In Love With My Stalker

Chapter Three

Jake came back the next day, true to his word, asking me to teach him to play poker. He was dreadful, and I wasn’t very supportive because I laughed. But I managed to at least get him to control his poker-face and make a believable bluff. He came back every day for weeks and weeks, always with the same request. He got a little better each day, but he never actually won a game.

He struggled to climb through the window one Friday morning, a full month after he first appeared. It was a familiar beginning to our routine, but this time, he was carrying two boxes. One contained a pizza. The other held a chess set.

“Do you play? I figured it would be right up your alley,” he said as he set up the board in our usual spot. I stared down at it with a blank expression.

“Not in years…” I admitted, just above a whisper.

“Yeah? I haven’t played in forever either. But the upside is you don’t have to teach me this one. My grandfather taught me when I was a kid.” Jake was still setting up the board, and he spoke without looking at me.

“I learned from… someone else.” I swallowed hard and pushed down my discomfort. This wasn’t dredging up the best memories. I tried to look at the chessboard like it was just another game, and not the pinnacle of manipulation that it had symbolized for me. Jake didn’t know about my past, and he didn’t need to.

When he finished setting up, I sat across from him with every semblance of calm. Although I clenched my fists hard enough to hurt. I needed the game to be over quickly so we could do something else as soon as possible. I couldn’t bear the thought of playing chess for as long as we’d played Go Fish. The game progressed, with neither one of us speaking. I could tell from the slight furrow of his brow that Jake was concentrating. Unlike me; I just dissociated.

“Mate in two,” he announced out of nowhere, surprising me. I looked up in disbelief to find him grinning at me. Staring down at the board, I found he was absolutely right. I hadn’t been paying much attention.

“I concede,” I told him, sounding as surprised as I felt.

His smile widened. “I bet you weren’t expecting that. I’m not terrible at every game after all.”

“Never thought that.”

“Do you want to play again?” he asked me.

I’d been prepared to say no since I hated chess. But that was before he’d awakened the competitive streak in me I hadn’t known I had. I just couldn’t let him beat me. And I hadn’t really been trying, so it didn’t even count. We played again, just to prove he wasn’t that much better. Except he won again. So, of course, we had to play again. That time I would’ve had him in four moves, if he hadn’t mated me in three.

“I hate this game,” I announced after he beat me for the sixth time in a row.

Jake laughed, looking pleased with himself. “Don’t be a sore loser, Kay,” he teased me. He leaned back in his seat, pushing up his sleeves with an air of pride.

“Kay?” I repeated in confusion. Had he forgotten my name, too?

“Short for Cadence. It suits you,” he explained with a shrug.

I considered that. It made no impression on me; I never had a nickname before. Cadence was my middle name, anyway.

“Well, I still hate chess. Maybe even more now,” I replied with a scowl. An immovable smirk rested on his mouth.

“Let’s make a bet,” he told me.

I frowned again. “What kind of bet?”

“Nothing too extreme. And not for money either. How about… if you win the next game, I'll give you something you want. And if I win… then you give me something I want.”

“… what kind of something?”

“Whatever kind of something you want it to be. That I can reasonably give you, I mean. Nothing outlandish.”

I thought about this for a while. I rarely wanted anything from anyone other than to be left alone. So at first I was going to reject the idea. But then I thought about how much I enjoyed being around him. I never had an interaction with another person I didn’t want to escape from after a while. But even after Jake spent the day with me, a part of me didn’t want him to go when he left for the night. So what would I ask—that he stay with me? Could I even ask for something like that?

“What d’you say?” Jake prompted me.

“Okay…” I kept my head bent down so my hot cheeks wouldn't give me away.

We played again. I concentrated more than ever on every move, trying to think three steps ahead. He checked me several times, but I always escaped being mated at the last minute. He captured my pieces one after another, like he was chasing me across the board. But I captured some of his pieces too, and he had to switch strategies a few times. I knew he was just as determined to win the bet as I was.

