Hollywood Harlot

Chapter 19

A bright stream of sunlight shining on her face woke Bella up the next morning. Stretching slowly and grimacing at the headache pounding her temples, she looked around confused at the unfamiliar surroundings, until she realized she’d fallen asleep at Alex’s cottage the night before. She was still getting her bearings when a loud banging at the door seemed to make the whole cabin shake.

Startled, Bella glanced around the cottage. Aside from her, it was empty. Suddenly, the pounding sounded again.

“Bella!” Jake shouted from the other side of the door, “Bella! Please let me in!”

She stood up slowly, smoothing imaginary wrinkles in her pants and carefully folding the blanket Alex must have draped across her the night before, placing it neatly on top of the couch.

“I know you’re in there!” Jake yelled again, “Please let me in!”

Deliberately, Bella made her way to the front door. She smoothed her hair and took a deep breath before opening it, holding the handle in one hand, glaring intently at the man on the other side.

“How did you know?” she hissed at him.

Jake’s entire body seemed to sag with relief when he saw her. Bella couldn’t help but notice he appeared to have aged ten years overnight: his hair unkept, his skin limp and worry lines etched into every corner of his face, he even seemed somehow shorter.

“I didn’t,” he admitted. “I just really hoped because I was running out of ideas. But I also really hoped you wouldn’t answer the door.” He shrugged half heartedly, an air of defeat surrounding him.

Bella stared at the pathetic sight, trying to decide what to do.

“What do you want?” she asked in a monotone voice.

“You,” he said simply, clearly. “I just want you.”

Despite everything, her heart sped up at his words. But she was angry enough and she was wise enough not to fall prey to her foolish heart again.

“Too little, too late,” she said coldly, starting to close the door on him.

He pushed his hand out to stop it from closing entirely.

“Please,” he begged again, “Give me ten minutes. Let me explain. Please. And if you don’t like what I say, I’ll fly you home today and you’ll never hear from me again.”

Bella leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms, considering his offer. “I’ll give you five.”

Again, he audibly sighed and nodded his head eagerly.

“Thank you,” he began.

He rubbed his hand over face and blew out a deep breath.

For the first time since he’d arrived at the door, he looked over her head into the cottage behind her.

“Are you going to ask me in?” He asked sheepishly.

“Absolutely not.”

He dug his hands deeper into his pockets and looked down at his feet, suddenly very unsure of himself.

“Probably better anyway,” he muttered, mostly to himself, “Alex’s house…”

Bella stomped one of her feet, bringing his attention back up to her.

“Walk with me, then?” He asked.

She pursed her lips in a flat line. “It didn’t end very well the last time we took a walk together, if I recall.”

Jake cleared his throat and nodded slowly.

“At least he has the decency to look ashamed,” Bella thought. It was almost adorable how embarrassed he was acting. Almost.

Jake continued to stand there, shuffling back and forth on both feet, and finally Bella rolled her eyes and grabbed her coat from the hook by the door and brushed past him, closing the door loudly behind her.

“Fine. I have to get back down to the lodge anyway, to pack my things. We’ll walk down the mountain,” she said.

He spun around to catch up with her, pointing at his Jeep and jingling his keys in front of her.

“Or, I could…” he started, but she interrupted him.

“Absolutely not,” she said for the second time in a matter of minutes.

He didn’t respond, but instead, jogged to catch up with her. She had picked up a brisk pace, the momentum of the steep mountain road aiding her angry walk.

He didn’t allow much time to pass.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

She kept walking, waiting for more.

“I’m sorry. That was a terrible thing to say, and I didn’t mean it.”

“So why did you say it, then?” she asked angrily, staring straight ahead of her as she continued rushing down the mountain.

“I don’t know,” he said, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t know! You just make me so crazy!”

She skidded to a halt and turned toward him angrily. “Oh, no. No, no, no! You don’t get to blame your bad behavior on me, and you also need to do better than, I don’t know.”

She put her hands on her hips, her hair blowing wildly around her, and glared up at him.

