Love and Lust

chapter 13

It was thursday, and I forced myself to prepare for school. I couldn't afford any absences now even though I wanted to, just not to see Hunter. I went to our kitchen to prepare some breakfast, when my sister appeared in front of me wearing her overall white uniform. I gasped. I didn't expect her to be home today. "What happened to your eyes?" she asked.

"I thought you'll be home tomorrow?" I said.

She sighed, "I did straight duty so that I could go home earlier. Your eyes?" she asked again, while she raised an eyebrow at me.

I slightly rubbed my eyes, "Oh, nothing. I-I just overslept" I said.

She crossed her arms in front of her, "You can't fool me, S. I'm your sister!" she said. "What happened? Did you and Hunter fought?" she added.

My sister really knew me well. I didn't know what to say so I just nodded. She frowned at me, but she moved closer and hugged me. "We'll talk about this later, okay?... But you need to go to school. Now get dressed, and I'll be the one to prepare your breakfast." she said.

"Thanks" I muttered in a soft voice and she smiled at me. I went straight to the bathroom and took a shower. While I soaked myself with body wash and rubbed it against my whole body, I think about of Hunter. I really missed him. I gave all myself to him, I care about him a lot, I wanted him to be loved, I wanted to remove his pain, I still do. I hope he realized all that and come back to me. He didn't really do it with that girl, I believe him. But, he doesn't have the right to accuse me of being a slut like all the other girls she's been with when he saw Peter kissed me. I didn't want that to happen, and he doesn't even gave me a chance to explain. Well, I can't blame him. That's what I did to him when I saw him with that girl. I just wish there would still be a chance... for us.

After shower, I reluctantly dressed up for school and eat breakfast. I checked my sister in her room and she was already asleep, so I wrote a note on the fridge to tell her thanks for the breakfast. I put on my socks, my shoes, then I picked up my bag and grabbed my phone. I didn't even check myself on the mirror when I got out of our apartment and went to school.

I came in late, Nath and Wilma frowned at me. But then when I looked at them, and they got to see my face clearly, their eyes turned from shock to pity. I hated it so as soon as our teacher was writing on the board, I fished out my mirror and checked on myself. God! I'm such a mess. I fixed myself properly, and even though my hair wasn't completely dry, I tied it up.

After the first class, Wilma and Nath turned to me quickly and they both asked in chorus, "What happened?!"

I looked at them both, and then sighed. "I guess the talking didn't went well, did it?" Wilma asked.

"We didn't even talk. It was crazy. Something bad happened again." I said.

Nath shrugged, "What is it?" she asked.

"Peter happened." I said.

They both looked at each other, then Nath scratched her head, "W-woah, wait. What does he have something to do with the both of you?" she asked.

I sighed. "When you left me at school yesterday for swimming practice, Peter kissed me and Hunter saw it. I didn't have the time to explain that I didn't do anything... then Hunter said some horrible things about me. The truth is, Hunter really didn't do it with that girl. I believe him. What I hate is all those things he said about me... comparing me with all those slutty girls. I didn't liked it, so I slapped him and went straight home. That's what happened." I said.

Wilma shook her head, "He didn't know what he's saying." she said.

I looked at Nath and she was in deep thought, then suddenly she asked, "Isn't it you told us that you talked to Peter before you went to see Hunter and said some things about Hunter hurting you?" I nodded. "Then.. yesterday, when Hunter went to see you at your swimming practice, Peter kissed you in front of him?" she asked again.

I nodded, "Yeah. W-what are you thinking?" I asked her, nervous of what's on her mind.

She slouched on her chair, crossed her arms in front of her, then she put a finger on her chin, "Don't you think it's a coincidence? That this Peter guy was involved in your fights? What if it was a set up?" she asked.

I tried to process what she said, then I saw Wilma nodded, "It's possible, S. Maybe he's trying to let the two of you apart." she said.