“Checkmate!” he shouted with triumph and made me jump. He swooped in with his knight after my king. I groaned, pushing my hands through my hair in frustration. Jake laughed and laughed, flexing his arms in victory.

“You're a sore winner.” I glared at him as he did a little dance in his seat.

“Yeah, but the key word there is winner,” he replied with a grin. Then he reached over and tousled my hair until I slapped his hand away.

“So. What do you want me to give you?” I asked when he stopped gloating. We stared at each other, and I knew he could tell I was nervous. He leaned toward me and I sucked in a sharp breath. But all he did was pluck a stray hair off my cheek and let it fall on the floor.

“I’m coming back tomorrow for my winnings. So be ready,” he told me. Then he packed away the chess set, grabbed the last slice of pizza, and left through the window again. But he never said what to get ready for.

My anxiety spiked, holding me in a vice the rest of that night. I tossed and turned as worries of the unknown cycled through my head, keeping me awake. The next morning, I didn’t know if he was going to make me leave my apartment, but I dressed for the occasion, just in case. It was late summer. The weather hadn’t cooled, but I was almost always cold. I wore a loose black sweater that, like most tops I wore, was the wrong size. It fell almost to mid-thigh, and the sleeves hid my hands. I put on a pair of black leggings and some boots.

Jake showed up at the window just as I entered the room. I’d started leaving the window open a few inches so he wouldn't have to hail me down. He opened it with one hand, like he always did. But he didn’t come in.

“Come up with me,” he requested.

I froze. “To your apartment?"

He smiled. “Yes, Kay. Come on.” He held out his hand for mine, but I took a step back.

“Why?”

“Because I won the bet yesterday, and this is what I want from you.”

“W-what will we do up there?”

“You’ll just have to come and see.”

I stared at him with wide eyes, struggling to control my breathing. My fingers twisted knots in my sweater. I locked my knees to keep from bolting and hiding in the bathroom. Jake just waited.

“Can… Can I bring my blanket?” I asked in a nervous whisper.

He smiled at me again. “Of course you can.”

I grabbed it off my bed and held it tight in my arms as he helped me out the window and onto the fire escape. Jake’s hand was a steady guide on my back as he led me up the metal stairs and carefully through his window. My heart pounded with each step, and my breaths were noisy with skittish fear.

His apartment had the same layout as mine. It was strange to see the same space look so different. Framed photos and comic book panels hung on walls that were blank in my apartment. There was a mirror with hundreds of notes written on it in erasable ink. He set it against the wall where I kept a small table for my keys and mail. He had a couch in the middle of the room across from a large television in the same places where I kept my futon and bookshelves.

“You have no idea how many nights I’ve laid awake in horror at the fact that you’ve never seen a single movie. So we’re going to correct that right now. We’ll watch all the movies that any self-respecting human in the western world has seen, starting with the Princess Bride. If we do it right, you’ll see every movie from every genre. The important ones anyway,” he told me.

Several enormous stacks of movies in their cases already waited on the coffee table.

I didn’t have a response for this, still trying to acclimatize to the unfamiliar space. Walking around in slow, careful steps, I let my eyes rest on every piece of furniture. It was like saying hello to the room. My gaze landed on my reflection in the mirror, and I grimaced. My head of wild, jet black curls was as untamed as ever. I got so lost in thought most days that I forgot to style it. In the mirror, I saw most of it pushed off to one side, revealing the crazy streak of stark white hair at my temple. I’d had it since I was a kid. My blanket fell as I raised my hands to smooth my dark curls over it and cover it up. Jake came up behind me and caught my hands, stopping me with a gasp. I could feel the solidity of his chest against my back, and his scent overloaded my senses.

