Trapped

CHAPTER THREE: CONFLICTS

                                                                             Mariah Lomax

"Man I'm tired of walking." Autumn complained as we walked. We just left the library, and Autumn already complaining about walking. "Girl we almost there. Chill out." Sabria scolded her. Autumn rolled her eyes and groaned. 

I was going to suggest riding the bus but I'm not giving the wicked witch of the west money to get on. I could just offer a ride for Autumn, but then she'll know I have money. Or I could just get on the bus myself. And if I do that I'll be one f****d up person, I'll feel bad, and everybody would know I have money. 

I just scratched the whole idea out. 

We just kept walking. Seemed like forever though... 

I saw a nice shiny black car. Riding passed us. A black Aston Martin. Looked like a newer model too. Riding real smooth. I could picture myself in it. Tempting.  The temptation was getting to me. Maybe it could be another sign. 

Focus Mariah. Focus. 

I need to stop falling for temptation. Some strippers don't always make $1000 a night. But could I make $1000 a night? I have an hourglass figure with a tiny waist and a C cup. I probably could make $1000 a night. But with scars? And bruises? I'd have to wait until they've healed, and possibly get a tattoo over them. 

What am I saying? I gotta' shake these thoughts out of my head. 

"Newbie!" Autumn snapped her fingers in my face. I moved my head back and blinked my eyes. "What?!" I exclaimed. "Damn girl, I was just checking up on you. You silent as shit." Autumn scrunched her face up at me. "Sorry." I apologized to her. 

"Nah it's fine. You were just out of it." She said. "Yeah just been thinking about my life decisions." I say as I shrugged my shoulders. "I feel it." Autumn replied. I nodded my head. 

We finally made it to the Rescue Mission. I couldn't wait to lay down in my bed. We don't know even the time right now. But I know for sure that we didn't miss curfew at all. I wish the curfew was later than 4:00 PM. Especially for the ones who have jobs. They have to work super early around the middle of the night, or maybe around 6:00 AM. 

I barely get any sleep from the nightmares I get of Jamie. Him coming to get me or strangling me to death. Telling me "You'll never leave me again."  Or "If I can't have you, nobody can." His voice echoes until I wake up. I'm tired of waking to feel scared thinking he's after me. Sometimes I wake up sweating or even crying. Scared to death that he's coming for me. 

I hate that feeling. Why did he permanently scar me? Physically and emotionally. Why? Why me? 

I felt a tear come out of my eye. I quickly wiped it out of my eye before anybody noticed. We were walking inside the building. Glad I caught that tear. 

Sabria walked separately from us. I guess to go look for Amanda. "What's wrong with you?" Autumn asked me randomly. I blinked my eyes and shook my head. "Nothing. Why you asked?" I asked her. 

"Nah... You have been acting strange since we first started walking. You good?" Autumn asked as she put her hand on my shoulder. I guess to examine my face. "Yeah I'm good." I nodded my head, reassuring her. 

Autumn gave me a look. I guess she knew I was lying. "Mhm. You can talk to me about anything Mariah." She said. "I'm okay Autumn. Thanks." 

We walked into the room. Occasionally there were stares. But it doesn't bother me anymore. I just got in my bed and laid down. I pulled the covers over me and curled up in a ball. I felt like crying my eyeballs out. Thinking so much gets me emotional. I don't wanna' cry in front of these people. It's just so much stress that's put on me. 

It's stress and fear. Why am I stressing so much when I'm free? I need something to do. I need something fast. I wish I had my mother in my life. The only person who gave me hope left me. I missed my mom dearly every day. Now I don't anymore. She left me, I won't ever see her again. 

Normally your dad leaves out of your life to go to the "store" not your mom. "I'm coming right back." She says. Never came back. Ever. I always had my dad... But we don't speak anymore. I hurt him badly when I left. I did the exact same thing my mom did to us. I left for a man. Who I thought I was in love with. 

I was young and stupid. Thinking my dreams were going to come true. I should've known better. I dropped out of college for him. Which was dumb. Everything I did was for him. I hate him. I hope he's suffering. I lost practically everything because of him. 

When I get my life together, I'm going to reconnect with my dad. I'll make sure of it. That's going to be my main priority. 

"Mariah!" Autumn shook me in my covers. I pulled the cover from over me. "What?" I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering why this girl shook me in my peaceful time. Autumn smacked her lips, once she saw my face. I guess it was red or my eyes were from crying. "Girl you been crying?" She asked, with an emotionless look. 

"No I was sleep." I fake yawned and stretched. "It's time to eat. Come on girl. Put some meat on those bones." Autumn tapped me, then walked away. I sighed and slid off the bed. I walked to the cafeteria with Autumn. I didn't really want to eat. I didn't have an appetite. But I just went to take my mind off things. 

