Remembering Lily

Lie After Lie

It might be a blurry memory. It is another memory that is not mine. It might be blurry and shaky but it was clear to me.

I dropped another petal in the river and I watched it fall and fall until it reached the waters where it was again being dragged by the current.

It was exactly what I felt when Stephanie's memory of killing me flashed in my mind. It was so sudden and I was caught off-guard. Even if I had an idea of memory suddenly appearing, never would I ever guess that that would appear.

She was cruel and wicked... just all sorts of bad but I never thought of her as a killer.

I didn't see my car or myself. I simply saw the terrified look in her eyes and the drops of blood on her forehead. I couldn't believe that I'll see my death in front of my eyes. Ah, it wasn't my death. It was just my killer after she pushed my car and ran away.

I have always grown to hate her but I didn't think it was rooted in something much deeper than living the life I left.

Tick… tock… tick… tock…

The inside of my head was filled with the ticking clock. There was too much I wanted to do but I am scared that there would not be enough time for everything.

Then I remember my husband's words. How he said he was not happy with me. And how Stephanie did not show an ounce of respect or regret what she did to me.

These two people are living their lives, completely unaware of the misery they brought me in my past life and even in this lifetime. So, they think they can just live happily? Live life as they want?

One wants to keep me in his life while one wants me away. For people who thought they could attain happiness by killing me or my memory, how unsatisfactory their life is.

It sucks… that neither was crying at my grave. How can they just erase me like that?

I was suddenly thinking if Yohan played a part in this. I don't know him anymore and what he is capable of doing. With how he treated me, if he can hurt me even if that was just a minor incident, then that would just be more evidence that he can do much worse.

Well, now that I am here and now that I know, I'll make sure that through my revenge, they will remember me in some ways. They will remember Lily. I don't care what it takes...

"You are avoiding me."

I looked away. I was lying and I know I'm being obvious about it but I don't have anything to say. If I would tell him an excuse, then that would just be another lie.

Adam has always been a good guy and I don't want him dragged into my situation. Especially now that things are different that I have come to discover the truth about my death.

There are still unanswered questions but I can never be sure of what I want to happen now. I realized I could leave anytime soon. The constant appearing of memory could mean that I am closer to the answer and then what? What would be the end of this all? It could mean my death.

"You said you would go with me to Adie's place."

"I'm sorry... " I said and sincerely meant it with all my heart. Up until the point where I discovered Stephanie, I was more than willing to know more about Adie and our connection but I can't. I need to expose the real person who killed me. "I told you I was busy."

"Supposing that was true, even if I don't believe it. How can you not even look at me at school?"

"There were just so many… work."

Pathetic would be an understatement. I have to think of a better and more believable excuse.

Adam was still being calm but I was under his scrutiny. I was trying not to move because I could feel his gaze examining my every movement. He can already see that I am lying. I was hoping he would not see me being weak now.

"It is but we also both know it's not the reason why."

"I don't know what you're thinking."

"I can't think of anything, Lily. So, you tell me… what are you thinking? Why have you suddenly become cold? How could you pretend I don't exist? After telling me those things-"

"I was lying… I was trying to get your attention," I was desperate to lie to keep this conversation short. If we would be awkward after, then, fine. I can endure that instead of another day of seeing Adam try to figure me out.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I like you, Adam. And I was desperate to get your attention to the point where I was willing to use Adie just to get into your head." I bowed my head and I immediately wanted to kneel and apologize to him but more than anyone, to Adie. Who died and who I used to believe gave me her memory just for things to end up like this.

"Then… What are you doing right now? Why are you telling me this?"

"I just had a change of heart. I don't want to do this anymore. I just…"

"You just what? You want to get revenge?"

What? What is he referring to? Does he know? But no one could tell him, no one knows the truth except for me and Blake. I don't think he saw it in the dream. So, what could he mean by revenge?

"You're surprised aren't you? All this time, Lily, I was thinking too. There were so many possibilities. Can you believe I even considered some mystical, magical theory? Just to make sense of everything?"

"Then, what are you talking about Adam?" My voice was higher than usual.

"You want to take revenge for your friend, right? Your friend Lily?"

I didn't think he would come up to that conclusion but he sounded so sure. I had to think quickly because every moment could be an opportunity.

"That was why you let me call you by her name. That was why you were in the river. I heard she died there too, just like you mentioned. I also knew about Stephanie marrying her husband? They were terrible. I feel sorry for your friend too. I really am... I feel even worse than I just thought of my pain and I did not even ask about yours. You can tell me everything, Lily. We can help each other..."

I just took that one as an opportunity as well. He initiated it, I just grabbed it.

"An eye for an eye, Adam." I said, not elaborating anything because I was hoping I don't have to add another lie. I'll let him think whatever he is thinking if that's what it takes for him to let me do what I want to do.