Loving Imperfectly, Perfect

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Everything that is written including the names, places, businesses, family names and incidents are just a product of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or any events are purely coincidental. Please be advised that this story contains, sensitive contents, mature themes, and strong languages not suitable for young audiences. Please read at your own risk. Ciandre Gianna's POV “Gianna, you are beautiful. You may not be perfect as you wish but you are perfect in my eyes. You are my daughter, I will always be proud of you, and forever will be. That’s why stop comparing yourself” My mom is combing my hair while I am facing in a human size mirror inside my room. We’re preparing for school. I can tell that my mom loves me so much, she always told me how proud she is with all my achievements I have, she’s always present in school every time there are school activities. She is the ideal mother. And I’m thankful that I got to call her mom. I am already in grade school. I’m always at the top of my class, I can sing, I can dance and I can literally do almost of the things I want. I am living with luxurious things but one thing I noticed, my dad was always absent even in the most important celebration in the house. He’s the exact opposite of mom's presence. I can only see him once a month. And when I ask mom, she would always told me that dad is a busy person because he’s a business man. He travels abroad and negotiates with business men. That’s what I knew and I believed mommy. I can still remember how my mom got worried when I ask her if dad doesn’t loved me. I saw how she panicked so I stop asking her even if my curiosity keeps on pushing me. I eliminate the thought that daddy doesn’t love me. But when I looked at other kids of my age, I am envious by how they were treated by their father. I can tell that their life was perfect. “ Baby Gianna, are you listening? Do not ever compare yourself to others. No one is perfect, each and everyone has it’s own unique story to tell. Remember that, okay? I nodded as my mom tapped my head and kissed me on the chick. I gave her my most genuine smile and hug her. I wanted to scream to the world how lucky I am because I have her, she’s my everything, the center of my world. I don’t think I could ever live if I lost her. Time flies very fast, today is my 13th birthday, I am expecting dad to be home. Actually, dad only stayed at home every year I turn older. I am excited not because I got to blow 13 candles today but I am excited because I can finally hug daddy. I took a shower at 7 in the morning, I am humming as I am combing my hair looking at my reflection. I noticed how my eyes shine in the light's reflection. Why were my eye's blue? Mom have a brown eyes and dad has a deep almond eyes. Why mine's a deep blue like a sky? I smile and I saw my dimple popped, honestly, I appreciate how blessed I am with this feature. Well, my parents has a perfect genes I guess. I laughed and went out of my room. I am expecting dad to be in the dinning table, waiting for me like what he did a year ago. But to my dismay, he wasn’t there. I saw how my mom’s face turns pale when she saw my reaction that’s why I choose to smile and not to ask. I can feel that my mom wants to say something so I cleared my throat and smiled at her. “ Gianna, baby. Happy birthday. But I’m sorry that your dad isn’t home because he has an important business to attend to. But he promised to come home immediately when things were settled.” I smile at how my mom care for my happiness. And by this moment, I realized that mom is my perfect ally. That I could always fall back on her. “ Thank you mommy, I understand that daddy is working hard to provide our needs. I know that daddy loves me.” I sleep late tonight in hopes that dad would come home. But he never did. I called him but he declined it. I texted him but I got no reply. But I still understand him, he’s just busy. “Baby Gianna, it’s already 6:30, time to prepare for school baby.” That’s what mommy does for 13 years in my life, wake me up in the morning, kiss me before and after bedtime, reminds me of how beautiful I am and how she loves me. I am fully attached to her. “Mommy” I am running upstairs calling mom because finally I will be graduating in junior high school with highest honor. I am excited to tell her my achievements because I know that she'll be very proud. My heart was full of happiness knowing that I’m about to make mom very happy. And I’m even happier when I saw my daddy sitting on the couch. “Daddy, daddy you’re home. I miss you so much daddy.” I hug dad and kissed him on his left chick. But I didn’t feel him hugging me back. I froze for a moment and I took a glance at mom. I can tell that mom just cried. But she still smiles at me. I stop hugging dad and went to mom. I hug and kiss her and whisper. “ Mommy, everything is okay, right?” I didn’t get any response from her. And I know from that moment that everything is not okay. I already felt the pressure in the atmosphere. I am not dumb and I can tell that dad is not in good mood. Or shall I say, he has something to say the way he stared at me. So I speak before he could ruined my hopes that at least he'll attend my graduation. “Dad, a day after tomorrow is my graduation. I will be delivering my words of gratitude, please be there. I want you to be there, scratch that, I need