Remembering Lily

Red Lipstick, Red Wine

Last step. My red lipstick.

Looking at the mirror made me feel something I had never felt before. I'm very determined, desperate, and confident about my latest goal.

I've realized that our past was far from perfect but now that I could see the flaws, I can jump back into his life and be the wife our marriage needs.

I used to be scared when he left me to go somewhere before. Thinking he could be cheating but I know Yohan was never the cheater. I just didn't realize that he was a loner.

I stole one last glimpse at the mirror. Making sure the short black dress perfectly hugged my figure, that my hair looks effortless but perfect, that my face would be something he would look at and not take his eyes off.

"Lily?"

I was startled to see Blake waiting outside. There were takeout foods and drinks on her hands. Did I forget that we made plans because I couldn't remember? All I had planned for tonight was joining Yohan at the bar I know he frequents.

"Where are you going?" She asked me first. 

"Ah…" Should I tell her? I wanted to be honest but I know that Blake would be opposed to the idea. I can already hear her nags over my ear telling me this is something I should think about more than twice.

"To the bar," I said honestly. I know better which is why I know I can't lie to her. Even if she is vocal about her objections to my plans, I can never betray the only person who trusts me. "To meet Yohan."

"What? Did you guys plan to meet?"

"No, but I know he will be there. It's late in the afternoon so I know he'd be there. He would always go before the evening came and the rush of customers arrives. I would like to see him."

"Can you hear yourself, Lily?"

"I'm sorry, Blake but can you get used to calling me Ellie? Some people might misunderstand and get the wrong idea."

"That what? That you're Lily? That's the truth though." I was about to answer but she was quick to hold my hands and stare me in the eyes. "Lily, I think we need to talk."

"This is getting out of hand. I really don't want to tell you this but I have to remind you every now and then just so you could see… Lily, he's married."

"He is. Technically, based on my proof, he is married to me."

"Not according to the law."

I held my breath then took one deep inhale in case I lose my s**t. I hate this conversation. I know. I'm not dumb to not understand but I don't want to repeat myself over and over again. It's tiring to justify my reason when I know no one would understand. Not even Blake.

She is my friend but she can only support me up to a certain extent. 

I knew I would have to go through this alone.

"f**k the law. I'll find a way to get back what is mine. I believe I returned for that. No one could stop me, Blake. No one."

"Is this seat taken?"

I knew he'd be here.

I nodded at Yohan. It was a good thing that I arrived first so it wouldn't look like I'm following him. If anything, it seems like he is the one stalking me. There were plenty of available tables and chairs but he chose to ask about the barstool beside me.

I can only do much but if he isn't interested, things would be harder and he makes my plan more attainable than I think it is.

"Is Stephanie with you?"

"Uh, no."

"You really like your alone time, don't you?"

"I do. I mean, don't get it the wrong way. I like spending time with my wife but I'm just the type of person who likes a quiet environment. Listening to my own thoughts. Like that."

I nodded though I couldn't get it. He said what? That he liked being alone when he was the one who approached me. He's even talking to me right now. He enjoys company. My company.

I nodded and then drank my wine. This is my first bottle but I was willing to lie.

I stood and pretended that my knees were feeling weak. I touched my nape and then at Yohan's shoulders where I bumped my head.

"s**t, I'm sorry." I tried brushing his white polo. I was biting my cheeks trying not to smile as I noticed the stain from the red lipstick I was wearing. Red, the color of my night's success.

"Are you okay?" He asked me while holding both of my arms so I'd stand steadily. I slightly shifted my weight for more believable acting.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I just got a bit dizzy there." I laughed then sat again.

While I was smiling, I noticed how Yohan looked at me. He's giving me that look again.

"I'll just go to the restroom for a moment."

I left him there because I was a bit shaken. I loved it when he looks at me but there was something different this time.

It's like he remembers me but at the same time… he's terrified?

"Sorry, that took a little-"

Yohan's glass was already empty and he was resting his head on the table so I couldn't see his face. I was gone for what? A couple of minutes then I come back to see him drunk already? Great.

"You look really different… really different. But why do you remind me of her so much?”

"Yohan…" was all I could utter looking at his eyes shining with tears forming. I wanted to hug him so I did and then he pulled back.

"Was I drunk already?" He faked a laugh, probably trying to ignore the awkwardness with what he just said. "I'll just try to sober up."

He excused himself but he left his phone. This is stupid and really something a stalker would do but I continued anyway. I installed a tracking app and connected it with my phone.

I’ve made little coincidences here and there but I need more. I'm just trying my best for you to not forget me, may that be as Lily or Ellie.