"I don't know what I got a taste for." Autumn put her finger on her chin as she thought. "Aye Morticia you only get one option." Janae chortled, making the three other girls, and Sabria laugh along with her. 

Autumn looked down and didn't say anything. She continued getting her food. "Hey don't worry about them." I nudged Autumn's arm. "And what you got to say new girl?" Janae asked with her loud ass mouth. "Please do not start with me. I'm not in the mood." I say, with a serious look on my face. 

"Yeah whatever." Janae snickered. I saw Sabria glance at me, I rolled my eyes. "Whatever." I said under my breath. "Come on Autumn." I told her as we left to go sit. We saw the first open space at a table, we hurried up and took it. I sat in front of Autumn, that way nobody else could really sit with us. 

"I'm not moving. I'm not moving." Autumn said as she hurried up and took a bite out of her food. Sabria and Janae gave us an ugly stare as they walked passed us. I rolled my eyes. 

I saw Autumn looking behind me. "What?" 

"Them bitches keep looking at us. It's pissing me off. I want to say something but I only have one more strike and I'm out." Autumn shook her head as she ate her food. I turned around and looked at them. Janae was taunting me, along with Sabria laughing. 

I turned back around, "Lord these bitches keep f*****g with me." I cursed as I felt my left leg shake. I only been here for three weeks. Not even a month yet and I already got beef. I'll let this slide but if I get to my breaking point... I'm beating her ass. 

I won't even care anymore. I'm not going to go out like a snitch. I know how some girls get down. Purposely play the victim just to get somebody put out. That's not happening. At all. 

"Mariah... You think after we both get on our shit... We'll still be friends after this?" Autumn asked me. "Um... Yeah I think so. You made me feel welcomed here even with your little jokes. Yeah I think so." I nodded my head. 

"Thank you... You know ever since I started being here... You know in the Rescue Mission... I never really had a friend. Yeah there was Sabria but she wasn't my real friend. I used to think that since I was the youngest out of the girls, they were just looking out for me but in reality, they just laugh at me. You know I feel alone being in here..." Autumn explained her story. I nodded my head understanding. 

"Yeah I get it... I know the feeling. Don't stress yourself Autumn. Just worry about getting your life together and getting up out of here. For sure." 

"I will. Thanks for the talk." She said. "Your welcome." I replied. I notice how her body movement was different. She was very fidgety. Like fidgety of paranoia. She could have very bad anxiety or she's doing drugs and I hope she's not doing any drugs. 

"You okay?" I squinted my eyes at her. "Yeah why you ask?" She asked. "Your body movements it's different now..."

"You're talking about my fidgetiness I have very bad anxiety." She said. I nodded my head for my response. I just hope she isn't lying to me. She has been acting strangely for a while but I'll leave it alone until I see more changes in her. I just hope she's not falling into the wrong path. She's too young for that. 

Yeah 18, you're legally grown. But she's still a teenager. Not fully an adult yet. Autumn still has her baby bird wings on! I know I was skeptical about Autumn but she really seems like a good girl. She helped me on my first day. I should help her. Be a friend or big sister to her. I can feel myself getting attached to her as a little sister. 

But if she pushes me away, I have no choice but to let her ago. You can't help anyone who doesn't want to be saved. 

Only if Charli was here. She'd be smiling and happy how I'm surviving up here. It may be a homeless shelter but it's helping me right now. I will rather be here than sleep on a park bench how I intended too. I didn't even last a nap on the bench. I had to get up on my feet so nobody won't steal my s**t. 

Autumn finished her food before I did. She was nice enough to take my tray for me back. I told her she didn't have too but she insisted. As soon as she came back from taking my tray, one of the girls tripped her. "Oops. Sorry." One of the girls said. I stood up from the table so fast. Luckily she didn't fall. I'm glad she didn't. "Yo' you okay?" I asked Autumn. 

"Yeah I'm ight. One of those bitches tried to trip me but I least I didn't fall. Ima' get them back one day. And that's a promise. I mean that." Autumn said madly. 

I looked at Autumn. I wonder what she's going to do. I hope she's not going to do anything to make her get kicked out of her. I just hope not. 

We walked out of the cafeteria with no problems. We let the negatives leave first though. We walked back inside the room, and went to our bunks. I laid down on mine, Autumn was sitting crisscross. She began talking to me, but I was feeling sleepy out of nowhere. 

Maybe because I didn't take my nap when we have gotten back instead I started crying. I cry all the time. I'm tired of the tears. I want my strength and confidence back. I want to feel like a woman again and breathe. 

I miss that. I got a feeling one day I'll be able to put back on my big girl woman panties once again. But when? 

When will I feel like a woman again?