“Don’t. I like it,” he scolded me. Then he kissed me right there on my white roots. His brown eyes met my hazel ones in the mirror, catching my startled expression. I could see the contrast between his fair skin and my almond brown complexion. His arms gave me an affectionate squeeze before releasing me. My chest felt tight. I forced myself to let out the shaky breath I involuntarily held.

I scrambled to pick up my blanket, following him over to the couch. He collapsed with little grace across it. Kicking off his shoes and propping a foot up on the coffee table, he pressed buttons on the remote. I sat on the opposite end, clutching my blanket in my lap for security.

“Will it be loud?” I asked to prepare myself as the TV flickered to life.

As an answer, he put the volume control up on the screen and let me watch as he lowered the sound. The movie started, and I frowned as a little boy and his grandfather appeared.

“I thought you said it was about princesses,” I protested.

“Hush.”

A few minutes later I spoke up again: “She doesn’t look like a princess."

“Kay, just watch.”

I sighed, lifting my feet to rest them on the edge of the coffee table. But I didn’t take my boots off. I propped my arms up on my knees as I resigned myself to take this experience seriously. It didn’t take long for me to get invested in it. I even got a little teary-eyed when Buttercup swore never to love again after finding out Wesley’s fate. I laughed, gasped, or groaned at nearly every part. When the movie ended, I sighed again, but that time with satisfaction. I turned to look at Jake to find him already watching me.

“What did you think?” he prompted.

“It was lovely. But the part with the rodents was disgusting.”

He laughed. “I think I watched you more than the movie,” he confessed, his gaze unwavering still.

I blushed. “Don’t. You know I don’t like when you stare…” I spoke to the knees of my leggings, unable to maintain eye contact under that steady gaze.

“Then you shouldn’t be so nice to look at."

The heat climbed, and I didn't know what to say. I never knew what to say when he complimented me.

He shifted on the couch as he put on the next movie. The next thing I knew, his hands closed around my ankles, making me gasp. He turned me in my seat to face him. I watched him in stunned silence as he undid the laces of my boots, pulling them off my feet to fall carelessly on the floor. His hands ran over my feet in their socks; probably to warm them up, as my feet were always cold. He unfolded my blanket and spread it across us both before leaning back and tucking an arm behind his head. I sat there motionless with my feet in his lap, waiting for the shock to wear off.

We watched When Harry Met Sally next, and The Wedding Singer after. I lay back in my seat during the movie change, finally feeling comfortable. And I also realized that I had been missing something by not watching movies before. Well, until Jake put on the Predator and scared me out of my wits. Not even ten minutes into it, I whimpered and shielded my eyes. Just the anticipation of the bad guy showing up made me dive across the couch to bury my face in his neck for safety. His arms were strong and all-encompassing as he held me close.

“It’s alright, Kay. It’s just a movie,” he tried to assure me, speaking into my hair.

“Please—please turn it off!” My voice came out in a hysterical squeak through my hyperventilating breaths, and unshed tears stung my eyes. He obliged me at once. We lay in each other’s arms for a while in the following silence until I calmed down. When my heart stopped pounding holes in my ribs, I felt brave enough to pull back and look into his face. His eyes locked onto mine, and he looked guilty. “That was mean.”

“I’m sorry, I should’ve warned you. We won’t watch anymore like that, I promise,” he told me. His hands caressed my face and smoothed back my hair until my panic subsided. I wiped my eyes with shaky hands before pulling myself up into a sitting position. Jake’s hands seemed reluctant to leave me—they ran trails up and down my back, maintaining the contact.

“I want to go home now,” I whispered. He sat up quickly behind me, pressing his forehead against my shoulder as his arms wrapped around my waist. I wasn’t sure what to think with him so close to me. We touched before, of course, but never like this. I just sat there, feeling numb as he held me.

“Don’t go… I would never try to scare you on purpose. Please? We can watch anything you want. How about something fun? It has music, and even talking animals. Would you like that?” he proposed, speaking against my shoulder.

