What it takes

“You used to love doing things like this with me. Remember?” He said. I do? Painting.. Reading.. Cooking.. It bores me. No matter how much they convince me, no matter how much I try to believe that I like doing things that a normal young lady in a beyond average family could be. But what can I do? I don’t remember anything. Every time I sleep at night, my dreams felt like my reality and my reality feels like a dream. Perfect life they say… a complete family, wealth, popularity, name it. And still, I don’t feel like I belong. “There’s something missing, Alma.” I said to my chaperone while letting my thoughts fly in the cold breeze of the night. “It felt like I’m living the life they want me to live.” “My lady, happiness isn’t always right where you are” said Alma. Getting lost with her thoughts as well. She looked at me and smiled as he gently caress my back. “You should sleep now, Young lady.” I watched her as she blew the candles before leaving me in the middle of the darkness. A sudden fear crossed my eyes as I hear a loud breaking of glass. I immediately duck and covered my ears. Tall men on their black suit surrounded the small barn. Minutes had passed until two men came out of the barn, forcing a man with grey hair to go out. The men in black pushed him to the ground roughly as soon as they saw a black fancy car arrived in front of them. Another intimidating man with a fancy gold chains hanging in his neck came out of the car and stared at the old man. “I don’t know the girl you are looking for. Please spare me, Sir. I’m begging you.” The old man said with tears starting to form and his hands firmly holds each other. The man kneeled to reach the old man’s eye level. He slapped the old man and a small laugh followed. “Can you read minds?” He laughed as if he just heard a big joke.  His face becomes blank and a mere silence was felt. Even the wind did not dare to blow and make a sound. “I haven’t said anything and yet you act like you know what I came here for.” Anxiety came across the old man's eyes. Thinking of a way he can cover up what he said earlier. “y-your men sir, t-they said that you are looking for a girl.” The old men faced the ground as if he is worshipping the man’s feet. He closed his eyes as if he knew what will happen next as he heard the man pulled out a g*n and pointed it in his head. I heard the old man’s sob. “AAAAAAHHHH!” I screamed in fear when the g*n was shot at the tree where I was hiding. It felt like the world stopped. I covered my ears with my hands to stop the sound lingering in my ears. “GET THE GIRL!” I peeked and saw the men in black suits started to go to my direction. “RUN CORALINE! RUN FAST!” The old man’s last words before a g*n shot roared in my ears. I looked back and saw the old man lying on the grass, bleeding. “NOOOOOO!” I screamed on the top of my lungs. I get up, quickly gasping for air. My eyes still open wide from shock that even the people in my room did not help calming me down. “My lady, oh my lady.” Alma hurriedly sent someone to get some basin and towel. She kept on tapping my shoulders wanting me to get a grip. “Call the doctor, Martina!” The old man with grey hair said to the lady and she abide. I let my eyes look around. Who are they? There are two kids who seems like a child and a lady whom I think is in her mid 40’s and an old man. “W-who are you?” I asked as soon as I calmed down. “Where am I, Alma?” She kept on wiping my body with a towel dipped with the water in a basin. Tears formed in my eyes, “The old man…” I sobbed. “The old man saved me.” The lady and the man looked at each other. She sighed and looked at me with worried eyes. “Darling, that old man doesn’t exist.” She caress my cheeks and wiped the tears away. “You always talk about that old man whenever you wake up Coraline. It hurts me seeing you like that, my daughter.” Tears fell from her eyes but wiped it immediately, hid it with a fake smile and walked out of the room. Leaving me puzzled. And now, I have a mother. What’s happening? “You always don’t remember things every time you sleep. Why don’t you stay awake forever instead?” the little girl said. “I agree. So we don’t have to remind you who you are every time.” The little boy added innocently. I was about to reply when I felt a warm hand on top of mine. “Please excuse your siblings. You know they love you.” “How could I know when I don’t even remember?” I said coldly. “I’m here my love, Papa’s here.” He replied. “Alma.” He called. “Yes, my Lord.” Alma replied. They all went outside except Alma. I have many questions in my mind and yet no words escaped my mouth. What kind of place is this? And what do they mean when they said that I don’t remember every time I wake up? Alma came out from the double doors right in front of my bed pushing a huge gold clothing rack with fancy dresses in the shade of earth tones. Alma bowed at me and said “You should change, my lady.” I stood up and let my fingers run through the dresses on the rack. “Pick one for me.” She lift her head in shock.  “Excuse my pardon, my Lady” she said. “I said pick one for me.” Despite the shock, she hurriedly look through the dresses and picked an A-lined long sleeved dress in the shade of fawn. The dress screamed sophistication and elegance. I looked at Alma and she still looked anxious. “I liked it. You have a good taste, Alma.” I smiled at her and she look surprised but still took the compliment and let a small smile out. Alma lead the way to our dining area where my family is waiting. While on the hallway, every helpers stops and bow at me. I can clearly see the fear in their eyes. I stopped walking when I saw a young boy also wearing a straw farmer’s hat. I faced him and he bowed lower. “Chin up” I said in a low voice just enough for both of us to hear. I’ve maintained my straight face and waited for him to obey me. I bended my knees to level my eyes on him. I am alarmed when I saw tears in his eyes and his hands covering his mouth as if keeping it shut so that I won’t hear his sobs. I tapped his shoulders but to I was stunned when he kneel down and whispered “Please forgive me, my Lady, please spare me” I felt my heart skip a beat that made me pant. This scene is very familiar to me.  The old man… The men in black suits… I’m not different from him. I made this boy feel like I’m above him. “Tell him to rise up, Alma.” Alma did what I said. Now that I clearly see the young boy’s face, I kneeled in front of him and put my hands on his shoulders and my eyes lower than his. “what are you doing here?” I asked as calm as I can. “I w-work for your family, my Lady. I uhm… I am assigned in the farm, my Lady.” He said while trying not to meet our eyes. I nodded. And let him go to his work. The dining area looked expensive. Every furniture I see is made out of wood and every part of the house has plants that looked so maintained and taken care of. The air is clean and fresh, same as the foods in the table. The whole family stood with honor and power when I came in the room. Is this really my life? What happen to my memory? “Don’t you want to know about what happen to you and why you lost your memories?” my father who’s sitting on the head of the table while I sit on the other end.   “Aren’t you supposed to tell me what happen without me asking since you said that this happened not just once?” The twins stopped and stared at me for a while. “She’s back.” The little girl said. “that was fast” the boy added.  “You lost the memory but I guess the attitude never fades huh?” my mother said. That made me smirk. She acted like a worried sick mother earlier but now she’s just sick. I wonder what her role is in my life. “Well I guess I have to find it all out myself huh?” I said without looking at them and started eating fast. I looked around as I take a bite on the served meal. What was that dream for? Am I in danger? How did I lost my memories? Can I trust the people I’m having a meal with? It is a ten seater dining table. The Lord Eudor and I is siting on the opposite heads. The wife is siting in the right side of the Lord aligned with the twins. When I enter the dining area, I did not choose to sit in here. Alma made me sit in here. My food, was served separately from what they eat. Alma… Maybe I could trust her, huh? “Do you have plans after this, Coraline?” my mother asked. “Do you think a lady who don’t even have any idea about who she is can have a plan my dear mother?” I talked back. I don’t know how I said that but I can totally feel the negative energy that this woman posses over me.  I looked at Alma just because I feel like it. She took it as a signal and said, “Yes, my Lady.” She bowed and took one step backwards. “Prepare Lady Coraline’s study room.” She ordered to those who I think, under her. We moved to my study room. Unlike earlier, I let my eyes wander around to be familiar of the place. I was wrong when I called it a house earlier, now I think this isn’t just a house, but a palace. I think that the barn in my dreams earlier is just as big as the dining area. “Now tell me, Alma. Is this all that I do before?” I asked while I paint the flower vase in front of me. Alma said that I used to enjoy this stuffs, painting, reading, and even cooking. Maybe if I do things that I liked before, I will get back to my senses. Maybe I just have to redo it all. Right. “Yes, my Lady. Study room was your favorite place in the palace-“ “Done!” I cut her off. I did not even enjoyed doing this. I lift the canvas and compared it to the actual object. Not bad… very bad. It looks far from the actual object. I dropped the canvas purposely and walked near the window. The morning sun hit my face. I saw may reflection in the glass, my dress compliments my warm beige skin tone. My small V-shaped face looked so matured for my age… wait, how old am I? “Alma—” “A very pleasant morning Lady Coraline. I am your mentor. The Lady sent me to teach you the basics just like before. Shall we start?” he said with a smile on his face. “I’ve lost my memories but I’m not dumb. Alma?” I called. But Alma is not around anymore. Well I guess I’m stuck with this man then? I noticed that he has a lot of energy to do things that he thinks that I might fail. Is the old me dumb or this mentor is? He made me balance the plate on top of my head to keep my