Then a thought came to me, "Y-you're right! He did told me that Hunter stole her girl that's why he's going to steal his. That's it! I remember he said that before he kissed me!" I almost shouted.

Nath clapped, "Oh my God, I'm a genius!" she smirked. Wilma and I laughed at her.

Lunch came, and I was hoping Hunter would talk to me right now so I could explain everything, including Nath's insights. I looked over the football dudes across us if he's there, but he's not. I asked Wilma and Nath to go buy me some lunch while I kept an eye on our things. But mostly, just hoping that I would see Hunter. Someone patted my shoulder and I smiled, already hoping it was Hunter. But when I turned, it was Railey. "Hey, why did Hunter skipped school today?" he asked.

I was shocked, my eyes widened. "He --what?!" I said. Then I sighed, "I don't know, Railey. We kinda fought yesterday, so..." I added.

Finally he got what I'm saying, "O-oh! uhm, well... that's odd..." he said.

"Can you please tell him to go to school tomorrow? I wanted to talk to him." I said.

He nodded, "Yeah, sure... Hunter's really into you, you know." he said. He smiled to me and said, "Well, I'll go now. See you!"

I gave him a sweet smile and waved at him. After a while, Wilma and Nath came back with so much food, so I asked, "Are we having some company this lunch?"

They both laughed. "Food porn to ease your depression" Wilma said.

I threw some tacos at her, "I am not depressed! I'm just a little sad 'cause I miss him." I said, but still managed to smile. So we dig in and finished all the foods they bought.

So I let the day went on without seeing Hunter. It's weird not seeing him 'cause I was used to seeing him everyday. His smile, his firm body, his laugh, his hugs, and especially his kiss. Hunter usually drives me home, but today, I went home alone again. I checked my phone as I enter into our apartment, but it was empty. I wonder what he's doing right now. I understood why he skipped class today, 'cause I want to do the same too. I just hope he will be in school tomorrow.

I sat down on our sofa and turned on the tv for distraction. My sister sat beside me and asked, "How's school?"

"Fine." I answered.

She looked at me, then she crossed her legs, "So... what happened today??" she asked.

I sighed. "Nothing. Hunter didn't come to school today so we haven't talked yet." I said.

"Have you tried texting or calling him?" she asked.

I pouted, "I wanted to talk to him in person, you know." I said.

"What happened anyway?? To both of you??" she asked. And so I told her the whole story. And the whole Peter story, as well as Nath's story.

"So, technically, this was all Peter's fault then?" she asked. I nodded. "I will punch that guy in the guts if I saw him! What does he look like?" she added.

I laughed. "No need for that sis, Wilma and Nath already planned something to let Peter admit what he did." I said. "Right now, I just wanted to talk to Hunter 'cause he didn't know yet about Peter's plans. I have to warn him." I added.

Payson stood up, "Well, I'm glad to know that you're okay now. I could go back to bed and catch some more sleep." Then she yawned, "You should sleep as well. Look at your eyes! You don't want Hunter to see that, do you?" she finished. I smiled. Then she smiled at me too and walked away.

*****

Friday came, last day of the week. I was hoping Hunter would show up at school today. I checked on my phone again if there were any messages, but still, none. So I decided to text him:

» We need to talk, Hunter. «

I got out of bed, and prepare for school again. This time, I'm more relieved that one by one, everything that happened became clear --that this was all Peter's doing. I do have a feeling Peter was doing this more than what he told me. I want to know what it is, especially if it has something to do with Hunter.

I went to school late again, just to see if Hunter's car was there, but it wasn't. I felt sadness again, because I really missed him. I thought about the last time that we were okay... then I remembered what we did in his car, which made me missed him even more. I checked my phone again before I went inside our classroom, and still no reply from him. As I sat on my place, I looked at Wilma and Nath and shook my head to let them know that Hunter and I haven't talked yet.

