Loveless

Chapter 4

I feel like the next 2 hours are a blur. Mom finishes talking to the lawyer and takes us all home. What was wrong with Connor? Why would he hide things from me? We were together for 14 years! How did he hide it for so long? When I snap out of it I see the kids eating happy meals and my mom trying to get them to finish before playing with the toys. I feel like I've been stuck in a nightmare for the last 2 weeks. I loved him with every piece of my being and we’d had some strange connection since I met him, but now I find out he had been lying to me since the beginning. He told me that he was an only child and his parents died in a car accident when he was 18, and now I find out not only are his parents alive but he had 2 brothers! Why would he hide them from me? Or was he hiding me from them? Was he embarrassed of me? Of our kids? Then I realize they might not even know he has passed. Who knows the last time they had talked to him?

My mom puts her hand on my shoulder. “Hey, how are you handling this?” I almost feel like it’s too hard to put it all into words. “I just don’t understand.” I start to cry again. “Why would he hide so much? Different bank accounts? And his F*****g family?” My mom squeezes my shoulder “Maybe we should call them. They might have answers and they deserve to know that their son has passed. They also have a daughter-in-law and 2 grandchildren now. They might be good people. Maybe it will help you wrap your head around everything.” My mom looks tired and I know that she is probably drained from keeping up with the kids while I’ve been so out of it. But maybe she was right and I need to call his family. I put my hand on top of hers. “Maybe you're right. I think I need more time to calm down first. Why don’t you go take a nap? I will take the kids out back.” She looks at me worried. “Mom, I promise we will be ok. Go lay down.” She nods yawning while heading for the guest room.

The kids are laughing while they climb after each other on the play set. I watch them wondering if meeting Connor's family is the best choice. I agree they deserve to know that their son has passed, but what would it mean for our lives? Or my kids? We go inside so I can order dinner since we don’t have any food in the house. We watch tv till the pizza comes. My mom wakes up right before we start eating and joins us for dinner. She then helps me bathe the kids before putting them to bed.

“Have you thought about reaching out to his parents?” My mom asks as she hands me dirty dishes. “Yeah, I’m worried about how much it’s going to change our lives. How will they react to all of us? Or do they know we exist and just haven’t reached out? I just want to do what’s best for my kids.” I sigh as I lean against the sink. Mom sits and thinks for a minute. “You can always reach out and meet them without the kids and just feel them out first.” I nod a little. “I believe you will make the right choice, but I will say I think you should at least tell them about their son.” She walks over and hugs me “I love you sweetie. Please get some rest.” She heads back to the guest room and I decide I should try and sleep, but all I have are nightmares again.

I wake up to no one in the house and a note on the fridge. “We went to the park and will be back in a couple of hours. Love, Mom.” I decide if I’m going to call his parents now is the best time, so before I chicken out I pick up the phone and dial. It rings twice and the soft voice of a woman answers: “Demming residence, How can I help you?” I freeze as I realize I don't know what to say. “E-Excuse me, I'm trying to reach Elise or Kye Demming.” I swallow, still nervous about what I might be starting. The soft voice responds. “Can I ask what this is regarding?” “Um yes it's about their son Connor. This is Nor-” before I can even finish a new voice cuts me off. “Hello this is Elise Demming. You said you know something about my son?” Her voice is very different. It's very commanding and powerful. “Yes Mrs.Demming this is Connor's wife. Is there any way we can meet? I have some information that would be better to talk about in person.” I feel my body tense, scared of what her answer may be. “Yes dear, that sounds like a good idea. We live in Maine. Where do you live? I can have transportation put in place.”