Home Guard

Chapter 4

The wedding

This time the weather was being good to Cheryl. Her previous two weddings, the heavens had screamed at her DONT DO IT!

Thunderstorms, flat tyres on wedding cars and a drunken groom with an awkward insect bite on his neck. But she had persisted as women tend to. Convincing herself that she was the problem and that the men just needed more understanding and love. Love. She was in love with love. She and Lyn were both terrible romantics. They had to be.

Here she was again though and this time it was going to be different. She could feel it. She had met Barry through an old school friend and he was just nice. Not smooth, just nice. He cared and he seemed to love her at all times of the day. Not just in the morning when pyjamas became tents and went camping before anything else woke.

Doesn’t she look beautiful John, Lyn says wistfully as Cheryl stepped out of the old Ford GT, blushing like a new bride.

Mmm, yep. Love the white dress. Not sure the colour is quite her. Virginal that is.

Please John, not today.

John was already miles away remembering his own wedding day.

As always he was with his best mate Dave. The two of them hungover as hell, but still swaggering knowing they cut a fine pair in their three-piece suits. The bridesmaids were a sight too John remembered, feeling a stirring in the jungle of his safari suit. Gravity defying boobs just about falling out the front of their dresses. One in particular. This time he was watching her getting married. And this time with more chance of her boobs falling out the bottom.

Yep, It was a great day. A little stressful at the start, but bloody funny as he recalled.

Jesus Christ! The ring!

What…? a desperately hungover shape in the bed groaned. Tousled hair and sweat were the only things that were holding the young nurse’s head together.

John was frantic. The bloody wedding ring you lush, it was laid out on the quilt. s**t! s**t! s**t! Quick, get off your arse and help me find the fuckin thing before I have a heart attack.

Lyn’s best friend and bridesmaid rolled over and put her legs onto the floor tentatively as if to test it was safe to stand on. She looked shyly over her shoulder at a very naked and shaky John. Well you certainly won’t forget this day, she giggled.

John couldn’t help himself but grin. It certainly would make a great story at the RSL.

After a fruitless search in the twisted bedsheets, Cheryl looked under the bed. John was just watching her bare bum sticking up with her head wedged under the frame. I’ve found it, she said awkwardly. Thank you God, whispers John staring at an open invitation then back up to the heavens. After all he’s just a man. Once again for luck then.

Searching for the ring with Cheryl the morning of his and Lyn’s wedding he remembered the stress and the laughter after what should have been his last hurrah. Lyn had no idea. She never did. So trusting and sweet. That was what he had liked about her. She adored him and he could do no wrong. But lately. Just lately she was getting a bit of a mouth on her.

Lyn recalls her own wedding too. Cheryl had been sick the night before, but was going to make it today, hell or high water. That’s just the kind of friend she was.

Lyn hadn’t slept a wink - she was too excited. Her proud parents had told her she looked beautiful and even her stoic old dad had shed a quiet tear. Now you know what you are doing love, don’t you? Her mother had said gently. It’s a big decision. You aren’t getting married ‘cos you have to, are you?

Oh mum, Lyn had been devastated. He’s the most wonderful man. I know he’s changed from the guy I met 3 years ago, but I’ve changed too.

Alright then. That’s settled. I won’t ask again, let’s have a champers. Bottoms up!

As the sparkling black wedding car made its way to the curb, her driver had looked up cautiously. Just washed the car you know love. Birds always know. Might move it away from the trees.

The traditional organ music started as soon as she and her faithful dad had entered the gorgeous old cathedral and she had stopped to catch her breath for a minute. It was all so perfect. She had started the fairytale.

Oh Dad, I can’t believe I’m really doing this, Lyn had gasped under her veil

Her dad just gave her hand a squeeze.

Meanwhile, another story had just begun. The groom, and best man had arrived earlier and their entrance was a little different. Might park under the trees for a couple of photos, if that’s ok with you sir, the driver of the shiny Mustang had said. Sounds good, says John grinning and enjoying the spotlight.

Target in sight Eagle Eye, says one pigeon to another in a tree overlooking a shiny Mustang. Roger that 10 4 . Fire at will.

Bogey locked on. Fire. Missile launched.

A bird craps on John’s shoulder just as he steps out of the muscle car. Jesus Christ! Bird crap on my bloody suit.

He had picked up a rock and hurled it at the bird missing it by a bee's d**k. How’d you like it if I shat on you, you fuckin filthy animal.

Shit is lucky, Davo said laughing and scooping it off his mates suit with a cigarette paper. Good luck you know!

Good luck to that fuckin bird when I get hold of it. John replied still angry.

Quick mate, it’s time to get in that church, she’ll be here any tick of the clock

Yeh. Says John. Yeah. His mind was trying to put the last 24 hours together.

Only a few hours ago at the Buck’s show Dave had a toilet seat around his neck yelling, a mans not a camel, to some topless waitress as she passed with another tray of beers. And now look at the lucky bastard. Still free to shag a few strays and go back overseas and get officer training.

And then his Mum and Dad this morning. They had made it clear what they thought.

His father’s hired suit reflected his attitude towards his son. It was ugly, frayed on the collar and tired. His cigarette packet a malignant lump in the front of an already stretched jacket. One look said it all. Don’t embarrass me with this one.

I suppose you’ll want some money, his Mother said, grimly clutching her handbag with a grip as tight as her freshly permed hair. It’s not cheap this wedding.

John looked at the two of them. He barely knew them. Always the cop, his Dad had already told off the driver of his car this morning for parking on the wrong side of the road. Grumpy bastard. John was still scared of him after all these years.

And the vows in the ceremony. So much religion. Anybody would think Les was the Pope with the amount of pomp and ceremony he had insisted on. Kneeling at the altar even. He had no idea there would be so much involved. Dave did though. He had seen this stuff before. The process, the rights, the solemn and formal traditions. That’s why he had painted HE on John’s left shoe sole and LP on his right. HE LP. It would give the family and the wedding party a great laugh when John kneeled to expose the bottoms of his shoes.

Les didn’t laugh.

Focus on your future John, he had said to himself. She’s a bright, pretty girl and she loves and adores me. She begged me to come home early from Malaysia, terrified that I would get killed. Not that I would have. Would’ve taken a few down I reckon, and maybe saved a couple of mates, maybe. But Lyn couldn’t wait, begging, pleading in every letter, threatening she would kill herself if anything happened to him. What was he supposed to do?

My mother made my wedding dress to save us some money. Lyn had told him excitedly that week. Can’t show it to you yet, it’s bad luck. Even made my nightie for the honeymoon, reckons she put a bit of fluff on the hem to keep my neck warm she added cheekily. John smiled at the thought. It had been a long wait for this one. Lyn had previously been threatened with a cup of hot tea in the lounge room if it was a shotgun wedding and had been true to her promise. The virgin wedding. Oh it was so romantic, but now she couldn’t wait to have babies and complete her fantasy of her own home and family.