SHADOWS OF THE PAST

Chapter 02

There they are, talking about me as if I’m not here, well…technically I’m not. They don’t know that I followed them here. Although I can’t really hear a thing, it doesn’t matter because I’m at two people only. Two people I let into my heart and here they are, conspiring against I don’t know what.

My best friend and my…my what? I don’t know what Travis is to me anymore, because as it turns out, we are not married. Am I his girlfriend or…fuck! Am I his f**k buddy? I really don’t know. I should just stop. Trying to figure out everything that involves Travis is stress and I am enough of it now. Can’t I just have a normal like any other person. Why should my life be this difficult and complicated? Sigh. I’ve had it with everything. I’m enough. The year just began and already have too many problems on my shoulder.

I walked upstairs back to the bedroom. Sigh, here’s another demon haunting me. After the retribution f**k I got from Travis I don’t know how to feel, for some weird reason I enjoyed it, but my emotions were all over, I ended up running to the toilet to cry. Falling asleep in the process, he worn me out, even know I’m tired buy sleep has not been my friend lately.

I don’t know what time he got in bed last night, but when I woke up, I found a tray of breakfast on bed with a glass of orange juice.

“morning” he opened the door and placed his phone inside his jean pocket.

“I made you breakfast” he sat on the bed. He looked uneasy.

“I can see” I took the toasted Nutella break and took a bit. “mmh”

“here” he took a napkin and wiped the side of my mouth.

“thanks” I took the napkin from him and cleaned myself.

He looked at me and sighed. With one last look he stood up and walked out the door, my vision became blurry and a tear escaped my eye.

I’m woken by Travis telling me we have to leave. Reluctantly so, I walked to the bathroom and took a shower, the hot water felt good against my skin, I wish I could stay like this, in this blissful moment, but I can't, so I get out, dry myself and dress in yesterday's clothing.

When I get to the kitchen, he places a steaming cup of coffee and a breakfast plate in front of me, and like a hungry lion I devour everything on the plate. After I was done, he took our plates and placed them in the sink, leaning against it with his head bowed down he sighed.

"Bella I'm sorry about last night, I…" I interrupted.

"Travis please, a lot happened last night I don't want to talk about it okay" he looked at me and sighed.

"okay, but can you promise we will talk about it though" he looked at me hopeful "please okay" So I agreed.

"I love you okay?" I nodded my head yes and he kissed the top of my head. I want can't find it in me to say the words back. I'm still emotional and he has a lot of explaining to do, I won't let him walk away that easy.

When we got home, he released my hand from his, since we left he's been holding my hand and saying nothing, that little gesture warmed me inside. He looked at me once last time before he disappeared to his study… I have school work to do. Immediately when I got inside, yesterday’s events replayed all over. I found myself tearing up.

He had his eyes closed, head tilted back and a glass of bourbon on his hand. He looked pained and seemed miles away. I don’t know what I'm doing here but here am I. Wishing to be in his arms, telling me that yesterday's events didn't happen. I want him to tell me that he loves me, i… 'f**k' I want him to tell me why he did all that…

"hey… Are you okay" uuh… a part of me wants to leave yet another part of me wants to stay, work things out maybe. I don't know, so I shrugged my shoulders.

"hey, hey, hey…" he stood up and came to me. "come here" he opened his arms for me, and I went.

As soon as he embraced me, a tear dropped from my eyes. "I'm really sorry Bella, please forgive me" tears kept streaming down my eyes, silently so. My heart and my head are in conflict. Lord knows I love this man in front of me. Hell even after his betrayal I still find comfort in his arms. How messed up is that.

He kept soothing my hair telling me how sorry it is and professing his love for me. I know without a doubt that he loves me.

꙳꙳꙳

I'm woken by the sound of the shower running. I stretch myself yawning in the process. Carl comes from the shower drying his hair with a towel the other one wrapped around his waist.

"morning. Did I wake you?" He asks as soon as he sees me awake.

"no" I shake my head and continue looking at him. Looking at him overwhelms me, I'm overwhelmed by how much I love him.

"are you okay?" He asks sitting down and taking my hand in his, brushing my knuckles with his thumb.

I nod my head yes because I don't trust my voice, it might just betray me and I know Im on the verge of tears. He looks at me and sigh. "I love you" he kisses my forehead lingering a little too long, but I'm not complaining, I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest, like me, he releases a sigh, I feel myself getting a little better. Being in his arms makes me believe everything will all be alright.

"yours arms feel like home too baby" I guess I said that out loud, he chuckles

"yes you did, and I'm glad you haven't changed" he kisses the top of my head. I know what he means by 'haven't changed' events that occurred recently have made me feel like I've aged ten years.

"let me go prepare breakfast and head out a little bit, then I'm all yours for the day" he's dressed in just Jean and hoodies. The Jean makes his butt look cute. I hear his chuckle

"you not going anywhere today right?" I turn and look at him, I shake my head no and he nods. "I'll go make breakfast then"

꙳꙳꙳

When I get in the kitchen, the sizzling sound of bacon welcomes me, "I'll be done in a minute" he says not looking my way, I just got out of the shower and I feel refreshed, although I'm a bit gloomy, but the bath did wonders to me. I don’t feel like doing anything or going anywhere so I'm in sweats and hoodies and ugg boots. I feel rather comfortable like this, all I need is a bucket of chocolate fudge and watch some marvel movies, I know that's what Luu would say we do…. Sigh! Let me not think about Luu right now, because I'll just get emotional and…

"I made you some fruits here, hope you don't mind!" he places a bowl of finely cut fruits, nuts and plain yogurt in front of me.

"no it's fine, thank you" he brushed my back and kissed my head. He's overly affectionate today. We had our breakfast in comfortable silence.

After we were done eating I cleared the table and went to put the used dishes in the dishwasher and cleaned the table with a wet cloth. The kitchen is nice and spotless. He sure knows how to work a kitchen.

"want anything while I'm out?" a smile worked its way to my lips

"no. But thank you" he looked at me a little too long then nodded his head "okay, I'll be back before twelve, I love you"

"I love you" I said. He smiled and came to kiss my cheek then left.

Well...now that that's out of the way, what do I do with myself for the next three hours?

I took this time to actually study this place, he has a lot of paintings, in here, I wonder how it would be like to actually be a painter, like stop everything and be a painter, I wonder how my life would like if I my parents actually cared about me enough to stick around.