Birthday;Death day

“No!” I scream, jerking awake as I roll off my bed and hit the floor harder than I expected. I wince, pressing a hand to my lower back. The fall shouldn’t have hurt this much, I had imagined worse. Not just imagined… rehearsed. For weeks, I had run through every possible way I could get hurt, or even die, in these little daydreams. Falling like this was almost comforting, in a way: predictable, familiar. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to recall the dream that triggered my sudden scream. Nothing. Not even the tiniest detail. I shrug. Not that it matters. For me, dreams, like deaths, come and go, and usually, I only notice the ones that stick- on the rare occasion that they do. I stand and drag myself toward the bathroom. My pyjamas cling to my skin, soaked with sweat, but the discomfort barely registers—I’m too busy scanning my mind for the “what ifs” and “whens” of the day. The warm shower does little to chase the thoughts and sensations away. I scrub at my arms, imagining the precise way a slipping hand could send me tumbling down the stairs. I shudder as I picture it… then relax, because today, I had survived another morning unscathed. Well, at least for now. The morning is not even over, I remind myself as I chuckle lightly. After drying off, I pull on the outfit I picked last night: a short black skirt, black stockings, low-heeled Mary Janes, and a chic light blue top. A black beret, a short black jacket. A little dab of my favorite powder on my face and a swipe of lipstick complete the look. Every detail measured, precise. Safe. Predictable. PERFECT. My phone rings, and I grab it on my way to the sitting room. “Hello?” I answer. “Hi, babyy!” Kai’s cheerful voice bursts through the speaker. I smile automatically. Hearing her voice always had this effect on me. “Where are you? Don’t be late for classes”, she singsongs. “I’m ready,” I say, laughing to myself . “I won’t be late.” We agree to meet at the lecture theatre, and she hangs up. I pick up my bag from my desk, giving the house a quick scan. Locked doors, keys in place. Perfect. Nothing unusual. Driving to school, I hum along with the radio, letting the mundane rhythm of the morning mask the silent drifting of my mind on what could go wrong, what might happen, when death could come for me. *************************************** I pull into the school parking lot in about thirty minutes. A glance at my watch tells me I have twenty minutes before my first lecture. I park beside Kai’s car -I would recognize that pink anywhere, and grab my bag from the backseat. Checking it carefully, I make sure everything I need is intact. The fall from bed flashes in my mind again, a reminder that accidents, no matter how small, always have their timing. Locking the car, I begin walking toward the entrance that leads to my first lecture, a faint thrill running through me. Today could be like any other day, or it could be the day one of my dreams come true. I enter my classroom in exactly fifteen minutes. Five minutes remain before the lecturer arrives, just enough time to settle down. Kai spots me almost immediately and waves. I make my way over and slide into the empty chair beside her. “Good morning, Nayas,” she says. “Good morning to you too,” I reply, rolling my eyes at the way she calls my name. It’s her special nickname for me, in her own words: “My name was already too short to coin a nickname out of.” By now, I’m used to it, and I find it funny. “So, how prepared are you for this class?” she asks. “Well, I—” I don’t get a chance to respond. “Oh, and you look gorgeous today! What brand is your top?” she says. “I made it myself,” I answer. “Nice!” she claps her hands. “You owe me a dress now.” I smirk. “Of course, your Majesty,” I reply slowly. Just then, the lecturer walks in, and we all turn our attention to the lesson. The lecture drags on for a while. After the second and third classes pass, it’s finally time for the last class of the day. Our anatomy professor drones on about the parts of the head and neck- the bones, the relations, and everything in between… and as he speaks, my mind drifts. I see myself hiking on a mountain, the wind calm and the sky clear. I walk slowly, taking my time to enjoy the scenic view. Suddenly, I step on a loose rock. My left leg slips. I lose my balance and tumble down… and down… and down… “Hey!” Kai’s voice snaps me back to reality. “Yes—ss,” I stammer. “Are you okay?” she asks, looking right at me. “Uh… yeah,” I reply. “Well, lectures are over. We should go,” she says. I stand and quickly pack my books and slip them into my bag, walking out with Kai strolling slowly by my side. “Sooo, what were you thinking about? You looked completely lost,” she teases. I laugh lightly and glance at her. “Oh, it’s nothing. I was just… lost in thought,” I say, mimicking her singsong tone. She smacks my arm. “Good. Because we have that study video to watch and analyze later, and I don’t want you losing focus.” “Of course, ma’am,” I reply. “I’ll be ready and focused.” “See you later, then,” she waves as we approach the parking lot. I wave back and get into my car, beginning the ride home. I think back to my little daydream in class and shake my head. This was the second one today, and it’s only two in the afternoon. Not that it’s unusual. I have these daydreams occasionally and sometimes, a bit more often than I notice. But as my mind drifts back to the daydream, I visualize myself tumbling down the mountain, falling….. my stomach tightens, and I grip the steering wheel a little too hard. I tell myself it’s nothing. Just thoughts. Just… imagination. Turning onto my street, lined with the magnolia I’ve seen a thousand times, a sense of familiarity wash over me. Out of the corner of my right eye, something makes me pause. A loose rock- just at the edge of the pavement. I watch it roll under my tire with a soft crunch. My breath catches. I must be imagining it… I think to myself. Daydreaming about mountains and loose rocks, now seeing a loose rock? Shaking my head, I laugh softly. When I pull into the driveway, everything looks ordinary. Nothing is out of place. I park, lock the car, and step out, taking a deep breath. The air is calm, and for a moment, I allow myself to feel… normal. I pretend for a bit that I’m just a daydreamer, like most people. There’s nothing to it. Inside, the familiar scent of home greets me: faint perfume from this morning, the steady hum of the refrigerator from the kitchen. My home. Safe. Comfortable. PERFECT. I sit by the window for a while, looking out at the quiet street. The magnolias stretch across the yard, their fragrant flowers filling the porch as the branches rustle under the gentle breeze. My mind drifts again- not a daydream, just a thought, a small “what if.” I smile faintly. Nothing unusual has happened today. Everything seems ordinary… for now. And yet, my gaze keeps returning to that little rock by the curb, the one that hadn’t been there this morning. I shake my head. Probably someone dropped it. Nothing more. I tell myself.