Regret From The Past

Sassi looked out of the window. Raining of course it had to be raining why did she have to relive this day every year and the weather was always the same. Wet, cold and miserable. Sassi had been just seventeen when her whole world had ended. When the only family she had was lost and it was all her fault. Eight years to this day and it still affected her. Still brought her back. Still kept her up at night and still caused her to never trust men or anyone for that fact. Eight years ago, she had been excited for her then boyfriend Dylan and her to spend the night together.   They had planned it perfectly after the school dance they were going to go back to the hotel he had booked, and she was going to lose her virginity. She thought she was in love and that Dylan was the one. Her mother was a low life drug addict who had spent her life passed out on the couch or smoking a fag in the garden. Dylan had been there for her he had stolen her away from the awful life she had. He had brought her to a world where she felt life wasn’t so miserable.   They had spent so much time together growing up and then as teenagers they would hide away in Dylan’s parent’s farm house, talking about the future they would have together. She hadn’t exactly felt ready to lose her virginity, but she knew Dylan had wanted to do it. As he went on about it nonstop even threatening to break up. She felt she would lose him if she didn’t.   They had grown up in a tiny town in Cavan in Ireland and that meant everybody knew everything and everyone. She had hated it growing up. All the stares from people knowing the horrible life her and her older brother were living yet never doing anything to stop it. No one offering help when it was clear her brother’s black eye wasn’t from a fall but a beating an angry boyfriend of her mothers had left when he had tried to defend her. Or when she walked to school with holes in her shoes and bags under her eyes from being up all night terrified that her brother wouldn’t make it this time. That the torture they lead was clear to all, but no one stopped it. Of course, the town felt it was her mother’s own fault for having two children with two fathers out of wedlock and never attending church.   She had grown up barely getting meals and having a constant stream of men in the house some lovers of her mothers and some she had assumed drug dealers. She wouldn’t have even made it out alive if it wasn’t for her brother Dean.   He had been her protector he had shielded her from beatings and stolen food so that she could have lunches for school. As soon as he could he had dropped out of school and worked so that he could afford to buy her school supplies. He was seven years older than her and the day he turned eighteen had become her legal guardian and they had moved into the apartment above the local shop where he had worked. He believed in her and had been the only man or person she could rely on.   Yes, she hated the town, the people, and the stares but now she hated herself.   That night after the dance was over Dylan had driven her over to the hotel and she was terrified, but she knew she had to do this for him so that they could be together. They had gotten into their room and he had started straight away kissing her and taking her clothes off. She felt she wanted to stop but he kept pushing her and grabbing her until they had heard a loud bang at the door.   Frozen they stared at the door as Dean barged in pure rage in his eyes and the look that he could kill Dylan if he even moved. Dylan looked more terrified then her as Dean threw her top at her and yelled for her to get in the car. Once in the car tears had stung her eyes and by the time Dean had gotten in the car the tears were pouring.   She was crying more from relief and feeling ashamed than anything else, but she knew Dean had known that. They had driven in silence when Dean had finally started to talk. “Sass you know he had told the entire town? That he had planned on taking pictures…” he had trailed off clearly trying to contain his anger as his fists clenched the steering wheel. Sassi had just sobbed harder.   Once she had stopped crying, she turned to Dean and exclaimed “I am sorry, I just didn’t want to lose him”. Dean had calmed down by this point and with a steady breath and that I am always right attitude he always seemed to have growing up he said “Sass you are the smartest person I know you don’t need this town. You are getting out of this s**t hole and moving on to better things. Don’t turn into ma. Your better than her your better then every person in this town including me.”   She had tried to interrupt but he had carried on “don’t it's true you deserve to get out and your our only chance. We are going to get you that scholarship and then never look back. Just promise me that when were there and you’re a big business woman we will come back in our fancy ass cars and rub your success in these mother fuckers’ faces” this had made Sassi laugh.   As she did Dean had turned up the volume on the radio and started belting out Molly Malone a famous Irish song that Dean loved. Sassi was about to join in the chorus as her brother sang “Alive, alive, oh” at the top of his lungs. She turned her head towards Dean to sing and saw bright lights. They were hit by a truck driver who had fallen asleep at the wheel.   She grimaced as the thoughts of her past flashed across her mind and she was suddenly brought back to reality by the piercing sound of the kettle shaking on the stove and steaming to its limit. “Sassi Sassi Sassi…” she turned away from the window to find her friend Emma taking the kettle off the boil and giving her a sympathetic look.   