The morning class went on, and the whole morning, my mind was not in the class. I was thinking about how to talk to Hunter, and I'm worried about him. He skipped school for two days now, which is not a good sign. Wherever he is, whatever he's doing, I just hope he's fine. The bell rang, and as I put my books back in my bag, I saw Railey passed by outside the corridor. I quickly put the rest of my things in my bag, and went out to talk to Railey.

He's not yet too far when I got out of the classroom, so I ran into him. "Hey!" I said, while I tapped his arms.

"Woah, S!" he gasped.

I laughed. "Sorry." I sighed, "Is there any news about Hunter?" I asked.

He looked at me, "Nah. He didn't answered all my texts and calls." he said.

"I'm worried about him, Railey." I finally said.

There was a moment of silence, then he finally said, "Coach is kind of mad at him too, you know. He's our team leader, and the best player. Don't worry too much, S. Maybe he just needs some time to think." he added. He smiled and he tapped my back, then he walked away.

I stopped walking, thinking about what Railey said. What would Hunter possibly think about? God, this is crazy! I haven't been this crazy with a guy before. I walk my way to the cafeteria and found Wilma and Nath on our usual spot, so I sat with them.

Nath sipped on her diet coke then she asked, "What's up?"

"Still no news about Hunter." I said.

Wilma chuckled, "I'm sure he can handle himself, S. You'll see him soon." she said.

I sighed, "Should I be worried? Actually, I am worried!" I said.

They both laughed at me. "Don't worry too much, S. Just look at yourself!"

I fixed me hair, now concious on how I look, "I know. I can't sleep at night thinking about him, and I just...."

"--miss him?" Nath finished, then I nodded.

There would be a school event tomorrow so our class is suspended in the afternoon class. I went straight home, and without changing, I sat on my bed, grabbed my sketchbook, plugged my earphones for some music, and I started to draw. This is what I do just to kill time. I listened to an instrumental piano version of 'My Heart' by Paramore, while I draw. I put it on repeat mode so that my concentration won't be broken. I really didn't know what I should draw, so I just draw how I feel, with the music that filled my emotions. It took me an hour or so to finish my sketch, and when I removed my earphones and looked at the drawing in front of me, I smiled. It's just so great how art can reveal your true feelings.

It's 3pm, and I don't know what to do. I looked at the calendar on my ipod and saw that there's only three weeks left before finals! I quickly checked all the requirements per subject, and clearly, I haven't started with any of it! "s**t!" I shouted. I stood up and went to my study table, fired up my laptop, then I began with my research. I decided to start with english first, since it was the easiest. We just have to research about greek mythology, and make an essay about it, 10 pages!

I was done with english at 6pm. That means, 1 down, 9 to go! These requirements are all due week before the finals, and I still need to study for the finals itself! Ugh! I hate this! I really feel stressed out, so I decided to take sa shower. After shower, I put on some boxer shorts, and a loose shirt. Then I checked on my phone again, and there's 1 new message. I smiled, then I quickly opened it. It was from my sister, Payson. I frowned at my phone, feeling so disappointed 'cause I thought it was Hunter.

I went to our kitchen to cook some dinner as Payson instructed me to do so. Since I'm not a good cook like her, I just fried some nuggets and cooked enough rice for us. Yeah, we like rice. After a while, Payson just got home in time, when I'm preparing the table. "Right on time." I said.

"Good! I'm starving!" she said. She dumped her bag in her bedroom and without changing, she sat beside me in our dining area, and quickly grabbed a set of spoon and fork. "Woah, easy there!" I said.

She was filling her plate with rice as she say, "We did too many cases today, S! It was crazy!"

I laughed at her. Then she added, "You look okay now. Are you and Hunter okay already?"

I pouted at her, "I just took a shower that's why maybe I look good to you. And the answer to your question is nope, I haven't seen him for days now!" I said.

