HIDDEN (hide or die)

Chapter Eleven

KYLE'S P.O.V.

I will never forget that face…

Might be a nightmare, or maybe a living terror. It wasn't silly like forgetting my pants, and everyone laughing. Not scary like when I was exposed to the world and made fun of and chased away when I was four. No, this was worse. Because it was actually happening. I was awake, and I felt as though I might die from the pain in my brain; I was standing in the middle of my new class, getting laughed at for no apparent reason that I could understand. Even the teacher’s laugh didn’t hurt me…

What did hurt me was the loud laugh that echoed painfully in my head. The reason behind the laughter and mockery. I couldn’t comprehend— there was no way my Andrew would do such a thing. But here he was; laughing proudly and fist-bumping the guy next to him. How? When he was so patient and nice to me just this morning? Something must have terribly gone wrong because Andrew was not mean.

“Ha-ha, alright everyone; settle down. Kyle please sit down and— Andrew quit poking fun at your new classmate." I kept my head down and headed to my chair. I had to avoid one stretched leg that was meant to trip me, as well as endure the ‘low’ giggles. I got sick to my stomach and the want to run back home grew stronger. I had to suppress it though; I couldn't be giving up so quickly. At least now I was able to walk outside of the house without the fear of being watched. However painful it felt, this mockery was way better than being locked up.

“Hello, Kyle! I’m beaky.” I looked up from my desk, I had sat down so quietly that I hadn’t noticed the beautiful girl I was paired up with, the ginger—beaky— gave me a pearly white smile that I tried to reciprocate back. I was too astonished at the fact that a girl as pretty as she would talk to someone who was just made the laughingstock of the entire class. I stayed silent not knowing what to say since she already knew my name.

“Your glasses make you look cool, I like them!” she smiled again as if she didn’t just lie to my face. I scoffed mentally, if they were so ‘cool’ I wouldn’t be made fun of.

I gave her a slight smile, not wanting to make her feel bad by being rude. I was too scared to speak because I knew I’d stumble over my words. That if I knew what to say, to begin with. She turned back to her notebook, scribbling down something. I did the same, turning my head towards the board but my eyes fell on the back of Andrew’s head. I was ‘blessed’ to be seated behind him. But it was a curse really and instead of focusing on the teacher, I focused on the way his shoulders shook slightly as he talked and laughed with his friends in hushed tones that weren’t so hushed to me.

How come he could talk to them so easily but make fun of me? I hadn’t done anything laugh-worthy… but he already thought of me as stupid, as I listened in on their conversation. He didn't even know me and yet he judged me so harshly. The Andrew from this morning had completely vanished and I had a feeling he wasn't going to be coming back anytime soon. How was I supposed to get closer to him if he already closed himself to me?

If I hadn’t acted so childishly he wouldn’t have had such an impression of me. Perhaps I would try to convince my mother to let me wear something different, maybe then he’d change his impression of me. He did say I looked stupid right? Maybe I was just blowing this out of context… maybe if I appeared smarter and looked nicer I’d be able to do what I risked my life for. Maybe then his inevitable rejection won’t be as humiliating.

I was harshly snapped out of my daydream with the bell ringing out, cutting off the teacher from whatever he was saying. I tried my hardest not to cringe at the loudness. I watched as everyone flew out of the class while I sat stoned, thinking about learning how to tune the chaos out. I stood up ready to run along but I couldn’t find what caused them to run. Within seconds; the seats in front of me and all around me were empty and I was left alone in the classroom; confused.

I sat back down after a few minutes and decided to wait ‘til they came back. Just as I thought of that, a guy busted in rushing to a bag that was left on the floor, he seemed to be in a rush and I moved to stand up and ask him what was happening, but I couldn’t move my legs. I felt my breath hitch as numerous thoughts fought to be at the forefront of my mind. And as I froze in my panic, the guy had already left, not sparing a glance towards me. It made me wonder if he even knew I was there.

I scoffed at myself, irritated at the way my body responded to the idea of talking to anyone. It's like, once the thought registers in my head, I start to panic. Sweat will form everywhere and my senses would go hyperaware, causing my nerves to shake. I could never get a chance to be normal without my anxiety poking her head every damned time?!

My lips wobbled and I looked up at the feeling of tears dwelling in my eyes; why am I like this? How can I make my mother proud? How am I going to get sweet perfect Andrew to like me? Someone who can’t even speak without getting a panic attack. Maybe— maybe I wasn’t meant to have this type of life. Maybe I was meant to be hidden. All I did was mess up time after time ever since I stepped out of my front door. Other than ‘making friends’ with Albert, nothing else went right. I should have stayed locked up, and searched for an alternative way to make my mother happy. I should’ve just disappeared from her life instead of going on with this stupid plan that was only further going to worry her and give her problems in the long run.

My thoughts twirled down the dark pit of my mind only furthering my misery, the need to cry amplifying. “What the hell are you still doing here all alone in an empty class?” I lifted my head so quickly that their voice rang in my ear.

“Come on Kyle! Lunch is almost over and I’m hungry.” Beaky, the ginger-headed beauty, the girl that thought I looked ‘cool’ with my stupid glasses, was standing by the door, hands on her slim waist as she whined and waited for me to have lunch with her…? If not for the fact that the class was deserted, I’d have thought she was talking to someone else.