you to be there even for the last time.” After telling those, I walked away and cried silently inside my room. I’ve been doing so great in school because I thought that I would be able to get my dad's attention by being always at the top. Every time I got the opportunity to make a wish, I wish nothing but for a perfect life. My classmates envy the way I live my life, but they don’t know that I’m envious about how perfect their family are. “Gianna, what time is your graduation?” My dad ask me while we’re having our dinner. I can’t believe that he’s still here. Two days, and he didn’t went to his businesses. That’s impressive. I took a glance at mom and she’s genuinely smiling. So I smiled at her and turn to dad. “ Tomorrow at 8 AM daddy, thank you for staying with us. I really miss you.” I gave him my most genuine smile and for the very first time I saw how his eyes twinkled when he looked at me and smile. He reached my hands and squeezed it. I wanted to cry because for the first time I felt his love. I sleep with a huge smile in my face, finally dad will be at my graduation tomorrow. “ Ladies and gentle, a big round of applause to our class valedictorian Ciandre Gianna delos Reyes for her valedictory address.” I stood up with so much pride and happiness. As I walked along the path, I glance my mom, she’s proudly clapping beside dad. She wave her hand and throw a flying kiss, these are the things he did when she’s encouraging me to do better from a far. I started my valedictory address by greeting and thanking everyone. “ To end my speech, I would like to extend my greatest gratitude to my parents, mom and dad you don’t know how happy I am because you’re both here. I hope I made you extra proud today. I love you and I always will. Thank you for making my day perfect.” I end up my speech because my voice broke. I saw my mom in tears while clapping and smiling, beside her is dad, proudly clapping his hands. I wish that this moment won’t end anymore, I wish to stop the time so I can see him this happy and proud of me. Today, I am certain that my life is perfect. We took a lot of photos, I know that my dad is somehow a well-known man because he’s associating with some well-known business men. I turned to mom and hug her, she hugs me back and whisper how proud she is and how great I am earlier with my speech. She’s always like this. And she never fails to make me feel loved. I felt another arm embracing me and I heard my dad's voice which makes me shred tears. “ Gianna, I may always be absent on your special day but know that I love you. Both of you. But please do understand that I am no control with time and sometimes there are certain things I regret doing. You are smart and I hope you’ll live your life smartly.” “ I love you daddy. I will live my life the way you wanted. Thank you for being here. I understand the nature of your work daddy. I love you and I always will.” "By the way, I'd like you to meet this man, Mr. Young. Mr. Young this is my daughter, Ciandre Gianna." I waited for this handsome man to extend his hand for a formal handshake but he didn't so I did the same. I saw him looking at me from head to toe but I ignore him. Tsk, arrogant. I went back to mom who's busy chatting with other mom. I saw how proud she is and I'm happy. The day ends with so much love. I thank you God for making my life so perfect. Thank you for everything. I close my eyes waiting hoping for this day not to end but my dad’s really is correct. We have no control of time because when morning comes, I can’t found him on the house anymore. I only saw a note on a fridge. “ Gianna, I am proud of you. I love you and I hope to see you in a year. I will be gone for a while, so take care of yourself and your mom. You can always fall back on her, cry on her and ask her everything. Soar high and reach your dreams because I will be from a far watching you and cheering on you.” --- Daddy. The very last words I hear from dad two years ago. Because today, I will be graduating in Sr. high school yet I don’t hear any news from him. I keep on sending messages but I got no reply. So I choose to excel in school because I am hoping that he'll shows up today. As I am speaking on stage delivering my speech, I can’t help but to cry because I can still vividly remember my dad sitting beside mom. But today, mom’s alone and spreading tears on her chairs. I know that she’s crying not because she’s proud of me but I’m certain that she has another reason and I knew it well. “ As I end this speech, allow me to extend my greatest gratitude to my parents. I won’t be here standing if it’s not because of them. Daddy, I hope you’re proud of me because I am proud of you that I got to call you dad. Mom, you’ve made an incredible effort in making me feel loved and beautiful today. Thank you and congratulations graduates.” After I left the podium, I surveyed the audiences for the last time hoping that I could see my dad in the crowd. But he isn’t there. After the ceremony, we went home and I can tell how lonely I am. I must be happy this time but I’m not, because half of my life is missing on a very special occasion. Dad, I thought my life is perfect but why are you making it imperfect. Just let me know the truth and I'll accept it wholeheartedly. Now, I’m afraid to love and build my own family because I can’t afford to see my children longing for their father's attention. My life is imperfect, would someone love me perfectly?