Out Of Hell

She sat bolt upright in her bed. Sweat pouring from her body. Her eyes adjusted instantly catching a glimpse of the dark figure in the corner of her room. Who are you? Her voice was steady while inside her heart was prancing around in her chest. I am the darkness within you. His eyes burned a bright sapphire color. What are you here for? She whispered, reaching for the cigarettes on the nightstand. I always pop in after a night like this. You simply aren’t usually awake when I do. He seemed to purr. A night like tonight? What do you mean? She was lighting the cigarette, her body was trembling. Who was this person, and how did he get in her bedroom. She would have to call the police. They won’t do any good. He smiled. He had read her mind. How did you… Know what you were thinking? My dear child. You and I are one. What you think I think, we work together, we have for centuries. I…do not know you sir, and you are inside my room, without my permission. If you do not leave now, I will be forced to call the cops. Please, as if they have anything on us. Besides, not only am I here in your bedroom, I am inside of you. His voice dropped to a seductive whisper. Her body went cold. She knew he was telling the truth. She closed her eyes to make it disappear, how could she possibly be awake? She tried to relax taking a deep breath she cautiously opened them once again, he was still sitting in her easy chair in her corner. What do you want? You have given me enough this evening child, I will be back, we can talk more then. With his words the darkness grew around her enveloping every sense she had, suffocating her with its presence. As it filled her room, she could feel it invading her mouth, eyes, ears, and nose. The world became fuzzy as she slipped away feeling like nothing was in her control. Her lungs filled causing her to choke making it harder to breathe. Once more she sat bolt upright in her bed. Searching the room for the darkness, finding nothing, she felt so alone and scared. What had just happened? Was it all just a dream, a nightmare she barely escaped from? As she took note of the room, she saw that everything was the way it always was. The comfy chair she read books in, her dresser, all the belongings she cherished were fine, and so was she. It occurred to her that this was just another figment of her imagination, what her therapist would say is the minds way of processing her true feelings. Oh god was she going to be late for her appointment again, she looked at the clock. The red lights read six forty-five, she had to get going if she didn’t want to miss it again. Jumping in the shower she cleared her mind and body with the scalding water. It was her way of waking up. The hotter the water the better the vibes. She finished her routine, then she dashed out the door heading to her car to drive the thirty minutes to her head doctor’s office. That is what she really was, a head doctor. She was court ordered to see the therapist once a week until she could be cleared as stable. She felt like that would never happen. If not for that asshole who came through her checkout lane that day she would never be in this position. He wasn’t a bad guy, he had been in the store many times. She normally just blew off his rudeness and sent him away with one of her award-winning smiles. That day was different. She had been battling a migraine all day and it had caused her stomach to turn. When he came through her lane with his redneck mullet and stupid attitude, she was certain she could handle it. As it turned out she couldn’t. What her mind had told her to do was not what she wanted to do. He talked about the weather and local news. Then from nowhere he zeroed in on her shirt and commented about how she looked like a tree hugger and that he had a tree she could hug, well this set her on a path to being fired and potentially put in jail. She tried to be nice, but he was simply taking advantage of her kind nature and she could no longer stand it. When he started laughing, she took her hand weaving it through his hair, smiling as if she planned to kiss the jackass in front of her. He leaned a little closer only to find himself being repeatedly slammed face first into the conveyor belt. Something had taken over and she felt more alive than ever as she pounded his face against the metal and rubber. Blood began spewing from the gashes on his face. He was screaming for help when her boss stopped her. He was taken to the hospital, and she was sent to the police station. She spent three days in jail wondering what the f**k was she thinking, yet strangely she found herself secretly excited about the way his nose split and gushed blood. When she appeared before the judge, he had told her that while technically she was justified, she could not go around bashing peoples’ heads against conveyor belts. She got a good size fine, time served, and required to attend weekly counseling for anger management for her outburst. That’s what they called it, and emotional outburst due to extreme stress causing her mind to snap. So here she was standing in front of the head doctors office wondering if there was ever going to be a way to move past this. She had lost her job and was now working as a freelance copywriter, it was work and helped keep the bills paid. The best part was she