I must have been too slow, while I looked at her in bewilderment at the simple fact that she actually was talking to me, because she somehow was now in front of me, looking at me through her squinted eyes, “don’t make me drag you. I’m stronger than I look!” her tone was serious as she ushered for me to get up. I expected my legs to freeze and my mouth to stop working with another panic attack, but they didn’t.

And I found myself standing up from my chair hand in bag and walking out of the door next to her before I could process it. I hoped she wouldn't think I was as ‘stupid’ as Andrew made me out to be, because of my lack of speech, I had tried to respond, but as I expected, my throat closed up in a knot and I couldn’t form a word. But I was walking so that was something.

“You don’t talk much do you?” I looked up from the floor, snapped out from my thought about the same exact topic, great timing. I opted to shake my head in a no, in fear that my throat would close off again.

A smile brightened up her face as we walked side by side to wherever she was taking me, “that’s okay! I can do the talking for the both of us! Don’t worry I’d probably chat your ears off anyway.” She grabbed my hand, opening the blue double doors to reveal the loudest area I’ve ever been into; it was so crowded and loud, I didn’t even try to focus on anything I immediately tuned them out the best I could. It didn’t surprise me as much as her words did; she’d talk for the both of us? We will talk again? This wasn't a one-time type of thing? Whoa.

My heart swelled with a type of happiness that I didn’t get to experience much, and I allowed her to pull me to wherever she wanted while secretly fearing the safety of my ears. But I didn’t mind one bit. She may not have had a clue how much her actions meant to me, but that's what angels do right? They make others happy without realizing and without asking for anything in return. She must have been sent down from heaven to save me from my own clutches.

I noticed the whispers around us as we walked, as well as all the looks we received, words about ‘hunched back’ and why would Beaky be with the likes of me?. About me being too weird all over, and if it was the type of boys Beaky rolled with. But I paid no mind to it. Beaky didn’t so maybe I shouldn’t too.

Beaky, Beaky, Beaky….

My eyes locked with another boy who had a disapproving look on his face as he stared at our joined hands, oh… I pull my hand away from hers abruptly, causing her to halt her steps and rotate to look at me questioningly “Th– thank you f– for inviting m– me to have lu– lunch w– with you, but I don’t think it’s a good idea…” I trailed off glancing around us at all the judgmental stares.

She chuckled, her hair falling back as she titled her head to the sky, “You’re funny,” I heard her mumble between her breaths, “this is the first time you’ve actually talked to me... you have such a nice voice, but I’m still hungry so let’s go.” Her tone was light but serious towards the end as she slipped her hand back in mine and resumed to pulling me across the hall. I felt as if it was shock that was pumping through me, and I was half-certain that disbelief was written all over me. Was she mentally okay? Why would she want to hang out with the laughing stock of—apparently— the entire school? Hanging out with me could potentially ruin her reputation! She is beautiful, and clearly smart, and appeared to be very popular… so why throw that all away? For me, someone whom she doesn’t know?

She brought so many confusing questions and I feared the answers… I had an inkling feeling that she’ll come to find my truth somehow. “The cafeteria is huge isn’t it?” I looked around, and she was right. We had been walking for quite a while too, I wondered just how many students there was exactly? Because damn they fill it all. I was tempted to fly my way out of there in the span of a blink, when I realized just how many students there was exactly. But as if she knew my thought process; her hold on my hand tightened for a split second.

I felt the commotion quieten as more people spotted us, and deep inside, I knew something unpleasant was bound to happen. I allowed Beaky to pull me towards an empty table that was meant for six, which was weird because all the tables were filled and more times than not; crowded. I turned to Beaky as we settled beside each other; needing answers.

“Beak—”

I cut my own word when my ears picked up a whoosh of air behind me, but before I could turn to see who it was or what it was, something hit my back. I heard Beaky’s slight gasp and I stiffened as I realized that it was meant to hurt me if not for my wings sort of eliminating the hit. I looked back just in time to receive another hit straight to my face; it landed just above my eyebrow and I closed my eyes when I felt the sticky substance leak into my eyes.

Late enough, my senses picked up on the nature of the subject, the strong smell of cooked meat, and the fresh aroma of herbs as well as the clear scent of tomato all pointed to one thing; meatballs. I hissed when pepper leaked into my eyes, burning them despite me closing them. My head spun as everyone’s laughter surrounded me.

I felt Beaky’s movement as she stood up from her chair— her chair squeaking as she did so, then a wet tissue was being pressed to my eye, and I felt myself flush from head to toe. “What the f**k, is wrong with you Andrew!!” I didn’t have time to be shocked that the sweet-looking Beaky cursed because I was too busy listening to the remaining parts of my heart shattering.

I looked up, locking eyes with his smirking ones and I knew, I knew that this pain was just the start. I felt it as the weight of the hurt pushed against my shoulders to crush me, as my eyes welled with tears I wasn’t allowing to fall, and my lips quivered with sobs I held in; I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of hurting me. But it left me wondering; just what caused him to flip on me, and hate me the way he does?