. “Thank you, boys. Christina had already started working in the kitchen when Papa died. I was in school so I sort of handled whatever was left when I graduated. I’d gotten a degree in business, so I understood how to manage the gift shop. It was like having my own little business, but with the protection of Amavita Estates backing me up.”

“Do you ever wish you’d done something different?”

Jo shook her head. “Not even a little. Christina shared that most evenings she didn’t want to cook after being in the kitchen all day. I know they ate a lot of their meals in the dining room when Kristen and Zach were growing up. Even now, I think she and David still do. Being so far from the inn, I probably couldn’t have dealt with it. They’re a bit closer so it was easier for them. Christina always loved experimenting with food, too. I’m a relatively timid cook. I like to follow a recipe so I know it’s going to turn out well.”

“Everything you cook is good, Ma,” Ryan said, shoveling another huge bite into his mouth. He went back for more ice cream and another piece of cake. Henry pushed his bowl away, wishing he could get seconds, but it was a slippery slope.

“I don’t know where you put all that,” he said to his brother. “If I ate more, I’d gain five pounds by morning.”

Ryan shrugged and licked the back of his spoon. “I’m just lucky, I guess. Plus, Leo and I work out every morning and most nights.”

“Twice a day?”

Ryan nodded.

“Well, I’m gonna have to deal with skipping a second dessert because I’m not ever going to be that dedicated.”

Ryan shrugged. “It works for us. Plus, the ladies like it.”

Jo laughed and rolled her eyes. “Alright, enough of that talk with your mother around. Let me pack up some food for you boys to take home. Think your cousins would want some?”

“Definitely,” they both said.

Ryan and Henry cleaned up while Jo stored leftovers in containers for them to carry home. Henry finished off his wine and washed the glass, then checked the dining room and kitchen to make sure they hadn’t missed anything. Jo was helping Ryan put everything away when he walked back into the kitchen.

“You boys didn’t have to clean up.”

“We always do, Mom. It’s our routine.”

She hugged each of them. “Well, thank you. And thank you for coming for dinner tonight. I know I’m interrupting your social lives by asking you to be here.”

They both shook their heads and kissed her cheek. “You’re not interrupting anything, Mom. I’ll be back next weekend. Let me know what day works best.”

“Me, too,” Ryan echoed. “There’s nothing more important than you, Mom.”

Jo laughed. “Just wait until you find the right girl. She’ll make you forget all about me.”

Ryan shook his head. “Not possible. I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too.”

Henry hugged her again and said he loved her, then he and Ryan headed out into the cold to walk home.

“Hey,” Ryan said. “Sorry about what I said about Cynthia. Mom was dead-on though. Seeing you so messed up over her f****d with me. I was just starting to look at girls and I saw my brother torn apart by a girl I thought was great. It made me doubt that a woman would ever be as wonderful as I thought they were.”

“What happened with Cynthia was shitty, but it was my fault. I pushed. I wouldn’t let her say no. I thought she was just embarrassed. I was positive she was as in love with me as I was with her.”

Ryan shook his head. “She was cruel. Maybe you needed to hear some of it to back off a bit, but she didn’t need to say all that in front of everyone.”

Henry shrugged. “It’s in the past. I’m sorry it f****d you up.”

“It f****d you up, too. It seemed like overnight you were a different person. I know that wasn’t the case, but since you were gone, the changes to who you were hit me. You kind of shut down for a while.”

Henry nodded. He remembered those days. When he felt like he wasn’t worthy of anything. He went to class, studied, and slept. There were days he found comfort in what he was eating, but most days he was disgusted with himself. By the end of the semester, he’d started losing weight. That summer, he worked with his dad and lost even more. When he went back to college in the fall, girls started paying attention to him. He decided to lose himself in them and forget about Cynthia.

He was that guy for years. Sleeping with any woman who wanted him. He stopped chasing women and let them come to him. He felt good for a while, but after a few years, it was empty. He wanted something more. A connection that was deeper than physical.

“I didn’t like who I became,” he admitted to his brother.

“That’s what I’m worried about with you getting involved with her again.”

“I’m not the same person I was.”

Ryan shook his head. “You’re not. But the shitty part of me wonders if she’s interested in you now because she knows she’s leaving or if it’s because of the way you look or if she really wants you. I know it sucks to say that, but I don’t want to lose my brother again. We just lost Dad. I can’t lose you, too.”

Ryan’s voice cracked with his emotion. Henry’s throat filled, and he pulled his brother in for a hug. They stood there for a while, Henry letting his brother lean on him. They hadn’t talked about their dad’s death. He knew Ryan was crushed, but every time they were together, they were with their mom and both more worried about her. Henry finally saw that his brother needed him as much as his mom did.

Which meant he had to be stronger.

“You’re not gonna lose me,” Henry promised. “You don’t know her like I do. She’s changed too, but she’s still my best friend. I see that in her eyes. I know there’s never going to be anything long term between us. A few kisses because I needed to forget won’t make me into another person. She’ll be gone before long and I’ll move on with my life. But I’m not going anywhere.”

Ryan nodded against his shoulder. “Okay,” he said, pulling back. “Good. I need you.”

Henry squeezed his brother again. “I need you, too.”

Ryan nodded again, then released him. They shared an awkward grin before both pulled in a deep, cold breath.

“Call me if you need to talk, okay?”

“I will. Thanks.”