worked from home, so nobody was ever close enough to cause her issues to act up again. She hoped that her doctor would release her soon so that she could get back to normal, whatever that meant. Walking inside she greeted the receptionist with a smile. Hello Grace, how are you today? Good morning, Jessie, I am good. Marianne is expecting you. How has your week been? Oh, you know, same stuff just different day. Jessie smiled. Let me just page her, she will be out in a moment to bring you back. Thank you, Grace. Of course. She said slipping back into her work. Jessie was only one of many clients Marianne saw throughout the week. Sitting across the lobby from the desk Jessie was relieved she had made it on time. As she sat waiting, she thought back to the nightmare that woke her. His eyes were like a blue flame hotter than fire itself. She was drawn to it, to him, but why? Who was he really? Did he exist outside of her nightmare? Why did he decide to show up after the bloody nightmare she had? All the questions inside her head were louder than Marianne, Jessie didn’t even hear her say her name. Jessie, are you ready? Marianne said again. I’m sorry, I was daydreaming. It, perfectly normal Jessie, everyone has moments like those. Marianne smiled gently at her. Jessie liked her, she was not like other therapists that she had seen. She followed Marianne to her office. She was always so friendly. A flash crept across Jessie’s mind, one picture, that’s all it took. She saw Marianne hanging upside down from a bridge almost like a deer during butchering. The blood dripping from her throat made a small part of Jessie excited. She saw Marianne closing the door to her office and realized she had drifted off into her own mind again. How has your week been Jess? Uneventful I’m afraid. Did you get out of the house like I suggested last week? Jessie looked at the floor. She hated being out of her house. Ever since that day she felt like she was on the verge of mass destruction. She didn’t want to be the next serial killer found hiding in a hole covered in blood. She just couldn’t tell Marianne that, if she did, they’d lock her in a padded room. I had more work than I thought I did. It kept me busier than usual. I couldn’t get out. We talked about this Jess. You have to get back out there. Socialization is an integral part of treatment. If you don’t have to confront your issues this is an exercise in futility. Let me ask you something Marianne. Why would it be so easy to order groceries and food and all the things one must have to survive, if they did not mean for it to be used? I work hard to take care of myself, and that means I put in long hours at my computer so that I can pay my bills and survive, what else do I need? Aren’t you lonely? Well, that’s typical, isn’t it? I say what else do I need, and everyone thinks poor girl she must be lonely. I’m sorry but I just am not. I like being alone. Nobody bugging me about what I wear, nobody stealing my covers, nobody telling me the food isn’t good enough or too cold. Why do I need to be around anyone who could steal my peace from me? You know that isn’t why I am asking you to interact with other people, don’t you Jessie? Jessie saw the blood dripping from the gaping wound on her neck, she knew it wasn’t there, but it was making her wonder what it would really be like, watching her bleed out. Marianne, I am not sure I want to expose myself to people who could cause me to be that person again. I have no desire to be around the filth of the world daily. I can honestly say I am aware of how you feel and while I don’t completely agree with you, I do have moments the I feel the same way. Jessie giggled to herself keeping her face calm as to not give away her thoughts. I really don’t think you do Marianne, I don’t think anyone does. So, you believe there isn’t anyone who knows what you are going through right now, is that what you are saying? I honestly believe that this world has gone to hell and taken all these people with it. I am not even sure that there are any real people who have a good bone in their body anymore. So, what you are asking is that I find it in my heart to forgive society for allowing people like George f*****g Mongo to exist in this world and be the asshole he is. I simply can’t accept that. He was a complete jerk who should have been in jail for s****l harassment for all the times her was rude to me and many others before I finally rearranged his face for him. Jessie, you fractured thirteen bones in his face causing him to have multiple surgeries to correct the damage. He almost died from blood loss during the emergency procedures to save his life. Do you really feel vindicated in this? Vindicated? Jessie tasted the word for a moment. I don’t think vindicated is the word, but I can tell you that after he was taken away many of the customers and cashiers were happy he got what he deserved. Yes, but what do you deserve for almost costing him his life? He has a wife, three children, would you have been okay if he had died? Jessies’ eyes fell to the floor, she knew she had overreacted, but he wasn’t sorry for the way he treated people despite his family, why should she be? It isn’t that I don’t feel bad for them, I feel bad that he is her husband and their father, he knows they love him, and he still behaves like