posture he said. The plate did not drop. He made me read a story and asked me afterwards. I answered it all precisely. He asked me to write a short story and I successfully made it. We practiced etiquette and I did well enough in it. He asked me situations in the palace and what I would do if that happen, he may not say it but I know that I at least, passed his standards. Now I know where I lack and where I am good at. Having him here has advantages somehow. On the first day, at least I know a hint about my past. What if it happened again? What if I lost it again tomorrow when I wake up? I should record it then. My eyes looked for pen and paper. The mentor went home already. I don’t need him anymore anyway. I was about to write a word when I heard footsteps. “Just do your job and we’ll take care of your brother Alma.” A voice of a woman said. “Yes, your highness.” Alma replied. I hear the footsteps get closer and closer so I hurriedly sat back at the study table. “The Lord wants to have a word with you, my Lady.” She said as if she did not sound like a scared rat earlier. I looked at her from the dress she was wearing to her face and let a small smile escape. “Lead the way.” The servants walked so fine that made me conscious of how I walked. They always looked straight like it’s a sin for our eyes meet. The mentor gave me a book about the rules because he said that I need a recall since I lost my memories. Why can’t he just tell me? If the old Coraline likes to read like what they say, then the new one doesn’t. If the old me loved to read then I think the new me has come. “It’s all about the position, my Lord! That’s what she is coming for!” Lady Catarina said, feeding the tension. Alma hurried to knock at the door to announce my arrival. I entered the room as if I heard nothing. I saw the Lady in front of the window while the Lord is leaning on the table.  The room is huge as a library, books everywhere but more grand than my study area. I looked at him, waiting for him to say what he needs to say only to get a confused look from him as his feedback. I’m the one who lost memories here but why does it seems like I am the smartest person in the whole palace? Do they have brains here? Hello? “You called me, I came, so… What is my business here?” I stated with confidence. “The king will soon gather us for the renouncing of the throne. He wants to meet all my children to know who will be next after me.” He explained  I nodded. Still clueless of what makes me involved with this. Living in a place like this is boring already. I don’t even know who I am and what was my role before I lose my memories and how did I lost it. Wait… that’s another missing piece. How did I lost it? “… uhuh? And?” I said innocently. Can’t he just go straight to the point? “You’ll meet Emma and you have to be nice to your sister even just this once, Coraline.” Was I not nice to her before? “Sure. Is that all?” I asked casually. Of course I’ll be with my sister in the ceremony. Why is he talking like I haven’t met her the moment I woke up early this morning. I left my father’s study and Alma escort me to my room. Unlike my study area, this room is circle shaped but the table is as big as what’s in my study. I opened the huge curtains before I sat at my swivel chair and stared outside the window.  What if I woke up again tomorrow and lost all of the puzzle pieces that I have gathered today? I sighed. If I could only record it like how the mentor recorded my performance earlier then maybe… maybe… As fast as a light bulb lit beside my head, I looked for a pen and paper in the drawers of my table until I reached the last drawer on the left side of the table. I forced it to open but it can’t. It doesn’t have a key hole so it’s impossible to lock it up. I keep pulling and pulling but it wont open. I can feel the sweat in my forehead already. I kicked the drawer in annoyance but to my surprise, it clicked. Oh right. If you can’t force it, kick it! I pulled the handle and noticed the difference between the details of it from the other handles. The unknown feeling  that started to touch my heart. I can barely recognize if it’s excitement, fear or anxiety but I felt the rush to run my fingers in the brown envelopes. “So this woman really knows how to write huh?” I saw hope but it’s what scares me more. Dates are indicated in the five wax sealed envelope but the most recent one is opened. My curiosity hits me so hard that I could not resist to open it. I gasp when I heard footsteps but still let my eyes ran through the letter till the end note caught my eye.   Trust no one. My hand trembled while I try to put it back quietly and get back in my bed. I run my fingers through my hair and pretended until I heard a knock and Alma carrying a tray of milk and cookies get in through the door. You can only feel betrayal with the one you trust. I stared at Alma while she set the side table with the goods she brought. The moment I woke up in this place after a horrible nightmare, she was the first person that I saw. At one moment, I thought she’s the one who saved me from a nightmare. Am I wrong? Is it just a dream? Or a part of my reality?