“Talking animals?” I repeated, incredulous.

“Yeah. It’s animated too, so there’s lots of color and other special effects. I know you’ll like it. What d’you say?”

“Okay…” I whispered. But only because I couldn’t wrap my mind around a movie with animals that could talk. What would they even sound like? Jake leapt up and switched the movies. When he settled back into his spot, I curled up against him again. It surprised me how comfortable I found it; he was very warm.

He held me close without a hesitation, running his fingers up and down my back while his other hand ran through my hair. It felt incredible. My eyes started getting heavy. We stayed like that as we watched the Lion King. And he was right, I loved it. So much so that I asked him to play it again. After that, he put on Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast.

When Jake rose to change the movie again, my arm slid up his chest to drape around his neck, pulling him closer to me. I’d been yawning for the last thirty minutes. The paths his hands took over me were so soothing and gentle; I was already half-asleep. He buried his face in my hair and held me closer as I drifted off.

~*~

An aching thirst pulled me awake, but I was so comfortable I didn’t even want to open my eyes. As I lay there, I came back to reality. I realized I wasn’t in my bed and the mattress wasn’t moving beneath me. My head rested on Jake, and the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed made me move with the motions. I also realized that our legs tangled together beneath my blanket. One hand looped under his arm to his shoulder, the fingers of the other lost in his hair. And I also realized that a hand locked around my waist, pressed against my bare skin beneath my sweater. I should’ve felt embarrassed or even a little alarmed, but I didn’t. Nothing with Jake felt wrong.

I hadn’t decided whether I wanted to get up yet when I felt his lips brush over my forehead. They moved over my temple with my weird hair again and the bare skin of my shoulder where my sweater had shifted out of place. My heart pounded, dazed with shock at his boldness. I tilted my head up then, but before I’d opened my eyes, he pressed his lips against mine. It was a light kiss, nothing more than a gentle pressure. But he stole my breath from me. He kissed me again and again, and on the third time our mouths stayed connected. Jake’s tongue flickered over my lips, tasting them. Then his tongue suddenly glided across mine, and with a jolt I realized that was because I was kissing him back.

Once I realized it, our kissing took on a whole new height. Our mouths fit together like the perfect puzzle, each movement in tandem. It never stopped being exactly enough. Jake’s hands slid further up my sweater, gliding across my side to splay across my back. His fingertips pressed into my spine, pulling me even closer while his other hand cradled my face. My fist clenched his shirt just over his shoulder blade. When he pulled me closer, my leg wrapped around his waist. My pulse was racing from how close we were and the way he trembled with barely suppressed desire. I had no idea how far this was going to go.

I lowered my head until the kiss broke. It felt like the right time, since my thoughts were moving to the future. Our breathing was heavy as we tried to slow our hearts. His forehead rested against mine while he pushed back my hair and brushed his thumb over my lips.

I decided at that moment that I didn’t want to look at him. I wasn’t ready to open my eyes and find him staring at me, and see the inevitable question there that I didn’t know how to answer. Life-altering decisions would bog down our first kiss and define who we were to one another, and I didn’t want that. So I kept my eyes shut and buried my face in his neck again. It was amazing how easy it was to just go back to sleep.

~*~

The next time I woke up, I was all alone in the pitch-black room. I lay there bundled up in my blanket, blinking in the dark and trying to convince myself not to panic. It must’ve only been a few minutes before the front door opened and light from the hall came spilling in, making me shield my eyes at the brightness.

There was a standing lamp just beside the door; with a flick of the switch, light filled the room. Blinking hard to adjust, I could make out Jake holding plastic grocery bags. He was giving me an odd look, but I ignored that. Carrying the bags into the kitchen, he turned the light on in there too. I put my boots back on and followed in a bit of a daze.

“You left me?” I asked in a sleepy murmur, biting back a yawn.

“Only for a little while. You looked so peaceful; I didn’t want to wake you.” His gaze never left me. He looked like he was waiting for something.

