The Love I Didn’t Have to Chase

Lucas Hayes was kissing my roommate, Sophia Carter. The rain had just stopped in Westhaven, and the streetlamp outside our apartment was glowing. He had Sophia backed against the brick wall, one hand cupping the back of her neck as he bent down and kissed her deeply. I stood a few steps away, clutching a printed copy of my thesis. I should have known this would happen the moment I agreed to arrange their date. But seeing it with my own eyes still hurt so badly it hurt just to breathe. Neither of them noticed me. "Come to my room tonight?" His voice came out rough. I tightened my grip on the papers as my heart sank. So they had already come this far. Sophia laughed and pushed him away. "Not tonight. I promised Emma I'd look over the slides for her thesis defense." They rested their foreheads together and murmured a few more words. Only after she went upstairs did Lucas turn around and see me. "Emma?" His smile disappeared. That trace of tenderness vanished so quickly, it was as if what I had just seen had been an illusion. I turned my face away and tried to walk past him, but my throat tightened, and I couldn't get the words out. The sidewalk seemed to blur beneath me. I had stayed by his side as a friend for ten years. From 14 to 24, almost my entire youth had revolved around him. He had always been calm and taciturn, and so blunt when rejecting girls that he bordered on cruel. Sometimes I wondered whether, in his eyes, I was someone he barely seemed to notice as a woman. That was the first time I had ever seen him look at anyone that way. And they had known each other for only ten days. After high school, Lucas went to college in Sterling City. I wasn't accepted by his school, so I took a gap year and reapplied. I got in the second time, but ultimately chose West Bay University in Westhaven, which had offered me a scholarship. We rarely saw each other during college. Now he worked at a consulting firm, while I was pursuing a master's degree in economics at West Bay. We spoke even less than before. Sometimes I spent days saving up things I wanted to tell him, only to finally get him on a video call and lose every word at the sight of his exhausted face. In the end, all I ever asked was how his day had gone. Whenever I said I would visit him in Sterling City over the weekend, he would say, "Emma, I've been busy lately." Even on the rare occasions we video-called, he always had to hang up after only a few words. I never dared complain. Knowing someone for a long time didn't mean I was special to him. Ten days ago, Sophia borrowed my phone to choose among some photos we had taken in the apartment and accidentally came across a picture of Lucas. Her finger stopped. Smiling, she enlarged his face. "Who's this? He's gorgeous." I saw the interest in her eyes, mumbled that he was an old neighbor, and made up an excuse to take my phone back. I couldn't sleep that night. Sophia was striking even among the students at her design school—with dark brown curls, full lips, and the ability to make men across a bar turn their heads even when she wore the plainest white tank top. Yet she was rarely interested in anyone who asked her out. In the year we had lived together, I had never seen her react that way to a photograph. I reassured myself that one of them lived in Sterling City and the other in Westhaven. They lived in different cities. There was no reason for them to ever meet. But the next day, I still finally worked up the nerve to video-call Lucas. I meant to tell him that I loved him. I had already waited ten years. I didn't want to wait any longer. But I had barely begun when Sophia passed behind me carrying a cup of coffee. She bent down and smiled at the man on my screen. Lucas stopped mid-note. He looked up. His expression softened, and a small smile appeared on his face. I knew that look all too well. It was how I looked at him every single time. The next day, he called me first. He asked me to see if Sophia would give him her number, then help arrange a date. "Em, please." It was the first time he had ever called me that. I had secretly wondered how someone close to me might say my nickname. I had imagined countless times what it would sound like in his voice. But never like this. He waited without rushing me, as though he had always known what my answer would be. I curled my fingers into my palm. In the end, I still said yes. What else could I do? I couldn't stop him from falling for someone else any more than I could stop myself from loving him. Everything that followed seemed inevitable. I told him about Sophia's favorite bands and what she liked to drink. I told Sophia I had never seen him this eager to ask anyone out. They talked late into the night every day. And today, the man who could never spare even one lunch for me had taken three days off just to come to Westhaven to see her. They kissed the first time they met. At last, I climbed to the 4th floor and opened the apartment door. Sophia turned around, her eyes still smiling. "Emma, we're officially together."