Behind the shadows of light.

Chapter 1: The past My mother advises I should hide myself, my true self ,my rebellion as a teenager, when i'm angry when i walk when i talk whether i put my hands in my pockets whether i sag my pants or braid my hair so i might not scare them "white people", so I might not look like a thug but like one of the good black man the "good ones". Unlike most black people I went to a predominantly white school because of my mother who was a successful civil rights activist so you could think surely she had the funds, well that was far from the truth. I used to think "the hypocrisy this woman conveys to the face of light, she was pretentious". My mother raised me alone , she was single mother not that my father abandoned me .Apparently as she would tell me ,my fathers decision to leave me and my mother was not out of resentment or hatred ,it was out of love and fear for himself. My mother says he did not want to associate with those that might attract the law to them without fault because he was already at fault. Now that I'm grown and I see I know what my father was trying to protect himself against the value of his color. He was a black man and being a black man itself is being associated to every other black man with juvenile characters ,the type of black man who are in prison even those who are not at fault ,as if people are the same, as if every black person knows every other black person, as if every black person likes one another, what about individualism? Being black.. A crime unless if he would act the way my mother had instructed him to , and I know now why he left ,for freedom for peace. He ran away from being the submissive black man ,the literate black man, the black man that does not curse, the black man who does not fight ,the black man with glasses ,the intelligent black man,the black man that listens but does not talk back ,the simple black man ,the one that does not scare us "white people". Because who knows what the black man could do to us if we did not have the freedom to own a gun. Doing what he had to do for himself was selfish because what about the son he left home with a woman who was constantly fighting against the law so much so that she made me the ideal black man so she could seem as if she had no intentions to harm the white people. As it is said what you preach might be the product of your children so she shielded herself from those allegations by stealing my childhood from me. What my father did was cruel but atleast he was honest but it means that he didn't once think of me and the lifestyle I had to endure ,the one that he ran away from. He had the choice between giving me a life and giving himself freedom and being the wise he was he chose his freedom.