She put a mouthful of rice into her mouth as she nodded. I continued eating too, so there was a moment of silence. After a while she said, "You don't need a boyfriend telling some stupid things about you, S. Why don't you date John instead?"

"What?!" I shouted, shocked. "John is like my boy bestfriend, Payson! And Hunter is not even my boyfriend!" I protested.

"But you love him." she said.

I just stared at her and gulped. "I can see the way you looked at him, and I can see that you're really happy with him. I can also see that he's making you nervous. Don't even try to deny it!" she smirked, while pointing the spoon she was holding.

I blushed. "Is it obvious?" I asked.

"Uhm, well... you're my sister that's why I know. I thought he's a good guy, S?" she asked.

I drank some water then I said, "He is."

"Then why did he hurt you? You're not even together, what more if you're together?" she asked.

I looked at her, "It was just a misunderstanding, okay? Plus, I'm already in love with him." I finally said.

She shook her head, "You always fall in love with the wrong guy, you know." she said.

"Well, please blame my heart for that!" I said, then we both laughed.

We talked about a lot of things that night. I guess we just missed bonding with each other. It was already quarter to 11pm when we decided to go to bed. She cleaned our plates, we said our goodnights, then I went straight to my room. I totally forgot about all the requirements for once, and I didn't have the energy to complain. I brushed my teeth, took off my bra, and went to sleep.

*****

I woke up to the shout I heard. I reluctantly opened my eyes to check the time, it's 2 in the morning. I thought I was just dreaming. But then I heard a shout again, "Get out!" It was Payson. I wondered who she was talking to. Then a familiar voice shouted, "S!" It was Hunter! I quickly sat up, my heart was pounding. Then I went out to see if it was real, if he's really here.

Payson noticed me as I approach her, "Get back to your room, S!" she ordered.

I ignored her, and as I walk towards to the front door, I heard footsteps coming. I completely opened the door, and saw Hunter in front of me. I looked at him, and we stared at each other for a while. But when he's about to come closer to me, two guards grabbed his arms. "Get off me!" he shouted.

I didn't even saw these two coming. "Wait!" I demanded.

The two guards looked at me, then I said, "I-I know him." I muttered. I went closer to them, "Please. You can leave now. I'll take care of him." I said.

"But ma'am, his disturbing you and the other residents. And, he's drunk." The tall guard said.

I looked at Hunter, who's still looking at me. I could smell the alcohol from his mouth when he said, "Please, talk to me."

"I think he's sober. He's good." I said to the guards.

The smaller guard asked, "Are you sure, ma'am?"

"S!!" Payson shouted. I looked at her, then I mouthed, "Please?" She just frowned at me and sighed.

I went closer to Hunter now and touched his arms. "You can release him now, please." I told the guards. They obediently did so I said, "Thank you."

"Just call us if you need anything." The tall guard said. I nodded, and they both walked away.

As soon as the two guards entered the elevator, I looked at Hunter and asked him, "What are you doing here at this time, Hunter? You're drunk!"

Then he hugged me so tight, I was surprised. I hugged him back, then Payson cleared her throat and said, "You can talk here inside, S."

I tapped Hunter's shoulder, and he let me go. I held his hands, and smiled at him. His lonely eyes regarded me. We went inside together, holding hands.

"Thanks." I muttered to Payson.

She shook her head, "I don't like this, S. Just please tell me if something went wrong, okay?" she pleaded.

"Nothing wrong will happen, I promise." I said, while I was still holding Hunter's hands.

"Damn it, S! Just promise me!" she shouted.

I was shocked. "I promise, I promise." I quickly said. Then she went to her room and shut her door.

I looked at Hunter and his lonely eyes kept staring back at me. I can't look at him with those eyes, I just can't help it. We went to my bedroom, and as soon as I closed the door, he hugged me again. God! I missed his hug, especially his warmth. "I'm so sorry, S. Please don't leave me." he muttered.

