Remembering Lily

Glowing Lights

First, I thought I was all of a sudden brought back so I could take my life back. Seeing the significant change, I immediately knew that it would be challenging. It was more than a challenge. Right now, I think it is closer to a miracle rather than just a challenge. Even with this in my mind, I thought it would be possible.

What was months to them was only hours for me. I was still myself, but everything changed, including the place, the people, and how they felt about me. If ever they still thought of me. Like a dead person they used to know, I have become someone they remembered from time to time... the amount of time is less and less as time passed by.

I wasn't aspiring to be someone remarkable, but I was at least hoping that the life I've lived would be remembered by those I met for a long time. I may have too many expectations.

I changed everything about myself and shaped myself for this plan. That was the ultimate goal.

Then I learned about Adie and thought it could mean something but the possibilities were endless, and the clues were too few. It was like traveling in a forest, knowing that there was a final but unknown destination. And I am there, in the middle, with no phone or even a map or compass, just by myself. It's like I was left to be food for the wolves or die through the night with the cold or ugly weather.

I met Adam, but why? Is this just life doing its routine work, letting people meet by chance, or does it also have a meaning?

Would my pursuit for the truth end with another tragedy? Like it always does?

I wished the truth was comforting. Then, I wouldn't feel this way towards anybody. Why am I still living then when it would turn out to be this way? I have forgotten how life and everything that comes with it could be cruel.

I called the day off from work. I don't think I would be a helpful teacher when I feel this lightheaded. I am not even overthinking. If anything, there are not enough thoughts to occupy my head. What do I think about now?

I needed the peace of the nighttime, so I was getting ready to go when it was dark and lonely enough outside. I didn't bring anything with me… just myself.

As expected, the wind was blowing cold tonight, but my skin felt numb. But the feeling was not enough to bother me.

I started to walk and walk. As if the world were in one with my thoughts, there was no single person outside… or maybe it was because it was already late enough.

I noticed only several lights from the side of the streets were turned on and stores were already closed.

I was mindless and aimlessly walking. I don't even know where I'm going. I wanted to leave but it was as if my feet knew where I was supposed to go.

The river was still far away, but I reached this far. I stopped to look at the peaceful water and thought that at least I died in this beautiful place even when that was a terrible tragedy.

I hiked down the rocks so I could be closer to the water. It wasn't enough today to look at it from afar. I want to go nearer and touch the waters, where it all ended and where it all started.

It was so bumpy, but I managed to keep my balance and arrived at the riverside.

Is this the end? Again?

"You're bleeding."

It was like I was dreaming when I heard someone. The voice was inviting and mystical. I could be dizzy because of the long walk or her voice echoing.

"I said, you are bleeding." The voice said again with the same calm matter.

I was about to look for who was talking when someone walked from behind me.

I was too speechless to see someone. Let alone, in this part of the town at this time of the night.

She suddenly pointed at my foot, so I looked down only to see that I was barefooted and apparently, bleeding.

I didn't feel any pain, so I was surprised to see that wounded foot.

"Oh," that was all I could say.

I just looked at her while she went to the water. She looked familiar. I wonder where I've seen her before.

"Come," she said. I assumed she was talking to me since the only people here were us.

I found myself listening to her and moving closer.

"You've come a long way. The way here shouldn't be this painful. You must be feeling numb to the pain right now... to be able to come this far."

"I think you look familiar."

"We've seen each other before," she said. I was still trying to remember where that could be. She was just staring at me, and that’s where I figured out where I had seen her. She was that girl I saw by the bridge.

That was the moment I realized that I had goosebumps. She still has that mystery I couldn’t explain. The plain white dress she was wearing adds to that. As I looked down, I noticed it’s not just me who is barefooted. There are two of us.

“What-” I stopped speaking when she put water in my foot. It was so cold… That was the first time I felt something tonight, and I watched how the water, even if looked impossible, started to move like the river. It covered the wounds she was talking about, and I watched that wound heal right before my eyes.

It was magic... I couldn't think of a better word. It's right in front of me, but I still find it unbelievable, like watching a movie.

It was an unfamiliar but very satisfying feeling. It’s not just my wounds were healing. I feel refreshed as well.

I may have thought about this before, and that suspicion grew even more tonight. However, that moment was when I could finally confirm that she is no ordinary human. There’s suddenly this person, who I have no idea who could be but knows something about me that I can ask my questions to.

After healing my feet with the water, she sat on the ground. With the river as the background, I saw how the mystical stories in our town come to life. The woman in front of me was, for no doubt, more or less, the guardian they’ve been talking about.

“Who are you?” I asked.

She smiled at me. I wonder why it didn’t reach her eyes as it looks like a mirror of sadness I have yet to decipher. “You’re already thinking who I am… or who I can be.”

“Do you know who I am? More than just my name?” She didn’t answer me directly, but I took it as a chance to ask again. It just occurred to me that I might disappear suddenly or wake up if this is just a dream. I can’t just lose the chance to ask her what has been bugging me all this time. More especially today.

The times of me considering things as coincidence are over. I sincerely think that she is here for a reason.

Of all people, she is appearing in front of me. I wonder why…

“Lily.” She said with full of certainty. Then she looked away from me and her gaze returned to the river.

My lips slightly parted with what I saw. “Oh my god…” I whispered as an empty ship was approaching the river. It looked so new and bright. The lights were turned on, but I did not see a single soul. "What is that? How did it even manage to... to float in this waters?"

The girl was looking at it, but she didn’t look surprised. I had the chance to look closely into her brown hair that looks so shiny and healthy, like the styled hair from the commercial. The hair was naturally curly, and it fell until her hips. I can’t remember if she had the same hair as before.

She looks so distinct I should have remembered, but I can’t figure that out for some reason.

“I want to ask you…” There are so many questions, but I chose to ask her this next one. “Why is this life given to me? Am I being punished?”

“Lily,” she stood up and looked at the approaching ship again. The surrounding was brighter because of the light it was bringing, but it was still empty. “How you will live your life, it’s up to you. It will never be perfect… no one’s life is. Revenge? Love? Hope? Happiness? A chance was only given but you are free to choose whatever you would like.”

She smiled at me and the light made her look like she was glowing literally. “I’m afraid I have to go but until next time, Lily.”

"Wait-"

"You'll see me again. No need to worry."