He looked down at her and shook his head. “I wish I could explain it, Bella. I don’t know how. All I can tell you is the thought of you spending the night with another man was driving me crazy, and I blew up. I’m sorry I said that. I really am.”

Bella squinted her eyes up at him. His beautiful blue eyes were pleading with her, begging her to give him another chance. She felt her heart quicken just a little bit at his desperate countenance. He took a small step toward her and it was enough to shake her out of the trance he seemed to always put her in, and she stepped abruptly back.

“Still not good enough,” she said coldly, starting to walk again, this time leaving him in the dust.

“It’s because I love you,” he called out after her.

She stopped dead in her tracks and spun around.

“What did you say?” she questioned, taking a step toward him.

He threw his hands up in the air. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to. I haven’t allowed myself to feel…anything…since Rachel. That’s why I always use the escort service. But from the moment I first saw you, standing above me in the motel, your hair all messy from cleaning, something inside me just knew I had to be with you. And when you agreed to come along and be my girlfriend for this wedding, I knew I’d say or do whatever I had to in order to make you stay. You were so determined to keep the entire arrangement casual, so I tried to be cool and play along, but the more time I spent with you, the less time I wanted to be away from you. And I started falling in love with you. So when I pictured you going out with another man, maybe even staying over…it was too much for me. I just couldn’t bear it. I know I didn’t handle it right, but I really am sorry.”

Bella took another step toward him. “Love?”

Jake shrugged again, looking up at the sky and then back at her. “I didn’t want to.”

Closing the gap, she took another step. “But you do?”

He clenched his jaw and balled his fists at his side. “Yes. I love you. I’m sorry, I know…”

Bella interrupted him when she rushed forward, stopping just in front of him.

She put her hand on his face and stood up on her tip toes to get closer to his face. “I didn’t want to love you either,” she said.

Hope sparked in his eyes for the first time. “Does that mean you do?”

She lowered her feet back down to be flat on the ground again, and she looked at her shoes. “I do, I do love you, even though I didn’t want to either.”

Jake chuckled softly. “Look at us.”

He leaned down toward her, reaching for a kiss.

Bella put a finger up on his lips. They were such beautiful, full, lips, and she knew exactly how soft and tender they felt against her own. But she had to remain strong until she’d gotten everything out on the table.

“I may love you, but that doesn’t mean I forgive you. Yet,” she said.

Jake smiled down at her, beaming from ear to ear. “As long as I know you feel the same way, I can handle anything.”

She raised an eyebrow and squinted at him. “Okay. Let’s go back to the cabin and we’ll talk.”

Jake nodded gleefully. “Can I hold your hand while we walk?” he asked.

“Don’t push it,” Bella teased him, but she reached for his hand and he quickly grabbed onto it and squeezed it twice. She had to admit it felt good to have his hand back in hers.

They’d walked halfway to their cabin together, hand in hand, before he spoke again.

“There’s just one thing I have to know now,” he said.

Bella cast a sideways glance at him. “Okay…”

Jake looked straight ahead, his face taut and serious. “Did you sleep with Alex?”

Bella dropped his hand and spun to face him yet again. “Jake…” she started angrily.

“I know, I know! I have no right to ask. But I still have to know,” he said.

Bella thought for a moment. “No,” she said, and they continued their walk, but she didn’t reach back for his hand.

Jake pulled out his phone and tapped away on it for a few seconds and then placed it back in his pocket. Their air was brisk and light flurries danced casually around them as they walked down the rest of the way in silence. At the cabin, they walked inside and he helped her take her coat off and hung it on the rack, then led her by the elbow to the couch. He walked over to the fireplace and pressed a button to turn it on, then walked back to the couch and sat down next to her.

“I’m here to listen to anything you want to say,” he said, turning to look at her intently.

Bella nodded and looked down at her lap, rubbing her fingers together.

“I was in college,” she started, still looking down. “I met David my junior year, and we fell hard and fast. Or…at least I did.”

She glanced up and Jake smiled encouragingly, waiting for her to go on.

“My dad liked him. And since things had been…strained…with him since my mom had passed away, it was nice to be able to connect to him again. We were happy. I thought.”

