Remembering Lily

Tales from the Past

These days, Yohan always goes home late and when he does, he is always tired. He would sigh and it is easy to see that he is frustrated. I was living with him yet it was like living with a stranger. The house didn't feel like home since he has been acting like this.

‘Is there anything wrong?’ I tried to ask him once while massaging his shoulders. He held my hands to stop me from what I was doing and he just stood up.

Yohan shakes his head with those empty eyes.

‘Just tired from work,’ he shortly answered.

‘Is it about the business?’

‘The business is doing fine, Lily. Don’t worry. We wouldn’t starve if that is what you’re worried about.’

The insides of my stomach felt like it is tied into a knot with his words. How can he be that cold? He said it straight, without even stuttering, without even thinking twice. I know that he is lying. I may not say much but I observe. I know that the business is not doing well. People talk and I could not hear. I was just pretending I don’t know anything but I can’t take it anymore.

I wanted to be angry at him. He can talk to me yet he chooses not to. Every day, he was choosing to be this cold-hearted stranger who sighs like the world was choosing to turn back on him. I know he is working hard but he can't do this alone. He wouldn't admit that he needs my help but I know I can do something.

Every day, I would go to the restaurant and help. I may not be a chef but I can help with a few things. After working at the school, even with the loads of things to do, I still choose to go to Casa Lilia and help.

People started to like the desserts I made. I know I was a good baker but I didn’t know that customers would like it that much. I let Yohan do what he wants with the restaurant before but now, I became more vocal. I started to give my own suggestions, even helped with staff management. I suggested that we add more dessert, match the menu with the customer’s likes… It didn’t take long enough but we managed to do better. After a few trials with success more than the errors, I can finally say that the worst part was over.

A lot of the customers would come back again and again until they become some of our loyal customers. People from nearby areas started to hear about our restaurant, we even managed to have some bookings for events.

We were striving and Yohan was back to his old self. Just this time, he was busier and goal-oriented. He has always been focused but this level of dedication was a new peak. He was busier but I didn't hate him for that. It was one of the things I loved about him. How he never gives up. We had less time for each other but at least, he was happier. People recognized his success and efforts by our neighbors and even the local tourism office. All of this but I never took credit. I am also not asking for it.

Yohan finally had his limelight. He is shining like never before. His smiles were prouder than ever. He had changed but he felt more like himself.

It was enough. His success is also mine. We are doing this for our family, after all… for me, for him, and for our future children.

“Yohan…” I was trying not to sound nervous but the truth was, my heart was about to burst because of the rapid beating. “Don’t you think it’s time?”

“Time? For what?” He was finally smiling. I was scared of asking him serious questions before thinking how he might react. His possible answers scared me. 

“Time to start a family.” I smiled but tried to hide my nervousness by giving him a kiss on the lips hoping it would somehow give me strength and ease the inner-panic. “I mean, we are a family. Just you and me but… we have talked about this before… and the business is doing great. Isn’t this a great time for us to have a baby?”

There was an unreadable expression on his face. His first reaction was to move a bit farther away which caused my smile to fade. I tried to get ready for this and even expected the worst but I was still hoping for the best.

“Lily…” he sounded defeated. He was just looking at me unable to say anything aside from my name.

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t pressuring you. I was just thinking this could be a good time but if you think it’s not… at least not yet, then I will understand.” I wrapped my arms around him but it was more of me asking for some consolation from him.

Maybe not now, I thought.

“As long as we’re together.”  I rested my head on his chest. I tried to feel his heartbeat while asking myself… ‘Do you still beat for me?’

I looked into his eyes and thought there is no other answer but yes.

“I’m pregnant.”

It was so sudden when Stephanie said it. She just said it out of the blue while I was calculating the student’s scores on my laptop when she suddenly sat on our co-worker’s and my seatmate’s cubicle.

There were still some teachers at the office. If I would make a scene, this wouldn’t be a place for that.

I was laughing at the thought. Yohan and I had been married for years. Yohan and Stephanie were only married for months and then now, what? She’s telling me that she is pregnant? 

That smug look on her face was making me furious. I could already tell that she felt like victory is hers.

“Congratulations,” I said through my gritted teeth. “Thanks for informing me though I don’t know for what purpose it serves.”

She just rolled her eyes and left me.

If she thinks this would cause me to back off, she's wrong. I meant it when I said no backing out.