that, shouldn’t they know who he really is? Is it your job now to tell people the kind of person they allow into their lives? I do not see you as being a good fit for that. Honestly, I don’t think I am a good fit anywhere in society, and I have told you that. Yes, I know. But that does not mean you can do something of this magnitude and not get some sort of reprimand for it, and you must know you need to rejoin society someday. Why? It doesn’t seem to make anything easier for me, I am happier being alone, I do not really need society for anything. Without society you wouldn’t have a job. You couldn’t be making those ads and selling products for people so that you can survive. I am an unnamed writer who writes for others, I have no effect on them, and they have no effect on me. I only catch their interest, not interact. They do the rest, it’s a job, a way to make money that is all. Jessie, I must tell the judge in one month if I feel you will be okay in society again, and if you aren’t going to try, I can’t say you will. Do you understand this? So, what is the worst he can do to me if I can’t? The worst that he could do, Jessie you could end up spending the rest of your days in a locked facility on medication meant to suppress your animalistic urges. They could deem you so mentally ill that you never see the light of day again. This may have been your first offense, but this isn’t a small time first offense, it’s attempted murder. Oh, I know, I lost my job and just about everything I had because of that jackass. I can’t believe he didn’t get anything for harassing me. He did, a broken face, marriage, and life thanks to you. Jessie looked at Marianne knowing she should feel ashamed, she just couldn’t. Fine, tell me what I have to do to make this go away so that I can move on with my life. You have to talk, you have to heal, and you have to rejoin society. That is what I have been working towards for you since you first came in. I like you Jessie, you are a good person, you just need to try for you, not for anyone else, for you. Jessie was glad Marianne couldn’t see that she was thinking of watching her die, she knew she was trying to help, but inside there were blood coated images repeating like a broken record. If Marianne knew this, she would throw away the key and never let her out. She wanted to talk, but if she did, she would end up in lock down she knew it. I will do my best, I just have a hard time not being angry at society for accepting these creeps and allowing them to do the things they do. It isn’t fair for them to get away with those things either. If you had gone to your boss first, he might have been handled this better and you wouldn’t be going through this. That isn’t true. George is best friends with the boss, there were multiple reports to him about George, and not just from me. Why did you not say this before now? Because there is no proof. The minute I snapped, and s**t went south the owner, Bill MacCallum, destroyed all those reports to cover Georges’ ass. What about the other cashiers, or witnesses? Will any of them stand up with you? No, they don’t want to lose their jobs either. I could have the judge investigate it, or maybe have someone else investigate it. What good would that do? They already condemned me, and nobody is willing to validate my story, it would be a waste of time and resources. Jessie, I want to help you, but you have to be willing to help yourself too. You do whatever you think is best, I will do what I can to make this easier for you. And what do you think will do that? Well, for starters I will leave the house once a week for groceries and supplies, so that I can show you I can do it, I just don’t want to. If it means I can get back to life, well then, I guess I can do whatever needs to be done. That isn’t all you are going to have to do. You have to talk to me and open up about what is going on inside of you, what has caused you to lose hope for society. I already have been, don’t you think? I would have to say, you have been more open today than in the past two months. However, I am going to need you to start talking more about things, things that might have shaped your feeling and beliefs in this manner, can you do that? Jessie looked deep in her eyes to avoid the sight of her neck and the blood that was coagulating around it, yes, I believe I can, and I will do anything I need to, so that I might get a normal life back. Good. Now then, our session is over for this week, but I do want you here next week on time and ready just like today. I will be here. I may not like doing this, but if it gets me through this, I am willing to do what needs to be done. I think things are finally getting where we need them to be Jessie. So, I will see you next week, same time. Yes, you will. I want receipts from your visit to the grocery stores to show proof to the judge that you are following the program we have put in place. I can do that. We have a program in place? Yes, we do now. You get out once a week, talk to me once a week, and you have to start healing from this, we put it together today. It will help your case and keep you from being behind bars again. Okay, then we have a program. I will see you next week. Jessie stood up to leave smiling at Marianne as she turned to leave. Thank you, Marianne. Thank you too Jessie.