THE NEWS
1021 Words
Cupid never shot his arrows Jade’s way. Every now and then she would see some young man that gave her goose bumps at a distance, but when she engaged in physical contact, it was always a disappointment. Like “Mr. Rodriguez,” as she and Pauline referred to the young man who deflowered her, Jade inevitably found the good-looking ones too vain and self-centered. And like the Brown philosophy major, the intellectually stimulating ones all seemed unsure of themselves in bed.
In May of her senior year, Jade got a call from Kat, telling her that she and Matthew were getting married. Jade flew to Chicago for the wedding, which was held in a beautiful park on the edge of Lake Michigan.
When Jade came back to Rhode Island, she cried her eyes out.
She told herself that love could not be forced, that she had no choice but to wait patiently - or impatiently - for it to come her way.
* * *
One afternoon Jade came back from her intaglio printing class and Pauline was in the room, a rare occurrence these days. She was sitting at her drawing table and turned around to look at Jade.
“What the hell have you done?” she asked, staring.
Jade frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“A few minutes ago, some ‘government agency’ called and started asking questions about you."
“What did they say, exactly?” Jade’s heart was already pounding.
“All kinds of personal stuff - if you were honest, if you ever stole things, if you did drugs...”
Jade was grinning ear to ear.
Pauline stared. “This makes you happy? Am I missing something?”
“I applied for a job with the Secret Service."
“You applied for... what?”
“A job at the Secret Service. It’s not so strange, Pauline,” Jade added, a little defensively. She had known Pauline wouldn’t understand. Like most everyone else at RISD, Pauline was applying for jobs at the fashion houses and design firms in New York, Boston, LA and Chicago. Jade had applied for most of the same jobs - she and Pauline had filled out a lot of the applications together.
“The Secret Service hires a lot of people who have experience in graphic design and printing,” Jade explained.
“I’m sure you’re right, but... jeez, Babe. The Secret Service?”
“It was just a whim, Pauline. I thought I would just send in an application and see what happened. Why not?”
She did not tell Pauline that the application was thirty four pages long and that she had slaved over it for an entire month. Jade had filled out most of it online, and had made sure no printed portions were around for curious eyes to see. The hardest part was the Knowledge, Skills and Abilities (KSA) essays. They were supposed to show the applicant’s “ability to deal with people, take responsibility, and make independent decisions."
Before Pauline left for her next class, she looked at Jade a long moment. “You’re a strange bird, Ms. Brownie." She gave Jade a warm hug. “But I love ya. I hope you get the job, if that’s what you really want."
“It’s what I want, Pauline. And thanks for the support."
The Secret Service called two days later and scheduled an interview for the following Monday at two pm, at the field office in Providence.
Jade was euphoric at first, but the feeling soon faded. She realized that on some level she’d hoped she wouldn’t get this far. The multi-stage process she was about to voluntarily engage in was intimidating, to say the least.
If she passed the interview, she would have to take the TEA, or Treasury Enforcement Agent Exam. From what Jade could gather, the TEA was a bit like the SAT test, but for people who wanted to become Secret Service agents. It had three parts - Part A, verbal reasoning; Part B, arithmetic reasoning; and Part C, problems for investigation. There were commercial study guides available for it. She was studying for finals right now. She dreaded the thought.
Then, if she was clever enough to pass the TEA, she would be invited back to the local field office for another interview. This somber event went under the imposing name of “Factor V." A panel of three senior Secret Service agents grilled you for ninety minutes to make for a fun-filled afternoon.
If you passed the Factor V, then came the lie detector test, an intensive physical exam, and an equally intensive psychological exam.
Only if you jumped all these hurdles would the Secret Service get serious about hiring you as a Special Agent. All the jobs in the Service required a Top Secret security clearance, so you had to undergo a thorough background check that left no stone unturned. Every address you had ever lived was verified and investigated. In-depth interviews were conducted with your friends, neighbors, coworkers, classmates, teachers, former employers, and anybody else you had ever known. This was to evaluate your honesty, judgment, reputation, financial responsibility, and of course your overall character. Then, and only then, would the Hiring Panel meet and make a final decision about you.
What bothered Jade most was the psychological exam. By that point, they would know all about her father’s arrest for passing counterfeit currency. Jade was wise enough to know that no law enforcement agency would ever hire anyone who had a vigilante mentality, someone who wanted to settle a personal grudge against a criminal. Jade knew from the beginning that she had to hide her heartfelt desire to avenge her father’s death and create the impression that applying for the Secret Service was an idea that only recently occurred to her.
This was the main reason she had applied for all the “normal” jobs with Pauline. The truth was, she had no interest in any of them.
The only job she was interested in was being a Special Agent in the Secret Service.
* * *
- Writer
