Here I Am

Chapter 4

Chapter 4Kai

My phone keeps buzzing, but I can’t answer or even see who’s calling and texting me. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s Toby, and I wish nothing more than to be able to talk to him. But I can’t…because I’m handcuffed to my bed.

I don’t understand how I—a virgin—got myself into this mess. I’m all alone, and the darkness swallowing me up is so thick it doesn’t matter if my eyes are open or closed. I’ve lost track of time—no clue how long I’ve been stuck like this, cold, alone, just waiting for…something. Whatever it is, it can’t be good. The blindfold presses hard against my eyes, blocking out my surroundings. My mouth is painfully dry from the cloth shoved between my teeth, tied tight at the back of my neck. I can’t believe that bastard Franklin left me here. I’m not even interested in bondage, which is why it’s so typical that I, of all people, would wind up in a b**m situation like this.

Looking back at what happened earlier, there’s no doubt that I went along with this too quickly, too easily. But I got curious when Franklin came out with the toys, and I haven’t been doing so well lately. Ever since that fateful night out at the bar, I’ve been suffering from heartbreak, and I must say, for a moment, I stopped caring about what happened to me. I got reckless long enough for Franklin to take advantage of it.

“I got you a present,” he said when he was here, holding up a box with stuff I hadn’t seen before. I frowned, not recognizing what I saw, and when I took a better look, I saw handcuffs, a blindfold, some strange rings, and other stuff inside that box. I was surprised, maybe even briefly intrigued, and he must have seen the wonder in my eyes because he walked up to me with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“Do you want to try it?” he asked me, taking the handcuffs out of the box and dangling them in front of me. “I thought you might like it. Everybody does this nowadays. Especially pretty twinks like yourself.”

My next question should have given him an indication that I was far from ready for this. “What’s a twink?” I asked.

He chuckled before replying. “It’s a slim, young, gay person. Attractive, like yourself. Now, how about this?” he asked, proceeding to do what I can only describe as manipulating me to go along with it. “You’ll love it, I swear. Don’t you want to try new things? I got these especially for you, so don’t say no. That will break my heart.”

Naive as I was, I went along with it because—what the hell do I know? I’m new to this scene, and honestly, part of me didn’t care. Other people turn to drinking or shopping when they suffer from heartbreak. Maybe I could try this? Maybe taking this next step with him could help me finally get over Toby? I don’t know if I believed it—I didn’t think it through.

Looking back, going along with it was the wrong call. I’m positive Franklin lied to me. I no longer believe that people do this all the time; not everyone, at least, and definitely not someone inexperienced like me. But in what can only be described as a f**k all moment, I said okay, and Franklin didn’t waste a second in getting me naked and ready to do the things he wanted.

It was only when I was lying there, darkness surrounding me, handcuffs on my wrists, and rings around my c**k, that reality started to kick in.

“Guess we can finally move on from just kissing, huh?” Franklin asked, and I immediately thought, No, I don’t want to. What the heck am I even doing? I’ve only ever loved one person in my entire life…I only ever kissed one other person, and I don’t want Franklin here…I want Toby.

“Wait,” I quickly said, panic taking over when the full reality of my situation suddenly hit me, and a sense of something I can only describe as claustrophobia coming over me. I needed to escape—immediately. “I don’t want to do this anymore. Uncuff me, please.”

I couldn’t see his expression because of the blindfold, but the rising tension in the room said everything.

“What, you’re backing out now?!”

“Yes, it doesn’t feel right.” Because I don’t trust you, I thought to myself. Or love you. “I’m not doing so well; I agreed to this too quickly. Just uncuff me, and we’ll do something soon, okay? I promise. I just need more time.”

For a moment, there was nothing but silence, and I couldn’t begin to picture what was going through his mind. It frightened me.

“No.”

My stomach twisted with the word. “What do you mean no?! I wasn’t asking, Franklin, I want out!”

“You just said yourself: you need some more time. So, I’m going to give you that. A few hours should do, don’t you think?”

“You know that’s not what I meant! Just let me go, alright?!”

But it was no use. He merely proceeded to stuff the cloth tied around my neck in my mouth and said, “Time is what you want; I can give you that. See you in two hours!” I could hear from his voice that he was smiling from ear to ear.

Given the fact that I was—and still am—very naked and handcuffed, new panic surged through me, and I tried shouting at him through the cloth stuffed in my mouth. “Two hours? What are you talking about? You can’t just leave me like this, Franklin! Uncuff me right now!”

But it made no difference; he just ignored me. I don’t know if he heard the desperation in my voice, but the click of my front door closing was one of the most confronting sounds I’ve ever heard. Since then, it’s hit me; this is all a game to him. Not that I ever thought he loved me, but I didn’t expect to be just a toy he could play with and abandon. I would never have let myself get pulled into this if I had known that. I would never have allowed myself near him if I knew…