Sassi’s friend Emma was a beautifully timid creature. She was Sassi’s only friend for that fact. Sassi liked her friends or friend because she was mousy and quiet by nature and the fact that she knew not to ask questions or get to close. Emma had mousey brown hair and wore giant glasses.   At first sight you wouldn’t think someone like Emma was a quiet and reserved character. She studied fashion and seemed to love the buzz she got when she was in the height of fashion week running around assembling outfits. She always wore up to date trends and knew who was who and who wore what all the things Sassi couldn’t care less about.   This was why she had taking a liking to Emma when she had posted an advert for room to rent two years earlier. At first, she had thought someone who was up to date with celebrities and fashion must be loud, overbearing and intrusive. Emma was none of those things she was shy and sweet and to herself. She hadn’t bombarded Sassi with questions of why she had moved to London or who her family were or the usual questions that had annoyed Sassi. It was almost as if she knew not to ask them. She had simply explained the rules of the house, when rent was due and where the best place to shop was.   Although over the two years they had developed a relationship that had flowed and a quiet friendship that just was. It seemed that Emma knew her well and she knew Emma. They both liked their space and were extremely ambitious which meant neither of them were hosting wild nights or were out on the town every night.   Emma was aware and understood she needed more socializing to break bigger into the fashion scene. Sassi wished she had been the kind of person to help but she was just as introverted as Emma. She assumed this was because they both seemed to have a past, they didn’t talk about. Sassi knew Emma’s parents had left her the house. That she rented the spare room to pay back the mortgage but what happened to her parents she had never asked, knowing she wouldn’t have wanted a question like that thrown at her.   She watched Emma pour the tea and then start talking as if she was used to Sassi’s silent thinking. “Now this is your big chance don’t let the last tiny bump effect this massive opportunity” Emma said excitedly. Sassi laughed “I don’t think telling your boss he’s a moron for not knowing or seeing a basic financial error was exactly a little bump Em”.   Sassi had just completed her full accounting qualifications while working at one of London’s top firms. Then they had had the cheek not to keep her on when Sassi had done so much grunt work and helped them develop major accounts. Apparently Sassi needed to work on her people skills. This had made her out raged. In her opinion who on earth decided to work in the world of economics and finance because they were a people person. Sassi had stormed out of the offices but only after giving them a piece of her mind of which lead to no much-needed reference.   This had meant Sassi had to apply for lower trainee positions in Finance in every company she could think of. Although explaining why she had left the firm that she had qualified with and not received a reference was not as easy as she had hoped. She had decided that she would just work her way back up and she was as ambitious and driven as ever.   She had finally been given a break when one of the responses had asked her for an interview. Actually, it was quite a big break and that meant Sassi was prepared as always and had researched the company to a tee. The company was called Soleto enterprise and they made their fortune on buying and building up companies. It was an extremely young company only ten years old, but it was already a multimillion-dollar company and if she even got a few years’ experience she could leave with a good reference after working her way back up the finance ladder. Then return to mainstream where she would take that smug look off her ex employers face.   The thought of facing an interview today of all days was not appealing but Sassi knew she needed this job. Her rent was due, and she had barely scraped by last month.   Emma handed Sassi her tea and looked at her with an expression of I don’t want to poke the bear, but it needs to be said. Then calmly Emma said “Sassi just take five deep breaths before you think you are going to lose your cool and remember you need this job”. Sassi rolled her eyes “I know I know Em but is it my fault that I am surrounded by arrogant males who assume because I am a women I am there to fetch their tea” she looked at Emma who looked her straight back with I am not taking your nonsense attitude and said “Sassi fetch their tea if that means one day they will be fetching yours”.   Emma was right she needed to not jump down people’s throat just because she felt they were incompetent morons. Sassi laughed as she thought of how arrogant, lazy and moronic her last employer was and glanced at Emma who was pulling out a magazine with a cheeky grin. “My god Sassi this man is going to be your potential boss” she basically drooled as she handed Sassi the magazine.   Sassi had read about the boss of course she had, and she had admiration for his lethal work ethic and the fact he started the company at twenty-five and had turned it into what it was today. The fact he worked so hard meant he expected that of his finance team and all the areas of the company. That was one of the reasons it was seen as prestigious to have worked with him.   