Remembering Lily

Bittersweet Victory

It was a victory for me.

I was smiling when while I was waiting for a cab. I am finally another step closer to my old life and this time, it is a huge step closer. I am aware I was being delusional, in a way, before but I needed that. I need to convince myself because if I wouldn’t believe then nothing would happen. But right now, I did all the work and the first win is mine. No one can convince me otherwise.

Being this happy at the moment, it’s almost like a sign that I should be cautious. No one had their path to victory that easy and even if that’s the case, then the prize would be a sham. I shouldn't be that calm and happy. It's better to be more cautious from now on because surely, the next steps wouldn't be as easy as I wouldn't be that invisible. Still, it feels great to be finally seen and acknowledged. Like I am saying I am finally back. You might not know it but I am here and I am staying here for good.

I was on my way to my apartment. I already imagined myself seating, playing music while drinking a cup of celebratory wine. I even think about ordering my favorite food. Maybe I could invite Blake. This whole planning to get my life back felt consuming and the twenty-four given in a day is nearly not enough but I shouldn’t just forget about her. How could I when she never forgot about me? This is still part of my beginning and I want Blake to stay with me until the end. 

"So many people… Is there an accident?" The taxi driver whispered as we were passing by the bridge.

There were flocks of people at the bridge side and they were all looking down with an unexplainable look on their faces. We also slowed down because of how many people were crossing and passing by. This is unusual.

"I'm sorry but can we stop just for a moment?" I asked the driver. It was also intriguing me what could be out there. I know that before the day would end, what happened here would already be a talk of the town considering how fast news travel here but I could not wait any longer.

"Sure, sure."

"I know this would happen. Since I heard someone died here, that woman whose body was never found, I knew this would happen."

"There's no other explanation for this. It's that woman crying for help."

"Did you hear the husband already married again? His poor first wife must be devastated."

“Some people say they hear crying voices here at night. Could that be her?”

The more I hear whispers and talks from every group of people I pass by, the more I want to know more about what is happening. I could not really understand their theories but something tells me it refers to me. Not a lot of people were known to die here. There were folktales and stories I think were just passed by mouth to scare little children but it’s not a common event.

"Oh my god!" I can't help but scream looking at the river below. My mouth was wide in both shock and horror. I was frozen on the spot and my hands were really cold with nervousness. To be surprised is an understatement looking at the view below.

A portion of the water was red. Even at night, the light was enough to show that it was color red. This could be a prank, a hard to pull one but it seems like there's more to that.

It's literally looking like blood. Not everywhere but just a portion. I suddenly wondered if that is the exact spot I fell. If that is where I died and if that red water is blood. If it is, could it be mine?

"This should be reported." Someone says.

I was staring at the water. While still unable to recover from the shock. This is the first time that this happened. Even if it's related to my death, I wasn't doing anything. I was just trying to get back my life and I am too busy to make a joke as terrible as this.

What could this mean then?

Is someone angry at me? Or is someone supporting me? Is this a good thing or is this bad? I couldn't tell.

I don't know what to do but I just can't stay standing there looking at the blood-like water together with the people, listening to their different theories and stories; all related to me or my death.

Suddenly, I have became a legend who is aiming for revenge. Like a star of a horror story or a zombie apocalypse aiming for vengeance.

I am but this isn't a part of it.

"People kept quiet after a short time but I knew she'd take revenge."

"Who knows? She might just be roaming around listening to people. Ugh, that's scary."

"You think she became a ghost or a monster?"

"There's literally blood water on the river. Let's keep our mouths shut but our eyes open. I don't want to be some sort of sacrificial lamb. Hell, no."

I thought I would like this.

For people to be reminded of me. For people to remember that I once existed as Lily but the more I listened to the whispers and to their different stories and theories, the more I wanted to leave.

I just want my old life back. I don't want to be seen as a ghost or a monster or anything less or more than a human. I wasn’t asking for fear or tears. I want some peace. Like what people tell the dead… to rest in peace. I want a new life in peace too just with the same people.

But why are they saying all these harsh words at me? Why are they assuming and concluding of what type of a person am I? Why am I painting me like a monster when all they are seeing are red-colored river water without even any explanations.

Suddenly, I was scared of the words they would throw at me once they knew the truth. I don't know these people personally and I shouldn't care but living a peaceful life as I did before would be impossible if they would know my story.

I returned back to the taxi but as the engine started, I suddenly caught a glimpse of my crying mother. Weeping as people made way for her on her way to the bridge.

I couldn't help it. I should be right beside her. She shouldn't be crying but at this moment, I was glad I'm leaving because I couldn't take all of this at once. I thought I just had my victory. I was not even able to celebrate and then I’m feeling defeated again? Can’t I even have that one day?

"You're asking for war, aren't you?" Stephanie blocked me on my way to the school.

I couldn't sleep properly and being alone just made my head even messier so I decided to leave early for work and then here comes another problem.

"Stephanie, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, quit playing dumb, Ellie. We both know you're more cunning than that. I should acknowledge that, at least because unlike what I initially thought, you are far from the innocent kind girl you were playing."

“Stephanie, please. I’m tired and restless. Stop blaming things on me because I didn’t do anything.”

“Didn’t do anything? Do you even hear yourself? Other people may have ignored and some just don’t care but that is my husband. Keep your hands off him.”

“Did I even touch your husband? Why are being so paranoid? Or were you always this obsessive? As far as I know, every contact I had with Yohan was reasonable. You’re the one who is being unreasonable here so why don’t you reflect on your next actions, Stephanie.”

“You bitch.” I really saw her hand almost ready to slap me when we heard footsteps from outside.

"Uhm, hello. Hi guys. I'm sorry to barge in like this. I'm the new teacher, Eric."

A guy suddenly entered at the right moment before Stephanie lost her s**t and say what is on her mind. That would not be a bad idea but I am seriously exhausted. Just when I thought being reborn would give me some sort of special powers but I was as weak as everyone else.

"Nice to meet you," Stephanie was quick to play the good girl. I'm sure this guy Adam heard her speech a while ago. She's probably panicking and trying to repair her image. I noticed she's obsessed with that. This manipulative two-faced bitch."I hope we'll get along."

"I hope so too "

After shaking Stephanie's hand. This guy Adam reached mine. There was a soft expression on his face and I was taken aback. He is looking at me with… longing? I am not sure but he looks at me, or more specifically, the face I have with so much recognition. I was suddenly reminded that I don’t own this face.

I got weirded out but I still accepted his hand when he reached for mine.

"Nice to meet you," I said shortly and was hoping he'd let go but he held it a little longer.

Wait, what the hell is happening here?