Loving Imperfectly, Perfect

Painful Past

CHAOTER 3:

Skynard's POV

“Young master, what happened to your face?”

This is what I always heard from my nanny, she’s been asking this question ever since I was five. And I kept on denying because I don’t want them to know what really happens. The thing she’s referring is my bruises in my arms due to my parents violence. A week won’t passed without them hurting me. Whenever they fought, they would always end up beating me.

“What the hell Elizabeth! Don’t you dare say those words because it was all your fault.”

I saw my mom running downstairs while my dad is chasing him. I hid under the sofa at the living room while listening to them. This is always the scene inside the house.

“I told you Shaun, don’t you dare middle with my own business or else I’m gonna take your son away from you!”

“Go ahead, I will even held the door wide open for you.”

“Huh! May I just remind you, you need your son to win your father’s approval.”

I continue hiding and silence invaded the whole house. I was about to come out when I heard a gun shot. The next thing I knew, I was lying in the hospital bed and my mom is crying beside me.

“My son, I’m so sorry. Please come back to me.”

My mom is ruffling my hair while she’s crying her heart out. She didn’t noticed that I’m already conscious. I didn’t speak and I just listen to her. I close my eyes while trying to hold my tears.

I almost died because of my parents. Would they be happy if I die? The thought made me feel like I wanted to take a revenge. They are irresponsible, selfish and cruel. How I wish I wasn’t able to wake up anymore.

After that incident, my parents didn’t fight for almost a month and I haven’t beaten up, too. And as a twelve year old child, I started to question my existence. I feel like my existence isn’t worth it. I never experienced the things a normal child would’ve. I used to isolate myself because I am afraid that people would see me and they would ask me like my nanny always do whenever I have bruises. I haven’t experienced going to a park with my parents. I always wear long sleeves so that no one would see all my scars. I started hating myself, I don’t want to look at my reflection anymore. My self-esteem started to deflate like a balloon being hit by a sharp object. All I have experienced are negativities.

“You slut! Pack all your things and get out of this house.”

I heard my father shouting at my mother. And I don’t know why, but I started to convulsed. I am shaking and it’s hard to breath. I embrace myself and sit beside my room's door.

“You f*****g i***t! I'll see you on court.”

“Go ahead Elizabeth, but I advised you to mourn for your family right after you do that.”

“Don't you dare threaten me dumbass.”

“May I just remind you who’s the dumbass between us. You took advantage of me when I was drunk. You purposely impregnate yourself so you could cling to me like a leech and get a large amount of money from my parents. You’re a w***e. Shame on you.”

I can’t take anything I heard. It was too much. Does all woman a w***e? Like how my father described my father. Maybe, they’re all the same.

Another month passed, I did nothing but to hide inside my room after school. I try to avoid getting in contact with my parents. My nanny is the only person I got to interact with inside the house.

I am playing the piano in the living room because my parents aren’t home. This is the only thing I could voice out the real emotions inside me. Through playing music, I feel like I am able to communicate to the universe my loneliness.

“Wow, such a good music young master.”

I look at my nanny and smiled at her painfully. How I wish my parents would appreciate me the same way she did.

“You moron! Stop that f*****g music!”

I eventually stop playing the piano when I heard my mother shouting at the main door. I went upstairs to hide at my room but when I took a glance at my mom, I saw her with a man. They are hugging and kissing each other while sitting on the sofa. It was the most painful scenery I have ever seen. I could catch a bullet without complaining but seeing her acting like this, I feel like I’ve been hit more than just a bullet. It was disgusting. I never seen dad with other woman. He never brought any woman in this house. Even if dad would shout at me, but he never beat me like mom did. And right now, all my sympathy is for dad.

I run upstairs and grab my phone to call my father.

“Sky, just make sure it is important.”

I am about to speak when I a sob suddenly came out. I try not to make a noise but I just couldn’t. So I end up talking to my dad while sobbing.

That night, my father came home with another woman too. My dad saw how my mom cling to his man and mom saw my dad's woman. And that night, the universe witnessed how my world shattered into pieces. I thought the pain I’m feeling is at it’s highest point but seeing your family falling apart is an indescribable pain.

Now I know, women just prove my assumptions right. They’re all the same. They didn’t consider anything before doing all their shits. They’re after pleasure without thinking whom they gonna ruin. From this moment, I bow to take my revenge to all those who hurt me.

" Happy Birthday babe, want to go to heaven for free?”

It’s my 18th birthday today. Others would celebrate birthdays with family, but I don’t do the same. f**k family, I choose to satisfy myself with f*****g women out there.

“I'll lick and suck you down there, I won’t stop until you c*m and I’ll ride on you like no tomorrow. Do you want it?

This woman whisper to me seductively while kissing my ear. She’s excellent at doing stuffs like these that’s why she lasts for a week pleasuring me. I let her do the things she want.

I started getting wild when I was sixteen, I went to different bars. You may wonder why bouncers let me in, but money works. Besides, I am taller to all men of my age, I don’t look like my age. So, it’s okay.

