Home Guard

Chapter 3

The family tree:

Grandpa Sergeant Les and Grandma Dulcie Cox (John’s Parents) cake and tough love

Racy John married to Lyn-in-love-with-love Cox (nee Pearce)

Jim, our hero, and big sister, bitter-sweet Bec Cox (children)

Grandpa James and Nanna Mae Pearce (Lyn’s Parents) polar opposites to the Cox's

Ruth - Lyn’s big sister married to Harry Dorm

Macca and Dave (mates of John) maaaaate

Cheryl - Lyn’s best friend - I’m just a girl that can’t say no

Sacred family time

I don’t know see why she has to have another church wedding, I mean it’s a fuckin' joke isn’t it. How many times do you go down that aisle before you figure you’re screwed? Christ knows I wouldn’t do it again.

Lyn winces painfully as her husband continues his rant.

The new guy certainly isn’t Jewish judging by the wedding tackle I saw hanging out at the pub last night. Maybe part horse. You know I was invited to join the 16inch club once, said I wasn’t taking an inch off for anyone.

John cracks up at his own joke as he adjusts himself into his powder blue safari suit, teamed with his recently christened and so far s**t free Jesus sandals.

Oh John, please be kind, it’s Cheryl’s wedding day, Lyn beseeches. You know she’s my best friend. Just once I’d like a nice family day. It’s so rare you’re home on weekends.

What’s that supposed to mean? So help me God. John turns on her in a flash, with Lyn apologising immediately and wishing she could just shut up sometimes. Sorry honey, just a bit nervous for her today. That’s all. I know how hard you work.

Lyn races into Jim and Bec’s rooms and gives them the talk.

Now remember, best behaviour please. Your father has had a big week and we don’t want him to get stressed. It will be a lovely day, so long as you both just do as you are told and stay quiet. Bec shakes her head and bites her lip. Jim stares sullenly at his mother as she straightens up his nice shirt and smooths his hair down. I think I’ll cut your hair next time…they always take too much off. Looks like your Grandfather’s.

Bec is in the car first, begging Jim not to say anything to make their dad cross. Lyn appears next, giving them that look as she comes out of the house, pleading and warning with her eyes at the same time. John struts out like a rooster. Admiring his reflection in the car then looking distantly at his family grim faced and cold. Jim and his sister cram themselves in the back and do their best not to be kids. It’s a matter of time however before the inevitable…Mum, I think Jim’s going to be sick . Jim is pale and dropping out fast.

Jesus Christ Jim, wind your window down and sit up. John yells over the top of his rotary sports car engine and Bee Gees, blaring to drown out the family sounds. No wonder you feel car-sick. And get your knees out of my back.” There would have been more room in the ashtray, Jim thinks.

You try sitting in back seat and see how much room there is, he blurts out. Lyn goes white. The brakes slam and Bec’s face hits her mother’s seat in front. Jim goes quiet. John throws the door open and screams, Get out of the car you fuckin smart mouth!

Jim shakes his head, …he’s running now towards the gate….always ajar just in case

I said get out ya little prick, John is menacing, his eyes narrow and it is only his bad back and his rapidly growing son that stops him reaching in and ripping the cocky little s**t out.

Jim looks down. Says nothing. …..They have his body but not his mind…

I’ll swop with him, cries Lyn desperately, it’s not his fault he’s growing

Growing to be a pain in the ass, John growls, never would have back chatted my old man like that.

…They seek it out but never find…

Bec starts to cry. Her nose bleeding on her new dress. The old man can’t stand crying. Look what you’ve done now son. Maybe next time you’ll shut your face. Great…now we’re fuckin late. Lyn quickly passes Bec a tissue, glares at Jim and puts her sunglasses on.

The truck is coming…the truck is coming..

The car roars off and her ex army boy drives like a madman for a lovely family day out together. To celebrate the sacred union of a man and woman. For the 3rd time.