Remembering Lily

Shade of Rotten Colors

“Why?”

Yohan looked away as I was drying my hair. I was suddenly feeling a bit cold so I checked if my hair was still wet. My hand felt the coldness of the earrings I was wearing. I didn’t have to try. I had been putting on a smile up until now, but the look in his eyes made me remember again. This is why I can never conclude everything and move on with my life.

How could I when my life had ended before it was even over?

That I was someone else. How badly I want to tell him that everything’s okay. I know he remembers Lily and I want to tell him that everything’s fine because I’m back and I’m right in front of him. Everything will be back to what it used to be.

Instead, I got tongue-tied. It’s not that I can’t say it. I’m just scared I won’t make things right and I’ll make a mistake. I looked at his hands on top of the table. I was feeling cold and I wanted to feel the warmth of his touch. If only I could…

It was sudden, but all I could do was look at him when he stood up and removed his coat. My eyes followed his every move, thinking how charming he could be as he made me wear it. He's very much welcome to play my prince charming. It has always been his role.

“I noticed. You’re cold.”

I’m glad you did.

I never thought I’d be happy to hear my dear husband say that he noticed. I can’t help but be greedy of those stares, for those eyes to only look at me.

I had plans of hugging him, grabbing his hands, and pulling him closer so our lips would touch, but for now, I tried to be contented with the warmth of his coat. Thinking it was him embracing me.

I missed the little things he did for me. I missed our normal days. It was probably cliche, but it was comforting.

“Thank you. I promise I’ll return…”

I let the statement seat there. I let the silence linger, it was my moment of truth.

“I’ll return this.”

He nodded and smiled. “You know where to find me.”

It was a wonderful morning. I woke up feeling under the weather. I might catch a cold but it was worth it. No one can tell me otherwise. I was able to grab my husband's attention and I wasn’t even trying. How I wanted to slap that in Stephanie’s face.

Speaking of the devil. Stephanie came to the faculty office bringing her stuff. As usual, no one was greeting her. No one was smiling at her. She’s been acting like this kind lady and she wasn’t able to make friends here? I can already tell her type.

I didn’t want to but I got some hot water from the dispenser. Stephanie glanced in my direction and I showed her the smile that I was preparing. “Hi,” I said with forced friendliness.

She returned my smile. Wow, I can’t believe this woman. I was confident, but now, I can’t even forgive myself if I lost to someone as pathetic as her. How can she be trusted and friendly with me? Ah, I was like that once too.

But I learned my lesson and once that happens, a part of foolishness vanishes.

“Would you like some tea?” I asked her because she was looking at my hand holding the tea.

“Ah, no. But thank you.”

I nodded and was about to leave but I feel like moving steps forward today. I know I should take it slowly and surely but I was getting a bit impatient seeing this woman smile.

I hate her smile.

“I’m not feeling that well. The weather yesterday was really bad. I got rained on.”

“I’m kind of used to the unpredictable weather of this town. You should always bring an umbrella with you. Sometimes, it rains even if the morning is sunny. I remember that I met my husband that way. He let me borrow his umbrella after I got stuck at the bus stop soaking wet.”

She smiled again as she probably remembered that precious memory.

How I really hate that smile. I want it gone as soon as possible.

“Really?” She nodded, feeling proud of the memory. “Wow, Yohan is really a great person. Which reminds me…”

I grabbed something from my table. I handed Stephani the paper bag and gave her the most innocent smile I could manage.

“He let me borrow his coat yesterday too. I told him I'd return it, but I’m not sure I could go to the cafe anytime soon. But please tell him I said thank you.” I said, handing her the paper bag with Yohan’s coat inside. I sprayed it with my perfume. The one I used as Ellie, as well as Lily. Hopefully, that will stir things up.

Stephanie didn’t say a word but she accepted it. I don’t think any explanation or words are needed. She can get jealous all she wants and I wouldn’t care. It’s what I want her to feel anyway.

I walked away from her and grabbed my things. It’s time for me to go home now. I think I’ve done everything I needed to do today.

“Ellie!”

I stopped in my tracks and looked back. I didn’t need to look at her just to know it was Stephanie’s voice.

Unlike the look she had a while ago when we were talking, she had a straight face on. She stared at me for a while, probably trying to make me feel uncomfortable, but the opposite happened when I didn’t say a word either and stared back at her.

“What are you trying to do?”

“What are you talking about?”

She laughed a humorless laugh and smirked at me. It was really far from that innocent face she had been putting on. I knew she had this side. No one decent would do what she had done. I know she’s rotten inside and she’s showing it now.

“Why were you with my husband yesterday?”

“I got stuck in his restaurant during the storm. I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to cause any misunderstanding. You can ask Yohan if you want. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you.”

I turned my back on her. Seeing that sick face was provoking me and staying here longer would ruin my plan. She’s showing her true colors but I’m not ready to show mine yet.

Everything has to be perfect.

“I’m not sure if I should say it but I feel like I should. Don’t do anything silly. Don’t even try, Ellie. I showed you I can be your friend but I am telling you right now, I make an unpretty enemy.”

I acted confused and smiled at her innocently. “I think you are mistaken, Stephanie. I have no idea what you are talking about, Sweetie.”