“If you got food, then it’s okay.”

“I woke up starving too, only to realize I have nothing to eat in here. So at first I was going to go out and just buy a pizza or something. Then I thought, ‘hey, I bet she doesn’t even know that I can cook. I should wow her with my culinary skills and make her dinner.’ But I’m too lazy for that, so I’m making grilled cheese,” Jake explained, and I laughed.

“Grilled cheese sounds delicious, actually. Can I help with anything?”

His stare intensified then. I knew what he wanted the moment he licked his lips. He grabbed fistfuls of my sweater before I could prevent it and pulled me near, closing the space between us. I stumbled from the sudden movement. My boots squeaked on the hardwood, making me wince.

“You can kiss me before I lose my mind…” His breath brushed over my mouth as he pulled me against his chest. I turned my head away before his lips met mine.

“Um… bathroom?” I asked. I gently but firmly tugged my sweater out of his grip.

“Yeah, of course. It’s right down—well, you know where it is.”

I shuffled back out of the room, swallowing the awkwardness lodged in my throat. We had never been awkward before, but I couldn’t see a way around it now. I hid out in his bathroom for what I hoped was an acceptable amount of time. I splashed water on my face and tried to marshal my thoughts.

When I headed back into the kitchen, the smell of those sandwiches made my stomach grumble. Jake leaned against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed, frowning down at the hardwood beneath his feet.

“I’m gonna head home. It's pretty late,” I announced from the doorway.

He looked up in dismay. “No!”

“No?” I echoed, alarmed.

“No, I don’t mean—of course you can go, I just—ugh. Okay, can we just time out here for a second?" He stammered. "I don’t even know what’s happening. One minute we’re talking about grilled cheese and the next minute you’re bolting. Did I do something? Should I have waited until you woke up before leaving, or…?”

“It’s not that. I… I don’t want to stay too late my first time over.”

“But I want you to. I want you to eat grilled cheese with me. And we have about four hundred and ninety-six more movies to watch, omitting the ones that will give you nightmares. Let’s stay up late, and let’s sleep too long in the morning, and–and let’s kiss until I forget where I am. Please?”

“Jake…” I murmured. I rubbed my face, not knowing how to deal with this.

“Tell me we kissed. Tell me I didn’t hallucinate that whole thing just by staring at your mouth all day.”

“We kissed,” I admitted, blushing.

“And was it as amazing as I remember it being? ‘Cause I have never in my life kissed anyone like that.”

“It… it was amazing.”

He crossed the kitchen toward me with deliberate steps, like I was some skittish animal he didn't want to scare off. When he reached me, Jake took my hands in his.

“Okay. Good. Now, can we talk about why you’re running away?”

“You don’t really know me, Jake. But—I don’t do this. I don’t fall asleep at other people’s apartments. Or even go inside other people’s apartments. I don't let people into mine. And I don’t kiss people. Ever. But with you, I’m doing all this stuff I don’t do. It’s–it’s too much new, and I’m not—I can’t take it in.”

“Wow.”

“I would really like to go home now. I need my space, and my air because right now I can’t really breathe and–” I tried to explain through my shuddering gasps.

His thumbs rubbed the backs of my hands, frowning with sympathy.

“Okay. I get it. I’ll walk you down,” he said. He quickly made it much less complicated, and gratitude washed over me. Grabbing my blanket for me, he helped me through the window. But the best thing was that he wrapped up one of the grilled cheese sandwiches for me to take. We said our goodbyes right there on the fire escape. Jake kissed my cheek before leaving me alone.

I climbed through my window and lay right there on the floor where I landed. Closing my eyes as I splayed my hands on the carpet, I let the familiarity seep into my skin and soothe my hysteria. I stayed right where I was while I ate my sandwich. After thinking about it for a minute, I just curled up in a ball with my blanket and went to sleep on the floor.