“Young master, your grandfather just arrived in our country today. He wants to have dinner with you.”

I was stunned for a moment. My beloved grandfather, when my parents separated when I was twelve, my grandfather provided all the things more than I need. He spoiled me with money. He even bought a university and named it under my name so I can continue my education. And now, I heard that the university is facing some financial problem. Maybe this is what he went home.

I arrived at the restaurant on time and I’ve seen my grandfather with his guard sitting comfortably. I smiled at him and give him a hug.

“Belated happy birthday, Sky. I miss my grandson.”

“Thank you, lolo. I miss you, too.”

He tap my shoulder and motioned me to take a sit. I am excited to ask him about his trip but I saw a familiar figure walking towards us. I blink and I’m not mistaken, my father is joining us tonight. I immediately lost my appetite. But heck, I’m here for my grandfather. I ignore his presence while he’s hugging lolo. I don’t bother standing to recognize his presence. I just stare at him and give him a “what are doing here” look. He tap my shoulder and sit in front of me.

When all of the foods were served, we all started eating without even a word. As if we don’t mind each other but I knew that the tension is building up. After we finished eating my grandfather look at me and smile.

“Dad, what brought you here?”

“You’re aware that your son’s already at his legal age. I came here to let him know what you did six years ago.”

When my father mentioned it, all my senses suddenly became active. I wanted to know what he did six years ago, it was when they decided to separate ways with my mother.

“I know dad, and I’m ready to take all the responsibility.”

I am impatiently waiting for them to tell me, but I don’t interrupt them because I don’t want to disappoint my grandfather.

“Skynard, can you still remember that your father forced you to signed a contract?”

I don’t respond immediately and I started shaking when I remember those memories. My mother is aiming a gun at my father’s head while my father is forcing me to signed the contract. I didn’t read even a single word from those, I just immediately write my name on that paper then run away because fear enveloped my system. When I remember all of those, I look at my grandfather's eyes and let him read my emotions.

“I do, remember lolo.”

“This truth will hurt you, but I am giving you an opportunity to choose.”

“Enlighten me lolo.”

“The contract you signed six years ago, is a contract stating that you will marry the delos Reyes heiress. “

What, why? All my life, I didn’t dream of marrying someone. Because to marry is to imprisoned yourself. It was a stupid idea.

“Why would I marry her? Give me one good reason?”

“Because you have signed the paper.”

“What are the consequences if I’ll say no.”

“We will lost our companies. They are the most powerful clan and they had the power to take away everything from us. But if you said yes, we will have all the privilege to live in luxury.”

Nowadays, money is power. If you have money you’ll have the control over other people. And it sounds crazy to me. But I can’t deny that we all need money. Why would I be afraid, right? I can marry her and treat her the way my parents treat each other.

“Okay. No problem.”

My grandfather look at me like he’s questioning my decision but he don’t voice it out. My father raise his brow and I waited for him to speak but he doesn’t so I need to cut their dramatic look.

“That’s final, when am I going to see her?”

“Brave, that’s my grandson. You’ll see him on your twenty-first birthday so don’t be too excited. Finished your degree, enjoy your life and get wild with women while you can.”

I can’t believe my grandfather is saying all of this, but at some point he’s right and I won’t wonder anymore where I got my mentality.

True to his words, I’ve been wild with women. A night wouldn’t passed without a woman pleasuring me. It was a plain s*x, no cuddles, no kisses, and most importantly no strings attach. I got to enjoy my teenage years. All my acquaintances envy the way I’m living my life but the truth is that, I am not living my life. I am aware of the things I’m doing and I don’t like it but it’s the only thing I can do to mask all the bruises deep inside, to look powerful and strong in the eyes of the public. But the truth is, I am bleeding inside and I don’t know if there is a cure for this.

Family holds the greatest influence in your life. May it be in a positive or negative way. You’re lucky enough if you were exposed in positivity, unlike me I’ve been severely wounded by my parents at a very young age. When I say severely wounded, I mean to say both physically and emotionally even mentally. I don’t know how I managed to wake up every morning and do my thing.

Based on my experience, I had trust issues. I don’t know how to trust and whom to trust. And I think I wouldn’t trust anyone in my life anymore. I am afraid and I want to be selfish in a way that I won’t allow no one to hurt me anymore in any forms.

But life is unpredictable, it would always test your philosophies. I was nineteen when I fall deeply to one of my f**k buddies. In the beginning I thought I just like the way she pleasures me but when time passed I started to feel strange emotions. I don’t know what are those emotions but the only thing I knew is that, I am at my best when I’m with her. I wanted her attention, I wanted to see her smiling and laughing when we’re together. I put her above all my priorities. Every beep from my phone, I am silently wishing that it was from her. And it came to the point that I wanted to cage her so the world won’t see how beautiful she is because I want that I am the only guy who can witness all of her. I do my best that I can, to satisfy her. I even forgot my responsibilities, I am willing to fight for us to last forever. But she did prove to me that nothing lasts forever when she leave me without a word. I became numb and I’m back to f*****g women.