I untangled his arms around me, then I pulled his hands as I sat on my bed. He immediately sat beside me, and he buried his face on his palms. "Hey." I said, but he didn't look at me. I moved closer to him, touched his arms, and I put my chin on his shoulder. He held my hand, then he sighed, "Sorry for saying some stupid things about you." he said.

"I just hope you'd think first before talking, you know." I said.

He held my hand tightly, "I know, I'm so stupid! I'm just so angry with Peter when I saw him kissed you... Please, S. Forgive me." he said, then he kissed my hand. "I don't want to lose you... I-I need you." he added.

"Do you?" I asked.

He sighed, "Yes." he muttered. Then he did something that really surprised me. He pulled my hand and hugged me, so my head was on his chest now, and I could feel his heartbeat. I touched his chest then he snuggled my hair. He whispered to my ear, "I love you." he whispered.

Those words really took me by surprise, so I quickly let myself free from his hug to look at him. I touched his beautiful face, and he held my hand. He really meant what he said. This man loves me too! I kissed him on the lips, a sweet, real kiss. It was full of love. I could still taste the alcohol from his lips, but it doesn't bother me. He looked at me and he smiled, "Does that mean you forgive me?" he asked.

I smiled at him and nodded, "You're just angry, and I understand." I said. I held his hand, and I looked him in the eyes, "I love you too, Hunter." I added. "You made me worry when you didn't show up these past few days." I finished.

"Because I was so ashamed of what I did, S. I didn't have the guts to face you..." he said.

"But why are you here if you didn't want to face me?" I asked.

He shook his head, "I couldn't take it... the idea that you'll be out of my life? It kills me. That's when I realized I'm already in love with you. I guess the alcohol helped me a lot though." he said. We gazed at each other's eyes for a while. It was full of love instead of lust. He suddenly moved his face closer to mine, and he kissed me on the lips. His kiss made me shiver, it made my inner self melt again. I missed this kind of feeling.

When he broke off our kiss, I quickly grasped some air, "Oh, my. I missed you so much." I muttered.

He chuckled, the favorite sound I'm longing to hear, then he clasped his hands against mine, "I missed you more." he said.

I checked the time, and it's already past 3am. "We still need to talk about Peter. I need you to tell me what's the real deal between you two." I said.

"Why? Did he do something while I'm gone?" he asked.

I shook my head, "It's just that... I think he planned it all, Hun. The girl I saw you with? The kiss?" I said.

His face darkened, "That s**t!" he cursed.

I stood up in front of him, "Okay, you're not still cool enough to talk about this... and it's 3am, we're both tired... we'll just talk about this tomorrow, okay? But, you really need to take a shower and brush your teeth before you come to bed with me, okay?" I said.

He looked at me confused, "But I didn't have any clothes with me." he said.

"Don't worry, my bestfriend have some clothes that he left here." I said. I offered my hand, and he took it. As we walk in my bathroom, he asked, "You have a guy bestfriend?"

I turned on the shower, "Uhm, yeah... but we haven't seen each other for years." I said. Then I turned and he's starting to take off his clothes so I quickly said, "I'll get some clothes and a tootbrush, so... go get yourself clean." then I went out. I picked some blue shorts that will fit him, grabbed an extra towel, and get some new toothbrush stacked on my closet, and went back in the bathroom.

He didn't even noticed me coming, so I brushed my teeth first, and after that, I said, "Hey, Hunter, I'll leave your clothes here, okay? I'll go to bed now." I said.

"Okay!" he said.

So I went to bed and covered myself with a blanket. I was waiting for Hunter, but because I'm really tired, I suddenly fell asleep. After a while, I was half woken up when Hunter lied down to bed beside me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I forced myself to turn to face him inspite of the tiredness I felt. He kissed my forehead, "Sleep well." he whispered. I rest my head on his chest and put my hands on it. He slipped his legs between mine while his arm rests around my waist, and we both fell asleep. This time, for sure, I found love.