Ryan turned to go toward the house he shared with Leo. Henry watched until he disappeared into the darkness, then turned the opposite direction toward his own house. He felt a buzz in his pocket and pulled out his phone.

He was a glutton for punishment. He thumbed a response then slid his phone back into his pocket, smiling.

Cynthia took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She waited, hoping the right cousin opened it. Footsteps approached and her breath froze in her lungs. And not from the cold.

The door swung open and Henry grinned at her. It really wasn’t fair how attractive he was. She felt shitty for thinking it, but it was true. He was harder to resist when he had everything she’d ever hoped to find in a guy. Sexy, sweet, and a little bit alpha.

“Hey,” Henry said, stepping back to let her inside. “I’m glad you texted me.”

Cynthia removed her coat. “My mom said you shoveled the driveway and sidewalk and that I was being cruel. I’m still not sure about this, but I decided I need to make my own decisions.”

“Well, whatever the reason, I’m glad you’re here.”

“Um, is Zach here?”

Henry shook his head. “No. He’s working. That’s part of why I suggested lunch. Your mom said he told you to stay away from me.”

Cynthia shrugged and tried to quiet the voice inside telling her Zach was right and she needed to run. “He doesn’t want me to hurt you.”

Henry nodded, turning away. She wanted to know what he was thinking, but he was carefully avoiding looking at her. Cynthia had to admit she was a little jealous that so many people were looking out for Henry and no one seemed to even consider that she could be the one with a broken heart.

Of course, most of them probably figured she didn’t even have a heart.

“Well, we’re just friends. Who might happen to kiss once in a while. And we both know you’re leaving so it won’t be possible to get hurt, right? I mean, I’d be crazy to fall in love with you again.” He laughed.

Cynthia forced a chuckle, but she didn’t feel it. She should have listened to Zach. Not because she was going to hurt Henry again, but because she was realizing he had the power to absolutely destroy her.

“My mom made pesto last night if you’re okay with that. We can go to The Drunken Grape, but I figured that’s not a great idea. My culinary skills involve a toaster or a microwave.”

Cynthia groaned. “Pesto sounds amazing. I haven’t had anything as good as your mom’s cooking in years. None of the Italian restaurants in Philly can compare to the food she always fixed.”

Henry pulled a large bag out of the fridge and started unloading it. “I wish I’d picked up a few things from her. I was always hanging around with my dad.”

“You can learn now,” Cynthia suggested. “I’m sure she’d love to teach you. And since things are quiet right now, it might be a great time.”

Henry nodded. “That’s a great idea. I’ve been trying to figure out how I can spend more time with her without it seeming like I’m checking up on her.”

“She’s lucky to have you.”

“I’d do anything for her.”

Cynthia smiled. She felt the same way about her own mom. “I got a job with the Finger Lakes Gazette.”

Henry grinned. “Your mom told me. That’s great. How is it so far?”

Cynthia shrugged. “It’s okay. A much slower pace than my last job, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

“I feel bad asking this, but what do you write?”

Cynthia laughed. “I was writing a love and relationship column on a regular basis. I also got pulled into some other lifestyle articles. That was definitely my area of expertise. I like it because it’s not as time sensitive. I can write articles a few days, or weeks in some cases, in advance. I have a few friends who worked the local news and they were always scrambling to finish their stories before the print deadline.”

“That sounds stressful.”

“Yeah, it was. But things are much less stressful with the Gazette. Since it only comes out twice a week it’s a much more relaxed paper. Plus, it’s not the city so the pace is just slower. It’s a nice break.”

“See,” Henry said with a nudge, “small town life isn’t all bad.”

Cynthia chuckled. “No. It’s definitely not all bad.”

Her eyes locked on his and all humor evaporated between them. Or maybe it burned off. Her money was on the second one. His eyes darkened and dropped to her lips. Her heart skipped, then leaped and raced on without the rest of her. He moved closer the same time she did and they came together in a crash of limbs and tongues and lips.

She was back on the edge of the counter in a second. His tongue in her mouth, his c**k hard between her thighs. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him in tighter so she could feel every inch of him.

Henry’s tongue swept over hers in a long, slow slide. She needed to feel him, to touch his skin. A tug at the edge of his shirt exposed warm skin to her fingertips. She climbed his body with her fingers, taking her time as she explored him. He continued to drive her insane with his tongue and c**k, but she was fairly certain there were a few stutters in there that she could take credit for. Like when she ran her nails down his chest. And when she swiped her thumb over his taut n****e. Or when she moaned.

Okay, maybe that last one was more him than her, but she didn’t care. All she cared about was getting her hands on Henry.

He leaned back and stripped his shirt off, tossing it toward the couch. His lips were back on hers before his shirt hit the floor. His hands cupped her hips and pulled her against him as he thrust into her again. She cried out, his erection hitting her in the perfect spot. She looked at him, eyes dark and full of l**t, muscles tense, light brown hair accenting his body and making her want him even more.

One hand went to the hem of her sweater and lifted it, raising goosebumps on her exposed flesh. His palm covered the spot, warming her again. He moved upward, drawing out more goosebumps, until his palm cupped her breast.

They both groaned.

“I’ve wanted to touch you for so long. Jesus, I’ve dreamed about what your skin would feel like. Taste like.”

“Hey, Henry?”

“Hmm?”

Cynthia grinned. “This isn’t a dream.”