What she hadn’t expected was for him to be so ruggedly good looking. His eyes were a piercing green and he had a strong jaw line with an extremely masculine build. Jet black hair and an air of something she couldn’t pinpoint was it that he was Bolivian she wasn’t sure. The icy steel look in his eyes made her almost not notice the beautiful women all by his side idling over him in the glossy cover of the gossip magazine.   Sassi rolled her eyes “Em I am a mere pip in the company it is extremely unlikely I will even see him in the hallway let alone be working near him, he won’t be my boss he will be my bosses’ bosses’ bosses’ boss”. Emma sighed glumly “That’s a lot of bosses and so unfair I hear he is the number one bachelor on the market every model I dress seems to be fawning all over him and who wouldn’t” she said glancing over at the magazine in Sassi’s hands.   Then Emma cheered up and jumped to her feet enthusiastically explaining “good thing though I also hear he’s a huge playboy bedding different models every night” she then looked at Sassi with distaste and carried on talking “ Sassi I know you won’t be meeting the man but by god on the rare chance you walk past him at least tell me that’s not what your wearing” Sassi looked down she was wearing her frayed suit pants and jacket combo which when she had bought it a year ago was a lovely silver but now was more a dull grey. She had thought working in a younger more relevant company she may have needed new clothes, but she couldn’t afford said new clothes without the job first.   She looked up at Emma in panic “you’re right oh god my interview is in three hours and I have nothing to wear”. Emma just calmly gestured her upstairs and into her room and sat a panicked Sassi on the bed. Sassi could tell Emma was searching to find Sassi an outfit but Sassi couldn’t see how that would work. Emma was quite small and petite she was one of those girls who probably could eat chocolate cake every day and stay a skinny size eight she also had little cleavage or bum. Sassi on the other hand was gifted in the bust and bum area meaning although she had long legs and a small waist their sizes would very much differ.   She had wondered who her father must have been as a child as she almost had a slight mixed ancestor look about her, in some ways, she was beautiful like her mother and had ocean blue eyes and wavy dark brown hair like a typical Irish girl. In other ways though she had been different she had huge breasts and a curvy waist with long legs and her skin wasn’t pale like her classmates or her brothers, yet it wasn’t as dark as the Spanish students who had come to visit her town. This hadn’t helped the feelings of not belonging growing up when everybody knew you were different. Her brother had said they were just jealous because she was beautiful inside and out and they were just ordinary. Sassi felt He had had to say these things because he was her brother after all.   Sassi sighed “Em if you actually think your clothes will fit me, you’re joking”. Emma ignored Sassi’s minor protest and carried on rummaging through her closet. Emma eventually emerged from the mass of clothes she had just created with a black pleated pencil skirt. It had a slight slit on one side and with-it Emma accompanied a white shirt that was, Sassi admitted to herself very pretty and the combination was very current and well sexy yet sophisticated. The sexy part not appealing to Sassi in the least.   Seeing the look of disapproval on Sassi’s face Emma warned “Sassi you can’t go in what your wearing and you are interviewing in a very competitive modern company, you need to dress to impress. What did I read in that magazine the first five minutes of an interview and they have made up ninety percent of what they think of you” Sassi sighed and Emma squealed in delight knowing Sassi had finally succumb to wearing something that shaped her body and not hid it. Emma handed Sassi tights with embedded lace almost representing a garter around the thigh and Sassi’s expression of pure horror made Emma laugh as she explained “don’t worry you can’t see the lace the skirt will cover it, but they are the only ones I have long enough to fit you”.   Sassi took the clothes wishing she had invested in some new clothes instead of stupidly sending her mother money after she had begged her and promised if she sent money, she would never harass Sassi again. Sassi didn’t even know why she had even taken her mother’s out of the blue call. After not acknowledging her existence since her brother’s death but she felt giving her the money was a way of getting rid of her past.   Thinking of it made her stomach turn and she pushed the thought to the back of her mind and carried on getting dressed. She realized straight away it was one size to small and looked at Emma “Em it’s too tight”. Emma just shrugged of her comment and looked at her in wonder “Sassi if I had your body, I would walk around naked”. Sassi looked at her and laughed “Em we both know that’s not true” knowing Emma struggled as it was wearing tight clothes. This outfit probably didn’t cling to Emma’s body like it did Sassi’s.   Sassi was in two minds about just throwing on the old dull faded grey pant suit and jacket combo. When as if reading her mind, Emma grabbed her black heels and pushed them both out the bedroom door and down the stairs. “Sassi you need to stop over thinking it, it’s just clothes but if you have a male interviewer you may get the job on the spot” Emma giggled and Sassi gave her an exasperated look. Emma just rolled her eyes and looked at the clock “look you have ten minutes maybe you will let me do your hair” as if knowing this would make Sassi dash for the door. Sassi grabbed her things threw the shoes on and said as her voice faded into the hallway “No no, no need I like to be early for interviews” and with that she was gone.