I finished my degree and my grandfather is smiling from ear-to-ear. I can tell that he’s proud of me.

I was at the bar enjoying with my friends and getting wild with women when no received a text from my grandfather telling me to be early tomorrow cause we’ll attend an important occasion.

So, today I end up forcing myself waking up. I took a shower and after I went to the kitchen for a coffee. I feel sick, it was hung over that killing my system. After doing my thing, I put my sunglass to hide my eye bags. I am aware that I was home last night around four in the morning and I was up at right.

I feel like I’m floating while I’m sitting on front of the crowd. We were attending a graduation ceremony. And I don’t know why my presence is needed.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please give around of applause to our class valedictorian, Ms. Ciandre Gianna delos Reyes."

The crowd were cheering to the woman and she walks gracefully on stage. Wow, I never expect her to be that gorgeous on her cap and graduation dress. I expect some kind of nerd wearing a thick eye glass but this one's different.

" Mr. Skynard, this is my daughter Ciandre Gianna." Mr. delos Reyes introduced me to her daughter. I don't bother extending my hand for a handshake. The woman did the same, thanks to her she just save my ass.

"Skynard, you can have your three months vacation. Do whatever you want. But be home a day before your birthday."

I don't replied to my father’s statement or more of a command. I just shrugged. I will definitely sleep for the rest of the day. My head is killing me. I went directly to the dining and eat. I was starving and now I'll satisfy myself with various kinds of foods.

"Good afternoon sir, I went on your room this morning to clean the mess and I found this letter below your bed."

A letter? From who?

Just put it back on my room. After eating, my subconscious mind is telling me to read that letter. I was about to open it but the pain she inflected suddenly resurface and I choose not to read it anymore. I place the letter on my drawer. Maybe time will come, I’ll have the courage to read it without any hesitation.

But the memory of her started to invade my system and I know deep inside that I am missing her. I look beside my table and I saw our picture. A photograph of the past brings so much memories, a memory that would either tear our hearts apart or fixed the broken pieces.

And I think I am stupid enough because I just found myself looking at the frame, reminiscing the past. Her soft body, her whimpers, her laughter, giggles, and her kisses. Everything about her is totally adorable. But I just can’t have her anymore, maybe that’s how our story would end.

That night, I wish nothing but for the waves to carry all the pain I'm feeling.

" Welcome home, sir."

The helper greeted me after almost three months being away from this house. I just smiled at her and went to my room to take a rest. I travel in different countries to forget the pain and conditioned my mind that at the end of the day, I have no one but myself. In every country I visited, I got to experienced getting wild with women. I f****d and left. I just satisfied my manly needs to ease the pain. I master the art of seducing women for almost three months. I knew when to distance myself and how to mask my real emotions. At least, in a short period of time, I learned a lot. I never bother having my dinner. I sleep right away and wishing that time would stop. Tomorrow, I'll be turning 21 years old. Maybe, this would be the time that my father would introduce me to a woman he had chosen to be my bride.

I woke up late in the morning, I was surprised that no one wants me up like they did. I took a shower and went to the dining area to have a meal. But to my surprise, the mansion is starting to get crowded. I saw a lot of uniformed personnel, probably organizers that were busy walking around. After having a meal, I went back to my room to sleep again. I'm not in the mood to be in the crowd. But time won't stop. A helper knock on my door and give me a suite telling me to get down at seven.

"Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday Skynard"

The crowd was singing until I reached beside my grandfather and father on the mini stage. If only I'm not into this situation, I would be very happy seeing how they put so much effort on my debut. I am certain that this debut is everyone's dream. I smiled at the crowd and my father motioned me to blow the 21 candle on a human size cake. I wish nothing but for a perfect life even if I am imperfect. When I opened my eyes, I saw a pair of deep blue eyes staring at me. I blink several times and I knew that I was just seeing things. She can't be here tonight. I know that she already had her own path to take. The music started playing and the crowd started to get wild. But one woman caught my eye, she was sitting beside her dad and she looks so innocent while enjoying the foods in front of her. She's lovely and even more attractive with her angelic face. I wonder how would her lips taste like. Ohh, Sky, enough of it. I went near their table only to find out that it was the daughter of Mr. delos Reyes. Now, I got to stare at her full feature. I’m not good in giving description but damn, she got that face like an Angel. Her dad whisper to her and she flashed her lovely smile. I can’t help but to smile, too. But I think she’s too young to be a target for tonight’s pleasure. Someone tap my shoulder and I turned to face whoever this will be. But it was my father.

"Of all women you see, just by observing the way you look, it seems that you were interested with Ms. delos Reyes. No wonder, she's a goddess. Don't worry, she'll be in college this opening of the semester. Before I'll forgot, she's your future wife."

With that my dad left me with my mouth open. She's my what? My future wife? I know that I’ll get a contracted wife, soon but I did not expect to be this young. The heck, I’m not a pedophile. I guess she's just sixteen or seventeen. I would be liable for child abused if I touch her. Tsk, out of my league. I won't babysit for f**k sake.