Her lost dream

I don’t know if you’re even real. I don’t know if i will ever meet you. I don’t know if you care about me as i do. I search and look for you everywhere.  i know for a fact that my feelings are real as i am and i know that we’re destined for each other it’s just not our time yet. But i need you to know that I truly love you. you’ve really gotten me up so many times and you helped me pull my torn pieces together. And you’re not even with me. I want to thank you for being by my side those hard years. I needed you and you were there ,you were there by spirit. Wherever you are i will find you. will always be thankful for all the beautiful feelings you let me feel. And yet again I’m not sure that you’re real but those feelings you make me feel is real and there’s something telling me that i will meet you soon. Until then i will fight and be strong and love you more and more wish you all the best things in life. i really wish i could support you as you did to me and really wish you were here with me but i know that we will find each other soon.  "I did write that didn’t I" Gia said to herself while tearing her gaze from her old journal "why am i looking in that old box for god’s sake. Okay its not that old but i decided to get over that dream and that stranger a while ago. Why do i look back to those now. Not that I'm not grateful for the hope that this dream kept giving me the spirits i felt supporting me all those hard years. And that stranger that made me feel safe when i really needed. The feeling that he was always there for me was what brought me up so many times. I always feel him near and in hard times like he is holding my hand telling me that its gonna be alright. but I really need to stop living in those dreams. those feelings supported me long enough but i have a reality that i have to face i always wonder back it was a beautiful dream its not that clear but i can remember his smile that melted my heart instantly, her emerald eyes that had a little hazel touch which i feel in love with, his hair that has the color of a golden sun rays. It i think that getting over a dream is more difficult than getting over a real person honestly. He held my hand and we entered a castle it was magnificent he looked at me welcoming me back. Like hell i ever stepped a foot in such a beautiful place before. I tried to understand that dream. I failed hard it took me a moment to feel like home there. A home that I never found here around my loved ones. But where is that place and what was more important for me is where and who is that guy. What I was convinced by back then that this person is real and I have to find him but I realized a while ago that I was holding onto a dream. I was desperate enough to hope for a dream to come true. What was I thinking  a strange guy who I dreamt about once will show up from nowhere. Will you can’t blame yourself that much you were just 14 then. I guess that what 4 years do to a person make them more realistic". she looked in the box again and took a little necklace from it  she found that necklace before she saw that dream. It has a beautiful blue rock which is craved from behind by a few symbols she couldn't understand but she saw herself wearing that necklace in that dream after that she adored it and nearly wore it all the time. It reminded her of that stolen moment what she felt that she belonged and that she is not alone she always felt safe and accompanied, she also felt strong when she wore it she didn't know the source of that strength but like it was giving her some kind of energy to continue her life. but now she refuses to feel that unreal felling again because she will never feel it in real life. She putted the necklace down taken back from her own thoughts  by her mother’s voice "dinner is ready Gia come on leave that room for a while and eat with us will you? ". She replies "coming mum just give me a minute". She putted the box back in her bottom drawer. and looked at her sad expression in the mirror in her bathroom she has a lovely amber eyes which now their beauty is faded by her tired gaze, her beautiful long golden brown hair that reaches down until her waist, her two dimples that she hasn't seen in a while, her cheeks that have a natural blush and her full lips that has a rosy color are what keeping her from looking tired and exhausted. She just cover her eyes dark circles and put on a smile and here she goes. She putted her hair up in a bun and went down. "Hi mom." she said greeting her mother. "Hello dear" her mother replied  and then said "Come take that plate and put it on the table please". Gia took the plate and went to the dining table where she found the rest of her family members. Her dad Jackob and her two younger siblings her 6 year old sister Tia and her 12 year old brother Mark. " Hello " Gia said while setting down greeting them. Her mother joined them and they started eating her dad started a conversation with her saying "Are you exited for your senior year tomorrow is the first day you got a whole lot of work to do this year for the tests and  preparing  your college applications ".Gia whispered "Yeah to finally get out of this pressuring town and to have a break from this house i have to work hard this year indeed". Her dad added "You're still fixed on applying to colleges aboard aren't you? you could at least go to a nearer college so we can visit more " yes dad she replied i need to take a break from all that drama in this town so the more far as i can go the better and i need to take a break from your problems too honestly I want to go as far as possible" she paused for a while "you two she said pointing to her mum and dad need to get a long and solve your own problems even after four years now and after the divorce you stopped yourself from getting because of us it has been crazy you two rarely talk to each other and every other day there's a huge disagreement on a silly things and you are really counting on me to solve every problem you two have with each other nope not any more you need a way to communicate with each other because I'm not dealing with this nonsense again". Her dad looked angrily at her and then at her mother and told her "that's what you raised her to be she isn't even grateful for our sacrifice". Her mother replies "You raised her with me that's a first and secondly watch your tone go talk her out of leaving I'm not the one who convinced her to apply for college aboard its your fault she wants to leave you're running around demanding all of us do what your asking without any freedom for us". "Now its my fault then its not your fault Martha you're a stubborn woman who wants to do only as she pleases and doesn't want to get any opinions from anyone". "Here we go again" Gia said to her brother and sister Mark replied " There's no hope with those two". "But we have to make them work if they are that stubborn and don't want to get a divorced" Gia said. "They are so stubborn to insist on not getting it and instead fight all the time". He points to his parent still shouting at each other "Go do your thing and make them stop it’s annoying". Tia replying talking to her sister "Yes Gia make them stop they are pretty loud I don't want them shouting". Gia replied "Take your plate and go eat in your room ill make them stop don't worry". "Okay" Tia replied taking her plate to go to her room. Gia said with a strong tone to match her parent’s "You have to stop this it’s my decision and nobody's fault I'm just tired and i need a break. I'll come home after college and I’ll visit I’ll do everything to make it easier for you. Don't make it harder for your other kids you have a six year old for god’s sake don't let her have the same childhood me and Mark had. You two shouting at each other all the time give us a break and give her a good childhood please it's been ages even before the the problems that happened four years ago you couldn't get along and you two refuse to get a divorce for our sakes but have you thought that you're hurting us more by doing this so stop and try to have a healthy relationship for once. I'm going to my room please go have an adult conversation in your room and keep your voices down for Tia’s sake" Gia said the last words storming out to go to her room Mark followed her going to his own. Gia entered her room and locking her door after her saying to herself i really need to stop meddling in their arguments they always calm down after that but i need a break from worrying about their problems i need to concentrate on my self for a while. It's gonna be a tough year but i need to get through it. She opened her lower drawer getting her old things box from there and opened it pulling the necklace talking while looking at it. Maybe I'm holding to a lost hope but tonight i need to feel that I'm not alone and i need to feel better for tomorrow so i can go face those annoying people at school tomorrow. I'm not that popular there but at least i got some friends i can spend the day talking to them so i dont pass out of boredom. She putted the necklace on prepared herself for sleep and then lay down on the bed she expected a sleepless night as any night her parent fight so she make sure they don't start shouting again but she drifted right into a deep sleep with a dream that she didn't know she was waiting for since the first .a dream where she saw him again it’s time princess he said smiling to her holding her hand it’s time I'm coming to get you. You won’t feel alone any more. You've handled yourself pretty well all those years but this time I’ll be right there guiding your way back where you belong. His emerald eyes looking into hers with a warm gaze