Bella paused again and licked her lips nervously. She usually worked very hard to not think about all of the mistakes in her past, and it was hard to remember that time in her life.

“Toward the end of fall semester, I found out I was pregnant, and everything changed.” She peeked a glance at Jake, but his face didn’t change, he continued his unwavering smile.

“Dad didn’t approve, and it was awkward because he and David had been such buddies. And then he told us if we decided to keep the baby, we were on our own, but we figured we could make it work. I was so naive.” Bella shook her head at herself, hating the part of the story that was to come.

Jake reached out and placed a hand on her knee, but remained silent, ready to listen.

“We moved into an apartment together Spring semester because Dad stayed true to his word and cut me off completely. We both got part-time jobs, or at least, I thought we both did; but it turns out, I was the only one working. One afternoon when I was about three months, I wasn’t feeling great, so my boss at the diner let me leave early. It’s so cliche, but I walked in on David and another woman. In my bed.” Bella scoffed and shook her head. “He was supposed to be at work too, but that was probably just another lie.”

Jake jerked toward her, taking both of her hands in his, his face grim, his jaw clenched tight.

“I’ll kill the bastard,” he stated simply.

Bella squeezed his hands back and chuckled softly. “That’s really not necessary. It took me a long time to sort through all of that, but I finally realized he was never what I needed, or wanted. But it did take me a …very…long time to get there.”

She took another deep breath in and continued. “So obviously I left. I walked out of that apartment without a plan and without a dollar to my name. I had been working as a waitress at a small cafe, and there was a small studio apartment above it, which Cal, the owner, let me stay in for part of my wages. I had to drop out of school because there was no way I could afford to continue without my dad and without a partner. But I was going to make it work, have the baby, and then finish my last semester.”

Bella’s eyes suddenly welled up, and she gently removed her hand from Jake’s to dab at them with the tissue.

She took another long, shaky breath. “I was going to make it work. I was. I was going to do it alone.”

Jake cleared his throat and Bella glanced at him, but if there was something he wanted to say, he refrained himself, and just nodded at her instead.

She continued, “I was a little more than four months when I woke up in the middle of the night, my stomach cramping badly. I knew something was wrong. I drove myself to the hospital because I didn’t have money for an ambulance, but it wouldn’t have mattered even if I did. I…I miscarried that night.”

Jake finally closed the distance between them and enveloped her in a giant bear hug. She clung onto him, tears streaming down her face, silently shaking in his arms.

“I’m so sorry,” he murmured into her hair.

She nodded, still not yet able to speak. After a few moments, she pulled away and wiped her eyes again.

“So at that point, there was no reason for me to stay. I got on a bus and I rode for hours. I have no idea what made me choose to get off where I did, but I was looking for a place to stay for the night, and I found the motel. I met Sara, she offered me a job, and I’ve been there ever since.”

Jake nodded.

“But you see…that’s why it’s hard for me to let people in. The two most important men in my life…they both…”

“Abandoned you,” Jake finished flatly.

Bella nodded, exhausted from the retelling. “Even though David was obviously not meant for me, it still hurt to be betrayed in such an intimate way. It made me doubt everything, everyone. And probably most of all, it made my doubt myself, my ability to judge people and to make good decisions. So I was…am…scared to put myself out there again.”

Jake hugged her for the second time in as many minutes.

“Bella,” he said, staring deeply into his eyes. “I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. And if ever see either of those guys, they’ve got a thing or two coming. But I promise you, I will never hurt you like that. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she replied, pulling a blanket from the couch and curling up under it, completely emotionally spent.

Suddenly, the doorbell sounded, and Jake jumped up. In a few seconds, he came back toward Bella carrying a tray with mugs and a carafe.

“Hot chocolate,” he said, “I know you like it, and I know I have a lot of making up to do from last night, so I ordered it on our walk back.”

Bella smiled brightly at him, graciously accepting the warm mug of steaming deliciousness that he offered her. And as the heavenly liquid slipped down her throat, she snuggled closer into him, marveling at how much had changed in just the last twenty four hours.