Butterfly to the Soul

Chapter 7

Ava

“London Bridge is falling down, falling down. London Bridge is falling down. My fair lady…” I was lying in my bed when I heard his voice in my house.

The same voice that shatters me again and again. I jolted up from my bed. Trying to convince myself that it’s not real. I’m hallucinating.

“Put her in and lock her up, lock her up. Put her in and lock her up.” It was coming closer to my room.

“It’s not real, it’s not real” I was reciting the sentence like a mantra.

My breath was becoming heavier. As if someone was choking me. Black dots started to appear in my vision. I was going to have a panic attack.

“Where are you, my fair lady??” he said knocking at my door. “Look what I bought for you.”

“It’s not real. GO AWAY. I’M NOT SCARED OF YOU!!!!” I screamed with all of my force.

“OPEN THE DOOR!!” he was kicking my door.

“Nora, I have to call Nora.” I was shaking terribly.

I somehow managed to reach for my phone which was beside my bed. Taking the phone, I dialed Nora’s number.

“OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!!” Ooo God!!! He was going to break my door.

“Hello, Ava??” I heard Nora’s voice.

“Nora Nora please come and save me. save me, please. He is here!!!” I whispered between my sobs.

“Ava?? Are you all right!? Why are you crying and who is there??” why the hell she was not getting my point!!??

“It’s HIM. He found me Nora. Aren’t you hearing noises!???”

“No… you are again hallucinating Ava. It’s not true. Calm down okay??” she tried to convince me.

“NOO, CAN’T YOU HEAR THE SOUND OF BREAKING MY DOOR!?? PLEASE COME AND HELP ME. OE ELSE I’M GOING TO JUMP FROM MY BALCONY.” I screamed.

“No no…please Ava, calm down and wait okay. I’m coming” she said. I could hear her unlocking her car door.

“Please hurry up. He is going to kill me” I again broke into sobs.

Suddenly everything became blurry. I was seeing the black dots again and couldn’t help but let the darkness consume me.

“Ava?? Ava” I could hear someone’s faint voice.

“Ava, wake up please” she was crying.

Slowly everything became clear to me. The voice was Nora’s. But why was she here and why being she crying??

“Nora, what happen? Why are you crying??” I asked in a weak voice.

“You fainted again. When I found you, you were in the floor. I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared” she said crying.

“Hey, hey. I’m fine now see? Absolutely okay. Don’t cry please.” I beg.

“You don’t remember anything. Do you??” she asked wiping her tears.

“Not totally. Everything is blurry.” I said winching as a sharp pain hit me in my head.

“You are watching stuffs again.” She said in a calm tone.

I am hallucinating again?? My past trauma almost made me mentally unstable where I hallucinate things or hear voices which are not even there.

My medicines stopped these instability of mine for some years. They became less frequent. But as I have stopped to take the medicines, as I hate to take them, nightmare became more frequent and now I also start to hallucinate.

“You should talk to someone Ava. Please, don’t do this to yourself. Please.” Nora said in a pleading voice taking my hand in her’s.

“I’m not ready to talk about it yet Nora. Not now at least.” I said not looking at her.

“Please Ava. You were about to jump off from your balcony today. Things are getting worst. Please Ava. For my sake, please” she cried again.

Taking a deep breath, I finally decided to agree with her. Because things are actually getting worst.

Next day I was in the conference room, making it ready for the presentation. My boss was still not in the office as I came early to finish my works.

“And all set, now I should get the coffee for him. He’ll be here in any minute.” I whispered to myself as placing my laptop in my bag.

After making the coffee, I walked toward his office and knocked it softly. I was actually nervous because of yesterday’s incident. I didn’t know what he was thinking about me. Maybe he is regretting his decision to hire me, as I gave him an idea how mentally unstable I am.

“Come in” his voice broke my trance.

“Good Morning, Sir. Here is your coffee and the file that you gave me yesterday. Conference room is ready and also our final presentation. Do you want to check it??”

I asked him placing the coffee and the file in the desk. When I looked at him, he had already pinned me down with his intense gaze.

Suddenly I felt a lump in my throat. ‘Am I getting nervous under his gaze!?’ I thought. I cleared my throat to break his intense stare.

“How are you feeling today Miss Smith??” he asked still holding his gaze on me.

“I’m fine Sir, thank you for asking.” I said giving him a soft smile.

“Are you sure, you can continue today??” He asked concerned.

I have to leave early though, as, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist. After I agreed to Nora, she set an appointment with one of the famous psychiatrists of the country.

“Yes Sir, but I have to leave early today.” I informed him.

“May I know why?” he asked frowning.

“I have to meet someone.” I said in a cold tone. I was not comfortable to share the truth.

His eyes became cold to warm, and the stare became harsh.

“Hmm…someone” he repeated the word.

“So my personal assistant is going on a date, huh?? And here I thought she is not feeling well.” He said. I could hear a taunting tone in his voice.

I was clearly not getting his attitude. First of all, it’s my personal matter, and why the hell he was behaving like that!? I was not going for a date and he had no right to taunt me like that even if I was going on a date.

I was lost in my thought and didn’t realize that he got up from his desk and standing in front of me.

He started to move toward me, and I moved back until I my back touched the wall. I wanted to scream and push him away but my throat felt dry and body became numb.

I never let anyone come this close to me because of my anxiety. I could already feel it triggered by his presence.

He put his both hands beside both side of my head and caged me.

“Miss Smith, I thought you hate men or have some bad impression about them. But how are you dating one?? Is he that special!?” he said getting closer.

I was feeling suffocated now. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. My breath was becoming heavy now. I tried to maintain my eye contact with him. Suddenly I remembered of counting which could prevent my panic attack.

“1…2…3…4…” without thinking I started counting.

“Ava?? Hey are you okay??” he asked getting confused and moving back.

‘Yeah, giving me a panic attack now asking if I was okay. Just let me get back to my normal state. I’m going to kick your balls’ I thought still counting. My vision was becoming clear. My counting saved me again from another panic attack.

“Ooo my God, Ava??Are you hearing me??” he shouted again.

“Stop shouting! I’m fine now.” I said after getting my breath.

I was feeling calmer now. I pushed him away and hurried to the water glass in his desk. Gulping down all the water in the glass I took a sit in the sofa that was placed in his cabin. My head was spinning.

“Ava, I just…I wasn’t…” he was losing his words. Reminding me of Blair.

“Ava, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do all these. I didn’t know.” He said again standing on the same spot as if he was scared of getting close to me again.

“This is the main point, isn’t it sir??” I said calmly.

“You didn’t know. You still know nothing about me. Yet somehow you manage to bring out the worst state of mine.” I said looking toward the glass in my hand.

“Tell me Boss, in which term you can call it an act of professionalism?” I said now looking at him.

Silent. We both say nothing to each other. We were just staring into each other’s eyes. A knock on the door broke our staring game.

“Sir, It’s the time for the interview. Our clients are here.” Clara informed looking at us with a frown. As if she understood that something was wrong.

“We are coming.” He said, still not breaking his stare on me.

Taking a deep breath, I got up from the sofa. Moving a little closer toward him I said,

“You can fire me Boss, for my mental instability. But if you decide to work together, you also have to keep your distance from me. I’m not something that you can play with.” I said directly looking into his eyes and stormed away.